23. Kazia
23
KAZIA
W aking up snuggled into the warmth of Ion’s arms was not a bad way to start the morning. Hell, waking up in all three of their arms was exhilarating, but when one of them had to go to work early, and the other had to check in on their neglected dungeon guests, it was nice to have a lazy morning with someone who didn't have a crazy busy schedule.
“Sleep,” Ion’s raspy voice had me tucked into his chest, feelings I never had bubbled to the surface. Before I met these men, I’d never been held in a man's arms all night. It wasn't for the men's lack of trying; more like I was so focused that I didn't give them any more of my time than was needed.
Since being kidnapped, it was like I had all the time in the world. While a good portion of that time was encased in fear, bringing me to my lowest of lows, I also realized that I’ve been at my highest of highs because I had to let go.
Ion burrowed his head into my neck, careful not to jostle my bad shoulder. “I can fucking hear you thinking,” rolling my lips into my mouth; I tried to keep myself from smiling too much. He popped up his head, those autumn breeze eyes narrowed on me. “It's annoying… plus you need more sleep to heal. That ointment worked wonders on your cheek, but…” The pad of his finger skimmed the surface of my neck, touching the bruise that was starting to form, his brows furrowed, and his jaw clenched.
“I’m fine.” He opened his mouth, ready to argue with me, but I kept going. “I really had any lone moments to think about any of that.” Nipping at his chin, I winked up at him, “You guys made sure.”
I wasn't an idiot, I knew shit got bad last night, probably worse than it should’ve been, but a realization hit me last night while I was in the bath. I wasn't going to let that asshole steal my good memories. Sure, Arak could cause me to have bad memories, ones that could hurt me, but I already knew that. I actually thought he would kill me on the spot, so I prepared myself. What I didn't count on was how each of these men needed me… and I needed them.
Even with his poor attitude, Ion desperately wanted someone to see him, with all his flaws, and choose to stay by his side. Nicu was so racked with guilt and shame for the past that his only way to atone was to control every aspect of his life so he would never make that mistake again, and when he did, he needed someone to get him back on track. Then there was Cezar. The man who kidnapped me, the one who I should hate the most, but from day one, has always been there for me. No matter if these voices were spirits talking to him or just a way for his mind to cope with what he did, he had fought for me, bled for me, and helped me in my darkest moments. I don't care if he was a psycho; he was mine—my first husband.
Snorting at that last thought, Ion pulled away, facing me with a calm, serious look and that caught my attention. Weaving his hands in mine, he looked down before taking a breath and lifted his eyes to mine. “Last night… I just…,” he exhaled, rolling his eyes at himself, but I kept my mouth shut and waited, knowing feelings were hard for him. “I wanted to… thank you… for taking care of Nicu.” I was not expecting that, especially from Ion, because he can be so prickly, but I guess he also had a soft inside.
Letting go of one of his hands to sit up, gritting my teeth through the pain in my shoulder, I responded before he could change the subject. “He needs control, and last night…after what your father did… He needed to feel in control again. After what he did for me…” This time, I stumbled over my words, not wanting him to think I only did that because he took a beating in my stead.
Cupping my face in his hands, he came in close, caressing my lips, whispering, “I know.” Closing the distance, his tongue swiped at my bottom lip, and I moaned, closing my eyes and pushing myself forward. Having him be this sweet seemed like this was a once-in-ever-ten-years event, and I wanted to take advantage.
He pulled away much too fast; slumping into my lap as he confessed, “He thinks we don't know about his sessions with our father, but we do. We’ve always known.”
Running my hand through his hair, I asked, “Sessions?”
He clenched up, avoiding my eyes as he stumbled over his next words. “Sessions? Is that what I said? What I meant-”
With a tilted head and lifted brow, I let him know I wasn't buying it. “What were his sessions?”
His shoulder slumped, mumbling out the side of his mouth, “He usually beats him relentlessly, calling it ‘training,’ but it always seemed like it was more of a way for our father to let out his frustrations.” Reaching out for my hand, I let him play with my fingers, keeping his head down as he continued. “My father's most loyal men would drag him out of father’s office afterwards and dump him in his room, leaving him bleeding all over. I couldn't let that happen, and I ended up bandaging him up myself. I-I don't think he remembered; he was pretty much unconscious the whole time. Every time.”
Sighing out, I closed my eyes, letting my head bang on the headboard. What was once a hot, fiery anger was now transforming into an icy burn, so tired of all the pain and abuse they’d gone through. One way or another, this man had to pay for all his sins. I just needed to ensure I didn’t get caught in the crossfire.
Getting ready to confess my thoughts, the door clicked unlocked and that had us both pause. The boys didn't trust any of their fathers' men and decided to lock me up in this room, one that they only had the key to. Nicu said he was waiting for his father to bring it up before he came up with an excuse, but if their was anything I learned in this house, it was that you were never safe.
