26. Emily
26
EMILY
Nadia takes the lead, and immediately makes a beeline for the nearest Hermès store as she leads the three of us on Madison Avenue.
“Keep up!” she shouts, waving us on. Konstantin follows at my side, the bemused expression never leaving his face.
Mannequins in shades of purple are wearing extravagant dresses and jumpsuits at the entrance. Taking my hand in hers, Nadia pulls me straight for the secluded corner in the rear filled with baby goods.
There are tiny dresses, blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. A quick glance at the nearest dress has me reeling at the uncomfortable number of zeroes on its price tag.
“Welcome, ladies!” A sales associate immediately walks over to us. “If you need help, let me know!”
“Will do!” Nadia answers quickly as she immediately drags me over towards a cute tiny pink dress.
I spare a look at Konstantin, almost as if I’m begging him to save me from this situation. But he just smiles and waves as he turns, phone in hand, towards the front of the store. There’s a familiar tense look in his eyes, and I remember the way he said Sima’s name as we were getting ready to leave from Nadia’s apartment.
“Do you know the gender yet?” Nadia asks, and I’m forced to return my attention to her.
“No,” I answer. “We have names picked out, but we both opted to be surprised.”
“Ooh, fun!” she runs her hand over one of the soft teddy bears. “What’s the name?”
“Olivia if she’s a girl,” I tell her. “Oliver if he’s a boy.”
“Oh, Em.” Her gaze softens slightly. “That’s so cute.”
“It was Konstantin’s idea, actually.”
“Really?” She looks back at him standing near the door like a sentinel. “You know, he’s not quite what I expected when I first saw him.”
“What do you mean?”
“Usually, when you say …” She quickly looks around to make sure nobody is looking, and then says. “A crime boss, I picture a fat bald guy with way too many gold chains and rings. And not …”
“Mr. Sex-on-legs?”
“Your words, not mine.” She laughs. “But yes. And on the other hand, he seems extremely devoted to you. Are you sure he doesn’t have any side chicks that he’s keeping secret from you?”
“I don’t know how he could,” I reply. “He’s already having enough trouble keeping his hands off me.”
“First, you go, girl.” She nods approvingly. “Second. Ew.”
I roll my eyes at her.
But the mention of side chicks has me unconsciously thinking about something that has continued to bother me.
“Well, there is something else. ”
“Some thing ?” She turns. “Not some one ?”
“The br—his work …” I correct myself quickly. “I feel like no matter how much he prioritizes me, he’s never going to stop worrying about that.”
“But that makes sense he would,” Nadia says. “You can’t expect him to just give it up. And more importantly, without it, he’d be unable to keep you safe.”
“I know,” I say. “Logically, I understand that. But emotionally, it’s … well, after Phil and the expulsion, it’s kind of hard for me to accept. I always feel like there’s a sword hanging over our head and it’s about to drop when we least expect it.”
“Is there?”
I chew my lip, wishing that I hadn’t just admitted that. I still haven’t gone into details about the bratva side of things to Nadia. She knows nothing about Domenico and Konstantin’s feud, about the war between them, and about how he—despite having more or less disappeared since my rescue on Capri—is still somewhere out there.
“Emily?” she asks.
I decide that there’s no point in holding back.
Not with her.
Not anymore.
“Yes.” I admit quietly.
Nadia gasps. “What do you mean?”
“So …” I start wringing my fingers. “Do you remember when I told you he broke protocol once bycoming to New York to rescue his sister from a rival?”
“Uh-huh.” Nadia nods.
“That rival is still out there.”
“You got to be kidding me!” Nadia exclaims, and several heads turn to look at us. She quickly drops her voice back down. “Sorry. Are you safe? Wait, are we safe? ”
“We’ll be fine,” I say, even though I have no way of knowing if we truly will be. “Konstantin saved his sister from that man, and did a number on that man’s organization at the same time.”
“But he’s still out there,” Nadia says. “Which means Konstantin can’t stop looking over his shoulder, right?”
“Exactly.”
At that, both of us glance out at him. His arms are folded as he paces around the door. A sales associate walks over to him with a tray of drinks. He musters a polite smile and declines. But I can still see how tense he is.
