Chapter 11 Cassidy
It has been four weeks since the bachelorette and bachelor party weekend in Las Vegas.
Four weeks of keeping the biggest secret of my life. Four weeks of being torn between guilt and yearning. And four weeks of trying to act like my life is normal.
Needless to say, it has been exhausting.
“What about these? They’re cute,” Sarah asks as she holds up a few lip balms shaped like teddy bears.
I take a look in our shopping cart to see what all we have for the wedding guests’ welcome bags. Painkillers for hangovers. Hand sanitizer. Spray on sunscreen. Sweet and salty snacks.
“Yeah, lip balm is a good idea,” I say.
“No one wants to kiss dry, chapped lips,” Sarah quips before tossing two handfuls of lip balms into the cart.
Nervousness flares up in my chest. I’m even afraid of her finding out about me and the guys. She’s my best friend, but she’s Ryan’s wife-to-be. She’ll definitely tell him.
“I think some gum would be a good idea,” I tell her as I push the cart down the aisle, leaning most of my weight on it.
I’ve been so tired lately. I’ve had so much to do for the wedding, and I’ve still been working. The stress from what I did with the guys doesn’t help either.
It has been so hard to focus on what I need to do.
“Good idea! Also good for kissing,” Sarah says with a sly smile as she loops her arm with mine.
“Is that all that’s on your mind? Kissing?”
“I’m about to get married,” Sarah reminds me before squeezing my arm. “You should be kissing someone. Find some cute guy at the resort. Make Derek jealous.”
I can’t help but smile a little. “I’m doing my best to ignore him, and I hope that he does the same.”
“It seemed like he was trying to talk to you when we were all at breakfast,” she comments, lifting an eyebrow at me. “Think he’s regretting his decision?”
I scoff. “He’s already moved on.”
Sarah shrugs. “Guess we’ll see.”
I don’t want to see. I want Derek to leave me alone so that I can do my maid of honor duties and pull off an incredible wedding week. There will be enough distractions at the resort as it is.
“We’ve got six weeks until the wedding. You have one more dress fitting. I need to get with the florist again. And the caterer,” I say, thinking out loud to organize the jumble of thoughts in my head. “You have a lash appointment and one more hair appointment before we fly out.”
Sarah nods, following me into the candy aisle where there are multiple options of gum. She grabs the winter blast flavor and tosses multiple packs into the cart. “I have all of that in my calendar on my phone. I won’t miss any of my appointments.”
She missed one, but given how scatterbrained she can be, I call that a win. I just need her to show up at the airport on time so that she can get to Mexico for her wedding festivities. We have a lot planned.
“Is there anything else you need?” I ask her, directing the shopping cart out of the aisle and toward the checkout area.
Sarah shakes her head, giving me a warm look. “No, you’ve done enough. Seriously, Cass. Thank you. None of this could’ve happened without you.”
I smile at her, my heart hurting in the best way possible. I’m just so happy for her and Ryan, and I’m also a little sad that I’m so far away from my own wedding and happily ever after.
I really thought I was close once, but Derek isn’t the man I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life.
“You’re visiting your mom after this?” I ask once we get in line.
Sarah nods. “I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had much time to see her. I wish she could come to the wedding, but, you know, health stuff. She can’t travel like that.”
I nod in understanding, squeezing her hand. “Tell her I said hi.”
“I will,” Sarah replies before reaching down to open the box of mini graham crackers and pulling out a packet. She pries it open and pops one in her mouth.
“You couldn’t wait five minutes until we paid for it?”
“Nope,” Sarah says before holding one out to me. “I’m starving, and I won’t have time to eat before I make the drive to Mom’s house.”
I smirk and pluck it from her fingers before tossing it into my mouth. The sweet flavor hits me, and my stomach churns a little. I grimace and swallow, not enjoying that as much as I thought I would.
I think I ate some bad sushi or something the other day because my stomach hasn’t felt that great. All that traveling probably did a number on my immune system too.
