19. Blind Alley
BLIND ALLEY
Eight Years Earlier
Ialmost scream when the hand closes around my wrist, managing to swallow the scared sound at the last second after I glance left and recognize the profile.
Jeff tugs me into the alley I was about to walk past. I nearly fall, sidestepping a puddle earlier rain left behind, then yank my arm free as soon as I regain my balance. Cross both across my chest and frown at him.
“What are you doing here?”
Chicago is too large of a city for this to be a coincidence.
“I stopped by your dorm to talk to you. Angie said this was where you’d gone.”
Stupid. I should have lied to my roommate. I wasn’t anticipating my ex would stop by.
“What are you doing here?” Jeff asks, gesturing toward the brick building I was about to enter.
My crossed arms tighten, hugging my chest. “None of your business. We broke up.”
“You mean, you broke up. I thought things were going great, and all of a sudden, you were done. Too busy with classes?” He scoffs. “This doesn’t look like a library, Carina.”
I close my eyes briefly. “Just go, Jeff. Please.”
He steps forward, the scowl on his face spreading. “You’re dressed like you’re going on a date. Actually, you’re dressed nicer than you were on any of our dates. Are you meeting another guy?”
I glare back. The honest answer—yes—isn’t going to defuse any tension between us.
Jeff must read the truth on my face because his expression darkens. He takes another step closer, grabbing my chin so I can’t look anywhere except straight at him. “I can’t believe—”
“Let her go.”
The voice isn’t loud. It’s low and accented and menacing. Dangerous, pulsing with a deadly undercurrent that promises harm.
I relax as soon as I hear it.
Jeff tenses, his eyes remaining on mine. “Mind your own business, man.”
“Let her go, or lose your hand.”
Jeff glances away, laughing nervously. He’s assuming it’s an empty threat, but he’s clearly unnerved by Lev’s stony expression. “Keep walking, dude. This is a private conversation—”
I don’t see Lev move. But suddenly, Jeff is on the ground, mostly landing in the puddle I stepped around earlier. Jeff sits up quickly, glaring at Lev, who has focused on me.
“Are you okay?”
I nod. “I’m fine.”
Lev nods, too, then glances at Jeff, who’s stumbling to his feet, dripping dirty water. “Do you want me to kill him?”
“The fuck?” Jeff sputters.
I laugh, like Lev is kidding, although I’m fairly certain he’s completely serious. “Of course not.”
“You sure?” Lev aims an unimpressed look at Jeff, whose expression is a comical mix of fury and fear.
“I’m sure.” I glance at Jeff, too, mouthing, Go.
He shakes his arms, sending droplets flying. “No way am I leaving you alone with this psychopath.”
Lev grins, spitting out a rapid stream of Russian. I’m not sure if he’s actually threatening Jeff, but it sure sounds like he is.
“He’s a friend,” I tell Jeff. “I’m fine. Just go, please.”
Jeff glances back and forth between us. I see the moment he realizes. “This—he’s who you came here to meet? Are you fucking this asshole, Carina?”
Lev takes a step forward. I grab his forearm, squeezing it tight. He could easily pull out of my grip, but he doesn’t. His muscles are tensed, so I can feel each taut tendon. Sense the strength humming beneath the skin.
“None of your business,” I tell Jeff stiffly.
“Un-fucking-believable.” He’s staring at where I’m touching Lev.
“You know, I was planning to help you study. I was willing to do whatever you wanted to stay together, and you’d already chosen your next conquest. If this guy”—he glowers at Lev—“wasn’t fucking insane, I’d feel sorry for him. You two deserve each other.”
Finally, Jeff stalks away. I’m sure he meant for it to be a dramatic exit, but he steps in another puddle in his huff, and his sneakers’ squelching sort of ruins the effect.
Once Jeff is out of sight, I look at Lev. He’s leaned back against the brick, lighting a cigarette, the picture of ease.
Normally, I dislike the smell of smoke. But I don’t mind it much right now. Maybe it’s the way the scent mixes with the damp air. More likely, it’s who is exhaling it.
“Hi.”
The cigarette lowers. He taps it against the brick, a few ashes falling to the wet asphalt. “Hi.”
“You said you would quit.”
“You said I would quit.”
I roll my eyes. “It’s really bad for you.”
One corner of his mouth curves up. “Only good thing today.” He stares at me, another stream of smoke leaving his mouth before he adds, “Aside from you.”
For standing outside on a chilly April day, I’m feeling awfully warm.
“Jeff was just … upset,” I say awkwardly.
Lev makes a dismissive sound that could be interpreted a dozen different ways.
“We broke up,” I add, in case that wasn’t obvious from our interaction.
Not that it matters to Lev. He’s never once asked if I had a boyfriend or was single.
I’m the one who had a crisis of conscience when Lev let me know he’d be in Chicago this month.
Jeff was right; our breakup came out of nowhere.
Nowhere, except I knew I wanted to have sex with Lev more than I wanted to continue dating another guy.
Lev drops the cigarette. It joins a dozen others in a graveyard of litter. “Hungry?” he asks, nodding toward the diner where we were supposed to meet.
I bend down, picking up the cigarette still smoldering at one end. “I can’t stop you from poisoning yourself. I can keep you from poisoning the planet. And innocent pigeons.”
I extinguish the end and flick the trash into an open dumpster.
Lev watches with a steady superiority I find both irritating and arousing.
“You cut your hair.”
I finger one of the shoulder-length strands. The last time we saw each other, it hung halfway down my back. A drastic change, but not one I expected him to comment on. Jeff never noticed.
“You look the same.” I scan his black hoodie as I say it, like I’ll possibly be able to see through the fabric. He probably thinks I’m checking him out, and I am, but I’m also wondering if any new scars have joined the collection on his chest.
“You were … kidding … about hurting Jeff. Right?” I feel absurd even asking.
But the only other guy I’ve mentioned to Lev—Harry Pearson—suddenly disappeared just before the start of senior year. A bizarre coincidence I’ve never been brave enough to ask Lev about.
“You don’t want me to hurt him. Right?”
“Right. I-I don’t want you to hurt anyone.”
Shadows flicker across Lev’s face. “That is not how the world works.”
The world, I note. Not his.
“It could.”
Even as I say it, I know I sound like a naive child. I saw two murders on this morning’s news. My tuition isn’t solely funded by the wine and pasta my father sells.
“It doesn’t, Carina.”