“I think it’s perfectly valid for you to feel the way you do.” Nadia turns back to me and sighs. “Because who wouldn’t want to be their husband’s everything? But I also think that it’s also perfectly valid for him to need to prioritize the bratva alongside him prioritizing you.”
“I know, which is why I feel so conflicted about all of this.”
“You’re afraid that one day he’ll prioritize it over you, aren’t you?”
“For a while, that’s exactly what it felt like.”
“What changed?” she asked. “Was it the pregnancy?”
“No.” I frown.
What exactly was the moment when it changed?
The answer comes to me almost immediately: bullets cracking overhead at my wedding. Alla shrieking for her grandson to come save her. Konstantin casting her a casual glance before he throws his arms over me and guides me all the way to the safety of the stables.
“It was before that,” I tell Nadia. “I guess I was so caught up in the moment of it all that I didn’t realize it.”
“There you go.” Nadia spreads her hands. “And judging by the fact that he’s willing to break protocol again just so that you can attend my wedding?—”
“And support me when I’m inevitably confronted by my parents.” I remind her.
“Yes, that too,” she says. “But that just confirms my point. Protocol dictates he can’t be here, but he’s willing to risk blowbacks or whatever just because of you. That sounds like he’s willing to put everything at risk for you . It’s one hell of a gesture, Emily.”
“You’re right,” I say. “I guess I’m just still a little jumpy from my own past experiences.”
“And who can blame you? Every other guy you’ve ever dated has been a real piece of work. Bunch of selfish bastards. You got yourself a good one.” She pauses for a second. “As far as crime bosses go, at least.”
“Let’s try to keep a lid on that when we’re out in public.” I give an uneasy glance as the sales associate drift close by.
“Right, sorry,” Nadia says, winking. “A businessman . But the point still stands. A strong relationship is about being able to make compromises to each other for each other. And he’s willing to compromise a whole lot for you.”
“Hmm.” I nod as we walk further down the aisle. “I haven’t thought about it like that.”
“I’m not saying you need to compromise yourself for him,” Nadia adds as we start looking at the different diaper bags. “God knows you’ve done plenty of that. I’m just saying that there are some things that can’t be helped. But if there’s one thing that I can tell right now, it’s that you’re a goddamn liar if you think he’s not prioritizing you above all else.”
“You’re right,” I say. “He is doing that, isn’t he?”
“Holy shit,” Nadia gasps as she looks at a price tag closely. “No way in hell could a diaper bag cost thirty- thousand dollars. Is this thing lined with gold on the inside or something?”
“I don’t think I’ve seen a single thing in this store under five grand.”
“Well, he said the sky is the limit, right?”
I laugh. “Are you trying to bankrupt him, Nadia?”
“Not intentionally …” Nadia smirks.
The sales associate swoops up behind us. “Are you ladies finding everything to your liking?”
“Yep!” Nadia nods as she starts gesturing at each item. “We’ll take this diaper bag, a couple of these cute little pillows, this blanket, and this teddy bear! We’ll let you know if there’s anything else we might need.”
“Um.” The sales associate narrows her eyes slightly as she looks us up and down, trying to figure out figure out if we’re pulling her leg. “You are aware that these items are …”
“Is there a problem?” Suddenly Konstantin materializes, his ice-blue eyes drilling into the sales associate.
“N-No problem,” she stammers and takes a step back. “I was just informing—” she quickly glances at us.
“My wife,” Konstantin says before she can dig herself deeper into a hole.
“Yes,” she says quickly. “I was just informing your wife that these items are?—”
“Only available for a limited time.” Konstantin glares at her. “Correct?”
She blinks, and her eyes dart away for a quick moment. I follow her gaze, and catch another associate furiously making a gesture for her to stop talking.
“Yes,” she finally says. “Yes, these are only available this year, which means if she wants them, she’ll need to act quickly.”
“I don’t appreciate these high-pressure sales tactics being used on my wife like this,” he says calmly. “Especially not in a store as renowned for service as Hermès.”