Cezar threw open the door, “Okay, so I’ve checked on them and decided that they weren't worth missing time with you, so I killed them all.” Slicing his hand like a knife at his neck, just adding to the dramatics…or I guess it could be more like showing exactly what he did? He jumped on the bed, kicking at Ion before snuggling into my other side, sighing out with his hands around me. “Is this how regular people feel? Rushing through their work, being all sloppy, just to get home as fast as possible?”
“I-I guess so,” I stumbled over my words as I thought about how he just admitted to killing people to get back to me quicker. I mean… he wasn't wrong, but at the same time, it wasn't the same at all.
He rubbed his face against me like a cat, “Just look at you domesticating me.” Ya sure. Domestication. That's what we'll call it .
The door opened again; Cezar whirled around, knife in hand and at the ready as his body covered mine. Ion somehow had a gun in his hands and had it pointed at the door when Nicu strode in. His eyes flicked to both weapons like they were nothing and sighed out as he dropped a bomb. “We’ve been summoned to have lunch with Father… and to bring Kazia.”
Ion threw his gun on the bed, scowling at Nicu, “We’re not-”
“And what are you going to do?” Nicu cut him off, taking a step closer, his bruised and battered face shaking as he glared at him. “Are you going to take her and run away now?” He took menacing steps towards him, “Do you think you’ll get far? Even if you can, do you think he’ll give up?” His eyes slid to mine even as he was still talking to Ion. “No. He won’t; once he catches you, it’ll be worse than you imagine. You both know the truth.”
Nicu grabbed Ion by the throat, teeth clenched, “Don't you fucking dare fill her heart with hope when you’re not in the position to follow through.”
His words were filled with desperation and resigned hollowness, reminding me of what he was like when I broke down in his room. He wasn't mad or angry at me, this woman in his safe space, his carefully curated environment. No, he looked at me like a fellow survivor, someone who understood the want, the need, to hide and survive. Then it dawned on me.
This was their father's actual goal. He wanted complete control over them so that even if outside forces influenced them, they would be so conditioned that they couldn't see any way out and just endured.
I remembered a case study about punishments and parenting, how some were connected to control while others were for safety. The children whose parents used punishment to control had trouble seeing anything outside of that punishment. I would bet my own life that at a young age, acceptance was rewarded, while any inkling of resistance was met with a swift and exaggerated punishment. I would need to think about it later, but for now, this fighting was going to get us nowhere.
Standing up, I reached Nicu’s side, running my hand up the arm gripping his brother's neck, keeping my voice calm and low. “I understand. I need to get dressed, right? Is ten minutes okay?”
Turning his neck, he let go of his brother. Those deep, dark eyes zeroed in on me, giving me his full attention. Even with his stoic face not changing, he couldn't keep his eyes void of the thoughts running in his head. Thoughts that he wouldn't or couldn't say out loud.
Are you going to be okay?
I hate this.
Can you forgive me?
Brushing my fingers along his jaw, I gave him my answer to all his questions as I smiled up at him. “Don’t you remember? I told you I just needed someone to understand. To be there.”
Even though nothing about his body movements or face changed, I could tell he understood as he nodded. Turning away from him as fast as I could, my eyes connected with Cezar, sitting on the bed. For once, his face did not give away anything that he thought or felt; he just stared at me, waiting.
Taking a deep breath, my feet led me to the closet full of women's clothes and I had a sneaking suspicion Nicu had sometime to do with that.
I picked out a flowy dress with a pretty flower pattern on it. If I needed to play the cute subservient female, I guess I would. I just hope Arek buys it.
Just like last time, I took Nicu’s hand, and he led me downstairs with Ion and Cezar following behind us. This time, Arek stood next to his seat, smiling like nothing happened yesterday. When he saw me, his eyes didn't meet mine; they immediately went to the bruises on my neck, and his smile widened. Sick fuck.
“Good morning!” He made a show of looking around, even though there were no windows in this area of the house. “Well, maybe it's more of a good afternoon. It seems like your mother didn't teach you enough discipline to get up at a proper time,” his jaw clenched as he mentioned my mom, but he kept going. “But no matter, you’re our guest, and guests are afforded leisure time.” His eyes went to all three of his sons, still smiling, but the threat was clear as day.
Glancing at the table, I saw a variety of fruits, pastries, and meats, all looking delicious. Yet my stomach rolled at the thought of having to eat anything this man was offering me. Playing his game, I smiled at him. “Thank you so much for your hospitality. This spread looks amazing.”
This seemed to take the heat off the guys, and Arek placed his hand on his chest in thanks. “Let's have some food, and we’ll talk a bit about the day.” We all stiffened, not knowing what was up his sleeve next, but I knew one thing was for sure; he would not let me go anytime soon. I needed to play his little game and survive today, then tell the guys we needed to devise a plan.
