Chapter 13 - Jade #3
Clair smiles at me and I feel my cheeks heat knowing she caught me admiring myself.
I pull myself together and turn away from the mirror, instead looking around the shop.
There are racks and racks of clothes as far as the eye can see, and I’m not sure if it’s my lack of understanding of fashion or a lack of organization, but to me, it looks like they are just kind of everywhere.
The longer I look around, the more anxious I become. I’m not sure this will work out, but I’m willing to give it a shot if Clair swears by him. She brought me to Mel, and she was fantastic, so I guess I’ll just suck it up for now.
Quicker than I thought possible, Wella is back. He has clothes piled so high in his arms that it's a wonder he can even navigate the space around him. He makes his way into what I assume is the fitting room that we stand in and drops the pile with a huff.
The moment his hands are free, he’s moving again, making piles and sorting things in the space in front of the mirror. In just a few minutes, he's sorted everything by type: pants, shirts, skirts, shorts, etc., and if I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed before, I sure as hell am now.
“Okay, so this should be enough to get you started. I had almost everything in your size. A few pieces will be too big, but if you like them, we can order them for you, so no biggie, dear,” he tells me as he moves back towards the racks of clothes again.
I open my mouth to ask him how he knew what size I wear—shit, I didn’t even know my sizes until I went to the mall with the guys the other day—but that question is quickly forgotten once the rest of what he said registers.
“You're going to get more?” I ask in utter disbelief before he can get too far away.
He stops and looks back at me before a mischievous grin appears on his face. “Oh, dear. Clothes are one of the best ways to express yourself. You can never have enough,” he says, then he shoots me a wink and disappears before I can reply.
Clearly, arguing with him will get me nowhere, so instead, I turn to Clair and hope she can see reason.
“There is no way I need all these clothes, Mrs. Spade. I’m more than okay with what I got with the guys the other day,” I tell her, gesturing to the literal piles and piles of clothes at our feet as if she might have missed them.
“Jade, dear, we have been over this. Please call me Clair,” she insists, for probably the hundredth time since I met her.
I nod because I know that’s what she wants, and I’m trying, but it’s not exactly normal to be on a first-name basis with anyone but the girls, and well, now the guys, too, I guess.
She gives me a small smile, and I know she understands. She always seems to understand. “As for the clothes, nobody said you had to buy them all. Honestly, you don’t have to buy any of it if you don’t want to.”
I feel some of the tension leave my body at her words.
“Nonetheless, I would love for you to try them on.” I feel my eyes go wide, and she must see it, too. She gives a small chuckle at my reaction. But there are so many things here that it would probably take me all day as is, and this isn’t even all of it yet.
“Don’t look at me like that. It’s not that bad, dear.
The quicker you get started, the faster it will go.
” She puts her hand on my lower back and nudges me towards the clothes.
I don’t even try to argue. If today has taught me anything, it’s that Clair always gets her way in the end, and I have a sinking suspicion that if I don’t try them on, she will just buy it all, regardless.
I open my mouth to say something, but before I can, she’s pulling the curtain between us, trapping me in with all the clothes.
Just before she disappears, I catch her eye, and while she may have a mischievous smile on her face as she twists my arm to be her dress-up Barbie, the look in her eyes is pure happiness. How the fuck do I argue with that?
Damn it. Guess I should probably get started.
Hours later, I tried on more clothes than I had worn or seen in my whole life. We had decided on two piles: things I liked and things I didn’t, and after the first few items, I even started to enjoy it.
Wella went through the piles and made each thing into an outfit that he said would match my 'spunky attitude,' his words, not mine, but man, was he good. I may not have known my style yet, but he nailed it, and I ended up liking it more than I thought I would.
When I finally put my dress back on and walked out of the fitting area, I'm caught off guard by just how much I'd liked. The like pile was far bigger than the dislike one. Again, I felt panic set in as I tried to think about how much money this would cost. I wasn’t great with money, but this had to be a lot.
This was easily triple what I bought at the mall with the guys, maybe even more than triple, and I knew it had cost a couple hundred dollars then.
“Are you ready, Jade?” Clair calls over to me from where she and Wella stand at the front of the shop.
I hadn’t even noticed them leave as I took in the clothes.
I look up from the clothes and find Clair looking back at me as if waiting, so I give her a nod before I head to them, pushing my worry aside.
“Thank you so much for all your help, Wella. I really appreciate it,” I tell him as I reach them.
“Oh dear, no need to thank me. Fashion is what I live for,” he says as he opens his arms wide as a gesture to the store, and I mean, I guess that’s true.
