Chapter 34 Roderick #2
“It wouldn’t be fair if I held him responsible for your safety, though, the way you're holding Trent and Kratos responsible for mine. We're all grown. I made my own bad choice, and you can be upset by that, but from the looks of it I’d say you should also understand it,” she continues, pulling me from my thoughts.
“That’s not the same, though. It’s our job to keep you safe.
That is our mission. You’re our boss. Without you, Vengeance is nothing.
Those girls need you. Hazel needs you, Zander, Trent, and Kratos, too.
You can’t just throw your life around like it doesn’t matter anymore.
It's bigger than that, Jade. This is bigger than just you, bigger than any of us.” I say in a rush because I need her to understand.
She’s lived life until this point, understanding that she could die at any moment and making peace with that, but that’s not the case anymore.
Most everyone in life is replaceable; she isn’t one of them.
If you cut out the heart of anything, it dies, and there's no mistaking it. Jade is the heart of Vengeance. She’s the reason it was formed, the reason Kratos fought so hard, and she’s the person we have been following from day one.
Whether we knew it or not changed nothing and everything at the same time.
We need her.
I…No.
I cut the thought short. “I don’t think we can do this without you,” I tell her, swallowing past the lump in my throat from admitting that aloud.
She shakes her head, giving me a sad smile.
“Vengeance would be just fine without me, Rick. Kratos has been running damn near everything on his own this whole time. All he needed was help to get it off the ground, but I’m not actually needed.
Shit, I was hardly helpful in the beginning. He did all the actual work.”
I’m shaking my head even before she’s finished. That's not true, but she ignores me and continues on.
“And the girls would be fine. I know you guys wouldn’t let them fall victim to that kind of shit again. You don’t have it in you,” she says with a smile. “For criminals, you guys have pretty good morals and more than a few soft spots.”
I huff a laugh and rub a hand through my hair.
She’s right. We would never let anyone, least of all those girls, fall back into that kind of shit, and we would make it our mission to shut the last ring down just like she did, but she’s missing the point here.
“That’s not the point, Jade,” I snarl as my anger gives way to frustration.
“Then what is?” she questions, and I can hear the honesty in her voice. She really doesn’t get it.
I lean down into her space and hold her gaze.
“People need you, end of story. You don’t get to throw your life around like it doesn’t matter anymore because it does.
It always did, but now we're here to make sure you see that. So next time the world is caving in, and you don’t know where to turn, come to us.
Kratos helped you just fine today, but you didn't need to be a bloody mess for you guys to fight. You don’t need to run or handle shit on your own.
We’re a team now, all of us. So pick someone and figure it out without making the gym look like a crime scene next time,” I tell her, and for the first time since she busted her way in here, she looks away, seemingly unable to hold my gaze.
“I’ll clean that up,” she says, nodding toward my hand and completely ignoring everything I just said. I close my eyes, standing tall as I rub a hand down my face. The movement pulls at the glass, but I ignore it.
“I don’t give a rat's ass about the blood, Jade!” I growl, and her brows knit in confusion.
“Then what’s the problem? If you don’t care about the blood, then why…”
“I care about you!” I yell, watching as her eyes widen in surprise. Not that I can blame her, I’m surprised I admitted it, but now that I’ve started I can’t bring myself to stop.
“I care that last night, not twelve hours ago, you almost passed out because you haven’t been taking proper care of yourself, and not one of us noticed.”
She takes a step back, and I follow. For the first time since she busted in here, she doesn’t look as sure as she did before.
Good.
“I care about the fact that you went toe to toe with Kratos, who lays me out on the regular, while you were already bruised and bloody and should have been resting.”
She opens her mouth, but this time, I cut her off. She had her turn. Now, I just need her to listen.
“I care about the fact that you felt like you needed control so bad that the only thing that made sense was for you to go down to the gym and work yourself to exhaustion and didn’t give a fuck about the damage you were doing!
” The words fall from my mouth in rapid fire, and I can’t even find it in me to feel bad for being so snarly with her.
“I care about the fact that you don’t care!
Do you know what losing you would do to us?
Zander, Trent, Kratos, fuck even Spencer?
What about Hazel, who has her first real friend in a long time?
Or Jake, who, for the first time since I’ve known him, has put someone else's well-being above his own?” I say, listing them on my fingers, even though her focus is completely on my face, that's only mere inches away.
