12. Deke
Deke stood in the aisle, surrounded by the scent of old books, the kind that smelled more like dust and time than his mate’s ink and paper scent. He pretended to scan the shelves, but, really, he was eyeing his mate from the gap in the large tomes.
Ollie sat at a table on the second floor of the university library, right in front of the wall of windows. Most people avoided the table because there was no shade, but Ollie loved it. Deke wasn’t a fan of it either. But, right now, he didn’t hate the way the sunlight gave Ollie an almost angelic glow and a crown of light that tinted his hair a fiery reddish brown.
Ollie was always cold lately, and that table allowed him to sun himself all day like a sleepy cat. Deke thought the temperature was fine, no better or worse than any other building on campus. But when he’d said so just that morning, Ollie had glared at him until Deke had offered up the black and gray sweater he’d brought with them just in case.
Now, Ollie sat at his window, wrapped in Deke’s scent, Deke’s sweater wrapped tightly around him, hiding the white t-shirt Ollie had also stolen from him that morning. At this point, Ollie wore Deke’s clothes more than his own, though Deke would never complain about that. There was no part of his mate that didn’t smell like him.
Satisfaction bloomed in his chest at the knowledge that there wasn’t a single person in the building who didn’t know Ollie was claimed, mated, and sated. Alphas went out of their way to avoid him, and omegas smiled at him like they knew his secret. Ollie never noticed. He never noticed anything when books were involved.
Even now, his glasses were perched at the end of his nose, to where they’d slid down hours ago. He ran his finger along each page, almost like he was absorbing the words through osmosis. But, really, that was just how quickly Ollie read. Far quicker than Deke, who found all this research painfully dull.
It hadn’t taken Deke long to figure out he’d been paired up with his mate not because he needed research help but because Ollie was Deke’s babysitter. He might have been offended if the outcome wasn’t him getting to spend every waking moment with his mate, who he was almost positive wanted to chuck him into a volcano by the end of each day.
Six weeks had passed since they’d officially sealed themselves together as a pack. Six weeks of Deke on suppressants. Six weeks of Binnie and the omegas back at work. Six weeks of monitoring who—if anyone—was still a danger to them.
Six weeks of wondering how long it would be before Ollie admitted he was carrying Deke’s baby.
Deke’s stomach rolled. A baby. His baby. Their baby they’d made together. A tiny little seed growing inside Ollie that would eventually become a human that Deke had to help keep alive. The thought alone was enough to cripple him sometimes. He’d killed his vintage Tamagotchi in less than a week. Deke was fairly certain babies needed to eat way more than tiny robot pets.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy. He was. But that didn’t make him less scared. It didn’t stop his stomach from falling into his ass every time he thought about it. Unlike his alpha. Deke’s alpha was ecstatic, constantly breaking free to touch and scent Ollie, driving Deke crazy with wild thoughts that bordered on paranoia.
Ollie was going to get hurt. Ollie was going to leave. Ollie was going to be taken from him. Their baby would be studied like a lab rat. These thoughts sent his pulse rocketing to the moon. He spent almost as much time talking himself off a ledge as he did telling himself maybe he was wrong somehow, that maybe there wasn’t really a baby in there.
At first, he’d convinced himself that Ollie’s symptoms weren’t symptoms at all, but signs of his altered secondary gender. The moodiness, the nausea, the excessive sleeping, the way his scent had sweetened and his face had softened. All those things could have been caused by Ollie’s shift from beta to omega. That was what he’d told himself.
He shifted uncomfortably as an omega girl about his age made a noise, yanking him from his thoughts. He nodded, crowding against the shelf so she had plenty of room to get past him without touching. When she was gone, he went back to admiring his mate. It was such a better use of his time than reading dusty books.
Ollie pushed his hands through his hair, sweeping the top part into a knot at the back of his head to keep it out of his eyes while he read. It wasn’t done in any effort to look sexy, but that didn’t stop Deke’s dick from taking notice. Deke clenched his jaw as he got hit with a very obvious dose of omega pheromones.
Ollie smiled to himself but otherwise didn’t acknowledge what he’d done. That was the one thing Deke knew came strictly from Ollie’s new omega status. The pheromones. He could turn Deke feral with the slightest effort, and he used it to his advantage regularly and without any restraint. Even in public.
Ollie didn’t seem to care that people might not be able to smell their scents with scent patches on, but they could smell his slick whenever he was turned on. Deke bit back a groan just thinking about it. Ollie had slick now. He got so wet for Deke, took his knot so easily, begged for it so eagerly. Especially when Deke was fucking his tongue past his softened rim, Ollie’s thighs clenching his head in a vise grip while Deke drowned in his sweetness.
Deke couldn’t get enough. He was addicted to it, addicted to Ollie.
He’d been hesitant to top him after his rut, worried he might hurt him or lose control, but Ollie now demanded his knot nightly, sometimes more. He rested his head on the cool steel frame of the library shelf as he caught another wave of omega pheromones, willing himself to calm down. If Ollie didn’t stop, they were going to get kicked out of the library…and probably arrested.
