Chapter 17 Annalise #2
When we get back to my room, we have four carry-out boxes packed with dinner, enough drinks to get us through an evening of trying to predict what the future has in store for us, and another container with an array of desserts that Mattey deemed necessary.
We settle on the bed, opening all the food boxes around us, and dig in.
“Well, today was—unexpected,” I tell him between bites.
“Yeah, I mean, it’s not like we didn’t know Scion was going to be intense when we were sentenced, but damn.” Matt lets out a long breath, “Do you get the feeling they’ve been watching us for a while?”
“Honestly, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like I was being watched, especially when I am on my runs in the morning,” I confess.
That was not the right response.
“Are you kidding me right now, Lee? You thought someone was watching you, and you didn’t think that was important to share?” he never raises his voice, but he doesn’t try to hide that he isn’t happy I didn’t tell him sooner.
“I just thought I was being paranoid. Hell, maybe they were watching, and it wasn’t paranoia at all.”
He shakes his head, looking at the door like it might open any second and someone else might walk in.
I lean toward him, and as quietly as I can, I ask. “You think they’re watching us right now?”
Matt glances over at the window, thinking I was being serious. I’m not, but even if I was, it’s so dark that even if someone could float in front of my second-story window, we wouldn’t see them. “I don’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Great.” I laugh as he pushes me over. “So, do you think my chances increase or decrease if I don’t close my curtains when I change?”
“Definitely an automatic fail.”
I have many faults, but we both know body insecurity has never been one of them.
“Seriously, though, do you think I’m even ready for this? What if I suck at being a spy? Or if I panic on a mission and I make us fail some test?”
Matt shrugs. “Then we’ll figure it out. We always do.
” But his voice has lost its usual carefree edge.
He’s weighing our possibilities as much as I am.
For a moment, we sit there, the silence stretching as we both process the magnitude of what we’re getting ourselves into.
The weight of the situation is getting heavier by the second, and I can feel the pressure in my chest building.
“I’m really sorry you were sentenced here because of me.”
Grabbing my face gently, he turns it so I’m looking straight at him, “Hey, don’t do that. I know this shit isn’t going to be easy, but you did the right thing that night. If anything, I should’ve done it as soon as I found out that bastard enjoyed hurting you.”
“Mattey, we were eleven. And neither of us knew how bad he would get.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
Like every other time we have this conversation, we both fall silent. Each of us carrying so much blame that, if I were a therapist, I would say neither of us should harbor. But I’m not. And we do.
Then, the edges of his lips lift up. “You know, if you had been sentenced here alone, I would have found a way to be enrolled the next day anyway. We have always been a team; a little attempted murder doesn’t change that.”
A sharp bang against the door makes us both jump.
Matt trails me to the door like we’re about to be attacked in my room, but when I pull the door open, it’s Sasha. Her hands are full of books, and she’s balancing on one leg, the other lifted and ready to kick the door again if I missed it the first time.
“Sorry about that, but can I talk to you guys for a minute?” she asks.
“What’s up?” I ask, hesitantly.
Sasha sighs, dropping her books and sinking onto the edge of the bed beside Matt.
“I—” she stops, her eyes darting between us. “I just needed to know if you’re really going to stick this out. I mean, for real, because I don’t know if I can become a killer.”
“You don’t have to decide right now. Take the week. Think about it.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t think I need a week.” She pauses. “I don’t think I can pretend to be someone I’m not, or act like I don’t care about the people I love.”
I know she’s looking for reassurance, but I don’t have any for her.
“We’re all in this together,” I say, giving her the only assurance I can. “Whether you drop the track or not, you are not alone here, Sasha. You’ve got us.”
She meets my gaze and nods, but I can see the doubt in her eyes.
“Alright,” she says, standing up. “I’m gonna go grab something to eat. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
I collapse back onto the bed once the door is locked again.
“Hey Mattey…”
“Yeah, Lee?”
“Will you stay in here tonight? I’m not sleeping the best lately, and after today, I have a feeling tonight could be even worse than last night, if that’s possible.”
He brings me in for a hug, “Of course. Let’s go up to my room, and you can stock up on snacks while I pack a bag.”
“Have you seen my bed? I don’t think snacks are necessary. Plus, you know my hiding spots if you get hungry.”
“But mine are better. Now, get up, or I’m going to drag you out.”