Chapter 10 Zander #3
I’m staring.
I know I need to look away, but I can’t seem to actually do it. My eyes rake over every inch of her body, and I’ve never felt like such a creep for checking someone out before. I’ve looked at girls naked and not felt like they were as exposed as Jade is to me right now.
Her underwear and bra are both the same burgundy color. The color looks good with the slight natural tan color of her skin. The underwear isn’t anything crazy. They cover most of her ass, unlike the small pieces of fabric that most girls seem to wear.
It isn’t her body being on display that has me staring, though. Well, it is because she’s fucking hot; no matter how much I refuse to hit on her, I can’t deny that. The blood rushing south in my body only proves that.
But it’s more than that. It’s how on display she is.
Her body may be malnourished, but there is no denying she has taken good care of herself.
She had to in order to protect those girls, and it’s clear to see as I look at her.
Even with her more petite frame, you can see she has muscle definition.
I can’t help but wonder how amazing she’ll look in a few months with a proper diet and access to our gym.
I’d seen the scars on her legs last night when she returned my knife and again this morning in the kitchen when she was walking around in nothing but my old shirt.
She has a few that litter her arms as well.
Most are old and would probably be easily overlooked, but when you work in the underground, you grow used to seeing battle scars.
Hell, Kratos is a great example, but not the only one I can think of.
Those small scars had been enough to boil my blood, but sadly, those were nothing compared to the rest of her.
Her back is littered with them, mirroring the ones on her arms and legs.
However, the one that most grabs my attention is the large, jagged one that starts at her right shoulder blade and goes down all the way across the small of her back, stopping just before her left hip.
It’s old, but judging by the scar, it was painful and more than likely got infected a time or two before it finally healed.
Seeing her scars feels like I’m seeing something I shouldn’t be. Yet, I can’t pull my fucking eyes away from her.
Even now, as she pushes the drawer back in and turns towards me, I can’t look away. When she turns around, will there be more scars? Is the person who did this to her still alive?
God, I hope so, so that I can kill them.
But with her list of bodies, I highly doubt it. I’m unsure if I’m disappointed by that or happy to know she probably got to make them suffer more than she did at their hand.
The thought of her dishing out revenge brings a smile to my lips. Man, that shouldn’t be attractive, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t.
She turns to face me with a pair of shorts in hand and a slight smile on her lips. I wait for her smile to drop when she sees me ogling her body because whether or not I want to, my eyes are currently taking in every inch of her as I search for more scars.
She goes back to her bed, and I see she has a shirt there that I hadn’t even noticed. She drops her shorts with the shirt before she turns to look at me. Her smile is still on her face even as she watches me watch her.
Again, she has small scars and bruises, but nothing quite so gruesome as the one on her back. I feel my shoulders sag a bit as I exhale in relief.
“It’s just skin, Zander,” she tells me, and my eyes snap up to meet hers as she steps toward me.
What the fuck.
That is not what I was expecting. Though, to be fair, Jade often does the opposite of what I expect she will.
She takes another step toward me, and I have to fight the urge to take a step away.
It’s tough not to be sex-driven with her looking at me like this while looking like that.
I take a moment to thank the universe that I was smart enough to wear jeans today.
If I had gone with sweats, there would have been zero chance of me hiding just what her “skin” is doing to me.
Judging by the pressure from my jeans' zipper, I doubt they are hiding it very well. I don’t dare look to see.
She’s right there in front of me. I look down at her as she looks up at me, with hardly any space between us. She tilts her head to the side, almost as if she’s looking for something specific.
“Jade?” Her name comes out like a question because I’ll be damned if I’m not confused. How did we go from joking and putting away clothes to her standing here in her underwear?
I mean, I know exactly how, but how?
“Yes?” she responds, matching my questioning tone, and I can’t hold back a groan as I see heat in her eyes. I’m sure my own mirror hers.
Her smile widens as she continues to hold my gaze, and I can’t make myself look away. Before I can answer her, she’s in my space, her body pushed up against mine.
Yeah, there's no way she won’t notice the effect she has on me now.
