5. Seth
A soft cry passed Seth’s lips before Fen swallowed it down, drinking all the little sounds he couldn’t keep to himself. Seth’s limbs were heavy—his thoughts, too—his movements as syrupy and sweet as the feel of Fen’s pretty mouth moving over his. He loved this, loved how easily Fen took charge, how he kissed him like he couldn’t stop himself, how he lazily explored his mouth like it was his right. This was good. This was right. San below him, Fen above, lying between his open thighs. It drove away the dark thoughts. Well, quieted them, at least.
The three were settled on Seth’s full-size bed, the lights dim, the show still playing softly in the background. If pressed, Seth couldn’t have even guessed what episode they were on. He didn’t really care. This was all he’d wanted. Fen’s lips and tongue, San’s hands in his hair, the heavy sounds of their breathing driving away this sudden loneliness welling up within him.
He tried so hard to keep it at bay. He’d thought having his two closest friends in his room, touching him, cuddling him, might expel the negative energy clinging to every surface. But it was the opposite. The scent of his heat still lingered, his sad excuse for a nest still there, empty, unused, mocking him. Add to that the scent of not one but two unfamiliar alphas permeating his home, his most sacred space, and the floodgates had opened, sadness and panic dragging him down into his darkness.
But Fen had known; he always knew. Sometimes, Seth was sure he could read his mind. He’d seen right through Seth’s casual invite, well aware what he’d really needed. Almost immediately, Fen had rolled Seth beneath him, capturing his lips, tongue sweeping inside. When Seth had immediately melted, whimpering, kissing back with abandon, Fen had whispered, “Needy baby.”
And he was. Seth had opened up for him so easily, letting him take and take and take. Maybe he should feel guilty. Whenever he spiraled, he craved physical touch, but not just touch—intimacy, warmth, trust…the feeling of being safe. He couldn’t get that from strangers. This made him feel safe: San cradling Seth’s head in his lap, Fen pressing him into the mattress, pumping calming pheromones into the air until Seth felt almost high off them.
San wasn’t usually a participant when Fen and Seth inevitably found their way into each other’s arms, kissing and giggling, lazily making out like teens. San would sit beside them on the bed, working on his sketches, calming, familiar, watching over them but never partaking. Seth had grown so comfortable making out in front of San that the sound of the artist’s pencil scratching paper now had an almost Pavlovian effect on him, making him horny at the most inopportune times.
But Seth hadn’t done a good job of hiding tonight. Almost immediately, San had abandoned his sketchbook, setting a pillow in his lap and guiding Seth’s head there. His roommates had exchanged looks since then, communicating their worries without words. They both blamed his doctor, the one who’d taken Seth off the suppressants, claiming they’d made his depression worse. Seth couldn’t imagine ever feeling worse than this. His anxiety was so bad he didn’t even care that his friends felt sorry for him.
San combed long, clever fingers through Seth’s dark tresses, his other hand held in Seth’s death grip as he nosed along the smaller scent gland on the alpha’s delicate inner wrist. He needed that alpha scent to block out the other two. Binnie was sweet and Seth was sure Loch was great, but right now, they were very much the source of his misery whether they knew it or not. Whether his roommates knew it or not.
Seth’s eyelids fluttered as Fen continued to explore, lips leaving his mouth to press wet kisses to his jaw, his ear, the spot just below that made goosebumps erupt along his skin. “You doing okay, baby?” Fen asked huskily.
Seth nodded frantically. “Don’t stop.”
“Nobody’s gonna stop,” San promised, his voice an octave lower than usual. “We just don’t want to push you.”
Right. Because he was a virgin. A virgin who now had a big, fat sign over his head. Something ugly twisted inside Seth. This was why he’d never told them, not even San. He thought they’d deduced it all on their own, but after the looks on their faces earlier, clearly not. Somehow, that made him feel both better and worse. It was nice that his friends thought someone might want to fuck him, but depressing that they were wrong. So fucking wrong.
“I want more,” Seth begged, lips brushing over San’s wrist with each word. “Oh, God. I’m so?—”
“Wet,” San said, voice raw.
Seth whined, cheeks stained pink. “Don’t say it.”
