Chapter 18 Elodie #2
I let the weight of the raw emotion crush me, every ounce of it flickering through my veins before I take a deep breath.
On my exhale, I imagine tearing the emotion from my limbs, the guilt a separate part of me as it whistles in the proverbial wind.
As much as I feel it, I can’t let it consume me forever if I want to survive.
That’s not how life works. Instead, I can use it as a driving force to keep pushing.
Those people may not be scythes, but what I’ve perceived the facts to be are that scythes cared for others.
They wanted the best for all people, not just for those considered superior.
Or at least, that’s how I’m choosing to look at it, and I’m willing to adopt the same stance.
Unless you think you’re superior to me, then you become the enemy.
Just like Willow, for example. Tiran too.
I enjoyed running into her earlier in the game. Literally moments after I heard some girls crying because they didn’t have their magic. I wouldn’t have known otherwise.
I’m sure she’ll retaliate. If anything, I’m banking on it. I’m more than ready to drain the hell out of that bitch.
The part of my conscience that was riddled with the guilt over murdering someone is gone. It fled when my father’s remains sat before me, and a sense of euphoria danced down my spine instead. The monster who had haunted me the longest is gone forever.
Some people are meant to die, and that’s okay, as long as it’s not me.
My gut tells me everything changed when Kael unleashed his betrayal. Like the weakest part of me left, leaving only logic behind.
Shaking my head, I pull my attention back to the book in my lap, turning a few more pages before my fingertip skims the words on the page.
The greatest treasure, as legend has it, was the Fractured Book of Souls.
It’s what the scythes believed in, encouraged, and poured their deepest, darkest secrets into.
Many attempts have been made to find it, to understand the minds of the scythes, but no explorer has ever unearthed the treasured tome.
A simple riddle offers a clue to where you might find it, but it has never made enough sense to anyone for them to reach it.
Try it yourself.
Only those who drink without thirst may find me.
Where the water meets the shore, the darkness you shall see.
Four elements circle as one.
But in your eyes shall they be gone.
Look deep inside, and the book shall no longer defy.
A chill runs down my spine as I repeat the riddle again and again, but it still doesn’t make any sense. All I know is that if it was important to them, it should be important to me. My chest tightens at the acknowledgment.
Why am I giving so much of myself so instantly to an origin I don’t understand when they abandoned me my whole life?
It’s not the most straightforward question to understand, but it exists in my mind nonetheless. Yet the sense of hope that I might actually truly belong somewhere, even if it’s just me remaining, is something I can’t shake, and I don’t want to.
My stomach chooses that exact moment to grumble. I slam the book shut, repeating the riddle in my mind again to see if I have it locked away, and I grin at myself when I realize I do.
Ready to eat, I stand, slowly stretching out my muscles as I turn on the spot, filling my backpack with the thick books, but before I can hitch the bag over my shoulder, the deafening sound of the lock clicking into place behind me makes me still.
My heart pounds instantly, adrenaline coursing through my veins on instinct, and it all feels completely warranted when I peer over my shoulder to find a figure leaning against the door.
Not just any figure. It’s that of a vampire.
Kael.
My gaze flicks between the man in question and the door he’s blocking, but as my pulse quickens, I’m acutely aware of the fact that it’s not fear affecting me; it’s simply uncertainty.
Regardless, I’m not in the mood for him tonight. I already feel embarrassingly raw from everything I’ve read. I don’t need him knocking my composure even more than it already is.
With that in mind, I straighten my spine as I finally meet his hauntingly handsome green eyes. “Whatever you think this is, Kael, I don’t care.”
“I’m just going to need you to listen to me,” he rasps, his eyes heavy and his hair in disarray. I have to remind myself that it’s not my problem as I fold my arms over my chest.
“I don’t need to do anything. Now, do us both a favor and move out of the way.” The warning in my tone is clear, but it’s not enough to warrant the distress he emits. It sparkles in his stare, mixed with a sprinkling of anger as his jaw ticks.
“I can’t do that,” he grunts, raking his teeth over his bottom lip as his eyes narrow and his nostrils flare.
There’s an edge to his tone. One that threatens to tie me up in knots despite my best efforts. I can’t cave in to him. I won’t. But if I want him to get out of my way, it looks like I might need to play along for his sake. Or maybe my own curiosity.
“What do you want, Kael?” I breathe, forcing myself to unfold my arms, but they hang awkwardly at my side.
