Chapter 6
G etting all of my panic and stress out in one giant breakdown left me feeling lighter. Bundled up in Jesse’s bed was as comfortable as being in my own nest, his warm roasted chestnut scent infusing every thread wrapped around me.
“How are you doing, sweetness?” Jesse settled on the bed next to me.
“Better.”
“Good. Your scent is way softer, hardly a hint of distress anymore. The pizza’s here. Would you prefer to eat in here or out in the living room with everyone?”
“I know that I should eat with everyone to start getting to know them, but that feels overwhelming.”
“I promise not a single person has any expectations of you,” Jesse said. “You don’t have to talk to anyone, eat with anyone, or do anything you’re not comfortable with. Scent matches don’t really take your situation into account, so there’s no need to rush. There’s all the time in the world to move at your own pace.”
“I’ll eat in here.”
Jesse nodded. “I’ll get you your pizza.”
He returned a moment later with one slice on a plate and I raised a curious eyebrow.
“You’re welcome to eat as much as you want, but one slice at a time to make sure your stomach isn’t going to rebel after your panic attack. They make a lot of people nauseated, so best to play it safe. I’ve got the rest staying warm in the oven.”
I gave the tip of the slice an experimental nibble, relieved when my stomach remained steady. Jesse turned to leave and I grabbed his wrist. “Can you stay?”
“Of course.” His smile warmed every inch of me. “Let me grab my food first.”
I hadn’t even swallowed my next bite before he was back, a pizza box in his hands. I followed the sudden compulsion to settle on his lap, dragging the blankets with me, awkwardly holding my plate aloft with one hand so I didn’t spill.
“Hello there,” Jesse said with a laugh, planting a kiss on my forehead.
My cheeks warmed with embarrassment, but the compulsion disappeared now that I was where it demanded, the heat of his body and the boosted potency of his scent draining my stress away. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for needing a cuddle. I would need one too if I’d had your day.” He wrapped one arm securely around me, his purr buzzing. “I’m glad you feel safe enough to get comfort from me. I know how hard things are for you right now, and I’m not taking this for granted.”
Even though I didn’t want to think about why things were hard right now, having him acknowledge it that way made it easier to accept comfort from him.
Jesse wolfed down three slices in the time it took me to eat my one. I listened to his heartbeat while I ate, the steady rhythm soothing. It helped me understand the appeal of a scent match now that I’d experienced the instant sense of connection with Jesse, and the comfort that came from proximity.
Of course, comfort wasn’t the only thing I felt curled up on an alpha’s lap, but I chose not to think about the little whispers of desire. If I paid them any attention they would get louder, and at least for the moment I couldn’t entertain it. Food first, maybe a shower, and some sleep. Who knew what tomorrow might bring?
I made it through a second slice before I called it quits for the time being. Jesse finished a whole pizza himself.
I avoided all the curious eyes when Jesse got me set up for a shower, and staunchly ignored them all again when I padded out of the bathroom, freshly clean, and wearing one of Jesse’s T-shirts that came to my mid-thigh. The other alphas in this apartment were a problem for tomorrow-Ava. Today-Ava was only going to worry about Jesse. Luke should have been the obvious choice to stay with tonight, but I was way too embarrassed over everything to be around him now that I had settled. He knew me from before, and somehow a complete stranger was easier to tolerate. Bryce was staying the night on their couch, refusing to leave me alone in case I needed him. I didn’t mind. It was sweet, even if I couldn’t really look at him right now, and Luke had immediately capitulated when I said it was all right for Bryce to remain.
Roasted chestnut was thick in the air, coming off of Jesse in clouds when he saw me in his shirt. I watched the bob of his Adam’s apple when he swallowed hard.
Those little whispers turned up the volume as I took in his pajamas—a simple black tee that hugged every muscle and matching lounge pants that seemed like they were designed to be loose but couldn’t manage over the thickness of his thighs.
“Ready for bed?” he asked.
“Yes, please.” I set my dress and bra on his dresser, only a bit self-conscious to be wearing so little around him. It was barely scraping nine-thirty, but I felt like I had been awake for days.
Jesse pulled back the covers for me and slipped in on the other side. I wiggled back into his arms, bundling the blankets up to my chin, wishing I could get some extra oxytocin with skin-to-skin contact, but not being brave enough to ask for it.
Maybe I should have been disconcerted by how natural it felt to want that from him, but I was just relieved not to have all of the agony from the Andrew situation drowning me. If my omega instincts wanted to let this alpha soothe me, I was going to let it happen.
“Want to know a stupid thing I’m really mad about?” I asked once it was audibly evident everyone else had retired for the night.
“Tell me.” Jesse held me tighter and I shifted deeper into his embrace.
