Chapter 21 Roderick
The weekend’s here before I know it, and as I pull myself out of bed, I don’t feel the least bit refreshed.
It’s too damn early, even for me. But I know I won’t be able to get any more sleep, even if what I got was choppy at best; it’ll have to do.
A look at the clock shows that it’s around five. My eyes feel like sandpaper, but I push myself to stand and head to the bathroom, hoping that a shower will help take some of the edge off.
It doesn’t, but then again, it never really does.
After showering, I throw on basketball shorts and grab a shirt for later, then head down to make coffee before hitting the gym.
Usually, when I hit the gym first thing in the morning, I try to wait to have coffee until after, but with how I’m feeling, that’s not even something I’m willing to consider today.
I make it halfway down the stairs before the scent of coffee smacks me in the face, and I stop dead.
There’s only one other person who would be up this early.
I consider my options for a moment. I could head to the gym, pretend I didn’t even know she was in there, and avoid her altogether.
The moment the thought crosses my mind, I run a hand through my hair in frustration.
Fucking coward.
I push the thought away and continue down the stairs to the kitchen. Just as I thought, Jade’s awake, seated at the island on one of the stools. With a steaming mug clenched in her hands, and a book sitting next to her.
Jade often reads, but it seems she enjoys reading with her morning coffee most of all.
Most days, her nose is so far into a book when I come down for coffee that she hardly even glances at me, merely looking up enough to see who I am before going back to her reading.
Today is not like that, though. She doesn’t look up as I enter the room, and instead of being nose deep in her book, she's staring into her mug as though it might tell her the secrets of the universe.
I’m tempted to call out to her, but I think better of it.
If I startle her, she might just end up wearing that coffee, and with the steam wafting off of it, I can’t imagine that would be pleasant.
Instead, I head the long way around the kitchen, purposefully walking around the far side of the counter she’s at so that she might register my movement as I head to the coffeepot.
Her posture doesn’t change, and her eyes don't show any sign that she saw me. Grabbing a mug, I make my coffee, glancing at her from the corner of my eye.
Whatever’s on her mind must be something important.
I don’t think I’ve seen many people get the better of Jade.
Hell, Zander tries to sneak up on her all the time, but he’s never successful.
She has a real knack for paying attention to her surroundings.
The only time that might not be true is when she’s doing homework, but even then, she might be startled from her studies, but it’s always well before anyone is close.
It’s a defense mechanism, not something that most people have to worry about. No, it was carved into her out of necessity.
Now that I’ve made my coffee, I could easily take it into the living room to drink or down to the gym, but being here with her, I’m finding it hard to leave.
I’ve spent the better part of this week actively avoiding Jade, and she hasn’t made it easy.
When she didn’t try to help with dinner last weekend, I thought she had given up.
I’d hoped. But it didn’t take long before she started again.
I tried to send her away, but she refused, sitting at the counter and watching me until she found something she could do, even if I didn’t ask her to.
On Wednesday, she waited until almost everyone had left my kickboxing class and tried to corner me.
A phone call from Kratos saved me, and I’d never been happier to hear his voice.
I’d hoped ignoring her would make life easier for all of us, but she makes it harder than I would have ever imagined.
“Have I done something to upset you?” Jade’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. Turning to look at her, I find she still hasn’t moved. I could almost convince myself I’d imagined her question, but I know better.
“No,” I tell her simply because it’s the truth. I’m not upset with Jade. If there was anyone I was upset with, it would be me, Randall, and maybe even Kratos, if I’m being honest, but not her.
She finally moves. Looking away from her coffee to turn toward me, her body tight with tension. “So, why are you avoiding me then, Roderick?”
I don’t answer her right away, instead taking my coffee and having a seat at the counter with her, leaving a stool empty between us. Jade tracks my movement with her eyes, and even when I look away, I still feel them on me.
“We’ve been in Vengeance for a few years now, Jade, and one thing we’ve always done is keep those around us from knowing that.
We have our own home, which is far from our families, and we keep them at a distance.
It’s what we have to do in order to keep them safe.
