Chapter 28 Roderick #2
You would think I just bought her a puppy with the way her face lit up when I suggested it.
She turned on something I'd never heard before, Insane by Black Gryp0n, which she says is her favorite song as of right now. It’s not terrible, though I can tell her music choice lines up much more with Zander than with my own.
I wonder if that's because he introduced her to it or if that's just something they have in common.
I'll have to play some of my music on the way back to campus and see what she thinks.
Not that it matters what kind of music she likes.
We make it through a handful of songs, and she sings to every single one, looking completely relaxed.
Zander was right. She loves music. This happy version of Jade is so different from the girl who crashed into our lives just a few weeks ago that I almost don’t believe they’re the same person sometimes.
I catch myself stealing glances at her whenever I can. I know it's a bad idea, but I can’t help it.
Jade has been beautiful from the moment we found her in that pit, but now…
Fuck.
Now she’s stunning.
Every day, she finds herself just a little more, and with each new piece of herself that drops into place, she becomes harder to resist.
Zander was doomed from the beginning, and Spencer can pretend to hate her all he wants, but we both know he can’t deny the pull he had to her that first night. Even Kratos, the man well-known for turning even the most beautiful women away, seems to have fallen under her spell.
We're all screwed.
The biggest issue with that is that she needs none of it. She already has so much going on that we don’t need to add to it. The only thing she needs from us is help taking the ring down and protection.
Hell, she doesn’t even really need protection, but orders are orders.
Anything else is just a distraction. We would be a distraction; hell, we probably already are.
With that thought, I pull my shit together and focus on what we need to do to help her.
Like this shopping trip, basic life skills are something she should already have. The fact that she doesn’t pisses me off for so many different reasons. I might not be able to fix her past, but I can do this.
When we get to the market, her smile doesn’t fade as we walk the aisles.
I help her understand the nutrition labels so she knows what she needs daily.
Explain the benefits of protein and the best places to get it in meals and snacks.
We buy a lot of fruits and vegetables when she lets me know she’s never really tried many.
I can always blend them in smoothies if she doesn’t like them plain, or I'm sure Zander will eat them.
I make sure to answer all of her questions because I knew she would have a lot going into this.
Most people have a lot of questions about nutrition even when they have been cooking and shopping all their lives.
I can only imagine how confusing it must be to learn it all at once without prior knowledge.
To my surprise, she catches on quickly, and before the end of the trip, she's making choices on her own, using what I’ve only just taught her.
I watch her check the labels and can’t help but feel pride in the fact that I got to show her this.
Knowing how to take care of your body properly can go a long way.
Now I know why Zander was gloating about being the one to show her music.
We pass the bakery on our way to check out, and I see her eyeing the cupcakes. The last time we were here, I got her one, and later that night, I overheard her telling Zander it was one of the best things she had ever had.
Without asking, I grab the one she's eyeing and set it in our cart.
“I thought we wanted to stay away from sugars?” she asks, clearly confused.
I nod because she's right; I did say that. “For the most part you do, but everything is okay in moderation.”
That doesn't seem to help her confusion, so I think for a minute, trying to find a way to explain it so she can understand as we continue toward the checkout.
“Just because you don’t want to eat it all day long doesn’t mean you can’t ever have it.
It’s good to let yourself have things you want while also getting the things you need.
So while I wouldn’t suggest you have a cupcake every day, eating one once in a while won’t hurt.
” I try again as I load things up on the checkout belt.
“Does that make sense?” I ask when she doesn’t reply.
She nods, but her face says she's still lost.
Damn, this is harder than it should be.
She helps me load the groceries into the car and puts the cart away. When she slides into the car, her face is scrunched up in confusion, and she’s looking in the mirror behind us.
I turn to see what she’s looking at, but all I see is a teenager collecting carts.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, unable to figure out what could have happened that fast.
“That guy,” she points at the guy I just saw collecting carts in the mirror, “whistled at me. It was just weird.”
I can’t help but huff a laugh. It’s so easy to forget how much she still doesn't understand.
“He was hitting on you, Jade,” I tell her, pulling out of the lot and heading back to the house.
“What?!” Jade squeals, looking over at me like I’m the crazy one, her cheeks tinted with a light blush.
“No. Why would he do that?” she asks, and for a second, I think she’s fishing for compliments. That's what most people would want in this kind of situation, but looking over at her, I see that she’s genuinely unsure.
“Maybe for the same reason Zander, Trent, or hell, even Kratos does,” I tell her, and if I thought she was blushing before, it's nothing compared to now.
Her cheeks turn a deep red, looking like a tomato, before she quickly averts her eyes to look down at her lap.
I can't blame her for being embarrassed, though.
It's not like I wanted to have this conversation either, but she needs to understand.
“Oh,” she says in a low voice, and I get the feeling she wasn’t aware they were flirting with her either, huh?
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Jade flustered before. She might show more emotions now, but this is a new one, and while I would never admit it out loud, it’s kind of adorable.
I decide to take pity on her and click on my playlist, letting the music take the place of our conversation.
The first song is Popular Monster by Falling in Reverse, and I almost skip it for something lighter. However, I decide against it at the last second. I like heavy music, but more than that, I enjoy music I can relate to, something that makes me feel.
Jade might not know it, but I relate to this song, and sharing it with her almost feels like showing her a piece of myself, even if I don’t tell her that.
