18. Diego
18
DIEGO
A ll through dinner, Sofia struggled with the news I’d told her. I hadn’t wanted to frighten her, but I couldn’t keep her in the dark. I refused to ever do that. I understood how deeply she feared the Cartel. I didn’t blame her one bit. In my opinion, the more she was informed, the better she could make her choices and decisions. Knowledge was power—it was a very large part of why I struggled with the selective loss of knowledge I should’ve had about myself. Not knowing made me weaker.
We sat down for a simple dinner of ajiaco Bogotano, a traditional soup for Christmastime. It seemed that soups were simpler so even I couldn’t screw it up. Ramon didn’t eat much, but that didn’t surprise me. He’d eaten a ton of popcorn and had likely filled up his stomach.
Sofia also didn’t eat much. Stress could do that to a person, but I worried about her complete lack of an appetite. She worked herself to the bone, always at the clinic and stuck when her coworkers were late. This sweet angel of mine needed every calorie she could get to nourish herself and not be run even more ragged.
It wasn’t my cooking. Our inside joke was that I had no clue how to be successful in the kitchen. I liked that they could tease me. I had a thick skin. I didn’t care. Their teasing me proved that I was really a part of this small household. That I belonged.
Tonight, as Ramon got out the checkerboard that hadn’t been damaged from the two druggies rushing in here and crashing the place, no teasing filled the room. No laughter. Hardly any smiles. Ramon might have been shaken up about spotting that Cartel man at the market, but I didn’t think that was what dragged him down. With frequent yawns during our checker game—part of the Aguinaldos, the nine nights of family games and activities that led up to Christmas Eve—he simply looked tired. He was a growing boy, and I bet he just wanted a good night’s sleep. Besides, when Sofia asked him about who he saw at the market, he told her that it was the man in the brown hat that she’d noticed before.
She sighed, nodding. “I’ve spotted him here and there and just know he’s associated with the Cartel.”
“Do you know his name?” I asked.
As soon as the words left my mouth, I almost rolled my eyes. I couldn’t believe I’d asked that. What good would my knowing his name do? I didn’t even know who I was, so why would I presume to know who this man would be?
Sofia sat with us, but she didn’t pitch in or offer her thoughts on the game like I did. Staring into space, absent and vacant, she looked a lot like she did in the aftermath of those men breaking in and wanting drugs, assuming she’d have some just because she was a nurse.
“Mama, I’m sleepy,” Ramon said after I beat him at the game.
“You really must be,” I teased as he stood. “You let me beat you.”
He smiled, so sleepy as he headed off to his bedroom.
“I’m going to…” Sofia didn’t even finish her sentence, distracted and in her own little world of worry to effectively communicate.
I sat on the chair and watched her trail after her son to tuck him in for bed.
Not again.
Not on my watch.
Watching over them was the job I wanted to have for the rest of my life. That was how much they mattered to me. I watched over Ramon at the market. I’d defend the home if anyone came here to try to take him away. A cursory look from walking around the building led me to the belief that the building wasn’t as safe and secure as it could be, but considering the poverty in this part of town, my standards were probably a bit too lofty to make proper security a reality here.
I would watch over Sofia, too, with no concerns about defending her like I already had. But as I walked into her bedroom to wait for her to finish tucking Ramon to bed, I prepared myself to watch over her and make sure she wasn’t spiraling into another funk or mood that she’d get stuck in. One of those trauma-induced lockdowns. Or another occasion of shock.
She came into the room after a long while. Wearing a towel after her shower, her hair damp, she shut the door after her. With her head hanging down, I knew this wouldn’t be easy.
“Diego…” she said softly, in such a woeful tone that it tugged at my heartstrings. She walked toward me as I sat on the edge of the bed.
“My angel. It will be all right.”
She shook her head, not making eye contact.
I would be damned if she spiraled like this again. I knew she was stronger than this. She was the bravest soul, overcoming what had happened to her and being resilient to keep her son safe. This gorgeous nurse was due her moments, but I was here to watch over her. It was my job to keep her from dwelling and being rooted so deeply that she couldn’t crawl back up to breathe fresh air.
“I…” She sighed, standing right in front of me.
I would be strong for her.
“I’m right here, Sofia. I’m not going anywhere and I swear to you, I promise I will protect you and Ramon.”
Still nothing.
“If the Cartel is increasing their efforts to look for him, I will not let them get you.”
She looked up now, showing me how unshed tears gathered in her eyes. “But what if they’ll just go after you, too, to finish what they started?”
“Sofia, we don’t know what happened to me. We don’t know if anyone tried to kill me or if I’d just been in an accident. You are only assuming and speculating that the Cartel is to blame for why I was knocked out.”
“They are behind everything bad and evil here.”
I took her hands, tugging her closer. While I wanted her to grow and move on from her fears, I didn’t want to force her with a crass and inappropriate suggestion like telling her to just get over it. She needed to work through her past issues and her deep resentment of the Cartel, but no progress could be made if she stayed stuck in fear or shock.
She stepped toward me, standing between my knees.
