Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Rubbing the back of his neck, Gideon let out a sigh so heavy it gave weight to the room.
“I spent thirty-seven years believing that I was untouchable, impenetrable, that nothing could reach me, that I had no flaws, no weaknesses, no vulnerabilities. I was in complete control; nothing could make me deviate from my plans—in business or my personal life…and then I saw you.”
Kendra gasped, eyes wide.
“You can’t be serious,” she blurted. “I’m a nobody!”
Dropping his hands, he turned his head to look at her, and what she saw in his eyes ripped every ounce of defense from her body.
Love.
Pure, unadulterated love.
It filled her to bursting until it poured from her eyes as tears.
“You’re everything to me, wife…” Gideon rasped, his voice like a physical ache.
“Gideon,” she rasped, reaching for him.
Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her, and buried his face in her neck, breathing her in.
Into the heated flesh of her neck, he whispered, “I saw you, and everything I ever believed about myself shattered in an instant—and it scared the shit out of me. I didn’t know what to do other than push on with my plan—that fucking ridiculous plan—to find a wife and have an heir.
All I could think was…this woman…she could so easily defeat me, so I can never let her know just how much control she has over me. ”
Kendra sniffed, patting his back. “Oh no, poor Gideon, has to learn to be a grown man with feelings,” she snarked.
He stiffened, pulling away to narrow his eyes at her teasingly.
“And it was fucking agonizing!” he grumped.
“I know how cliché it all sounds, but that’s the way it was.
I didn’t know what any of what I was feeling meant, I only knew that if I couldn’t understand it, I had to hide it, and so I did.
I married you but I kept what I felt for you buried beneath prescription sex, long absences, and neglect.
And I hated watching that light that first attracted me to you start to dim—but I couldn’t stop myself.
It was like a runaway car, flying downhill, headed toward a brick wall, but there wasn’t any way to stop it. Then…it crashed.”
“Because I left you?” she inquired, the bits and pieces of his words beginning to make a smidgeon of sense.
“No, it crashed when Isabella and Adolfo Mancini gave me an ultimatum,” he drawled, rage and predatory lethality burning in his gaze.
“Somehow Isabella learned about the prenup, though that wasn’t the smoking gun; she’s cleverer than she looks, and because I’m an asshole and made it my mission to spend as little time as possible with you outside of the house, she caught on to the fact that things weren’t as wholesome as we portrayed to the media.
With that information, they set me up to fail with an AI photo scheme, thinking that if they could control me, they could get what they wanted out of me. ”
“And what did they want?”
Gideon growled, “Isabella wanted me to divorce you and marry her. She wanted access to my power, my money, and the prestige that came with being the matriarch of the Maddox family.”
So that’s what that bitch meant when she spat venom about divorce at the gala.
“And her father wanted the gravitas and connections that would come with being the father-in-law of Gideon Maddox.”
“How did they think that would work?” she asked, flabbergasted at the duo’s arrogance.
“They thought they could control me, and tonight they realized they could not,” he said, an edge in his voice that made her shudder.
That scene with the deadly and imposing Don Tempesta….
“You had something on the Mancinis…and you gave it to Don Tempesta,” she deduced. “But what does that have to do with me? What did I do to deserve taking your frustrations out on me?”
Gideon heaved a sigh and tightened his arms around her.
“Once again, my belief in my untouchability was shaken. I was pissed, frustrated, hating that they dared to exploit my marriage for their gain…and when I got home, and I saw you, standing in the kitchen, like my greatest treasure and danger in the same adorable package…I just lost it.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“I cannot begin to tell you how wrecked I am that I said those things. As true as some of what I said was, you never should have had to find out about our beginnings like that. Yes, it started because I needed a wife, and you fit the criteria of what I thought I wanted, but I know now that even if you hadn’t, even if you hadn’t ticked a single box on my stupid list of traits of my ideal wife, I would have chosen you that evening. ”
Tears spilled down her cheeks, but Gideon brushed them away, cupping her face with such gentleness, it only made her cry harder.
“You and I were meant to be, Kendra, it just took me three years to figure that out.”
The last crumbling bricks of the wall keeping him out fell to the ground and broke to pieces.
Wiping her face on a throw blanket tucked under a breast pump box, Kendra met Gideon’s pained gaze.
He was opening himself up, baring himself, giving her all his truths…. She should do the same.
“I knew that night, Gideon, that same night we met. I saw you stride into the room like a panther—all animalistic power and pride in human form, and I fell so hard I’m still reeling from the impact,” she admitted, nuzzling into his chest.
He groaned, then sighed. “And I ruined it.”
She gave a humorless laugh. “Yes, you did, but not at first.”
He hummed, pulled her into his chest and hummed again. “It must have been my charm that reeled you in.”
“It was. You won’t believe this, Gideon, but though you put on this mask of powerful billionaire who’s above it all, I could see that you were heart and loyalty through the little things you did without thinking.
