Chapter 39 Cassidy
Pop and party hits blare through the DJ’s speakers as he plays songs from the playlist I made for the reception.
A group of people dance in front of the stage the resort set up in their event courtyard, string lights and palm trees surrounding everyone as the party kicks off. Sarah and Ryan changed into more comfortable clothes so that they can dance without ruining clothes worth thousands of dollars.
Other guests enjoy the open bar or delicious entrees from the resort’s kitchen as they sit at round tables scattered around the front of the courtyard.
The rest of the space is filled by people standing with drinks in their hands as they watch the craziness happening on the dance floor or chat with each other.
The toasts ran a little long, but they were sweet, and I managed to hold myself together through both of them.
Night has already fallen, and I plan to leave in about an hour to head to the airport.
I’m pretty sure most people will be buzzed by then, so I doubt they’ll notice my disappearance.
As I roam around to check on everything, I catch sight of the guys again as they stand by the bar. Our eyes just can’t stop meeting, and Sarah’s words keep echoing in my head. She would want me to march over there right now and bare my heart and soul.
Every time we look at each other, the urge to do so pulls on me harder and harder.
But my fear is still stronger and keeps me at a distance.
Watching that beautiful wedding ceremony was almost torture because I want what Ryan and Sarah have so badly. I can see that happiness in the fantasies that play out in my head about the guys.
I just don’t think reality will be as generous.
Pain throbs deep in my chest as I slightly gravitate closer to move out of people’s way.
Marcus tilts his head a little as he peers at me, and his expression is nothing but encouraging. He wants me to come over.
Part of me does too.
I can’t trust myself.
The three of them suddenly leave the bar and walk off, my heart sinking. Maybe they don’t want to see me.
Before I can do anything, someone walks in front of me, blocking the guys from sight. I lift my eyes and immediately recoil as Derek steps closer to me.
“What do you want?” I question him.
“I’ve been giving things a lot of thought lately,” Derek says. “And being at the wedding gave me some clarity about my life.”
He can’t actually be doing this right now. The last time we spoke, he was calling me a liar and shaming me! Now, he wants to act all pensive?
“I don’t want to talk to you, Derek,” I tell him firmly. “Do you even remember the awful things you said to me?”
Derek sighs. “I was surprised, Cassidy. I just found out that you were pregnant! How would you feel if I knocked someone up just months after we broke up?”
I grind my teeth, forcing myself to breathe slowly in and out of my nose. I don’t want to make a scene in the middle of the reception, but he has really gotten on my nerves during this trip.
He thinks that he’s such a freaking catch when all he has been is a cocky asshole.
“My business is my business. We’re not dating anymore,” I remind him in a cold voice.
“That could change,” he says, holding his arm out to keep me from stepping around him. “Look, I think once the dust settles, you’re going to end up being a single mom. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but that’s a tough road.”
My eyes widen in bewilderment. “Excuse me?”
“Even after everything that has happened between us, I do want the best for you,” Derek continues. “And I don’t think raising a baby alone is the best thing for you. I think it’s too much stress and responsibility on top of you trying to do your freelance work.”
Fury burns under my skin as I stare at him in shocked silence. He still thinks that I’m so incapable of standing on my own two feet.
Where does he get that notion from? Do I seem like I’m struggling all the time? Does he think I’m late paying my bills or I’m having trouble finding clients?
I can handle myself.
“I know you want to handle this alone, but you’ve never been a mom before, Cassidy,” Derek says. “Do you really think you’ll be able to be the best mom possible if you’re doing everything on your own?”
I frown as his words hit me like a punch to the stomach. I know my experience in motherhood isn’t much, but millions of other women have figured it out on their own. Why can’t I?
“It’s none of your business,” I tell him, my voice coming out quiet.
Derek sighs and crosses his arms. “I want to be involved. I will give our relationship another try and help you raise the baby, even though I’m not the father. I’ll do that for you, and you can focus on being a great mom.”
My ears threaten to ring as he presents his offer like a lifeline that I’ll need to take to keep from drowning. Like he’s doing me a favor.
I’d rather be a single mom for the rest of my life than ever date him again. I’ve handled enough without him to ever need him again.
“For the past few months, I’ve dealt with the worst morning sickness imaginable. I’ve been in pain every single day. My body is going through the most it has ever been through right now,” I tell him. “I’ve handled it all without you, and I’ll keep doing it without you.”