The words felt like an offering as they formed in my head, gliding to my tongue so slowly I wasn’t sure if I would be able to speak them at all. With a sigh, I said, “I hate that the only man who’s ever touched me turned out to be awful. It doesn’t seem fair. He got me hooked on him the hot second I turned eighteen and I never let anyone else get near me.”
I realized the irony of saying that while nestled in Jesse’s bed, but I was pretty sure we both knew what I actually meant.
He was quiet for a few moments before asking, “Really? No one else?”
I shrugged. “Luke moved away before anything could happen, and I decided to focus on school and friends after that.”
“You’re sure you wouldn’t rather him in here?”
“Very sure. It feels too complicated with him, like I’ve disappointed him.”
“I’m sure that’s not the case, but I won’t complain about getting to be here instead.”
I hated having the memory of Andrew’s touch on my skin, of knowing his was the only mouth that had been on mine. I wanted all of that gone.
“Andrew was my first kiss,” I said quietly, hoping Jesse would understand what I wanted. “My only . I hate that, too.”
“Not to be presumptuous, but I feel like I need to ask if you’re trying to work around to a specific outcome from this conversation.”
I buried my face into the blankets. “Yes. Maybe. I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea in my head to bring it up.” I wriggled around until I was facing him, the pupils of his hazel-green eyes blown wide in the dim lighting.
“Do you think you’re in the right state of mind for this conversation?”
“I know what I’m asking for. It would happen sooner or later since we’re scent matched, wouldn’t it?”
“Ava, nothing is sooner or later unless you want that to be the case. I don’t have any expectations.” He traced his fingertips over my cheek. “I’ll give you anything you want, but I’ll only kiss you because you want me, not because you’re trying to replace what you had before.”
I saw his resolve weaken when I pouted. “What makes you think I don’t want you? The timing might not be ideal, but it doesn’t change that fact.”
“You are a dangerous little omega. I should say no and give you more time. I don’t want to do anything you’ll regret come morning.”
It was only a kiss. I might have recently had my heart ripped out, but there was no time like the present to start healing when I couldn’t change what had happened. I didn’t want to entertain any thoughts about the life I thought I would have.
Fate was giving me a second chance. I wasn’t hauling out an engagement ring; I just wanted to know if Jesse would taste as good as he looked.
“I won’t regret it. I can’t make any guarantees about not being awkward, though.”
Jesse laughed quietly. “That makes two of us. Ask me again so I know that you mean it.”
“Kiss me. Just once.”
“Take the lead, sweetness. I have excellent self-control, but you’re turning yourself into a temptation.”
The whispering desire turned to a scream, a shudder rolling through me as he acknowledged that he wanted me. I couldn’t fuck up my life any harder than I had already. One kiss wouldn’t change all my other terrible decisions up to this point. This felt like I might be choosing correctly for the first time in years.
I curled my fingers into the collar of his shirt and dragged him closer, crashing my mouth against his. All of my instincts burst to life, my perfume erupting, and slick pooling between my thighs. Roasted chestnut filled every breath and bathed my tongue as I swept it into his mouth. The simple kiss careened into more than I’d asked for, heat zipping up my spine, my vision darkening as I tried to get even closer.
Jesse’s low groan had goosebumps rising on my skin. “Fuck, Ava, your scent turned to syrup. It smells like you’re going into heat.”
“How?” The word broke free between kisses I couldn’t stop claiming.
It didn’t make any sense, but I couldn’t deny that the sensations were disturbingly reminiscent of my last heat. My heartbeat pulsed through my entire body, sweat prickling my skin, every inch of me begging to be touched.
“Ava, sweetness, you’re going to send me into a rut. I have to leave or a lot more than you asked for is going to happen.”
Every instinct rebelled against that statement. I clung on as hard as I could. The depth of my desperate omega whine surprised me, the sound making his body taut, his fingers digging into my back.
“Don’t go,” I begged.
A soft knock at the door grabbed what little attention I could spare. “Ava, are you all right?”
I half recognized the voice, but my brain only remembered the cranberries and rum associated with it, not the name. A rush of desire rocked through me when I caught that scent as the door creaked open, and I whined again.
“Oh, shit. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Before the door closed, I snapped out, “Come.”
He moved stiffly into the room, bringing that delectable fragrance with him. “Ava, what’s going on?”
Jesse struggled to sit up, sweat soaking through his T-shirt. “Heat,” he gasped out. “Rut.”
I was already wrestling out of my shirt, trying to escape the growing warmth.
“Heat? But…”
“ Bryce ,” I growled, my brain finally supplying me with his name. “Help me.”
Jesse was fighting a losing battle with his instincts now that I was down to panties, and Bryce looked like he wasn’t faring any better, his eyes wide, hands flexing at his sides before he curled them into fists.
“Not good for the baby.” Jesse snatched up one of the pillows, burying his face into it for a few breaths. “We have to break the heat quickly.”