Everyone went to the same spots as before, the silence in the room only interrupted by the dragging of the chairs on the hardwood. A door to the back swung open, and someone from the kitchen brought orange juice in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other, going around and filling everyone's drinks with the mix.
“What is this, Ion?” Arek’s voice boomed, and we all looked up.
Ion had his hand over his glass, not letting the attendant pour anything in his glass. The poor attendant’s eyes shifted back and forth between Ion and Arek, backing away like they wanted to disappear.
Ion slouched in his chair, his rolling as his face grew bored. Like it was all such an inconvenience to him, he flicked his hand up, waving away the attendant. “What's the big deal? I'm going running after this. Being in the states had me gaining some pounds and I gotta keep up this physique, you know.” He pointed a slimy, sly smile towards his father, who in turn laughed, relaxing his shoulders as he gave me a knowing grin.
“Good. You're taking your work seriously. That's what I like to hear.” Arek turned his attention to me. “Kazia, it must be so hard right now. You lost your mother,” he made the sign of the cross, kissed his thumb, and raised it to the sky, “and now you're an orphan, left with no one. My heart bleeds for you.”
His words were like a honeyed poison sinking into my skin, causing my whole body to itch. Resisting the urge, I kept my eyes downcast, remembering my mom's sweet, earthy scent and how she always scolded me for not taking more interest in my heritage. I was interested now, but it felt a little too late. The tears welling up were real, but the motivation behind them was to get Arek to believe that I was weak and willing to do what he said.
“Yes,” swiping away the tear that ran down my cheek. “It's hard to be anywhere without family, without people you can call your own. Without someone looking out for you.”
Arek tutted out, “I know. I know.” He looked around the table at the boys, stoic and stone, cold. “This poor girl is breaking my heart!” He slammed his hand onto the table, causing me to jump. “That's it. I can't take it anymore.”
What the fuck was this man up to? What was this devil incarnate thinking in that sick mind of his?
He threw up his hands, eyeing me from the side of his face before making a fuss at coming to some conclusion. “I cannot let her daughter be without anyone, without family, so I’ll bring you into this family.” The whole room paused, not a breath being heard as he continued. “My sons and I will care for you and ensure you have the finest things in the world. What do you think boys?”
I gasped, covering my mouth to make sure my innocent act was playing, and the guys played their parts. Nicu kept his head down, nodded to his father, almost in an as-you-wish gesture; Ion sneered at me like I was some disgusting peasant, and Cezar… Well, he was petting his knife while looking like I was his next snack, so there was really no change there.
Ion spoke up, his rejection clear as day. “Father, why? Why do you have to bring her into the family? Carrying the Azadian name isn’t for just anyone.” His hateful gaze ran up and down like he was sizing me up. Good. He was playing his part well.
Arek balanced his chin on his hands, looking like he was contemplating what Ion said, but everyone knew that Arek was the leader, and whatever he said goes, or else.
He nodded, tipping his head back and forth repeatedly like he was being swayed. Then his whole body jerked up, and he clapped his hands. “I got an idea. She’ll shadow Cezar and see him work.” The whole table looked at Arek like they thought he was mad—well, everyone except Cezar, who just looked excited.
“Father-”
Nicu tried, but his father raised his hand to silence him. “I have someone I caught yesterday that I need information from, and my youngest son is the man for the job. Having Kazia watching will not only give Cezar an audience for his artistic abilities , but it’ll also show Kazia all she needs to see about being part of this family .” Everything about what he said filled me with dread, wishing for a second I could believe his lie so I wouldn’t have to work so hard at keeping my body from trembling in fear.
Arek got out of his chair, walking towards me with arms outstretched, pure joy spread across his face. “This girl needs us, and I’m not about to let her get gobbled up by the wolves of this world. You boys should know, she’s already had a brush with a catastrophe.” Suppressing a shudder, his hand went over the wound on my shoulder, and he dug his fingers in, making me tense up in pain.
He bent his head, his lips just a hair away from my ear, when he whispered, “And just remember, as you're watching him, be a good girl and you won't be the next one on that table.” He kissed the side of my face before turning to the guys. “It's been settled. Cezar, come take our lovely Kazia with you.” Bile rose in my mouth, and I was actively trying to keep it down, not to let my disgust at having his hands and lips on my body show.
Cezar wasted no time hopping up, grabbing a slip of paper from his father before kicking at my chair and telling me to get up. My eyes found Arek’s, quickly looking down, hunching my shoulders in my seat, making sure he saw that all. He licked his lips, eyes filled with a flash of desire, before turning away and shooing us off.
Keeping my head down, I got up and followed Cezar, not able to hide my grin when we turned the corner. You thought you could intimidate me by showing me the worst of Cezar, and yet I already know he would never hurt me. That made me pause for a second. I always counted on his obsession with me to get me through things, but I never entirely gave myself over to him. When did I start to trust Cezar so completely?