“Besides, you are like a breath of fresh air,” he says, leaning over and boops me on the nose.
The gesture is so strange that I don’t know what to say back.
Instead, I stand there with my mouth slightly open as I stare back at him.
He chuckles before he hugs Clair as they say their goodbyes. I follow Clair in a daze as she heads out of the store.
Who the fuck boops people's noses?
“I’ll get this stuff dropped off first thing tomorrow, Clair Bear,” he shouts back to us just before we hit the door.
“And don’t forget to bring her back often so we can keep her up to date.
I can’t wait to see her in the outfits I have swimming in my brain.
" He shoots us a wink before he disappears, and Clair walks out the door with a smile on her face.
What the fuck just happened?
The drive back to Clair’s house is pretty quiet.
She has the radio on low, but I can just catch the beat of something I think Zander said was modern pop music.
The beat is catchy, even though I can’t hear the words clearly enough to understand.
I contemplate turning it up but decide against it. It’s comfortable as is.
The scenery becomes familiar, and I know we can’t be far from the house now. But, as we get closer, the day plays back in my head, and my chest gets tight.
I look at Clair, who is slightly bobbing her head to the beat of the music while watching out the windshield as she drives, and the feeling becomes more intense.
My vision blurs, and I blink rapidly to clear my eyes of the tears gathering as I try to understand what is happening.
As if she can feel me looking at her, she glances over with a small smile that quickly drops from her lips as she sees the emotion clear on my face.
I feel a tear leak down my face and quickly swipe it away, hoping she didn’t see it.
“Oh dear, what’s wrong?” she asks in a calm voice that I’m sure is supposed to soothe me but, for some reason, only makes me want to cry more. Another tear rolls down my face, and I turn away from her to look down at my lap as I also wipe that one away—stupid emotions.
“I don’t know,” I tell her, taking a deep breath and trying to understand where this is coming from.
Fisting my hands in my lap, I close my eyes, trying to push the emotions aside as I focus on taking calming breaths.
Her hand wraps around mine and gives a slight squeeze as if to say she's here, but when she starts to pull away, I latch onto her hand to keep it there.
Gratitude.
That’s what I felt when she reached out to me just now, and with that, I realize that’s what has my emotions going haywire.
I look up at her as I still hold her hand and push past the growing lump in my throat that tries to keep me from voicing my emotions. After years of pushing them down and pretending I don’t feel things, this goes against everything I know. But something inside of me says this is necessary.
“Thank you!” I say just a little too loudly before I take another deep breath and try again.
“Thank you for today. For taking me out and spending not only time but money on me. But more than that, thank you for taking me in.” I lose my train of thought, but she doesn’t interrupt.
It’s almost like she can tell there's more I want to say.
Instead, she just continues holding my hand as she focuses on the road.
It takes a few minutes, but when I see the gates to her property come into view, I open my mouth to try again.
“Thank you for taking me in when nobody else would have, for giving me a chance to be more than my past. Thank you for caring for the girls and helping them where I can’t and for welcoming me into your house and looking at me like I’m a person.
” With every word I say, the tears fall faster and faster until I’m a blubbering mess.
When was the last time I cried?
I can’t remember.
But I’m crying now as we sit parked in front of the gates, as I thank the only person to ever give me so much and ask for nothing in return. This stranger who decided I was worth something.
My tears roll down my face and fall into my lap. Some land on our clasped hands where they lay on my thigh, but neither of us makes a move to wipe them away.
I don’t know how long we sit like that, but eventually, my tears stop, and she squeezes my hand to get my attention.
I look back up at her, and I’m shocked to see tears in her eyes as well.
“I know life hasn’t been fair to you, Jade, and I can’t do anything about that.
But I promise if you need me, I’ll be here, dear,” she tells me as she reaches up and wipes my tear-streaked face, the gesture so motherly that I almost break into tears again.
“I always wanted a daughter, and maybe this is what was meant to happen. Maybe I never had more kids because I was meant to care for you, Zander, Spencer, and Roderick.” She shrugs, and I nod because that sounds great to me.
Who wouldn’t want to have Clair looking out for them?
But that also makes me wonder why Zander and Spencer need her.
“Thank you,” I tell her again because I don’t have any other words to express my feelings. She squeezes my hand again before she releases it and quickly punches in the code. I feel she understood just fine, even if I failed to voice it all properly.
As we drive up to the house, I let my mind wander to what my life could look like, what my future could be like here with Clair and the guys. I don’t picture anything specific, but I know it would be great. I could be happy.
Too bad that was never a part of the plan.
I told myself not to get attached, but right now, in the car with Clair, I know I’m well past that and not just with her.
Fuck.