“What the hell do you mean we have to break it?” Bryce hissed. “She just met us. How is she going into heat if she’s pregnant?”
“Alpha,” I whined, the throbbing warmth shifting into a burn I desperately wanted to be rid of. “ Please . Help me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you. You don’t know me.”
Another whine erupted. “It already hurts.”
“Okay.” Bryce took a tentative step forward. “I’m here. What do you need?”
“Touch.”
Bryce gathered me up, cradling me so that I could shove my nose against his throat. It wasn’t enough, not by a long shot, but his hand on the back of my neck and his arm wrapped around me pushed back the sharpest edge of pain. At least for a second, before my body registered that I was close to an alpha and not getting everything I needed.
Bite.
Bite.
Bite.
I listened to the compulsion, sinking my teeth into the scent gland on his throat, cranberry and rum bathing my tongue. I moved like a woman possessed, pressing us as close together as I could.
“Sweetness,” Jesse gasped out. He tried to tug me away, but I only clung tighter to Bryce. My next whine was muffled against his skin and I rocked my hips where they met Jesse’s as he tried to untangle me. “You can’t bond him. You just met.”
My instincts didn’t care about that part, the words instantly melting away in my memory. When I unlocked my teeth from the bite, I moved right to Bryce’s mouth, and he kissed me with a ferocity I felt down to my toes, the heat rising in a fresh wave.
“Please, please, please,” I begged. “Alphas.”
“Ava.” Jesse’s voice was rough in my ear. “I’m on the edge of a rut. Tell me what you want.”
“Touch,” I said, repeating the same instruction I had given Bryce. That was the only thing I needed from them. Well, maybe not the only thing. “Knot.”
Jesse groaned, his scent shifting to something darker, stronger. He grabbed my hips, shoving my panties to the side after a brief battle with his own clothing. The first contact of cock and pussy had my instincts singing. I pushed back before he could move forward, seating myself all the way onto him, my slick easing the way in a flood of desire. I dragged Bryce closer again. His scent shifted, too. The descent of his teeth into my skin had my pussy convulsing around Jesse.
Lust and protectiveness went off like a firework in my chest, everything that Bryce was settling into me.
Jesse’s grip tightened, pushing me into Bryce’s arms before he set a steady pace.
Yes.
Perfect.
This was exactly what I needed.
When Bryce dipped his fingers between my thighs, I tumbled over the edge, flinging over a second rise when Jesse bit down on my shoulder, his hips stuttering as he bucked in hard, his knot swelling to trap us together. I turned, biting the first thing I could get into my mouth: his bicep.
Bliss erupted through me. Bryce pulled me back and devoured my mouth, sandwiching me between him and Jesse. My fingers locked around Bryce’s cock as he rocked his hips, thrusting himself through my grip. The burn from before faded into an insistent throb, my entire body steeped in pleasure.
My alphas were a growly cacophony surrounding me. The moment Jesse’s knot deflated enough to remove himself, I was pressed back against his chest, the two of us leaning to let Bryce have his turn. He moved like a demon, lifting my hips and riding me so hard every breath was punctuated by a desperate sound.
While I tried to stay above water, the two of them worked my body into a frenzy. Even when the heat began to slip away and reality returned, I didn’t want them to stop. I kept an arm locked around each of them, drunk on their scents and too many orgasms to count.
I was deep into a kiss with Bryce when reality hit him, his body tensing as he pulled away, his eyes impossibly wide.
“Ava, fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I should’ve been stronger.”
“Bryce,” I said softly, drawing him back in. “It’s okay. You helped me when I needed you. How could I be mad?”
He let out a relieved breath, resting his forehead against mine. “I promise I’m usually a dinner and date kind of guy before this happens.”
Jesse was silent at my back, and I angled my head to look at him. “I’m not mad at you either, in case you were worried.”
“I’ve never gone into a rut that easily before. I think the scent match made us all more susceptible.” His brows pinched together and he held me tighter. “I think that was a heat flush. They’re not very common since most omegas tend to be bonded by the time they get pregnant. It’s a bit of an evolutionary measure to make sure you’re taken care of. They trigger with a scent match if you’re not already bonded.”
“Oh.” I heard the words, but they took a few moments to sink in. “Wait, bonded ?”
Even as I said it, I could feel the truth of it, both of their presences warming me from the inside out.
Bryce paled. “My dad might murder me.”
A growl tore from my throat. “He won’t touch you.”
“Someone’s protective.” Jesse nuzzled my cheek, his heartbeat still pounding against my back. “Luke might do the same to me when he finds out.”
“But I’m the one who went into a weird heat thing. If he wants to be an asshole, he can do it to my face.”
“He won’t. He’ll be pissed at me, not you.”
“Um,” said Bryce. “What do we do now?”