Chapter 20
Charlie
My body trembled uncontrollably, tears streaming without pause. Threats, pain, commands—it didn’t matter. Nothing responded. Nothing obeyed.
I knew better than to break. I knew better.
But this pain was something else—raw, unfamiliar, relentless.
My skull throbbed in sync with the sluggish drag of my pulse.
My eyes, swollen shut, reduced the world to flickers of light and shadow.
Fire licked across my spine, but it was my shoulder that screamed the loudest.
I didn’t want comfort. I didn’t want to be rescued.
I wanted out.
Why couldn’t they just let me die already?
What made me so important that this Alpha demanded the nurses do whatever they had to keep my heart beating within my chest?
I didn’t understand.
I didn’t understand anything.
I sniffed, trying to get a good breath but my lungs wouldn’t fill. My chest ached, as though there was pressure sitting on top of me, holding me down. Since apparently having my arms and legs tied wasn’t enough.
I couldn’t move. I couldn't think. Couldn’t breathe.
Maybe, if I could just behave, they’d let me rest in peace. Maybe then I could die and never wake up again.
I should be dead.
Whatever the Alpha did to me, whatever pain he caused after I blacked out, had to be enough to put me out of my pathetic misery.
Every breath that passed my throat stung. Every small movement of my chest and lungs ached so deep, it felt like cuts.
Was I bleeding internally? Maybe that’s how I go. Slow and painful, because no one ever cared.
Not about me. Not about my wellbeing and health.
It was all a lie.
All of it.
The treatment to heal. The treatments and training to be what an Alpha wanted, so one day I could live a life to serve someone who would just end up hating my guts.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t stay here; couldn’t go there. I’d be stuck here, for the rest of my life, and I was done.
Just done.
Tears would forever stain my cheeks, even in death. I could feel them falling, seeping from the corners and trailing down my face, drying in some spots as they reached my chin.
My breathing came sharper, painfully as my lungs refused to bring more air into my body.
Oh God.
Not being able to breathe was its own kind of torture. Each cough tore through me, burning my throat raw from the inside out.
Hands gripped my neck, unyielding, merciless, holding me down as if my life could be drained one grasp at a time.
Bile surged.
I choked, gagged, and then it came, violent and unstoppable, spilling from my mouth like a flood.
Most of it hit my chest, warm and sour, before someone shoved me onto my side. It splattered across the surface beneath me, the stench rising instantly, thick and suffocating.
I gasped, body convulsing, lungs clawing for air.
And then—
Silence.
The panic vanished as quickly as it came, leaving only the stink of vomit and the ache in my limbs.
My body gave in, grateful for the darkness that followed.
***
Hands.
Too many.
They moved over me, touching, tracing, claiming.
I didn’t fight. Didn’t flinch.
Just let it happen.
Silent.
Still.
Because resistance had long since stopped mattering. And noise only made it worse.
Everything went quiet. Not outside, but on the inside.
The sounds blurred at first. Then the room. Then me.
I wasn’t in my body anymore. I could feel it, barely.
Pressure. Movement. Hands.
But it was distant. Like watching someone else through a fogged-up window. My mind drifted somewhere safer. Somewhere quieter.
A field. A locked library. A hallway with no doors. Anywhere but here.
I didn’t cry. Didn’t speak. Didn’t move. Because I wasn’t here. Not fully.
And that was the only way I knew how to survive.
If death wasn’t going to take me, I would find a way to force its hand.
I refused to live here anymore. I refused to live with the pain and torture for a second longer.
For once, I didn’t want to serve another Alpha. I didn’t want my words to be taken from me. I didn’t want to be in pain for days afterwards.
I just…couldn’t anymore.
***
Voices were somewhere close by, but too far away to make out a single word spoken. It sounded like it was all underwater and in an entirely different language. If whoever was talking, was trying to get me to follow any sort of command, it was all a lost cause.
I wanted to stop. To obey. To be quiet. But the tears kept coming, silent and relentless.
My eyes refused to open. And my body… It ached in ways I didn’t know were possible. My back burned like raw skin against flame. My shoulder pulsed with fire deep in the bone, each throb worse than the last.
But I was still breathing.
Still here.
Somehow.
Hands moved me—positioned me like a doll, turning me this way, then that. Fabric brushed against my skin, cold and clinical, touching places I couldn’t protect.
Voices murmured.
Then… Nothing. The world slipped away again.
Weightless. Silent.
Back to the dark where pain couldn’t reach me. Where I didn’t have to be anything at all.
***
No more. Please…no.
My mind screamed, but my mouth stayed shut. Someone moved me, limbs manipulated like I wasn’t even there.
Warm air brushed my face, but the cold never left. It clung to me. Sank deep. Settled in my bones like it belonged there.
I felt hollow. Frozen from the inside out. And no amount of heat could thaw what had already gone numb.
The urge to push whoever was near me, holding me, away. I would have, if my arms were limp at my sides, hanging down as though they were pieces of string, waiting to be strung up once again.
I had no strength to do anything other than to breathe. And even that was more work than it should be.