“Jade.” My voice comes out strained even to my ears, but I don’t pull away from her.
Her finger trails up the exposed skin of my arm, causing goosebumps to break out in its wake.
“Yes, Zander?” She doesn’t look away from my eyes, even as her finger continues to travel up my arm before moving to my chest.
Without breaking eye contact, I grab her wrist, halting the movement. Her breath catches ever so slightly, and I would have missed it had our chests not been pressed together.
“You're playing with fire here, Doll,” I tell her, and her eyes light up.
Fuck!
She knows exactly what she’s doing. I played right into her hands, and I’m not even mad about it.
“I know,” she says, but her voice isn’t as sure as it was a moment ago, and it’s my turn to search her face.
I don’t get to look for long before she leans into me even more, closing the gap between us as she presses her lips to mine.
Kissing Jade is nothing like I imagined it would be, and yes, I’ve imagined it a few times now.
I expected it to be harsh, with bruising pressure and a raging need to push for control. Instead, I’m met with soft lips and unhurried movements as she melts into me.
She’s giving me control here, and with everything I have learned about her, that seems like a big deal. It’s enough that my brain takes a moment to really understand that this is happening.
Before I can pull myself from my thoughts, she pulls back, removing her lips from mine even as she leaves behind the taste of her. My tongue darts out to lick my lips, needing to taste more of her now that she’s moved away.
It’s not until I meet her eyes again that I realize I hadn’t made any move to kiss her back.
At first, I didn’t want to push her. I wanted to let her make the first move, be in control, and just follow her lead.
But I quickly lost sight of that and instead stood frozen as she explored my unmoving lips.
Shit.
The confusion on her face finally shakes me enough to take a step back. The moment there is space between us, her face falls, but I barely get a glimpse before she turns away from me. She quickly grabs her shorts and steps into them.
What just happened?
She reaches for her shirt, but before she can grab it, I step in front of her, blocking her and making her look at me.
“What’s wrong?”
Instead of meeting my gaze, she keeps her eyes trained down at her feet. I’ve seen her do that a few times now when she’s been in a situation that makes her feel ashamed or embarrassed.
I give her a moment, but she doesn’t look back up and makes no effort to answer me.
I reach out and gently push her chin up so we’re face to face.
“Jade, please talk to me.” I make sure not to let my frustration bleed into my words. I’m frustrated with the situation and myself, not with her, and I don't want to risk pushing her away further.
Her eyes jump to meet mine and then back down before she sighs deeply.
I open my mouth to ask again, but she starts talking before I do.
“I’m sorry, okay,” her voice wavers.
Her eyes shoot up to meet mine, and I see uncertainty there for the first time since I met her.
“I’ve never done this before and have no idea what I’m doing,” she says before pulling away from me. She moves around me to grab her shirt and throws it on in one swift motion.
I make no move to stop her because, honestly, the more clothes she puts on, the easier my brain can function. She turns away from me the moment she has her shirt on, but we’re not done with this conversation. I don't understand why she’s apologizing to me.
She heads to the door, but I cut her off, easily sliding in front of it and blocking her way out.
Her eyes harden again, and this I can handle. Give me gonna-beat-your-ass Jade any day because I would gladly let her beat me down over seeing the look of uncertainty she just had.
“Stop,” I tell her as I hold my hands up to stop her physically if I have to. Though I hope it doesn’t come to that.
She stops a few steps shy of me but doesn’t say anything. Instead, she folds her arms as if waiting for me to talk.
“Why are you apologizing?” I keep my hands raised as I ask her. I half expected her to lash out rather than answer me.
“Ugh!” She lets out a frustrated groan, digging her fingers into her hair and pulling at it. She lets go after a moment and holds her arms wide. I stand waiting, letting her get through whatever this is.
“Because I have no idea what I’m doing. Never in my life have I had somebody treat me like you do, Zander!
” she yells, and thank fuck the guys are down in the gym.
If they weren’t, they would be in here in a heartbeat, and fight or not, I don’t want them here right now.
This is between Jade and me, and I want to keep it that way.