Fen chuckled, dipping his head to lap over Seth’s scent gland, then sucked greedily, sending a jolt of white hot pleasure through Seth. He moaned, canting his hips, whining in frustration when Fen pinned him in place, denying him the much-needed friction.
Fen took Seth’s hand and guided it to his ass. The fabric was slightly damp, and the sweet scent in the air wasn’t just Seth’s slick but Fen’s. He was worked up, too. “See, baby, it’s not just you. You get me hot, too.”
Fen and Seth were both omegas, but in bed, they’d instantly fallen into their roles. Fen liked taking control, liked teasing and taunting Seth, liked bringing him to the brink then forcing him back down. He liked to make Seth beg and whine and say all kinds of things to get what he needed. Seth, on the other hand, was clay, wet and malleable, yielding to Fen’s hands without a single protest.
Seth liked to be used, liked to be babied, liked to be bossed around and teased, made to feel a little dirty for being as needy and desperate as he felt. And Fen was more than happy to give him that, even if it wasn’t exactly his thing. He seemed to know how much Seth needed the fantasy, the illusion.
Seth squirmed beneath Fen, slick damp on his thighs, his hard cock leaking into his thoroughly destroyed underwear. “Can you—” He cut himself off with a noise of frustration, his desperation growing with each passing second.
“Can I, what?” Fen teased, giving a slow deliberate roll of his hips, their fabric-covered cocks dragging against each other deliciously.
“Get me off?” Seth whined. “Please, Fenny? Can you make me come? Please? Please?”
“Fuck, you’re so hot when you beg,” San rumbled, his scent intensifying in a way that had both omegas whimpering, getting wetter by the second.
“Oh, fuck,” Seth panted.
He was on fire, San’s alpha pheromones overwhelming Fen’s calming ones. Best friend or not, San was still an alpha. His touch, his voice, his scent—it all heightened everything and made it better. Seth imagined it was like fucking on ecstasy. Even Fen wasn’t immune. His blue eyes were all pupil, his lips spit-slick and swollen, his cock just as painfully hard as Seth’s.
San’s interest took this much-needed bonding session from sweet and playful to desperate and grinding at breakneck speed, until both omegas were practically puppets on a string, moaning and whining as they rubbed off on each other, every low snarl, pleased growl, and sharp intake of breath San made having a direct reaction on their bodies like a physical touch.
It felt good, so fucking good, even through two layers of clothing. Seth’s hands slid beneath Fen’s shorts, gripping his ass, trying to drag him up against him faster, harder, desperate for the friction that made them both groan.
“Do you… Should I go? Is this getting to be too much?” San asked.
“Don’t you dare,” Fen gasped against Seth’s ear. “You stay right there. Your friends need you. Fuck.”
Seth dragged his lids open, chest tightening at the uncertainty in San’s words. “Please stay. It’s so much better with you here. With us. I need you…need your scent. Too many strangers…” He trailed off, not wanting to make Fen feel bad.
It wasn’t Fen’s fault Seth was a mess. He hadn’t expected his heat to go so…badly. Maybe it had just been so long since he’d had one that he’d forgotten how empty he’d feel. Spending a heat alone was worse than physical pain. It was…emotional pain, his hormone-drenched brain convincing him that his alpha had abandoned him, rejected him, that he was alone and empty because he was unwanted. Maybe it was nature conspiring to compel omegas to find an alpha to knot during their heat, but when it ended, the loneliness stayed, settling in and making itself at home behind his ribs.
Seth’s scent must have changed as his memories crept back in. Nothing had changed physically; Seth still clung to Fen, still bucked his hips desperately, trying to force the other omega back into a rhythm. But Fen seemed worried now. “You sure you want me to get you off? You don’t want to wait?”
“Wait for what?” Seth asked, this sudden sorrow choking out all rational thought.
“For your alpha?” Fen asked. “Your mate? You’ve waited this long to have sex… It has to be for a reason?”
“Yes, the reason is I’m unfuckable,” Seth said, the words catching in his throat.
San scoffed, and Fen giggled.
“You’re one of the prettiest omegas I’ve ever seen,” Fen promised, capturing Seth’s mouth in a filthy kiss that was all teeth and spit.