Because Deke could refuse him nothing.
That was the other big change. Not Deke’s devotion, but Ollie’s sex drive. It wasn’t a want, but a need. Ollie needed it all the time and if Deke was too worn out to give it to him, he’d go play with the others. Deke wasn’t complaining. It was hot. Ollie was hot. The whole reason for being a pack was to share responsibility. Even when that responsibility was keeping his perpetually horny pregnant omega satisfied.
It had to be the baby making Ollie so…desperate.
No matter how much he ignored it, there was a baby in there. It had a heartbeat. Though faint at first, now Deke could hear it simply by resting his head on Ollie’s tummy, right over the slight swell of his lower abdomen. At least Ollie still indulged him with that, letting him touch and scent and rub all over his belly.
They all knew he was pregnant—even Ollie—but nobody was talking about it. He didn’t even want it brought up. When Seth had taken a pregnancy test two weeks ago, he’d offered one to Ollie who’d politely refused, saying there was “plenty of time” and that it was just “too soon to tell.”
They were long past too soon to tell.
Seth had cried over his own negative test but had almost immediately turned his attention back to doting on Ollie, doing his best to take care of him even when Ollie himself refused to acknowledge the truth.
The rest of the pack was just as worried. Ollie’s condition grew more obvious with each passing week and it was getting harder and harder to ignore the baby elephant in the room.
Deke sighed, keeping the book in his hand and taking two more, glad his shirt covered his very obvious hard-on. Ollie glanced up as he arrived at the table, giving him a knowing smile, his feet immediately tangling with Deke’s under the table. After all those pheromones, Ollie went back to reading like nothing had happened. Deke was both relieved and annoyed.
He opened his book, thumbing through feather-soft pages covered in faded ink. This little mission was starting to feel hopeless. He’d read through fifteen books front to back, Ollie probably three times that. They’d found nothing.
There were myths about werewolves and skinwalkers and shapeshifters. There were stories about swamp monsters and goat suckers and black-eyed children. But nothing about an enigma—or any being—capable of altering someone’s secondary gender.
It was frustrating.
Deke had spent his whole life feeling like he didn’t belong, like he wasn’t like other people. And now, after finally finding a mate and a pack, it turned out he was right. He wasn’t like the others. He wasn’t like anyone. He was a…mistake. Some kind of freak of nature.
Deke’s nostrils flared as a blond-haired alpha passed a little too closely to their table. His lip curled, a low growl building in his chest. Ollie’s socked foot suddenly slipped under his pant leg, startling him. Deke’s gaze jerked to his just in time to see Ollie give a subtle shake of his head. Deke deflated in his seat but still glared at the alpha’s back as he retreated.
Even with his suppressants, having his pregnant omega out in the world made him crazy, especially when that omega was acting like nothing had changed. Deke fought every day to keep his emotions in check, while wanting to snap and growl at anyone who even looked at Ollie. Deke wanted him home, tucked away in their nest, no matter how old-fashioned and irrational the idea was.
Loch assured him it was normal to feel protective and possessive when an omega was pregnant, but Deke wasn’t sure. Loch had never met Deke’s alpha. He didn’t know what a dick he was or how crazy controlling he was where Ollie was concerned. What if it only got worse? What if the further along Ollie got, the more insane Deke went? The more he lost himself to his alpha?
What would he even be like as a father? It wasn’t like he’d ever had any positive role models in that respect. His father believed in violence first and always. There were no discussions, no apologies. All disputes were solved with their fists. That was why San had let Deke stay with them in the first place. He’d been tired of all the bruises. Unpresented, Deke never stood a chance against his brothers.
His father hadn’t cared.
“What’s wrong?” Ollie asked softly.
Deke shook his head. “Nothing, just…thinking about some stuff.”
“Some stuff?” Ollie asked, the slightest edge creeping into his voice.
He clearly thought Deke was about to bring up the baby.
Deke sighed. “Yeah, like my dad.”
“Oh,” Ollie said, relief flooding his voice. “Have you heard from him?”
Deke shook his head. “I have them all blocked. After we moved into Binnie’s house, I didn’t want them harassing me. They’re too lazy to look for me, but they’d still taunt me in the chat if they could.”
Ollie looked disgusted. “Because you hadn’t presented yet?”
“Because I hadn’t presented as an alpha yet,” Deke clarified. “That was the only outcome my father would have accepted. He didn’t have betas. He certainly didn’t have omegas.”
“And now you are an alpha,” Ollie reminded him. “An exceptional one. Far better than the bully who raised you.”
Deke scoffed, keeping his voice low. “I’m kind of a shit alpha. Like I’m supposed to be this alpha of alphas, but I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. Shouldn’t being this enigma come with some kind of innate ability to lead? Otherwise, it’s useless. I’m…useless.”
“You’re not useless,” Ollie said, frowning. “We all have a part to play. People aren’t born great leaders. They become one by being exposed to other great leaders. You are listening and learning by watching Loch. You’re so young. You’ve got plenty of time to take over the world.”