Everything I said went unheard. All that I said went in one ear and out the other, and I knew drastic measures would be necessary to reach her, to pull her back to this moment. The first time we shared this bed, I had to continuously draw her back to the present, to stay with me and see me, not the memories that seemed to bombard her. And now, as she got stuck in fearing the future, all these terrible what-ifs that she envisioned of the future, she was still not living in the moment, to her fullest.
She would not be a shell.
Not on my watch.
“Sofia.” I reached forward to tug the bottom of her towel. The worn terry fabric dropped to the floor.
She didn’t move. Arms low, chin down, she didn’t seem open to reacting to me at all. If I didn’t know she was struggling to accept this increased fear, I would’ve guessed she was merely being stubborn and difficult, begging for a spanking. But she wasn’t. I respected that she didn’t want to be locked in fear like this.
And that was why I reached out for her. Setting my hands on her hips, I dug my fingers into her soft, supple flesh.
“Stay with me.” I tilted my head to the side to peer at her. “Be here, with me.”
She nodded, slightly, but her gaze was still too vacant.
“Eyes on me, my angel.” Sliding my finger between her legs, I sought her sweet pussy that I couldn’t get enough of. I was addicted to making this woman happy. I was drawn to giving her peace and pleasure.
“I need to see you, to look in your eyes and know that you hear me.” I nudged at her legs, prompting her to step apart as I stroked her along her entrance. She stepped to the side slightly, but it wasn’t enough for me to really reach her.
“Sofia,” I warned. “Eyes on me. Let me see you.” Again, I pushed my knuckles against the inside of her thigh, urging her to let me in.
Slowly, she dropped her gaze to me as I rubbed my finger back and forth, making sure to avoid her clit for now and just tease her. To wake her up. To snap her to focus.
“I am here and I am not abandoning you.” I pushed my finger into her cunt, and her breath hitched.
There we go. I’d get a reaction out of her. She’d come back to me, one way or another.
“I will protect you,” I reminded her, not caring how many times it took for me to say it. Whatever helped to get her through her past, I would try it. She was too precious.
Sliding off the edge of the bed, I lowered to my knees.
Her brows raised slightly, and I knew I had at least gotten her attention. She was aware that I was moving, but I hoped that I’d jolt her out of this fearful paralysis.
Holding her ass and squeezing the juicy cheeks, one in each hand, I prompted her to lean into me so I could press my mouth to her mound. Then again, lower, gradually approaching her tight entrance.
“I…” She frowned, waking up some more as I urged her to part her legs wider. Kneeling lower yet, I eased under her until I could drape one of her thighs over my shoulder. The second her equilibrium shifted, she placed her hand on my head.
I wouldn’t let her fall. I would catch her. She could hold on to me. She could grip my hair and pull it. In fact, I relished the possibility that she’d do so and take charge of coming with my efforts.
I kissed her pussy, and with slow, leisurely strokes of my tongue, I licked her and groaned at her spicy, tangy taste.
“Diego, I?—”
“Eyes on me,” I reminded her. I’d tell her a million times if it would get her to return to me.
She watched, breathing harder and faster as I ate her out. Sucking, then thrusting my tongue, I teased her opening. And it was working. I was getting her to snap out of it. Her gaze turned bright and fiery as she watched me. Her breast rose and fell faster as her chest heaved.
And then she retreated. Frowning and looking to the side, she loosened her hold on my hair. “Diego, I can’t. I can’t stop thinking that they’ll take him and?—”
Moving on to her clit cut her off. I plucked at it, tugging it between my lips, and she damn near fell.
“You focus on me. On us. On this.” Continuing to play with her clit, I lifted my fingers to pump them into her entrance. Copious cream slid out with each drop of my digits, but once more, she shook her head and grew distant.
“Sofia,” I said sternly, pausing to speak as I collected some of her cream to trace it back toward her other hole.
She stiffened, slight alarm and confusion on her face. The more I rubbed around that rosette, though, she leaned into me and relaxed again.
“You focus on me, my sweet angel.” Slowly, as I alternated between sucking and toying with her clit then spearing my tongue into her pussy, I slipped my finger into her ass.
She rocked back, overwhelmed by the intensity of all that I stimulated at once. “Oh, I…” Both hands rested on my head now, and I wanted to grin in satisfaction that she was keeping me right where she hadn’t realized she’d wanted me. Where she’d needed me. Using sex as a way to break through the barrier and lure her out of these down spells probably wasn’t the healthiest, but it worked.
My mouth stayed on her clit. My thumb rubbed inside her pussy walls, and my finger pistoned into her ass.
It was all too much, throwing her out of that vacant nothingness of fear that was consuming her.
With a cry, she came, grinding against my face and my hand.
I leaned back to watch the ecstasy cross over her face, but I didn’t slide my fingers or thumb out yet. She was still riding the wave, uneasy on her feet and leaning on me as she came and came.
Before she could stop, I stood, keeping my thumb and fingers in her.
Glad to only be wearing shorts, I slid them down and let her stare hungrily at my thick cock jutting out and pointing at her.
And before she could fall back to that fear or get stuck in the worries flooding her mind, I turned her until she fell back on the bed.
“Eyes on…”
She nodded, already watching me greedily. Her legs parted wider, welcoming me home.
Home.
She was my home.
I leaned forward to drive into her and savor yet another new memory that would fill me in the absence of all the ones I’d lost.