Fen sat back on his knees, moving forward until he could pull Seth’s ass into his lap without displacing him from San’s. Seth’s thighs now splayed lewdly on either side of Fen’s hips.
“What are you doing?” Seth whispered.
Fen ignored him as his gaze prowled Seth’s clothed form. Warm hands slid up under his shirt, scratching blunt nails over his chest and belly, leaving a sting in their wake and dragging another groan out of him.
“This,” Fen said, hands closing around his waist, grinding down as he dragged Seth’s hips up to meet him. Lightning shot through him, the sound leaving his mouth barely human.
“Fuck, do it again,” Seth panted. “Please, Fenny.”
“Sure, baby.”
Fen did it again, then again, then again until Seth anticipated every wicked roll of his hips, surging up to meet it, addicted to the almost euphoric pleasure the movement caused. He could feel that heat in his tummy go from a simmer to a boil, his body so desperate for release that it moved without his knowledge or permission. He didn’t even notice the way he was mouthing and licking over San’s scent gland, didn’t even think about it when he dragged his teeth over the sensitive flesh until San snarled.
“Sorry,” Seth whined, too far gone to truly mean it.
“You don’t sound sorry,” San taunted.
Seth shivered at the control in San’s voice, startled eyes finding his. “What?”
San’s hand knotted in his hair, forcing his gaze upward. “I said, you don’t sound sorry.”
Seth’s lips parted on a shuddery breath, all too aware of the response those words just had on his body. He was glad he hadn’t removed the mattress protector. “I-I’m sorry.”
“Are you?” San asked, almost bored.
“Yes,” Seth promised.
“Kiss it better,” San ordered, pressing his wrist back to the omega’s lips.
Seth whined but did as San instructed, pressing wet open-mouthed kisses on the tender flesh.
San hissed, but he didn’t seem displeased, so Seth continued, running the flat of his tongue over San’s wrist, then latching on, sucking like he was a vampire feeding. Fen’s rocking slowed until it was just this delicious grind, making Seth’s eyes roll back in pleasure.
When he opened his eyes again, San was watching the two of them, his look predatory. It was really doing it for Seth. When he looked straight into San’s possessive gaze, it made everything but the pleasure disappear. The way Fen rocked into him made it seem almost like he was getting fucked with his head in San’s lap.
For the first time ever, Seth let himself wonder what it would be like. All of them naked, hard, Seth taking his alpha’s knot while San twisted his hair, told him to pay attention, to listen to his alphas. The thought had him moaning like a porn star.
“Holy fuck,” Fen whispered, settling back over Seth to bury his face in his neck, licking and sucking at whatever flesh his lips landed on. Seth distracted himself by torturing San, licking and sucking, dragging his teeth over his gland, giving him wide innocent eyes when he growled and sucking the spot again in apology.
San had clearly had enough. His hand twisted into Seth’s hair, tugging it like a warning, the movement so like what he’d just pictured that he almost came on the spot.
Seth lifted his legs, wrapping them around Fen’s narrow hips, both of them groaning at the change in position. “Please,” Seth whined. “More of this. I can get off like this. Please, Fen. Please, San.”
Fen and San exchanged a look, then San used his grip on Seth’s hair to yank his head to the side, exposing his scent gland. Fen sucked on the spot, right where a mating bite would be. Another wave of slick leaked from his hole, his body desperate for the one thing he couldn’t have…or the one thing he didn’t have at least. An alpha. His alpha.
San growled above him, the noise shaking Seth’s insides, his omega helpless to resist the pull. Fen was affected, too; he began to fuck against Seth harder, the friction causing them both to whine and pant, no longer teasing but just wanting to come.
What would it be like to do this with someone who loved him—like wholly and completely, his true mate, his alpha, the one Seth was starting to think got hit by a bus, leaving him alone in this world.
Seth didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to think about his two beautiful friends, both of whom probably found their soulmates today. He couldn’t stop the sob that choked out, but, luckily, they seemed to think it was from pleasure, not pain.
Fen’s hand circled Seth’s throat, the possessive gesture rocketing him closer to his release. He gave another low whine, his hand now sliding up the leg of Fen’s shorts to feel bare skin, fingers teasing between the globes of his ass. “Fuck, you’re soaked.”
