Chapter 34
Chapter
Thirty-Four
Skye
Ilay curled up next to Kolt, our bodies slick with sweat and my mind racing. Now that my brain was no longer clouded by the haze of desire, all my earlier hesitations came rushing back.
What had I done? Kolt barely knew who he was, much less whether he wanted me.
I should have been strong. I should have resisted him.
Then memories of our bodies moving in perfect sync sent fresh heat to my cheeks.
His hands had known exactly where to touch me even when the rest of him was still lost. I chose not to think too hard about what that meant.
Okay, maybe I’d been powerless to resist someone like him.
Despite telling myself that I’d never fall for one of the brutes who took Jasmine, my walls had shattered at his touch and his whispered words and his…
I gave a shake of my head to keep from re-living every amazing moment. That wouldn’t exactly help me think clearly, and what I needed to do now was think rationally.
The deed is done, Skye. It doesn’t matter what you tell yourself now. You can never undo it.
Ugh. I hated the rational version of me. She was absolutely no fun.
I bit my lower lip, wondering what I’d say when Kolt got his memory back and despised me again. How would I explain that I’d known he didn’t like me—didn’t like any humans—but I’d still slept with him?
If he gets his memory back, I reminded myself. There was a chance he’d never be the old version of himself.
“You’re awake,” he said as he stroked a hand down my bare back.
So much for being sly. “I’m awake.”
“Are you worried?”
My breath snagged in my chest. Could he read my mind? The Vandar weren’t telepathic, were they?
“We won’t be alone,” he continued. “It’s risky, but we’ll have help.”
I exhaled a bit too loudly. He wasn’t talking about being worried about what we’d done, or what I’d done. “You mean getting to the shipyard and onto a ship.”
“Yes.” He lifted his head as if to look at me. “What else would worry you?”
“Nothing.” I managed a light laugh. “I’m a little worried, but it’s not the worst plan. Besides, if we want to warn the Vandar horde, we can’t stay here forever.”
He grunted his agreement and rested his head again. “It would be tempting.”
Now I lifted my head and rested my chin on his chest. “You’d want to stay here, in this theatre, in this hidden room, forever? Might I remind you that this is a Zagrath-occupied planet crawling with Imperial soldiers?”
His muscular chest rose and fell as he breathed, and I rested one hand on the dark swirls marking his skin. “It is not ideal, but I am with you. I would rather be with you than anywhere else.”
I bit back the urge to tell him he hadn’t felt that way when he’d found himself tossed in a cell with me. Back then, his expression had betrayed his horror.
“That’s only because you don’t remember other places,” I breathed. “When you regain your memories, I’m sure there will be places you prefer. Like the warbird. I’m sure you would prefer that.”
“Maybe,” he said carefully, as if unsure which words to choose. “I’ve caught glimpses of it in my mind. I know it’s large. I know I’m used to vast spaces.”
“Which is the opposite of this.”
“It is.” He sighed. “But it isn’t the size of the space that feels so familiar and makes me want to stay. It is you.”
As unbelievable as it was, I felt the same way. There was something about being with Kolt that felt right in a way that it shouldn’t have. The Vandar I’d promised myself to despise should never feel as safe as he did. But everything about being with him worked and felt completely natural.
“It might be situational,” I said, my voice cracking. “All this might be situational.”
“Situational?”
“We’ve been thrown into a high-pressure situation, which intensifies everything. If we were in a normal setting, we might not have happened.”
He scoffed at this. “It does not matter the situation. I would have always desired you.”
I hated that I knew better. I hated that I remembered that he most decidedly had not liked me at first. But maybe being thrown together and forced to work in tandem to escape would have changed his feelings about me, regardless.
After all, he had defended me from the Imperial guard before he lost his memory.
And so much of his core Vandarness was still there.
I lowered my head and laid my cheek on his chest. “Sweet talker.”
“It is only the truth.”
I hummed a noncommittal response, knowing that the truth wasn’t something either of us knew for certain anymore.
The only thing I knew for sure was that I had feelings for Kolt.
No matter what happened, I’d fallen for the Vandar beneath all the bravado and bluster.
I wasn’t sure if it was the real him or not, but he was the one I’d fallen for.
Which meant that when he recovered his memories, I might be in for a long fall myself. Not that I would change anything or take back the way I felt. It wasn’t something I could turn on and off like a switch.
The truth was that I loved Kolt. I might not know a lot of other things, but I knew that in my gut.
“Skye.” The way he said my name made me stop tracing the curves of his markings. “I am not talking sweet. I am telling the truth when I say that you feel right, that we feel right.”
I looked up to see him staring at me. “I know you are, and I believe you.”
“And you?” he asked. “What do you feel?”
Before I could tell him he felt more than right, he felt like my destiny, there were loud voices outside the door. Then it slid open.