” I let out a breath and gulp down some of my coffee, taking a moment to gather my thoughts.
She deserves an explanation; I know that, but I also need her to understand.
“You are the leader of Vengeance Jade. Do you have any idea how many enemies you have on the streets? In rival gangs? Not to mention the people you’ve fucked over during your years taking down rings?
The list of people who would love to see you suffer in unimaginable ways is probably longer than our own at this point, and that's no easy feat.” I down the rest of my coffee, losing my excuse to keep my focus on it, I set my mug aside.
Leaning my elbows on the counter, I thread my fingers together, resting my chin on top of them, before turning my head just enough to meet her eyes.
I expected understanding or confusion, but I see neither as I look at her now.
Her eyes are wide. The stern look she’s been giving me since she chose to confront me is gone, replaced by a look I can’t quite explain.
If she were anyone else, I would say she appears afraid, but I have yet to see her fear anything, and honestly, I can’t imagine it.
No, it’s not fear; it’s more like she’s concerned.
Maybe she hadn’t realized the sheer number of enemies she really has.
But that doesn’t seem to fit either, not with the far-off look in her eyes.
We sit in silence for a few moments as I wait for her to say something, anything, but she doesn’t.
“Jade,” I call her name, hoping to pull her attention back to the here and now. It works, and after she blinks a few times, her gaze falls back to me. She licks her lips and gives me a stiff nod before turning away, back to her own coffee that she has yet to touch.
“I get it,” she says, and for the first time, she sounds just like she looks: small, fragile, lost. She gulps down her coffee before she stands abruptly, her stool scraping the ground and making a terrible noise that we both ignore.
She walks around the counter and sets her mug in the sink, heading to the door without so much as glancing back.
What the hell just happened?
I leave my cup on the counter and head after her. I’m not sure what just happened, but I don’t think she understood what I meant. Even if she did, I don’t like how upset she was by it.
How upset I made her.
Fuck.
I make it into the living room, and she's nowhere to be found. How is she so damn fast? She reminds me of the lightning bugs we used to try to catch when we were kids. They were there one second and gone the next. Zander was great at getting them, but I never could. They were too sporadic.
Thankfully, I know Jade, though, so I head toward the library, assuming that's where she’ll be.
I push open the doors and head right to her section. It’s the one place we can almost always find her if she’s not in the gym or the kitchen, and sure as shit when I turn the corner, there she is.
Everything about her posture is wrong.
Jade’s usually strong and sure. Standing like she could take on the world, she's a force all on her own, and while I know that’s still true, right now, she just looks tired. Like she’s taken on more than she can carry for far too long and is finally feeling the pressure.
I slow my steps as I approach her. I’m sure she knows I’m here, but she doesn’t acknowledge me while she continues to stare at the shelf of books in front of her.
Is this how she feels? Is she tired, or is this something I caused?
The idea that something I said caused this change in her is unsettling.
“I’m fine, Roderick. I get it,” she says before I can reach her, and I feel my temper flare. I rarely lose my shit, but these last few weeks, I feel like my rage has been closer to the surface than usual, as if any little thing could send me over the edge.
“You get what? Because I’m not sure what you think I meant, but I can assure you, you got it wrong.
” I reach her, and before I can stop myself or think better of it, my hand snaps out to curl around her biceps, turning her to face me.
I relax my grip on her arm slightly when she doesn’t put up any resistance, but I don’t let go.
I tower over her as she stands there, refusing to meet my gaze. Instead, she stares straight ahead, damn near staring a hole in my chest as if she can just ignore me and I’ll go away.
Not a fucking chance.
“Jade,” I say her name, and it comes out much more like a growl than an actual word. It’s taking every ounce of self-control I have not to hit something, maybe knock a shelf or two to the ground, but I know if I let her go now, she’ll bolt. I can feel it.
Her head snaps up, and our eyes lock, and just like that, some of my rage slips away.
Oh, I’m still angry, make no mistake about that, but the look in her eyes right now takes the air from my lungs.
Once again, she licks her lips, but this time she actually talks.