“Not if I can’t figure out how to control my abilities,” Deke said. “I can’t stay on suppressants forever, and I have no idea how I changed you or Loch.” His skin heated up. “Well, I mean, I can guess how it happened with you, but Loch wasn’t in the room with us.”
“Good thing,” Ollie said, a teasing smile on his lips.
Deke didn’t return his smile. He was too busy spiraling. “What if I’m a really bad dad, too?”
Ollie’s smile faltered. For a minute, Deke was sure he was going to deny it or change the subject but, instead, he said, “That’s not possible.”
“I’m barely out of my teen years. Anything is possible,” he argued. “And you’ve seen my inner alpha. He’s no different than my father. What if I’m no different than my father?”
“The fact that you’re even worried about it tells me that you’re better than him, not that I needed any further proof.” Ollie took his hand. “You’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. You’re nothing like your father. Your alpha knows his place. Besides, we’ve never dealt with him outside of a rut, and, well, none of you guys are really yourselves when you’re horny.”
“I know,” Deke said, mostly just to appease him. “You’re probably right. My family just feels like this ax hanging over my head. I just left home one day and never went back. I never got to tell my dad and brothers to go fuck themselves."
“Would you want to? See your family, I mean? Even from a distance?” Deke looked at Ollie in surprise. Ollie shook his head. “I'm not suggesting it. I’m asking. I don’t really want you anywhere near them, and I have no idea if Loch would even allow it. Maybe if you didn't go alone. Take someone with you so you’re safe. Protected.”
“Someone?” Deke muttered.
Ollie nodded. "I could go with you?”
“No way. My family isn’t getting anywhere near you or the baby,” Deke snarled, his voice loud in the silence, drawing the attention of everyone on their side of the enormous library.
Deke winced, nodding in apology to those around him, humiliation blooming in his chest and spreading to the roots of his hair.
Ollie took his hand. “Would you feel better if you could show your father that you’ve got your life together? Show him that he didn’t break you? Or would it make it worse—reopen closed wounds?”
Deke scoffed. “Do I have my life together?”
Ollie gave him the look , the one he saved for when Deke was being particularly petulant or obtuse. Ollie’s words, not Deke’s, obviously. “Yes. You’re an alpha, you’re mated, you’re in a registered pack. Even if your father refuses to acknowledge your status, you’d know they all knew.”
Deke sighed, shaking his head at the idea of it. “I don’t know if it would make me feel better or if I want to just leave it alone for good.”
“It’s your choice. I would rather you stay far away from them, but I understand if you need closure. If you want to contact them, maybe just start by unblocking their number and see what happens? If anything, it might remind you how much you don’t want them in your life. No?”
“I’ll think about it,” Deke said begrudgingly.
Ollie nodded. “Good.”
Ollie went back to reading. Deke pretended to do the same, but mostly ended up reading the same page over and over again as the hours ticked by. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he snagged his phone and quickly unblocked their numbers. There would be no flurry of notifications. Messages from blocked contacts aren’t sent. But there was one place where the messages would still appear, blocked or not.
The group chat.
He stared at the WhatsApp logo until it swam in front of his eyes. Finally, he opened it, navigating to the group thread, the one his brothers used only when they needed something from him.
He scrolled back, looking for the last message he got before he blocked them. The one he received on the bus right before those two men tried to kill him. It felt like it happened years ago. The next message to come through was two days after the attack.
Asshole #4
Dad burned all your shit.
Asshole #6
Except your PS5 and all your games. I took those.
Deke rolled his eyes. A few months ago, he would have been livid. He would have stormed into San’s apartment and flopped onto the couch to rant about how much he hated his brothers and how long it had taken him to save up the money for that stupid gaming system.
Now, it all seemed so trivial.
Weeks passed between messages, with one of them popping in periodically, hoping to provoke a response from him.
Asshole #2
Are you alive, douche?
Asshole #3
Seriously, answer us.
Asshole #2
You blocked us? Seriously? Real mature.
Asshole #4
He can’t see this if we’re blocked, dumbass.
Asshole #3
He’ll see it when he unblocks us and has to come home with his tail between his legs.
Deke’s hands started to shake as his eyes fell to the final text. The one he’d deliberately ignored so he could read his brothers’ messages in order. It was from his oldest brother. He rarely bothered with their group chat, but he was always there…lurking. It was only two words, but they sent a shock through his system like he’d been hit in the face with ice water.
Ollie gasped. “Holy shit,” he whispered, popping his head up to look at Deke, eyes shining with excitement. “I think I found something.”
Deke said nothing, looking back down at the message and then at Ollie, clutching his phone so hard his knuckles were white.
Ollie jumped up from his seat, coming around to sit beside him, his hand going to Deke’s forehead like he thought he had a fever. “What’s wrong? You’re white as a sheet. Did you hear what I said? I found something.”
Deke blinked rapidly, attempting to process this sudden new reality. Finally, he met Ollie’s gaze, his voice sounding far more confused than he actually was. “My dad’s dead.”