You’d open my water bottles, you’d tuck the blanket around me when I’d fall asleep on the couch, you’d make sure my favorite snacks were in your cupboards even though you hate processed foods.
Not to mention, you made me feel seen, heard, and attractive—and that was even before you proposed. ”
“It was after the wedding that things got real for me; it was no longer about getting you to sign away your life in marriage to me, it was about surviving being married to my own personal hell.”
Kendra snorted, narrowing her eyes. “Well, thank you for that—”
He kissed her quick and hard, shutting her up. “I meant that having you in my space, all the time, that temptation to give everything to you, to let you in, to show you the real me…it was hell, and I fought myself every day to keep things cold, departed, and under my control.”
“You can’t control your way out of feeling things, Gideon,” Kendra breathed.
“I know that now.” He pressed his forehead against hers, breathing deep. “I’ve learned a hell of a lot over the last week, and I just know that there’s still so much left to learn.” She could feel the warmth of his hand brush over her belly. “And I am willing to learn it all…if you’ll let me.”
She couldn’t speak for the emotions drowning her.
Ever present fear of the unknown.
Susurrating anger at all that had happened—five days ago and tonight with Isabella and her viperous tongue.
Lingering grief at what could be lost if she didn’t offer Gideon the second chance he was begging for.
And the last dregs of humiliation from being in the dark about the origins of their marriage, and Gideon’s words about her being a failure of a woman because she hadn’t conceived.
That still smarted, though she could now point to her belly and give him the finger about that one.
But the most powerful of those emotions was love.
Unfiltered.
Raw.
Bright.
Bloody.
Devastating.
She loved the man beside her with a deep, agonizing desperation that she couldn’t breathe without him.
How could she leave him knowing his baby was growing inside her, knowing that his actions were an outpouring of his own trauma, knowing that he was truly sincere in his remorse?
The truth was…she couldn’t…but she couldn’t live with him, either.
She needed space, time away to truly figure out how she felt about everything Gideon did and said—from the very beginning. She knew they would stay married, but what did that look like now that she knew the truth, now that there was a baby to consider?
First, she needed to take that first step before she could do anything else.
Leaning in, Kendra skimmed his jaw with her lips, making him moan softly.
“I forgive you, Gideon, I can’t not. I love you too much to let this fester because I’m not the one feeling the pain of it. And our baby…they don’t deserve a bitter mother and a brooding father, they deserve your dream of us filling that photo album.”
Peering down into her eyes, Gideon’s face lit up, relief and joy filling his expression.
“Thank you, baby,” he rasped, throwing his arms around her to squeeze her until she grunted.
She didn’t complain though, because being wrapped in her husband’s arms was amazing.
“That doesn’t mean things will go back to what they were before, though, Gideon,” she murmured, pained. “I’ll move my things to the guest room.”
He stiffened. “What the fuck does that mean?” he asked, his feature hardening. “If you forgive me, how the hell am I supposed to show you how much I love you if you aren’t with me?”
“I’ll still be living here—heck, I need to start setting up the nursery with all this stuff you got.” Her gaze flicked from item to item, still shocked by the number of things the father-to-be had bought—like a madman in a baby-fever frenzy.
She smiled at that thought.
“But….” He thrust his fingers through his hair, his expression pinched. “Baby…I’ve gotten used to sleeping beside you, wrapping you in my arms when you sleep and you don’t know it.”
He grinned sheepishly, and her neglected lady parts took immediate notice.
Oh Lord, the man was fighting dirty.
“So you were only the cold lover when I was awake? Did you stealth snuggle me?”
He chuckled. “I couldn’t let you think I had any soft feelings for you…but I couldn’t not hold you. You were home to me, even in the dark and silent night, when only I knew what you truly meant to me.”
Ugh…he was lethal.
“So what does that look like going forward?” he asked, a plea in his eyes, a hope, a dread.
Laying her head against his shoulder, she closed her eyes and sighed.
“I looks like we live together, but we don’t sleep together, and when we’re awake, we work on rebuilding trust, being open with one another, and actually communicating.
Also, it wouldn’t hurt for you to spend more time at home with me, especially since I feel a whole bunch of weird pregnancy cravings coming on that only my baby daddy can fulfill. ”
He laughed, his face glowing, his smile bright and gorgeous.
Panties. Dead.
“I can do that…it’ll be my honor to get you your pickles and ice cream.”
She curled her face in disgust.
“No?”
She shook her head.
“Pretzels and peanut butter?”
She shook her head again.
He heaved a dramatic sigh, and demanded, “Tell me, woman! I can’t read minds.”
She grinned, leaned in close enough to feel his warmth to the coldest parts of her, and whispered, “How about we start with a kiss?”
Gideon growled, his eyes darkening as they snapped to hers.
“Oh, I can definitely do that.”
And he did.