Fen flushed but preened. “I can’t help it. I’m just…sensitive. And you’re hot and San’s scent has my omega wanting to roll over.”
San’s breathing was growing increasingly heavy, harsh breaths rushing out through his nose. His hands hadn”t moved, but Seth could feel him rocking against the pillow beneath his head. He was really getting the short end of the stick. Seth would invite him to have a more active role, to let them touch him, but San would refuse. There was a line he wouldn’t cross, not with two unmated omegas. Not that San had any interest in omegas. Like Fen, he only dated betas.
Until now.The voice in his head—the one that never stopped talking, never stopped telling him everything was one small inconvenience away from disaster—had latched onto this idea, this surety that he was about to lose everything. They were going to leave him to start a new pack with Binnie and this Loch guy.
Fen’s lips grazed his ear. “What’s wrong, baby? What happened? You keep disappearing on us. I can taste how sad you are. Talk to us.”
Seth shook his head, words slurred as he said, “I don’t want to talk. Just want to come. Want you to come, too. I’m so close.”
“Okay, baby. I’ll make you come.”
Seth shivered. It almost sounded like a threat. Fen sank his teeth into Seth’s shoulder, his whole body jolting like he’d gripped a live wire. What would it be like to be mated like this? Would his alpha take him from behind, knot him, then sink his teeth in? Would it hurt? He wanted it to hurt, wanted a bond forged of blood and pain. That sounded like something that would stick. Something solid, strong, forever. If he thought hard enough, he could pretend, could practically feel the sting of fangs.
Seth grimaced as more slick leaked from his neglected hole. “You’re getting me so worked up.”
“I hope so ‘cause I’m getting close. Sure you don’t want my hand? My mouth?” Fen asked.
“No,” Seth gasped quickly. “I’m close, too.”
San grunted, shifting his hips beneath him. Fen returned his attention to torturing Seth’s throat, teeth dragging, sucking, soothing. Seth whined, wiggling free from San’s grip to nuzzle his mouth against Fen’s throat. He wanted to mark him, too. Wanted this random alpha to know that he couldn’t take his family, his pack. That the three of them were a package deal.
Tears pricked at his eyes, but he blinked them away rapidly, canting up to meet each of Fen’s downward movements, releasing these tiny sobs as the heat in his core intensified with each movement. He squeezed Fen’s cheeks, dragging their cocks together, picking up the pace until there was no rhythm, just the two of them whining and panting, working against each other sloppily.
Fen gasped against his collarbone. “Oh, fuck,” he moaned.
Sometimes, he wished he could just fall in love with Fen. In a way, maybe he was…a little. But it didn’t feel like romance…it felt like comfort, family. In less than a year, Fen and Seth had become bonded just like Seth and San. Fen called them his soulmates, born at the same minute on the same day, exactly six months apart.
Seth didn’t know much about astrology, but Seth had known, deep down, that the three of them were cosmically linked. There’d always been peace in that. Until today. Today, it felt like a lie. They always promised they’d be together, but they couldn’t promise that anymore.
Seth hadn’t been lying when he told Fen his views on sex were pretty old-fashioned. He wasn’t waiting for some alpha to chase him through the woods and publicly claim him or anything. But the idea didn’t disgust him.
When Seth needed to get off, like now, it wasn’t sweet, romantic sex that got him there. No, it was giving in to his most basic instincts. Letting himself imagine what it would be like to be held down, used, knotted and bred, fucked full while his alpha whispered filth into his ear.
Another moan escaped from low in his throat, as much from their movements as from the visions now flooding his post-heat brain. During heats and ruts, there was no logic or reason. Only take or be taken. Breed or be bred. And Seth hated how much he loved that.
That was the problem. He’d spent five days whining and begging on all fours, mouth hanging open, drooling and crying as he desperately fucked himself onto some latex knot that would never be enough.
“Come on, baby,” Fen whispered right against his ear. “Just imagine I’m him, your alpha, imagine him telling you how he won’t give you his knot, won’t breed your tight little hole until you come for him at least once.”
Seth whimpered, rutting against Fen faster. San snarled.
