Chapter 29 Zander #3
I know I wouldn't.
I make my way back to the island, dropping onto one of the stools and pushing back some of the food so that I can rest my arms on the counter.
Rick’s posture is stiff as he meticulously dries his hands, which I’m sure are not only dry by now but damn near rubbed raw with how intensely he’s wiping them with the towel.
“What's up, boss?” I say, hoping to lighten the mood a little. Nothing riles Rick up quite like me not taking something seriously and nicknames. Man, does he hate the nicknames.
Finally, he looks up at me as if pulling himself from some deep thought. He doesn’t even react to my teasing. Maybe he didn’t hear me, or he just doesn’t care. Either way, it lets me know whatever he wants to talk about is more serious than I thought it was.
He lets out a huff before taking a deep breath, like he often does to settle himself. When he looks at me, I can see just how on edge he is. His face might be a perfect mask of indifference, but his eyes are swirling with so many emotions I can’t even begin to figure them out.
“I wanted to talk to you about Jade,” he says, holding my gaze, and I feel the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
Is something wrong?
I open my mouth to ask, but the worry must be clear on my face because before I can say anything, he holds up his hand to stop me.
“Nothing's wrong. It’s not like that. She’s fine,” he says, and I let out a breath of relief before I nod.
“Okay, well, then what is it? You're kinda freaking me out.” I try for a joking tone, but it falls flat.
“I know you and Jade have gotten close these last few weeks,” he says, bracing his hands on the counter and leaning into it. I nod, unsure where this is going. Anyone with eyes can see that.
Well, anyone but Jade that is.
“I just wanted to know if you have a plan for that?” he asks, and I just kind of look at him because I have no idea what that even means.
Plans for what?
When he doesn’t elaborate, I feel the need to ask him just that. He’s looking at me like I’m fucking dumb, and I mean, maybe I am because even now, after running the question back over in my mind a few times, I still have no idea what he means.
“I’m not sure what that even means, Rick,” I tell him, and he hangs his head, looking down at the counter.
“Fuck. I really didn’t want to have to spell it out for you, Zander.” His voice is tense and low, as if he’s talking more to himself than me. He’s looking down at the counter, but with his height, I can still see most of his face as he closes his eyes and shakes his head slightly.
Just like earlier, his cheeks have the slightest hint of red, and that small thing makes something click for whatever reason.
I slap the countertop hard enough that my hand stings, but I ignore it as Rick’s head pops up, eyes wide from the shock at the sudden sound.
“You fucking like her, don't you!” I yell, pointing an accusing finger at him as a grin splits my face.
God, I fucking knew it!
The look of shock on his face is priceless and only gets better as it morphs into one of embarrassment.
I’ve known Rick for a long time, and he wasn’t always so cold and standoffish.
No, this was a part of his personality that he adapted to lead better, and while it works well, it's still nice to see he's capable of showing emotions. Though I’m sure at this moment, he wishes he wasn’t.
He pushes back off the counter, taking a few steps away before turning to retrace those same steps the other way without a word. Not that I need him to. It's pretty obvious with how he reacted, but I still want to hear him admit that I’m right.
He paces back and forth for a few minutes, and at first, I thought he was trying to collect his thoughts, but now I’m wondering if he’s forgotten I’m even here. Lost in his own world.
“Rick?” I call his name to get his attention. It works. He stops abruptly before turning to face me, his face once again all business, not a hint of his earlier embarrassment.
Damn, I wish I'd snapped a picture.
“I don’t intend to get in the way,” he tells me firmly. “I just wasn’t sure what was happening between the two of you, so I wanted to bring it up.” He nods as if that settles everything, but it only confuses me.
I throw up my hands as he turns back to the sink as if this conversation is over. “Woah, hold on, back up, and explain what the fuck is going on because I feel like I’m missing something here.”
He huffs a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he often does when he's stressed out. Mainly when dealing with me, but recently, I've seen him do it with Jade as well.
Well, he can join the club because he's not the only one stressed out right now.
“I may or may not have realized that having Jade around isn’t the worst thing in the world.” He drops his hand from his face to look up at me as if that was supposed to clear everything up.