The world tilted, spun, then slipped into darkness again.
My skin, bare and exposed, met something soft beneath me. The hands that had moved me vanished. Only then did my body begin to loosen, sinking into the mattress like it had permission to rest again.
***
The world wasn’t as dim the next time I became aware. It was bright, but not enough to tell me what time it was.
I was warm, sweat sticking to my front as whatever I lay on moved up and down.
I didn’t dare move, barely dared to breathe and keep my body as lax as possible.
Something told me that I shouldn’t be aware; I should still be in between of wherever life and death existed.
There were low voices, and I decided that it’d take much effort to figure out what was being said.
It wasn’t towards me, I didn’t think. If so, I didn’t care at that moment.
All I wanted was to sink back into the dark. The kind that swallowed everything —thoughts, pain, memory. There, I could be safe. No orders. No eyes watching. No ache that made breathing feel like punishment.
Each inhale stretched the torn muscles in my back, pulling at places that shouldn’t hurt but did.
My shoulder pulsed with a deep, steady throb, like something buried inside refused to let go.
And still, I breathed. Because I hadn’t been given permission to stop.
The thing I laid on moved, then settled once more.
Squinting my eyes closed, I feared to move. Feared to let anyone know I was at least mentally aware.
I had no idea where I was. Not like it mattered, because whatever Alpha’s care I was under would only end in more pain.
“Please come back to me.” The voice was barely more than a whisper, fragile, trembling. It was laced with sorrow and fear, it sank into me like water into cracked stone.
I didn’t move. But the words stayed.
Heavy.
Unshakable.
Like they belonged somewhere deeper than my skin.
A moment later, the softest touch landed in my hair before petting me. It was at odds with the pain that coursed through my veins.
I didn’t deserve any time of kindness.
I sniffed, tears not really stopping clogged my nose once again.
“Moore…”
More? More what? Were they going to make me take more punishment? Hadn’t I had enough already?
I was lost in thought, chasing the meaning of that one word—trying to hold onto it, make sense of it. Then something cold burned its way into my veins. It crawled up my arm, sharp and unnatural.
Before my mind could catch up, before I could name the sensation, the pain vanished. Just like that. Leaving behind a strange emptiness, like something had been taken without permission.
***
My awareness snapped back the moment I felt the cold seat beneath me. The chill jolted through my skin, sharp enough to make me shiver.
I tried to open my eyes, but they wouldn’t budge. They were sealed shut, like they’d forgotten how to respond. Light flickered behind my lids, distant and unreachable.
What happened? Why was I still breathing?
I should’ve been gone.
Buried.
Forgotten.
But somehow, I was still here. And I didn’t know if that was mercy or punishment.
My body leaned forward, any and all strength completely gone. I would have fallen if it weren’t for a warm presence holding me up.
My forehead made contact with something warm and soft. I wanted to be wrapped up in the warmth. Then maybe, the hazy hurt would go away.
The pain and aches were right there on the surface. Not reachable, but clawing at the walls that were splitting in two.
A whimper came from my throat, raw and tender.
“Shh. It’s okay. Just go pee and we’ll get you back to bed.”
As though my body knew all too well how to obey, it did just that. The urine, which seemed to be more than I could ever remember having in me before, fell to the water bowl below. As my bladder emptied, the pain elsewhere grew with each passing second.
“Adrian, warm wash cloth please.” The voice was familiar, but I couldn’t put a name to it. It was soft, but had an edge to it.
Water was ran somewhere nearby, heavier steps, mumbled words. It all blurred into one as I tried, and failed, to put pieces of however many days together.
I gave up when the form I was leaning against stepped back a single step, one hand holding me still on my chest. On the other hand, or someone at least, ran a soft cloth over my face. It was warm, almost as warm as the form I had my face pressed up against.
The cloth was gentle around my swollen eyes, and I almost whined when the cloth was fully taken away.
“Stand, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart? I wasn’t sweet.
I was-
My thoughts were cut off as I was pulled to stand, my legs nearly giving out on me.
“Arms around my shoulders.” With the words, my arms were moved to do just that by a set of hands. It was as though this wasn’t the first time he’d done that with me. Then, his hands easily lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his hips.
My head rested on his shoulder, and for a single moment, everything seemed to be okay. Maybe there was hope for me after all.
But then, just a quick, panic sat back in ten times worse. My thoughts screamed at me that this wasn’t right. That being carried by an Alpha was a death sentence all on its own.
“P-please.”
Please what, I didn’t know.
“You’re safe now. I won’t let any more harm come to you.”
Lies. They all lie.
My mind screamed one thing while my body held on tight to the voice I desperately wanted to tell the truth.
My arms and legs didn’t budge as whoever held me tried to lay down. The body was warm, and if I was let go, then the cold would seep back into my core. It’d let the monsters back in, and they may just win.
“You gotta let me go, sweetheart.”
A wined, again, like the pathetic being I was. But finally, after what felt like an eternity, my limbs loosened and the Alpha sat me gently down on a soft bed . I instantly turned to my side, curling up into a tight ball as my body shook with unheard sobs.