“More,” Seth begged, praying Fen knew what he meant.
“Come for me and I’ll let you present for me, little omega,” Fen taunted, practically purring. “I’ll knot you over and over until you’re so full of my cum that people will think you’re already knocked up.”
Seth’s orgasm hit him like a train, his mouth opening in a silent scream as his vision went white with its intensity. From his haze, he heard San groan a second before Fen whined high in his ear, his hips kicking against Fen’s in tiny aborted movements, the wet warmth of his release adding to Seth’s own.
The moment the high of his orgasm disappeared, his sadness returned. Tears sprang to his eyes once more, but this time, he didn’t have it in him to stop them. He heard Fen’s fretful sound, felt the bed shift beneath him. He could only lie there and cry as Fen cleaned him up and San held him while Fen took care of the linens.
Once they were back in bed, Seth sandwiched between his two favorite people in the whole world, San said, “Spill it,” his lips against Seth’s hair.
What should he say? He was lonely? Horny? Desperate for a real alpha knot? That he wouldn’t be complete until an alpha knotted him, railed him, called him names and stuffed him full of pups?
They both knew that already, but that was only half the issue. They didn’t know they were the other reason he was spiraling. He shook his head, sniffling. “It’s…nothing. Really. I’m just… I got a little too in my head about…things.”
“What kind of things?” Fen asked, kissing his cheek, his chin, his nose.
“Nothing. It’s not a big deal,” he said, trying to mean it.
“Come on, spill it,” Fen cajoled. “You’re a terrible liar. Just tell us what’s got your panties in a twist. Is this just post-heat blues? Is your inner omega telling you to find a mate?” His face collapsed, fresh tears starting. “Oh, baby. Is that really it? It’s gonna happen. I know it.”
Seth shook his head. They just didn’t get it. Even if he found the perfect alpha, Seth would never be able to relax enough to let anything happen. He overthought every word, every sentence, spent hours analyzing every look or gesture.
It was just too much. He’d resigned himself to spending the rest of his life nesting with Fen and San in their cozy little apartment. Seth loved their little family. It had never occurred to him that he might lose it. Not so quickly. Not all at once.
When he realized they were waiting expectantly, he said, “You of all people should know I’m not even wearing panties,” Seth joked weakly, earning a swat on the ass from San.
“Talk,” San demanded. “Don’t make me use my alpha voice on you.”
Seth pulled his face from Fen’s neck to crane his head over his shoulder, giving him a scathing look. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me,” San shot back, arching one perfectly sculpted brow.
“That’s illegal,” Seth gasped, breathless.
San scoffed. “Call a cop.”
He couldn’t tell them the truth. Maybe Fen and San would stay, but being a perpetual outsider in his friends’ romantic lives was depressing as fuck. Worse than isolating himself, waiting to die alone. And despite Fen’s assurances, Seth doubted any alpha would tolerate Fen and him kissing. Which sucked, because Fen was his safe space.
“I’m fine,” Seth said for what felt like the hundredth time. But maybe that was him counting all the times he’d tried to reassure himself of that in the last hour or so. “Great, even. My friends might have just met the loves of their lives. Yay,” he finished weakly.
San snorted, and Fen shook his head, gathering him against him even tighter. “You’re ridiculous. I saw the man one time and we sniffed each other. It wasn’t a marriage proposal.”
San threw a leg and an arm over both Seth and Fen, nuzzling his nose against Seth’s neck. “And I am certainly not going to fall for some political Ken doll alpha just because he smells good and is wearing Armani,” San said against his skin.
Fen and Seth looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“You think he smells good?” Fen questioned, his voice full of faux innocence.
“I have a nose. Just because he smells nice doesn’t mean I’m just gonna suddenly decide I want to roll over for him,” San said, voice dripping with disdain.
Seth shook his head, happy to focus on someone other than him. “Why are you so sure he’s a top?”
Fen nodded. “You’re making assumptions just because of his secondary gender. You didn’t see him at his office. He’s all about omega rights. And even if he was a top—which is not the vibe I’m getting—I guarantee you he’d be willing to compromise.”
