The Agent
“Ooo, look at this little set!” Lexie squealed, holding up a navy blue onesie with a matching hat and booties.
“That’s cute,” I replied, feigning a smile.
We’d come back to Baltimore after my botched attempt at an assassination. Mateo hadn’t gotten any other assignments, so he decided we all could use a little time to breathe.
While Maria stayed over at her boyfriend’s place, Mateo and I went back to the penthouse apartment he’d set up before.
He didn’t stick around after he’d dropped me off, claiming he had errands to run. I didn’t mind his absence.
After our argument the other night, we hadn’t really been speaking anyway. But, I didn’t want to be alone and risk getting wound up in my head.
So, I called Lexie and made plans for us to hangout.
When she proposed going shopping for her sister-in-law’s baby shower, I thought it was the perfect idea. Browsing through the tiny clothes was a good distraction from the thoughts running through my head. They reminded me there was some innocence and goodness wandering around this world.
Lexie glanced over my smile and her brow rose. Her lips pressed together as she tossed the set atop the pile in her basket. “Are you hungry?” she asked. “We can grab lunch at that little grill spot near the mall entrance.”
“Yeah. That’d be cool.”
We walked to the cash register, and she paid for the items. Weaving back into the milling crowds in the hall, we backtracked through the mall and went to the restaurant just before the automatic doors.
The savory scent of grilled steaks and burgers greeted us as we walked through the door.
Golden bulbs hung in the ceiling, contrasting like tiny suns against the mahogany wood walls.
Rows of booths with yellow, green, and dark tan stripes filled the interior, leaving wide runway-like aisles for the servers to navigate.
The young hostess at the front greeted us with a warm smile. “Just two?” She asked, her hands already reaching for the menus.
We nodded in confirmation.
“Follow me,” she said as she moved from behind the counter. She led us towards the other side of the restaurant and seated us in a booth near one of the large windows.
“So,” I said once we were settled. “Are you excited to welcome your nephew into the world?”
“Yeah,” Lexie beamed. “I was born to be the cool, rich auntie. But, I do wish I’d gotten Brielle outside at least one more time.
Because let me tell you: that girl knows how to party.
I’m talking body shots and dancing on bar tops.
Javi finds out one rendezvous got a little too wild and he sat her ass right down. Pussy ass motherfucker.”
I laughed. “Cool, rich auntie, huh? Is that a permanent title or a temporary placeholder?”
She shrugged. “We’ll see. Dante wants kids. So eventually…maybe.”
“Do you want kids, though?”
“I do,” she murmured. “But I’m just scared, you know. I’ve never really taken care of babies. My nephew will be the first newborn I’ve ever held. What if I’m bad at it?”
“The fact that you’re worried is already a good sign. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
“What about you? Have you ever thought about kids?”
“No, actually,” I admitted. “Before, I was so wrapped up in my career that I wasn’t even really thinking about getting married. I was starting to come to terms with the fact I might be single for the rest of my life.”
“Then Mateo came in and messed all that up, didn’t he?”
It was my turn to shrug. “The thought hasn’t been lost if we’re being honest.” I avoided her gaze as she tilted her head. “Things have been a little rocky.”
“What did he do? I’ll break his face.”
I started to laugh, but the dark glint flickering in her eye let me know she wasn’t kidding. “We had a fight, and it was my fault we had it in the first place, but he said some things that really bothered me and we…we haven’t really talked since.”
“What did he say?”
“Basically that he told me so about venturing onto the other side of the law. He gave me a chance to prove myself, and I blew it. Apparently, he knew I was going to fail all along; he just needed me to realize it too.”
“First of all: fuck him. Second of all: it’s alright to mess up. One mistake doesn’t make you a failure. It forces you to learn, so you can be better next time. Do you know what you would do differently if you had another shot?”
“Yeah.”
“Then, that’s all that matters. He doesn’t get to write you off after one incident. You’re still learning how to transfer your skills; that takes time. And going from one side of the law to the other is a huge adjustment. You need to give yourself grace, too. Stop being so hard on yourself.”
“Easier said than done,” I murmured.
She frowned. “I know.” She reached over the table to lay her hand over mine.
“But you need to work on it. And you’ve gotta stop letting people underestimate you.
You were a whole FBI agent who went head-to-head with one of the most dangerous hitmen in the country and survived. That’s one badass woman if you ask me.”
I smiled. “I’m glad you think so.”
“Look, if any motherfucker tries you, remind them who they’re dealing with - no matter who they are. Do you understand me?”
I nodded. Her kind words, coated with sincerity, flicked sparks against the fire in the pit of my stomach, awakening the drive I’d almost let die. “How do I go about getting another shot? Mateo’s not going to let me touch another one of his formal assignments.”
“Create your own assignments,” she suggested. “Ones him and his handler can’t touch.”
My brows pinched together. “What do you mean?”
“Your reasons for doing this are personal, right?”
“Mhm.”
“Then start making a list of those who wronged you, and start crossing names off one-by-one.”