13. Chapter Thirteen Kieran #2
Our mouths crashed together—sloppy, heated, violent with all the things we couldn’t say. She tasted like exhaustion, like bad decisions, like every fucking thing I’d ever wanted. I let her take the lead, felt her press against me, a collision of intent and consequence.
My grip found her waist, fingers curling into the hem of the t-shirt, pulling her closer, letting her take me wherever the hell this was going.
The blanket slipped off of her and I realized she’d taken off her pants at some point in the night, leaving her in a pair of plain black panties that were somehow the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
Ruby shifted until she was sliding off of the couch and into my lap, straddling me until there was no space left.
No room for doubt or hesitation.
There never had been with her.
Always just… need .
I could feel the way her heart raced against my chest, the way her breathing quickened as she drew me deeper into the kiss. We were a mess of tangled limbs and messy history, none of it mattering as much as the urgency pulsing between us.
My hands moved on their own, memorizing the curve of her hips, the way she felt. Everything was burning hot, and I could barely think. All I knew was her mouth on mine, fierce and consuming.
Ruby’s hands were all over me, dragging over my muscles, my tattoos. She didn’t waste any time. Neither did I. My fingers found the bare skin of her hip, brushing against it, feeling her shiver under the touch. We were already breathless, half-gone, desperate to make it all the way.
Her weight shifted in my lap, and suddenly she wasn’t just kissing me—she was consuming me.
Lips crashing against mine with a wildness that made my pulse jackhammer in my throat.
I let out a low, guttural sound—somewhere between a groan and a growl—and she matched it, biting my bottom lip hard enough to make me flinch.
Fuck.
She was crawling into my lap now, one thigh sliding over mine, hips grinding down like instinct had taken over. Like she wanted to bury herself in me and never come up for air.
And God help me—I wanted it too.
My hand slipped under the hem of her shirt, hot skin meeting my palm, and I felt her shudder.
Every inch of her was heat and tension, her back arching as my fingers dragged up her spine, slow and reverent.
I palmed the curve of her waist, memorizing her like I had every right to—like I’d earned this, even when I hadn’t.
Her breath hitched against my mouth, and I swallowed the sound, kissed her deeper, dirtier. The kind of kiss that said don’t stop. The kind that promised more.
My other hand found her thigh, fingers digging into soft skin, guiding her down harder against me. She gasped—sharp, involuntary—and rocked into it.
I was gone. My mind was already unraveling, chasing the image of her shirt peeled over her head, of her body bare beneath me. Of her crying out my name with her nails in my back and nothing between us but sweat and hunger.
My hands moved faster, needier, tugging her closer—
And then everything changed.
Ruby went stiff in my arms. Her mouth froze against mine. Her body locked up like a wire had snapped tight inside her.
It took me a beat too long to notice. One breath, two. I was still chasing her, still lost in her.
And then the air hit me. Cold. Wrong.
She’d stopped.
We had stopped.
I barely noticed at first, too consumed by the way we fit together, the fire I thought I saw in her eyes. My mouth was at her jaw, kissing her like I never wanted to stop, and maybe I didn’t.
But she did.
Her breath changed, a shaking inhale that said more than words could. It was a cold bucket of reality, dousing the fever that had almost taken us both.
“Kieran,” she said softly.
It might’ve been a warning. Maybe a plea. I hated the way it sounded like both.
I paused, leaned back just enough to look at her.
My hands didn’t move. Didn’t let go. But hers did, releasing their grip, resting on my shoulders as she breathed out hard.
Her eyes searched mine, all the intensity from a moment ago turning into something else.
Something that made my chest feel hollow and full all at once.
The change was unmistakable now. The undoing. Everything falling apart even as we were both still trying to hold on.
My grip on her waist tightened just slightly.
“You don’t have to stop,” I murmured, my voice low, coaxing.
“You can let me take care of you, Ruby. Let me keep taking care of you.” I pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, slow and deliberate, hoping she’d chase it.
“You want this. You want me. Just say it.”
She didn’t say anything.
So I kept going.
My mouth grazed her neck, reverent and hungry. “You think I haven’t been dreaming about this for eight fucking years?” I whispered. “About the way you sound when you come apart for me? The way you taste? The way you used to beg me not to stop?”