“None of this,” he retorts, waving his hand between us, and I can’t hold back my scoff.
“This is your own doing,” I remind him, and he nods, but as he drags his hand over his mouth, he shakes his head.
“Maybe.” Just a little word, so small I almost don’t hear it, but my chest tightens as I meet his stare, which seems to mirror the same breath, and I snicker.
“Maybe? What does that mean?” I ask, tossing my arms out at my sides, and he shrugs, his gaze dropping to the floor for a second before he holds my attention once again.
“I don’t know. I can’t make sense of it, but I know I would never put you in harm’s way. Not intentionally,” he insists, somehow making my heart quicken even more, but I refuse to let his words settle in my soul as truth. He doesn’t deserve it.
“Are you forgetting the part where you took my battered and bleeding body to your brother so he could use me for my power?” I snarl, my cheeks heating with my frustration as my hands clench at my sides.
I consider darting across the room to beat him with my bare hands, but I force myself to remain in place. My knuckles are bruised from earlier with Willow, but more than that, I’m already mad that I’m allowing him to witness the effect he has on me.
“I thought he was guiding me to a safe place for you.” His voice rises like mine.
“That’s bullshit,” I snap back, jabbing a finger in his direction, but he doesn’t see it as his gaze drops to the floor and he wipes a hand down his face.
Defeat clings to his shoulders so heavily that I’m sure he’s going to fall to his knees, but to my surprise, he manages to tilt his head just enough to look up at me through his lashes.
“I’ve cared about three people my whole entire life, Elodie. Do you know who they are?” he whispers as if the words are a secret, but I don’t want to play his game, despite how easily he continues to lure me in.
“I don’t know,” I answer with a shrug, and he shakes his head.
“Guess,” he pushes, and I roll my eyes, lifting my hand to reel them off on my fingers.
“Your brother, Rion, and Thorne,” I answer smugly, giving him a pointed look as I do.
“No,” he grunts, and my eyebrows furrow in confusion for a split second before I gather myself.
“Okay, your brother and your parents then,” I mutter, a little less smug as my hand drops to my side, and he shakes his head.
“Close, but not close enough,” he states, taking three long strides toward me.
I can hardly breathe, with his proximity, but I refuse to let him get the better of me. Instead of shying away from his approach, I stand taller, rolling my shoulders back.
“I’m out of guesses,” I say clearly as he holds his hand up between us, counting off on his fingers, just like I did.
“My mother.”
Pointer finger.
“My father.”
Middle finger.
“And you.”
Ring finger.
My heart thunders unbearably in my chest as I gape at him.
“Me?” I scoff, and he snickers, the sound so hollow it sends a chill down my spine.
He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “It’s insane, isn’t it?
But I’ve been obsessed with you from the very beginning.
” I open my mouth, ready to call him a liar, but he continues before I get the chance.
“Ever since that first fucking moment when you were brought into The Sanctum, I haven’t been able to get enough.
I knew you were a bad idea the second you opened your eyes and started pounding on the glass like a feral beast, but it seems it doesn’t matter what my head knows.
You’re what my heart wants.” He wets his lips, my gaze tracking every inch of the move, but all it seems to do is stoke the fire in my stomach even more.
“Please, you knew I was going to be there,” I bite, recalling his words the other day, and he shakes his head.
“I didn’t.”
“You said—”
“You never really gave me a chance to say much,” he interjects, shooting my eyebrows to my hairline as I gape at his audacity.
My nostrils flare as my anger turns salty, and I wave a hand at him. “Take the floor.” Every word drips in sarcasm.
“I didn’t know my brother had any involvement with you at all until I saw my uncle in the trial area when we were both sentenced,” he explains slowly, and my eyebrows pinch.
“Your uncle?”
“Yes. My family tree doesn’t get any better, but I wasn’t aware I was in The Sanctum for you. I’d been held there for nearly eight months because I disobeyed my brother.”
“How does that work? Disobeying your brother, I mean,” I clarify.
He cocks a brow at me and scoffs, shaking his head as his eyes gloss over.
“My brother is the master of mind games and chasing the ultimate level of control. He gets far too much joy from bringing me misery.” There’s a smile on his face, but it’s haunted, not humorous.
“Yet you still obey him,” I state, reminding him exactly how he fucked up, and glares at me.
“Did you not hear why I was there?”
“Not specifically,” I say with a sigh, hating how much he’s still talking because it’s getting him closer instead of firmly wedging us further apart.