Derek’s jaw clenches. “Why are you so damn stubborn, Cassidy? I’m trying to help you, and you want to act like a superhero!”
“You’re not trying to help me,” I bite out. “You’re trying to stroke your own ego and show yourself off as my knight in shining armor. You want the praise. Not the responsibility. You’d make me do everything on my own even if we were together.”
“That’s a lie,” he grits out.
“It’s not,” I say, my fingers balling up into fists. He doesn’t get to steamroll me. “You don’t love me. You just love the thought of having someone on your arm.”
Derek scoffs at me and shakes his head. “You want to be all alone with a baby on your hip? Fine. Enjoy your misery.”
I glare at him as he storms off, my heart pounding. He’s nowhere near as special as he thinks he is. Hopefully, the future women he approaches quickly realize that and don’t give him the time of day before he ruins their lives too.
I huff and walk to the edge of the courtyard to get some air somewhere quieter and less crowded. I reach the beginning of a walking path before stopping, familiar voices hitting my ears.
“We’re sorry to be talking to you about this in the middle of your reception, but we’re running out of time,” Marcus says from around the corner behind a cluster of palm trees.
“Running out of time to do what?” Ryan asks.
“To prove how much Cassidy means to the three of us,” Jackson replies.
“Seriously?” Ryan questions them. “I’ve told you how I feel about this.”
“You didn’t truly hear us out,” Tyler tells him. “We love Cassidy. Not in a casual way or a friendly way. Romantically.”
“Like how you love Sarah,” Marcus says.
My heart stops, my breathing ceasing. Did he really just say that?
“We shouldn’t have snuck around behind your back, but things were different then.
We were just having fun and seeing where things took us, but everything has changed,” Jackson tells him.
“She’s not just your sister to us. She’s her own person.
She’s smart and ambitious and funny. There’s so much that we love about her. ”
I swallow hard. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone speak so highly of me.
Ryan sighs. “I love Cass. I just don’t see how a relationship between you and her works. How would that not overwhelm her? Or confuse her? What if you just end up hurting her?”
“That’s the last thing we want to do,” Marcus assures him. “There’s risk with any relationship, but we’re all in if she is. We’re leaving the decision with her.”
“Why find me then?” Ryan questions them.
“Because you’re our brother,” Tyler replies. “We value our friendship with you too, and we want you on board.”
“Your opinion matters. Not just to us but to Cassidy too. We respect that,” Jackson says.
My eyebrows lift. Can’t Ryan see how hard they’re trying?
“I didn’t like the lying. It broke my trust in you.”
“We’ll earn it back,” Marcus promises him. “But just know that your sister is safe with us. She’ll be loved and so will your niece or nephew.”
“I want her to be happy,” Ryan says after a few moments of silence. “If she wants to be with you, I’ll accept that. You’re right. She’s her own person. She should choose her own life. It’s not up to me.”
“You pretty much raised her. Of course, your instinct is to be protective,” Jackson replies.
“It’s a hard instinct to shake,” Ryan admits. “But I don’t want her to hate me. And I’m tired of fighting and being angry. It has just made me miserable.”
Tears brim my eyes. Sarah said Ryan was hurting, and it stings to imagine him like that. He might’ve raised me, but I want to look after him and protect him too.
“Can we just start over?” Tyler asks Ryan.
“No,” he says, making my stomach drop at first. “There’s no need. I know you’re good guys. I shouldn’t have acted like such an ass because the thought of you being with her made me feel weird.”
“It’s understandable,” Marcus replies with a little humor in his voice.
Ryan laughs a little. “So, what now? Do you talk to her?”
“That’s what we plan to do next,” Jackson says. “How she answers is going to change everything.”
“Good luck.”
I hear them slap hands and embrace, and despite the urge I feel to run out to them and tell them that I love them too, I stop myself.
Jackson is right. What I say to them is going to change everything. Not just for me but for them and the baby too.
If things go awry and we all break up, where does that leave us?
If one of them decides they don’t love me anymore, how would that affect the rest of the relationship? How would that affect their role as a father?
And I have a million more questions that I don’t have answers to on top of that.
I can’t just shout out my feelings when there are always consequences. Now, I just have to figure out which ones I’m willing to deal with.
What kind of heartbreak can I survive?
Before they can spot me, I hurry away and slip into the crowd, only to run straight into the bride.