Chapter 54
Chapter fifty-four
Annalise
I’m numb.
“You’ve never had a family that wanted you…How could you ever think you could give me one?”
I would kill for a dagger to my heart or a rock to my head right now, anything to stop his words from playing on repeat in my mind.
Tears well in my eyes again, but I’m not sure how I have any left. It’s been thirty-six hours. Thirty-six hours of crying, raging, then feeling nothing at all.
I convinced Matt and Sasha to leave my room after we’d all gotten up yesterday. Sasha tried to insist on staying, but Matt dragged her out with him.
He came by to drop off coffee, a ton of snacks, and actual meals during meal times, but like always, he knew exactly what I needed and didn’t hover.
He’ll be back when it’s time to go to sleep.
The emotions I’m going through are sure to keep inducing nightmares or night terrors, and as undeserving as I am, he won’t let me face them alone.
I’m pretty sure Tyr stayed on campus all day yesterday just so we could stay connected, though when I asked, he wouldn’t confirm, probably knowing the guilt I would have felt over that, too.
But I’m going to spend time with him now.
“We’re going flying. Climb on,” Tyr tells me as I approach, leaving no room for discussion, not that I have the energy to argue right now anyway.
“Where are we going?”
“You need fresh air and to get away for a bit.”
“I have formation in two hours.”
“You’ll be back with plenty of time,” he blows out a puff of smoke as he lowers to the ground.
“I could have climbed,” I say softly.
“I know, my legs were just getting tired.”
I smile at his blatant lie, but I don’t call him on it.
Neither of us speaks while we take off, or in the next fifteen minutes, as the wind whips through my hair and the fresh air is forced into my lungs, giving me the first real breath I’ve taken since Aiden walked into our room—no, my room.
My space that he invaded. My heart that he forced himself into. But he’s gone, and it’s still beating.
Tears flow down my cheeks as I realize he was telling the truth; he never loved me, because if he had, he wouldn’t have tried to break me before he left me.
“Jokes on him,” I snort to myself, because a far worse man has been trying to do that for years.
I found the strength to survive long before Aiden came into my life.
I’ve earned every scar. I’ve worked hard for everything I’ve ever had—my grades, my magic, my future.
He may have held my heart for a time, but it never stopped being mine.
“There’s my Faren,” Tyr says, pride and love pushing through to me. “Told you it wouldn’t take two hours. Now, are you ready to really fly, or do you want me to keep lazily flapping around up here like a kite?”
“I could go for a little adrenaline boost,” I say, before repositioning my grip.
While my magic might be taking longer to get the hang of than I'd like—whether that's my own fault for not making more time to be with Tyr or because it's more powerful than others—Lorenson was definitely right that bonding earlier would give me an advantage flying.
Since we have been able to take trips outside of class, Tyr has been able to teach me a lot of flight maneuvers and tricks to keep me steady mid-flight that the unbonded recruits won't learn for months still.
Lowering myself towards his chest, I take a deep breath.
“Let's have some fun.”
“You look a million times better than you did two nights ago!” Sasha’s voice calls into my bathroom while I finish braiding my hair in the mirror.
“I looked like the walking dead, so anything is better than that, but thanks!”
“Okay, true. But you actually look good today. I brought over a few beauty tonics, but your eyes aren’t even puffy!”
That catches my attention. “Wait, there are spelled tonics for beauty?”
“Technically, yes. For the super-rich and obscenely powerful,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“But I’ve learned to work smarter. A lot of common medical tonics have overlapping effects if you know what to look for.
Like this one,” She lifts a small, clear vial and gives it a shake.
“This one reduces swelling wherever it’s applied—perfect for puffy eyes, inflammation, and bruising. I swear by it.”
Then she switches hands, presenting a larger amber bottle. “And this one is for dehydration, but if you drink a capful, it’ll boost circulation, skin regeneration, and make you look like you got the best night of sleep in your life.”
I blink. “You’re telling me there are potions that erase emotional devastation?”
She smirks. “Not the actual devastation. But the evidence of it? Absolutely.”
“Oh, good, so then you don’t need this?” Matt asks, waving two coffees.
“Definitely still do!” I say, snatching the one with my name on it from his hands and giving him a side hug after Sasha grabs hers.
We’re almost to the bottom of the steps outside our barracks when I look up and accidentally meet Aiden’s eyes, well, eye.
His second eye is swollen mostly shut with bruising to match his other cheek and busted lip.
My heart aches for him, and I want nothing more than to rush to him to take care of his wounds, but Sasha interlocks her fingers with mine, holding me in place.
He slows for just a second, maybe waiting for me to do just that, or maybe just because it’s a habit that’ll take time to break, but then he shakes his head and jogs off down the path to the Parade Grounds.
I watch him until he’s out of sight, then my head whips to Matt, who isn’t even trying to hide his grin.
“Care to explain?” I ask, not really intending for it to be a question.
“Nothing to explain.”
“Are you fucking kidding? You got into a fight, Mattey! It isn’t worth the punishment they could give you!”
“It wasn’t a fight, and it was worth it. I told him if he hurt you, then I’d hurt him. He knew it was coming and didn’t even try to defend himself.”
Exasperated, I throw my hands up and start walking again. “I don’t have words right now.”
“You don’t need any. It was between us, and now it’s done.”