Chapter 4
W hat the hell was going on? The universe seriously needed to lay off today. Wasn’t it enough that my entire life had exploded? How was finding out I had not one, but two scent matches, neither of which lived anywhere near me, supposed to help my situation?
My stupid little inner teen self had kindled a ridiculous hope that Luke might be my scent match after Bryce’s reveal. That certainly would have fulfilled a lot of years of childish longing. Instead, it was two strangers.
I stared at the collection of men hovering around me while I tried not to let the clawing panic take over. This was way too much to cope with. Maybe it was all one giant nightmare and when I woke up in the morning, I’d be back home in bed.
Only a couple of hours ago I had been desperately hoping I would end the night engaged, and now that was all shattered.
Andrew was married. And he already had kids. The red flags were like neon signs now that I looked back.
I had only ever seen him when he traveled for work. Every time I had asked to go to New York to stay with him for a while, he had shot it down. Even when I did see him, he kept me in the hotel as much as possible, presumably worried about exactly what had happened tonight. Other people he worked with probably knew his wife personally. Would any of them have said anything or was this something they were also doing? Would Bryce have told me if he had actually known what Charlotte looked like?
Me finding out had been a complete accident, and while I was grateful I knew now, I was also really fucking miserable.
How far would Andrew have let things get? He had been resistant from the start to have me move to New York and I hadn’t understood it before. Now I did.
Four and a half years. That was how long I had wasted on him, how long I had believed that he loved me. Ever since I had gotten pregnant, he’d been pulling away and I hadn’t understood why. I supposed from his perspective a long-distance girlfriend was a lot easier to maintain than an expectant fiancée in the same city. Would I have even seen him any more than I did now if this hadn’t come out?
I had too many questions, and every single one of them made me hate myself for not seeing the signs sooner.
I didn’t keep all my anger for myself though. I reserved the lion’s share for Andrew. What sort of monster did this? Did his wife have any idea? I was morbidly curious about her and his children. I knew anecdotally that a lot of men who did stuff like this said they were miserable with their wives and going to get divorced at the earliest opportunity, and never did. I swore in the majority of stories I saw online the “misery” their wives put them through was asking them to do a chore once in a while.
I wasn’t sure which lie was worse. I certainly never would have agreed to dance with Andrew when we met, or pursued a relationship with him if I had known Charlotte was in the picture.
I looked over at Bryce, who was quietly watching me. “Do you know when he and Charlotte got married?”
Micah looked completely confused and Luke whispered in his ear, presumably explaining my whole ridiculous situation.
“I’m not sure,” replied Bryce. “I’m pretty sure he was already married when I started there about a decade ago.”
“And his kids?”
“I think they’re about five and seven. I’ve seen pictures of them on his desk at work, but I’ve never asked about them.”
I wanted to throw up.
Andrew had sought me out when he’d had a newborn at home. Maybe Charlotte had even been recovering from the birth the first time he had taken me to bed.
Selfish as it was, I couldn’t help but wonder if he might have done the same to me in a few months’ time. Beneath all that anger was a soul-crippling sadness, for Charlotte and her children, for me and the baby I carried. We all had a connection that could never be undone to someone who apparently didn’t give a shit about any of us.
“Do you feel like eating?” Luke asked.
“I’m pretty sure if I eat anything I’ll hurl.”
“I’ll put this in the fridge.” He carried the takeout into their little kitchen and deposited the bags while Micah looked longingly after the food.
“Can I sit?” Bryce asked.
I shrugged, not having the energy for much more. Bryce parked himself next to me, his cranberry and rum scent muted with only his wrist cleaned of the neutralizing solution. Micah dropped down next to me, his crisp apple scent wafting over me like a cloud. I didn’t know what to do with myself sitting between them, and I was half-annoyed at how much those scents relaxed me.
With nowhere to go and my future in tatters, I stayed right where I was, closing my eyes and breathing until I felt like I wasn’t about to fall apart. I could be a single mom. Couldn’t I? It wasn’t in the plan, but it was too late to change my mind now. My mom would probably help, but I didn’t want to put that burden on her. We had both thought I would come home from this weekend with a ring on my finger. How was I going to tell her?