Seth nodded, sniffling, tears dry but eyes stinging. “Fen’s right. Besides, with the way he looked at you, he’d probably let you mount him on the front lawn of the White House if you so much as batted an eyelash at him. It was like he’d stumbled upon an angel in our kitchen.”
San sniffed, cheeks pinking prettily. “Well, you’re right about that. I do deserve to be worshiped and praised. ” San shrugged one well-muscled shoulder. “But not by him.”
“You’re protesting too much,” Fen said. “I think you like him.”
San propped his elbow onto the bed, his chin resting on his palm. “And what about you, huh? How are you going to work alongside this neck-sniffing alpha without catching feelings?”
“Easily,” Fen retorted, rolling his eyes. “I’m focused. I have a mission and it has nothing to do with falling in love.”
Seth hated the way his heart kicked behind his ribs, this heavy feeling of loneliness settling over him again. It was so stupid. Why did that make him want to cry? Because he wanted to fall in love? Because he wanted someone to fight past his defenses? To see how fucked up he was and love him anyway? That alpha didn’t exist. He was just some fairy tale Seth told himself at night when he was horny.
And now, he was going to lose Fen and San, too.
Before Seth could spiral any deeper, the doorbell rang. They all exchanged looks, then San looked at the clock. There was only one person who would show up unannounced at that time of night. San sighed, then slipped out of bed, heading to the front door. Seth and Fen dragged themselves out of bed, following behind, arriving just in time to see San swing the door open. Deacon stood on the welcome mat, tattered backpack in hand, makeup flawless.
“Can I stay here for a while?” he asked, his bright smile in direct opposition with his sad eyes.
San dragged the younger boy past the threshold, wrapping his arms around him. “What happened this time?”
“Nothing new,” he muttered. “My brothers kicked me out…again.”
San growled low in the back of his throat, then dropped a kiss on the boy’s thick black hair. “Tea?”
Deacon nodded. “Sure.”
Fen and Seth threaded an arm through each of Deacon’s, leading him to the couch then flanking him on either side, resting their heads on his broad shoulders. Deacon Maren was the baby of eight. All boys. All alphas. All presented at fifteen. A full year before most people.
All except Deke.
Deke was twenty-one and still unpresented. Most secondary genders presented between sixteen and nineteen. But Deke never experienced any heat or rut, no change in his senses. He was an enigma. And his family hated him for it.
“What happened this time?” San asked, placing a cup of chamomile tea on the coffee table before the boy.
Deke shrugged. “Same shit. My brothers implying I was a bitch—their word, not mine—because I wear makeup and don’t dress like I drag my clothes through a swamp before I wear them. Their insults are so unoriginal.”
Seth studied Deke. He was tall and lean, solid muscle but more like a swimmer, not as big as Binnie, but not as lithe as San. He had hooded, almost feline hazel eyes, emphasized by the black liner he wore and a mischievous smile that always looked like he knew a secret he was dying to share.
“I think you should just stay here,” Seth said abruptly. “Like, permanently.”
San and Fen looked at him, their shock evident.
“What?” Seth asked, his voice going up an octave. “He’s couch-surfing here two or three nights a week at least. Why not just make it permanent?”
San studied him in that way he did when he was reading his mind. Not literally, but then maybe he actually was. Somehow, he always seemed to know just what Seth was thinking. And right now, Seth was thinking having Deke around would be a nice buffer, someone for Seth to love and fuss on while his friends found their soulmates and abandoned him.
Finally, San looked at Fen, who shrugged. “Fine with me. I love having you around.”
Deke blinked at them. “Really?” he asked, suddenly shy. “Are—Are you sure?”
“Totally. As long as you don’t mind couch-surfing or sharing a bed with San,” Fen said.
“I’ll sleep on the floor. Hell, I’ll sleep on the balcony if it means I don’t have to go back to that place,” Deke said.
Seth nodded. “Good, it’s perfect,” he said, plastering a fake smile across his face. He jumped to his feet. “I’ll go get you some pillows and blankets. It’s late. We should all get some sleep.”
“Thanks,” Deke said, narrowing his eyes at Seth.
Seth didn’t blame him, he probably sounded manic. Which, to be fair, he was. He had just reached the hall when he heard Deke ask, “Uh, guys. Why does it smell like you had an orgy in here?”