Was that his way of telling me he has a crush on Jade?
Fuck, I hope not because if so, he’s terrible at this.
Which wouldn’t be crazy, I guess, considering I don’t think he’s ever had more than a girl he will go back to for a quick fuck.
Rick isn’t one for relationships. He thinks emotions are a weakness and has more important things to do with his time.
I'd agreed for the most part, up until Jade, that is.
Okay, I guess it makes sense when I think about it like that. What doesn’t make sense is the idea that I might have just found something that Rick is bad at.
He ignores my look and continues talking.
“I was unsure of what you and Jade were to one another. I know that the rumor around campus is that she’s dating within our group, and I wasn’t sure if that was true or not.
” He pauses for a moment as if thinking about what he just said.
“Well, the rumor is that she’s with all of us, but that's insane. So I figured it was more likely you two who were together, if anything.” He waves his hand as if clearing it of the very idea.
I open my mouth to comment on that, but I don’t get a word out before he pushes on again.
“Regardless, I just wanted to know for the sake of the mission. I don’t intend to make anything more complicated for her or us,” he says very matter of fact.
“Okay, okay, let me see if I got this right.” I wait for him to look at me so I know he’s actually listening.
“So you realized that you like having Jade around?” I ask, figuring I would start simply.
He gives me the slightest nod of his head, but it’s enough for me, so I continue.
“And because of rumors and my friendship with her, you wanted to bring the information to me.”
Again, he nods.
“Why?” I ask, confused.
“I needed to know if you two were pursuing a relationship,” he answers as if it’s obvious.
I assure you it was not.
“Okay, but we aren’t, so the rumors are wrong,” I tell him simply because while I might like Jade, the truth is she’s not mine. We’ve fooled around a bit but haven’t labeled anything, and I wouldn’t ask her to. She’s free to be with whoever she wants.
“What?” he asks, and this time, it’s his turn to look confused. “But then, why were you so mad just a moment ago?”
I laugh. I can’t help it. Leave it to Rick to completely misunderstand something so simple by overthinking.
“I wasn’t mad. I was excited that I was right.” I shake my head in disbelief; for such a smart guy, he can be really dumb sometimes.
“Okay. Let me spell it out for us both, so we're on the same page here,” I say once I finally get a hold of myself again.
“Jade and I are friends. We have fucked around a bit, but there's no label, and I don’t want to push for one. I just want her to be happy, and if she’s happy with me, that's cool. If she’s happy with you, that's cool, too.” I shrug before touching on his earlier topic.
“If she wants to be with all of us, that's fine with me. We’ve always shared everything.
I don't think it would be that crazy to share a girl. And I get the feeling Jade will be more than enough to keep us all busy.”
Rick is quiet as he processes what I just said, but I’m not done yet.
“So, really, it comes down to what you want,” I tell him on a more serious note.
“If you're cool with her making the choice, nothing has to change. If you want her to yourself, you’ll have to talk to her and see what she wants. Or you can step aside and do nothing like you just seemed more than happy to do.” He opens his mouth to no doubt protest that last part, but I hold up my hand to stop him.
To my surprise, he remains quiet. It’s not often that I’m this serious, and I’m grateful that he seems to understand and respect it.
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear, though. I like Jade. Hell, I think I could love her if I let myself.” I say it like an offhand comment, but even saying it as a possibility out loud has my heartbeat hammering in my chest. I know I could love her.
I’m pretty sure I already do, but I don’t think she’s ready for that, and I’m more than happy to wait forever if she needs me to.
I swallow past the lump in my throat at using the L word and keep going. I need Rick to understand where I’m coming from for this to have any chance of not blowing up in our faces later.
“So, unless she specifically tells me she’s not interested, I won’t be going anywhere, and even if she isn’t interested, I’ll still be here for her.
Jade’s given up enough, and I won’t let us make her lose more over stupid shit like us being jealous of each other.
We aren’t in control of her, and I’ll be damned if anyone tries to act like they are.
You want her, fine. You, me, Kratos, Trent, hell, Spencer too, if he wants to get his head out of his ass, I don't care, we can all want her. But this is her choice, and we will all respect it no matter what.”