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Siderov,” a different sales associate—the same one that offered Konstantin something to drink at the door—comes over. “Alessandra can be overeager sometimes when talking about our offerings. Please, if you would like, I can take over her duties in helping your wife find items of her choosing.”
“That won’t be necessary.” Konstantin adjusts his suit. “I was simply trying to resolve a misunderstanding.” He looks back at Alessandra. “You have been very helpful so far. If there is anything I can help with, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Yes sir,” Alessandra says, her eyes darting between Konstantin and the other sales associate. “And again, I am terribly sorry about my behavior earlier.”
“All is forgiven, I just want my wife to be happy.” he says, and then walks away.
Nadia waits until Konstantin walks out of earshot, and then says. “So, about that teddy bear …”
By the time everything is accounted for at the sales register, the final number has reached over a mind-boggling one million dollars. Both Nadia and I exchange a look when it’s announced and my hand trembles as I hand over the credit card.
I half expect the transaction to be declined, but a moment later, the cash register makes a loud ding , and the receipt starts printing.
“Holy shit,” Nadia whispers. “Did we just …”
“Yep.” I nod .
We just spent over a million freaking dollars . I’ve never even seen this much money in one place, let alone spent this much in the span of a single day. Guilt roils my stomach and I find myself wringing my hands again.
“Is something wrong, Kitty Cat?” Konstantin walks over, resting his hand—warm and comforting—on the small of my back.
“I just … I think that maybe I shouldn’t have bought all these things.” I admit. “It’s a lot of money, Konstantin.”
“Why did you pick them?” His voice is soft and there’s no hint of malice in it. But somehow, I can’t help feeling like when I was a little kid, being forced to stand in front of my mom as she interrogated me about every dollar spent.
“I …”
“Is it because you wanted them?”
The follow-up question catches me by surprise, and I look up and catch him smiling at me.
Slowly, I nod. “Yes.”
“If you wanted them, then by all means, you should have them.”
“But …”
“No buts, Kitty Cat.” He presses his finger against my lips. “Remember, you are my wife . Whatever you want, if it’s within my ability to do so, I will give it to you.”
Reassured, my racing heart starts to slow down in my chest as everything is bagged up. With one final professional smile at Alessandra, Konstantin takes the bag and helps me out of the store.
“Okay, I’ve decided,” Nadia says as soon as we step out onto the busy streets of New York. “He is definitely the one for you. I mean, holy shit, Emily. Who just casually drops over a million dollars on a bunch of baby supplies just because you like them? ”
“My husband,” I say softly. “That’s who.”
Nadia beams at me, and I have a sneaking suspicion I know what she’s about to say.
“Is this the part where you remind me to be selfish again?”
“Good God, yes!” She flips her hair, laughing. “After everything that’s happened, you deserve to be selfish, girl.”
“I’ll call for the car,” Konstantin says, and presses his phone to his ear.
I nod, silently glad that he’s doing that already. Although our hotel isn’t too far from here, he must know that I don’t feel comfortable walking with over a million dollars of luxury goods in plain view.
Plus, my feet could really use a good relaxing soak right now.
But before I can think more about what will happen next, a familiar voice suddenly rises up.
“Emily? Is that you?”
I freeze on the spot, my brain processing the voice even as I argue with myself that I’m hearing things.
Turning, I confirm the impossible. “Mom?”
She’s standing on the sidewalk, wearing a mid-arm-length pink dress covered in white daisies. Her collarbone is damp with sweat, her face flushed like she’s been walking for some time. Next to her is my father.
Unlike my bony mother, my father has a body you’d hate to have to carry if he was unconscious. His deep-set eyes make him look like a bulldog. And suddenly, I fight the urge to run and hide .
Mom’s painted lips parts into a smile that ends at the corner of her eyes. “It is you! What are you doing here?”
“That’s what I should be asking,” I say in a daze. “I thought you were still in Wisconsin.”
“We told you we were coming,” Dad grunts. There’s a thick brown folder in his stubby fist. “Remember?”
My heart drops when I see that brown folder. Of course …
Olivia’s life insurance.
I thought I still had some time.
If they try and talk about this while we’re here on the street, I don’t know what I might do.