When the beat drops, I glance over at her to try and gauge how she likes it so far, and I’m surprised to see her smiling. Most people don’t care for my music, but she seems to enjoy it just as much as when she picked the song.
This time, she catches me looking, and her smile widens just a bit as she nods her head to the beat.
It was hard enough to keep my eyes to myself before, but with her smiling at me like this, it's damn near impossible. Ultimately, the threat of crashing finally has me turning my attention back to the road.
After the short drive and a few more songs, we pull up on campus, and I turn the radio down.
She reaches into the back to grab her backpack from where she'd tossed it when we left for the market. As she reaches for it, her stomach brushes against my arm where it rests on the center console. She’s wearing a tank top, jeans, and the boots Zander gave her; she wears them a lot, so I'm guessing she likes them. Her shirt’s ridden up to expose some of her stomach, and of course, that part of her stomach just so happens to rest on my arm at the moment.
Everywhere she touches me is warm, but the places where our skin touches feel like it's on fire. I’m not one for physical contact just for the sake of it.
I don’t like to be vulnerable or close to people, and touching is a sign of both.
I’ve had many girls throw themselves at me, and while I’m no virgin, I’m known to turn women away.
I’m the one who approaches women I’m interested in, I don’t like girls who throw themselves at me.
More often than not, they have a hidden motive.
But at the end of the day, everyone knows I'm not looking for a relationship; hell, I'm not looking for more than an hour or two most of the time.
I have more important things to do with my time than deal with women who are looking to date.
Most of them couldn't stomach the man I actually am, anyway.
They're blinded by money and status, unable to see the monster beneath the mask.
In the beginning, I thought the same of Jade, but after knowing her even for this short time, I know that couldn’t be further from the truth. Spencer might not trust her, and while I agreed before, I realize that somewhere along the line, that’s changed.
I trust Jade.
The realization catches me off guard, but what startles me is realizing I didn't mind the contact or want to push her away. In fact, I think I might have enjoyed it.
Fuck. This is crazy. I’m going crazy.
She didn’t do it on purpose and probably didn't even realize it happened, but I did, and now my brain is stuck on it.
“Thank you,” I hear Jade say. I look up to find Jade looking up at me, no doubt waiting for a response.
I nod, unsure what to say or if I can even form words at the moment. I feel like my brain is fucking melting with the realization that not only do I trust Jade.
I crave her.
Not even in a way that would be acceptable.
No, I don’t just want her in a way I can blame on biology and basic human attraction.
I crave her presence.
Our time in the kitchen cooking, trips to the market, and working out in the gym with her.
Even if we're doing our own thing, sharing a space with her has become comfortable, normal, and something I look forward to. Even when it’s not at me, I want her to smile, to watch as she learns and discovers everything life could have been and can be now.
I want her to be safe.
She stares up at me with a wide smile that reaches her eyes. Eyes that used to hide so much pain and sadness, and I realize one thing is one hundred percent certain.
I’m fucked.
I also need to talk to Zander and Kratos.
When she reaches for the door handle, I have to fight everything in me not to call out and ask her to stay, but I don't have a good reason to stop her. So, instead, I watch her go. My jaw clenched hard in an effort to keep my mouth shut.
She hesitates a moment, her hand still on the door, as she turns back to look at me.
Her eyes are so expressive that they catch me off guard. I don’t have long to get lost in the emotions swirling there before she’s talking, and I have to focus on her words instead of what her eyes are trying to tell me.
“I read a quote about music the other day that said ‘music speaks for the heart when we can’t find the words.’” She pauses, looking down at the bag on her lap before taking a deep breath and looking back up at me.
“I don’t know if that's always true, but it is for me, and I think that might be why I enjoy music so much. After so many years being who others wanted or needed, I’ve found parts of myself for the first time, and music lets me feel it, even when I don’t want to. ”
Her eyes shine, and for a moment, I worry she might cry.
Why does that make me want to reach for her?
I don’t, but fuck, I want to.
She chuckles, but it sounds off, shaky, and not at all the happy sound I'd grown used to.
“Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your music with me,” she says in a rush, and before I can get my thoughts together enough to respond, she’s gone.
The door slams shut behind her, and I watch as she jogs down the path toward the library before disappearing around the corner and out of sight.
I spend the drive back to the house going over damn near everything in my mind.
The night we found her, when she showed up at my parents' house and everything in between. I’ve run through it twice now, and still, I can’t pinpoint when she went from suspicious to a part of us.
I know it happened, obviously, but it didn’t happen overnight.
Slowly but surely, she wormed her way in, and I don’t think we ever had a hope of stopping her, though not from a lack of trying.
Damn it.
Zander’s going to be pissed. Well, maybe. I never really know how he's going to react to anything for sure.
Spencer, on the other hand, will be.
I sigh as I pull into the garage and start unloading our bags from the market.
The house is quiet, but I know they're both here.
Zander will be leaving soon to do some more work at the shop, but his appointment isn't for another hour, and he’s never anywhere early.
Spencer is probably still elbows-deep in research.
Once I've put everything away, I pull out everything I need for dinner and start cleaning the fruits and vegetables.
Right now, I need to stay busy and keep my mind off the little wisp of a girl who came in and started destroying every wall I worked so hard to build.
If I think about her too long, I might just do something stupid, and I can't afford to be stupid with her future hanging in the balance.