“I didn’t kill the girl, Elodie. I mean, I did, otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to bring me in, but it wasn’t by choice,” he snaps, his words so firm, so true, that I feel like my mind is reeling as I try to keep my feet planted on the floor.
My fingers flex as my pulse quickens. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say to me, Kael.” My mouth dries as curiosity lingers in the air.
“I don’t know either, but I’m going insane,” he mutters, tugging at his fair hair with desperation.
He’s not okay, that’s clear to see, but it’s not my responsibility to deal with it.
“I think I should go,” I say quietly, reaching for my backpack on the bench.
“No!” he yelps, grabbing the strap of my backpack before I can hook it over my shoulder.
My eyebrows rise, but it’s the hysteria contained in his emerald eyes that makes me pause. “Please, Elodie. He’s in my fucking head.”
I’ve never seen his eyes so wide, his jaw so tight, his desperation so thick I can almost taste it in the air.
“What does that mean?” I breathe, and he shakes his head.
“Are we ever going to be able to figure this shit out and get past it?” he rasps earnestly, and I gulp at the torture in his tone.
“I don’t know how,” I admit, and his shoulders slump as his head sags.
“Then can you do me a favor? I know you don’t owe me anything, but…”
“What?” I ask, curiosity writhing in my bones.
“Kill me.”
My pulse thunders in my ears. “What?”
He stares deep into my eyes, threatening to penetrate my soul, and it steals my breath. “Just end it. End me. I fucking can’t.”
“You’re not thinking clearly,” I mutter, silently hating how much I think it’s a terrible idea, despite what his actions have put me through, but it’s clear, in this moment, that I don’t wish death upon him.
“I know I’m not. Not when he’s in there.” He mindlessly shakes his head, the gravity of his words freezing me in place as I take them at face value this time.
“Saying what?”
I expect him to brush me off, to turn more erratic, to do something insane, but instead, he slips his hand into his pants pocket and retrieves his cell phone with his free hand, the other still wrapped around my backpack.
Wordlessly, he unlocks the device before he turns the screen to me. It’s a stream of text messages from Jude. Not just messages. Orders. Demands.
With a slight tremor to my fingers, I take it from his grasp, my gaze snapping from left to right as I devour every word.
Jude: Where is she, Kael? What part did you play in this?
Jude: Don’t ignore me. We both know what happens when you do that. Do you need a reminder?
Jude: ANSWER ME.
Jude: Since your incompetence is apparent, I had to take matters into my own hands. I know she’s back in The Vale. Multiple sources have confirmed this. You will bring her back to me.
Jude: GODDAMMIT ANSWER ME.
Jude: You will feel my wrath, brother. I swear it. Bring her to me right now.
Jude: You always make me do it, don’t you? So juvenile.
Jude: Famulare mihi. Sis mihi servus. Accipe meum imperium.
Jude: You have until dawn before I do it myself.
“Why haven’t you done it?” I breathe, daring to look up from the cell phone, only to find his tormented eyes already settled on mine.
“Because I don’t want any harm to come to you, but it’s getting harder. I know I set off in search of you to follow through,” he bites through clenched teeth, guilt in his eyes. “It’s like I can’t control it.”
Taking a deep breath, I nod, turning the screen to him as I point to the most confusing part. “What does this mean?” I ask, pointing to the same text message I read three times.
Jude: Famulare mihi. Sis mihi servus. Accipe meum imperium.
I don’t need to see the screen again to know the words, so I keep my gaze fixed on his, which proves to be no better as they glaze over with a pearlescent sheen.
“I’m sorry, Elodie,” he rasps, his shoulders bunching high as he takes a step toward me.
I shoot my free hand out, planting it firmly against his chest. “Kael,” I warn as he grimaces.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats as a single tear tracks down his face.
Horror curls in my veins as I press harder against his chest, feeling his heart beat so fast I’m sure he’s going to die.
“Fight it, Kael,” I blurt, fear seeping into my bones as he groans.
“I don’t know what the hell I’m fighting,” he whispers, discarding my backpack effortlessly before curling his fingers around my upper arm while my other hand is still wrapped around his cell phone.
Swiping across the screen a few times, I panic, hoping for the best as I try to talk him down.
“Me either, but you can, you have to,” I insist as his fingers tighten unbearably.
“There’s no one here to save you, and I can’t stop,” he admits, yanking me against his chest as my hand falls limp between us.
“Then, luckily for us, I just sent out an SOS.”