Nadia has moved to my side. Her fingers brush against mine, forcing me to ease the fists I’ve unconsciously made.
“You must be Natalia!” Mom says.
“Nadia,” I correct her as lightly as I can, gritting my teeth until my jaw creaks. “I told you that multiple times.”
“Yes, yes.” Dad waves the folder again as if he’s swatting a fly. “But we’re old, sweetie, and you know our memory isn’t as good as it used to be.”
“Kitty Cat?” Konstantin’s voice rumbles and he walks over with the bag full of baby things.
And the Hermès logo in full view.
Mom cranes her neck as she gawks at his impeccable suit, the logo, and then finally back to me. “Were you shopping at Hermès?” she asks. “Is all of this yours?”
Before I answer, Dad snorts. “How the hell could you afford this?”
Under their judgmental stares, I begin to wither into the sidewalk. It would be a relief if I kept going—falling into a hole would be a way to escape.
It always goes like this with my parents. There’s something about their disapproval that makes me feel like I’m six again, someone with no agency. Just a little girl who wants her parents to love her, and if she does anything wrong, they won’t. But more than that …
If she doesn’t perform perfectly, they’ll take their anger out on her sister.
My sweet, innocent, caring sister.
Except this time, Olivia isn’t here to stand up for me anymore.
But Konstantin is.
He clears his throat to draw their attention. “Of course these are. Where else would my wife shop when she’s in New York?”
My mom’s mouth drops open wide, showing off the cracks on her lips where the lipstick has been scraped away, her flesh bright white against the pink.
“You got married and didn’t tell us?” Dad demands. His forehead is scrunched, turning beet red.
“How could you do that to us?” Mom asks. She’s not upset—she’s acting. I’ve seen her faux angst before. Her disappointment grows bigger when she gets close, eyeing the bags, then me and Konstantin and Nadia. “Well, I suppose introductions must be in order. Peggy Sullivan, and this is my husband Sam. You must be doing very well to afford all of this.”
Konstantin takes her hand in his, but there is no warmth in his eyes. “Konstantin Siderov.”
Dad scans him from scalp to toe, grinning joyfully as he’s counting each dollar in his head. He extends a meaty hand. Konstantin takes it and gives it a quick shake.
“Good to meet you, son.” Before he can pull away, Dad patsthe back ofKonstantin’s hand affectionately. “I look forward to learning more about you over dinner tonight.”
“Yes!” Mom trills warmly, clasping her hands to her chest. “We must get dinner, the four of us, so we might welcome Konstantin into our family!”
I notice that she doesn’t have any trouble remembering his name.
Typical.
“Oh,” I stammer, “I don’t know if …”
“We’ll pick the place,” Dad says. “No worries, we won’t put that stress on you. There are lots of great options, especially around here. We’ll text you the name later.”
Nadia snorts under her breath. “How generous.”
Mom looks over at Nadia, and the warmth disappears from her voice. “So good to see you again, Natalia.”
“You too, Peggy.” Nadia fakes a smile.
My parents hug me in turn, and I absently hug them back. I feel like a ghost, watching myself from afar as I mechanically return the gesture.
As they wander off, my dad swings the folder from side to side, the same way a child might with a toy. A burning sensation builds in my throat.
Nadia is in front of me at once, as is Konstantin.
“Hey,” Nadia says, her voice thick with worry. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” I whisper.
“No, you’re not! C’mon.” She spares Konstantin a glance. “Where’s the goddamn car?”
“Coming around the corner now.” He tilts his head.
As soon as the car pulls up next to us, Nadia yanks the door open and I step in. Konstantin follows, and gestures Nadia to come as well. She looks back at the street, then at me, and speaks.
“No, you go ahead. I have to get home. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will,” Konstantin says, and closes the door .
“I’m sorry you had to see them fawning over you like that.” I put my hand in Konstantin’s as soon as we’re alone.
“No, Kitty Cat,” he replies, anger lacing into his voice. “I’m sorry you had to spend your childhood with them.”
“You don’t have to come to dinner with me.” I sniff. “If you don’t want to.”
“And leave you to face them by yourself?” He reaches up and cradles my face. “Not in a million fucking years.”