Micah and Bryce were here right now, but they weren’t going to want to raise another man’s baby. They were getting a broken version of me and any scent match deserved a whole person. Honestly, I was surprised they even wanted to talk to me after seeing my belly. It would be different if they were a pack. All pack members were parents to any children born within it regardless of biology. But Andrew wasn’t pack to either of them and that changed a lot of factors.
On top of that, I didn’t know Bryce or Micah. I only knew Luke, or at least a younger version of him. I wasn’t in any headspace to try for a relationship with anyone right now.
“Aves, what can we do?” Luke asked.
“I wish I knew. Everything is a mess. No home, no job, and apparently an evil baby daddy.”
“You have a home with me,” Bryce offered. “If you want it.”
“Us too,” added Micah.
“Don’t say things you don’t mean,” I hissed. “It’s not helping.”
“I do mean it,” Bryce insisted. “I have the space and I would love the opportunity to get to know you. I’ll help with anything you need.”
I growled, everything twisting in my chest. How was I supposed to believe anyone after Andrew? He had known all the pretty words to say, and it felt like I was going to fall into the same trap with Bryce simply because I wanted it to be true. It didn’t matter how much I wanted it to be real. That didn’t mean it was.
“I should go home. Maybe there’s a flight tonight.”
“Don’t go.” Luke seemed surprised by how quickly the words were out of his mouth. “At least stay as long as you were going to when you came out here. Give yourself a chance to breathe, and give everyone a second to adjust.”
I knew he was right. Drastic decisions wouldn’t help anyone, but I was so fucking overwhelmed I wanted the floor to swallow me whole.
I should call my mother and let her know what had happened, but I knew if I called right now she would be excited before I got a chance to explain. She was waiting for my announcement, but Andrew and I hadn’t gotten engaged and I couldn’t deal with that conversation right now.
The existence of my scent matches should have given me hope that things would work out, but right now they each felt like a shackle around my ankles, pulling me underwater. I couldn’t even begin to unravel the mess my life had become in such a short time.
Scent matches were fated: people who are ideally suited to a life together, even if it didn’t look like it at the start. I didn’t even want to look at mine right now.
Grief sat heavy in my chest.
I had already planned out the nursery after Andrew had given me the measurements of the apartment I was supposed to move into. Everything I would need was sitting in my shopping cart on the website, ready to be ordered and delivered. My apartment was halfway packed up already, my calendar counting down the days until the move.
Considering anyone besides Andrew made me nauseated. I knew that I needed to figure out a life without him, but it wasn’t so easy to turn off all of those hopes and dreams.
I had no job lined up. Andrew had assured me he was happy to support me until I felt ready to go back to work, and it had seemed silly at the time to consider finding a job for the brief period between my arrival in New York City and when the baby would come. My previous job had ended only a couple of days ago. They’d thrown a party for me and everything. How could I go crawling back there? They might not demand an explanation, but everyone would be curious. They all knew why I was leaving.
“I can book you a room at any hotel on the Strip,” Bryce quietly offered. “You don’t have to stay with any of us. I can pick up everything from Lawson’s room for you.”
I knew he meant well, but having other people say anything about my situation made it so much more real than when I was turning it over silently in my head. “Please stop talking.”
It wasn’t fair, but the tears were sneaking up in a fresh wave at his words.
They all looked like they were at a complete loss over what to do with me. I didn’t know what to do with me either.
“Aves, do you want me to run you a bath or something?” Luke asked.
I shook my head, afraid that if I opened my mouth to say anything it would come out in a scream, my panic made manifest.
“Do you mind if I go for a quick shower then?”
I shrugged, staring at my knees instead of his face, trying desperately to keep my breathing under control.
Micah and Bryce hovered awkwardly, both nearby, neither daring to speak. Luke was barely gone ten minutes before he returned. I caught the slightest whiff of bright oranges, my body instantly reacting with a flush of warmth, my gaze jolting to Luke.
Scent match.
That knowledge broke my last thread of control and I tumbled headlong into a panic attack, my heart trying to beat through my ribs, my head swimming, and ice creeping up from my fingertips.
Too much.
Too much.
Too much.