“Do you think any of them would be okay with you putting yourself in danger? If you got hurt now, and possibly killed later? Is that something you think can just be brushed aside?”
Her back hits the door, and we’re once again so close that our toes touch. I brace my hands on the door on either side of her, above her, leaning into her space until we share the same air.
Her pupils are blown wide, but I’m not sure if it's from shock or something else, and I don’t have time to think about it before she opens her mouth.
“And what about you?” she asks, her voice low and breathy, almost hesitant.
It takes my brain a second to process what she’s asking, but I realize my mistake now that she's pointed it out. I told her all about how it would affect everyone to lose her—everyone but me.
I thought it was pretty clear, that I’d been beyond obvious.
In my mind, there was no way she didn’t see right through my feeble attempts at keeping my distance from her.
Everyone else seemed to. It’s easy to forget just how bad she is with this type of thing, how new it is to her.
It reminds me of when I took her shopping, and the cart guy hit on her.
She was so shocked when I told her and insisted I’d been wrong.
I laugh. I can’t help it.
For someone so capable in so many ways, she’s still so na?ve. It’s one of the many things that make her so different, so remarkable.
I lean my forehead against hers as her lips purse into a hard line, and that's fair. I did just laugh in her face, after all.
I really seem to have a way with words lately.
“You really are terrible at this,” I tell her, enjoying the feel of her skin on mine, even with just this small amount of contact. I inhale the scent of her pomegranate shampoo, blocking out my lingering anger and letting me enjoy this moment.
A moment that I’m just now realizing I’m spending in only my boxers. My cock stirs to life, now that I’ve had a moment to calm down, and she fills my senses.
Shit.
At least she’s not pressed against it this time.
The thought only sends more blood south, and I instantly regret it.
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” she demands with a look of outrage that's much more adorable than it is scary, though I would never tell her that. She might not look intimidating, but I know she is.
I want to demand she tell me who else has said it, but it’s none of my damn business. I told Zander it didn’t matter to me, and I stand by that. It’s more of a minor curiosity, one I’m more than happy to ignore right now.
I lean forward and press my lips to hers, answering her question in the best way I know how. Praying to any god who will listen that she understands.
She stiffens at the contact, and for just the briefest of moments, I worry I’ve made a mistake. Maybe she only feels like that for Zander and Kratos. I could be okay with that. I would make myself okay with it, but I can’t lie and say it wouldn't be hard if not downright miserable.
I move to pull away, but she unfreezes at the same moment, melting into me, and it’s all the encouragement I need.
Wrapping one arm around her waist, I grip the back of her head, wrapping my fingers in her hair to deepen our kiss, pulling her tight against my chest. She throws her arms around my neck, and I don’t have to look to know she’s probably up on her tiptoes.
It’s so easy to forget just how small she is.
Her personality’s so fierce it makes her seem almost larger than life most of the time.
I lean down and, using my good hand, I grab her thigh and scoop her up into my arms. She snakes her legs around my waist as I walk us further into the bathroom.
I’d originally intended to set her on the counter so that our height difference wouldn’t be so great, but right before I set her down, I remember the broken glass and stop.
Jade pulls back, noticing my sudden lack of movement.
“What's wrong?” she asks, concern in her voice that shouldn’t be there.
“Nothing.” I shake my head, pulling her in for another kiss.
She hesitates for a moment as if she might push me away, but when I lick the edge of her lips, she opens for me. I don’t even try to bite back the groan of pleasure at the feel of her tongue tangling with mine.
I knew she would be in trouble from the moment she showed up at my parents' house all those weeks ago. Zander was in trouble from the moment he saw her, and even though I tried, I can’t seem to stay away.
Spencer can say whatever the fuck he wants.
I know he feels something. If he didn’t, she wouldn’t still get to him the way she does, but they can figure that shit out on their own.
Jade has a pull that makes her nearly impossible to resist, and if I’m being honest, I just don’t want to anymore.
Kratos and Trent are proof of it just as much as we are, and while we kiss and her hand runs up my head to curl in my hair, I realize it doesn’t matter who she picks.
It never did. I’ll be hers, as long as she’ll have me.
She’s trouble all right, and I’ve never craved any kind of trouble the way I crave her right now.