Her breath caught, her eyes fluttering shut—for just a second.
It was enough to make me bolder.
“I know you,” I said, my lips brushing her jaw. “I know what you need. I can make it better. Let me.”
But then her hand was on my chest, flat and firm.
Pushing.
Not rough. Not aggressive. But final.
“We can’t.”
Two words. They ripped through the room, through me, leaving a jagged silence in their wake.
My grip on her waist stayed firm. I didn’t want to let her go. Didn’t want this to stop when it felt like everything finally made sense again after eight long years without her, eight long fucking years of drifting through life without a goddamn purpose.
This woman…making her happy, making her come, protecting her—that was what I wanted my purpose to be.
“No,” I said, more forcefully than I meant to. “Don’t—don’t do that. Don’t walk it back. We’re already here. You kissed me like you needed it as much as I did.”
“I did.” Her voice cracked. “But that doesn’t make it right.”
My jaw clenched. “You still want me. I can feel it.”
She didn’t deny it. Didn’t try to lie.
But she shook her head, looking down at her bandaged hand like it could anchor her back to reality. “I can’t do this, Kieran. I can’t .”
She sounded like she was about to sob. But I knew when she said something she meant.
And this time, I heard it for what it was.
The end.
As much as I didn’t want her to, she meant it.
I was breathing hard, lungs burning, pulse still thundering with every bit of unspent energy. Everything in me screamed to ignore her, to keep going, to take what we both knew was already ours.
But I didn’t. I let it hang there, suspended, let it sink in like a punch that knocked the air out of my lungs. Her kissing me was the last thing I expected…but this. This I should have seen coming.
“Ruby,” I tried again, but it came out useless, no power behind it. Just a plea.
I leaned back, jaw clenching, and the loss hit me harder than I cared to admit. The heat from a moment ago turned to ice, every muscle in my body locked in place. Her hand dropped from my chest, and she moved away, like even this was too close.
The space between us was unbearable. Empty. Cold. I felt it the way you feel something when you’ve had it and lost it in the same fucking instant.
She didn’t look up, didn’t say anything else. Just left me there, trying to find something to hold on to that wouldn’t crumble to nothing the second I did.
I pushed myself up from the floor, the space between us feeling larger than the entire fucking city. My shirt lay crumpled on the floor, a reminder of how close we’d come to crossing the one line we swore we wouldn’t. I picked it up, dragging it over my head.
Ruby looked exhausted, her shoulders slumped, defeat etched across her face. The mess of our entangled limbs was gone, replaced by a careful distance that felt even more tangled.
I should’ve said something. A joke to cut the tension, make this less of a big deal. Or more of one. I didn’t know anymore. My mind was still caught in that moment when she almost let us happen. I opened my mouth, closed it, running a hand through my hair.
The silence was deafening, pounding in my ears. I could barely take it. Still, I couldn’t find the words that would make any of this better. Maybe there weren’t any.
I just stared at her, hoping she’d meet my eyes, say something that would give me a reason to stay instead of walking away. A reason for me not to destroy her. A reason to disobey Tristan’s orders.
Anything. Anything .
But she didn’t. Her lips were a thin line, unspeaking. Unyielding.
Finally, I exhaled sharply. “Go to sleep, Ruby.”
It came out rough, low and mean…and when she didn’t respond the way I wanted, I couldn’t help it.
I just had to dig the knife deeper.
“You’re in my house,” I added, voice dark with promise. “I could take what’s mine. Right here. Right now.”
I took a step back, eyes on hers, watching her pulse jump in her throat. “But I won’t. Because next time, sweetheart…”
I leaned in, just enough for her to feel the heat I was still radiating, the hunger still thrumming under my skin. “You’re going to beg me for it.”
She didn’t answer. Didn’t move.
Her silence was louder than a scream.
I turned and walked down the hallway, every step hammering into the floor like I was trying to bury the fire still burning in my chest.
Letting her in was a mistake. Letting her out might’ve been worse. I should’ve known better…but that was the problem.
I never did when it came to her.
I’d never done a single thing right when it came to Ruby Marquez.
And if I didn’t change that soon, she’d be the one to destroy me.