Chapter 14 Elodie #2
Thorne clears his throat, redirecting my attention, and I’m thankful for it until he speaks. “Where do we start?”
The awkwardness grows, the answer escaping me at every turn as I flip through my thoughts. Before I can decide on where the best part is to begin, a shadow casts over me, forcing me to drop my chin to my chest as I hold my breath.
“Look at me, Elodie,” Kael murmurs, and I shake my head, instantly denying him as I try to smother my pain.
“Elodie,” he pleads, and I hate the fact that I can’t use my words without the fear of my voice cracking.
He doesn’t deserve to see what he’s done to me.
“How about I attempt to explain myself?” he pushes, and I relent.
“Go for it.”
Silence descends on the room for a few moments, and I can’t decide if that’s because he’s stunned I agreed or that he has no explanation anyway. I sense him pacing back and forth a few times before he clears his throat and rocks back on his heels.
“None of this is an excuse, I know I’ve fucked up, but Jude, he’s…”
“Your puppet master?” Rion questions, making my eyes widen in surprise, but I’m even more stunned by the sound of Kael scoffing.
It’s hollow, gut-wrenching, and traumatic. If it were anyone else, I would be trying to crawl into his lap, standing or not, desperate to soothe the pain, but there’s a wall between us now. One he put there.
“Yeah, puppet master sounds fitting,” he muses, sadness tinging each word, and I fight the desire to look at him.
Regardless, he pushes through, trying to get the conversation started despite my poor efforts.
“But truly, I didn’t expect any of that to happen in the game, or the one before that.
Jude isn’t very forthcoming with information.
I can show you the texts he sent, but all that will show is him telling me to make sure you get to safety.
I thought it was a good thing when he described a hiding spot in the maze.
Did I think he was going to do something treacherous, which is why he was letting me know?
Yes. But did I assume it involved you being the one in harm’s way?
No. Never. And for that, I’m truly sorry.
I know it’s not enough. It will never be enough, but I won’t ever be able to describe how I felt when he took you before my very eyes, and I reacted too late to change the outcome. That’s on me.”
The sincerity in his voice is disarming, and against my better judgment, I find myself staring into his deep emerald eyes. They lure me to the shore, promising me sanctuary, but I have to remind myself of the truth.
I’m not safe with him.
Pursing my lips, I don’t look away as I speak. “Do you know Walker?”
His eyebrows gather as he shakes his head. “No,” he murmurs, and I frown.
“But he seems to be your brother’s right-hand man,” I retort, unable to piece together how Walker can be so close to Jude yet leave Kael so unaware. “I don’t buy it,” I add when he doesn’t confess.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he grimaces. “We were estranged for some time,” he admits, and although I believe him, it makes my gut churn.
“And why did that stop?” I breathe, my instincts confirmed as guilt flashes in his eyes. The weight that plummets in my stomach is unbearable.
“Say it,” I grunt, my nostrils flaring as my breaths grow shorter and sharper.
Instead of speaking, he runs his tongue along his bottom lip, nerves getting the better of him, but before I can push him further, Rion snarls from beside me.
“Say it, Kael.” He sounds angrier than I, yet Kael doesn’t glance away, keeping his eyes fixed on mine as he speaks.
“Because of you.”
Ocean’s hand curls around my upper arm, squeezing with more of that silent support she has to offer while my heart beats rapidly.
“From the beginning?” I clarify, but he doesn’t answer; all he does is stare at me.
“Since we arrived at The Vale?” I encourage, my pulse ringing in my ears as he still doesn’t utter a word, and I think I’m going to be sick as I ask my next question. “Before the sentencing?”
His head dips to his chest. “Before it all,” he breathes, and I launch to my feet, but instead of charging at him as I should, I stride around to the back of the sofa, putting another layer of defence between us as I try to contain my emotions.
“Wow,” I mumble, disbelief combined with hysteria taking root. Distraught, I fold my arms over my chest as I glare at him. “Why?”
He looks down at his hands.
“I don’t know,” he says with a sigh, and I scoff.
“That’s not good enough.”
“It’s all I have,” he insists, letting his hands flop at his sides in defeat, but my eyes narrow further.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit,” I snap, anger burning through my veins. “Why did you agree to be his puppet? Why did you agree to manipulate me?”
“I didn’t do that,” he bites back, frustration darkening his eyes as I blink at him.
“You didn’t?” I all but squeak, disbelief lilting my voice, and he shakes his head.