Once everything is paid for and bagged up, we walk to my car and load the bags up in the trunk of my red sedan.
“I’ll get everything for the welcome bags organized and sorted tonight,” I tell her. “I’m still waiting for the greeting cards to come in.”
Sarah nods as she munches on more graham crackers.
“Be careful on your drive,” I say once I shut my trunk.
Sarah hugs me. “Thank you. Text me.”
“I will,” I reply. “Love you.”
“Love you!”
I watch her walk toward her car before getting into my driver’s seat, a tired sigh breaking from me. Nausea churns within me, and I regret eating that graham cracker. I need some ice chips and saltine crackers right now.
My fingers rake through my hair as I draw in a deep breath. Six more weeks of preparation and then a week of festivities.
After that, things should go back to normal. I should feel better too.
I start my car and pull out of the parking lot, heading down the road that passes multiple stores, restaurants, and other businesses. My foot moves to the brake as the light up ahead turns red, making me stop in front of a local pharmacy.
My eyes linger on the storefront, my mind trailing. Maybe there’s some sort of medicine I can get to help me feel better.
Something for fatigue. Nausea. Muscle aches.
Maybe I’m about to start my period.
I grab my phone and check my calendar, counting the weeks backward until my last period. My forefinger freezes above my screen as I do the math again. And again.
“What the hell?” I breathe out, realizing I’m late.
I’m never late.
“Oh, no. No, no, no,” I murmur as I pull into the turning lane and take a right.
I find a parking spot by the pharmacy and shut off my car, my hands fumbling with my keys and phone as I get out. My heart hammers against my ribs as I head into the pharmacy, my eyes scanning the aisles until I spot what I need.
My hand shakes as I grab the pregnancy test box off the shelf, my skin feeling cold and clammy. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe my period is just delayed because I’ve been so stressed.
Not because I’m pregnant. No way.
I use the self-checkout and take a step toward the exit of the store before pausing. It’ll take me fifteen minutes to get home and a few minutes longer to rush to the bathroom and use the test. I can’t wait that long.
I need to know now.
I dart to the women’s restroom and lock the door behind me, my fingers tearing into the box to pull the test out. My breathing quickens as I use the test, a million thoughts going around and around in my head.
I’ve always wanted a family. That’s no secret.
I thought I would have kids with Derek until everything fell apart, but I know that if I’m pregnant, the baby isn’t Derek’s.
It’s either Jackson’s, Tyler’s, or Marcus’, and I have no idea which one would be the father because I slept with all of them!
As I wait for the test to process, I splash cold water onto my face, anxiety heating my cheeks. This isn’t how I planned for things to go, but I also didn’t plan to be dumped this year either.
The guys were right. There’s no point in planning.
Life is too unpredictable.
So unpredictable that two lines show up on the test screen.
“Holy shit…” I breathe out, my hand flying to my mouth as my head pounds.
I’m pregnant.
I don’t know if I want to run or curl up in a ball. I feel too paralyzed to do either of those things right now, so I just stand there and stare at the test, trying to process the result.
I knew there were possible consequences to sleeping with the guys, but I didn’t expect this to be one of them. It wasn’t even a blip of a thought in my mind because I’m on birth control. I’m supposed to be covered.
But that’s obviously not the case.
I toss the pregnancy test into the trash can and slowly wring my shaking hands. I don’t know what to do.
I can’t bring myself to call the guys and tell them the news right now. What do I even say? None of us will know who the father is!
Then, Sarah, Ryan, and all the others will eventually find out, and what will they think? They’ll never look at me the same. All they’ll see is the girl who snuck around and had sex with all her brother’s friends.
I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want people to hate me or turn their back on me for this.
For anything!
I shake my hands and force myself to take a few deep breaths. I’m not going to tell anyone for now. Not the guys. Not Sarah. Especially not Ryan.
I’ll figure things out for myself. I’ll do this all alone if I have to.
Even if it scares me to death.