“No, I… It’s not like that at all,” he grunts, and I press my fingers into my temples, trying to lull the headache starting to form.
“Then tell me what it’s like.”
Any emotion on his face falls away as he stares at me blankly. “Why? It’s not going to make you feel any differently about me. Is it?”
My anger fizzles to disappointment and hurts more than I would like; at the same time, Grimm’s words replay in my mind. “Are you the spy they’re looking for?” I blurt, waving an accusing finger in his direction, and his brows knit together in confusion.
“No, I didn’t report anything back to Jude. My job was to keep you safe.”
“You reported things about me to The Sanctum,” I throw back at him, reliving the words Anya shattered me with earlier, and he grimaces.
“No, I let them think I was doing what they wanted, but I was giving them slivers of nothing, and I never confessed that you had your powers. I was doing whatever it took to take care of you because if it wasn’t me doing the job, they were going to assign control to Willow, and that’s the last thing you needed,” he growls, but the anger doesn’t feel like it’s aimed at me.
“Who are you working with then?” I cock a brow at him.
“What?”
“If you’re not the spy, then who is?” I tilt my head expectantly at him and he rolls his eyes.
“I don’t know.”
“You’re lying,” I spit back, and he shakes his head in frustration.
“I’m not.”
Scoffing, my eyes turn to slits as I imagine my vision alone burning him on the spot. “What does loyalty look like to you?”
He rears back in confusion. “Why does that matter?”
I shrug, desperate to ease the tension rippling through me, but it’s futile. “Call me curious.”
“You’re always curious,” he murmurs, making it known that he knows me, but it’s too late for that.
“Then don’t act surprised when I ask questions you haven’t got the balls to answer,” I grind out, and he shakes his head as his eyelids close for a moment. When he reopens them, the defeat is blinding.
“I wouldn’t know what loyalty looks like, Elodie, I’ve never experienced it.”
“That’s not true,” I snap, and he rubs his lips together.
“You don’t know me, not really,” he insists, and I snicker.
“Oh, I’m well aware, but I’ve seen the loyalty you show your friends. I’ve witnessed it with my own eyes,” I retort, recalling the moment he needed my aid in helping Rion when it came to Professor Drayker. It’s one instance of many, and he can’t deny it.
As if sensing the thought in my mind, Rion grunts from his spot on the sofa. “He’s shown loyalty when he wants to, not always when it’s needed. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have kept any of this a secret from us,” he adds, making it clear that I’m not the only person that’s been kept in the dark.
“It’s not that simple,” Kael mumbles in response, making Thorne sigh from his spot still by the kitchen cabinet.
“I’m sure it isn’t, but why do I get the sense that you’re not going to bother even trying to explain it to us?” he states as Kael swipes a hand down his face.
“That’s even harder,” he admits, and my hand flies to my chest at the pang that ripples from his admission. I can’t make sense of it, but as much as I want to understand, I can’t allow myself to do that.
My gaze latches with Kael’s as I feel the resolution inside of me, and he sighs.
“I think we’re done here,” he grunts. “I don’t have to explain shit to any of you.
” He stands tall, as if his words are pumping him with the confidence he needs to be the vicious vampire I’m more familiar with.
“I don’t care if you don’t understand. I don’t care if you have no interest in seeing the bigger picture.
My priority is me, it always has been, and it always will be.
It’s easier that you all see it now, so I don’t have to deal with your bullshit any further.
If anything, you’re doing me a favor,” he growls, his words like blades slicing at my chest in an attempt to tear at my heart, and I can’t deny the truth: it’s working.
Before I can even try to comprehend his words, Rion is on his feet, blocking me from Kael’s view as he shoves at his chest. ”You’re done, now get the fuck out.
I don’t trust you to sleep in the room next to mine, never mind across the hall from Elodie.
Fuck knows what you could do,” he hisses, earning another hollow chuckle from the vampire in question as he ignores Rion’s prodding and backs up toward the door.
“I wouldn’t, I… do you know what? You’re right.
I’ll see myself out.” Spinning on his heels, he charges for the door.
Every inch of me wants him to turn around and look at me, but he doesn’t even tilt his head an inch in my direction before he’s slamming the door shut, leaving utter chaos in his absence.
I slump as soon as he’s gone, my defences too weak to remain in place as I find myself absently rubbing my knuckles against my chest to rid myself of the pain that resides there. I thought the ache would go the moment he left, so why does it burn brighter now than ever before?