20. Rory
I wake up the next morning with a silent scream in my throat, waking from a nightmare that I can’t quite remember.
Everything’s hazy, but Lara’s warm body is pressed against mine, her soft snoring somehow calming my racing heart.
I should get up. I should move away, shouldn’t tighten my arms around her the way I want to. But I nuzzle into her neck, planting soft kisses on her shoulder.
She makes a grunting sound in her sleep, rather unladylike, and I chuckle.
Moonlight is still streaming through the windows, so I shouldn’t wake her.
I’m tired and sore in the best way from all the sex, my muscles aching like after a workout. It’s been so long since I’ve had a warm body in my bed, and I have to admit that it’s nice to wake up to.
I close my eyes but when I do, all I see behind my eyelids is blood. They pop back open, and I slowly move away from Lara.
She whines in her sleep but then hugs the pillow, going back to sleep.
I let out a sigh of relief. I don’t know how to explain to her that I had a nightmare, that I’m struggling since I committed cold-blooded murder.
I’ve always told myself that I was nothing like my father. I’ve always told myself there’d never be blood on my hands, but now they’re stained forever.
I expect to see red as I look down at them, but of course, there’s nothing.
I head to the bathroom before dressing as quietly as I can.
Lara sleeps like a rock, though, so I don’t have to worry.
I try not to look at her, not wanting to feel my heart skip a beat at her beauty or the way she’s cuddling with the pillow. I can’t think about my growing feelings for the woman I married.
Because it’s not real. None of this is real, and she’s going to disappear as soon as my father is behind bars.
I take a deep breath, averting my eyes and walking out into the hallway. I close the door as softly as I can.
“Can’t sleep?”
The voice startles me, and I jerk and put a hand to the small of my back, where I’ve been keeping a gun. It’s not there, though.
“Jesus Christmas,” I gasp when I realize who it is. “If I’d had my gun I would have shot you, Dunc. You can’t sneak up on people like that.”
He snickers. “Sorry.”
He doesn’t look sorry at all, eyes sparkling with mirth.
“What are you even doing here?” I look at my watch. “It’s nearly three in the morning.”
“Your father called a late-night meeting.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Before daylight?”
Duncan nods. “He didn’t invite you?”
I thin my lips and shake my head. “I think I’ll show up anyway.”
Without questioning me, Duncan heads toward my father’s office.
I follow, my heart pounding.
What can my father be planning? Why wouldn’t he tell me about it?
We’re supposed to be “repairing our relationship.” There’s no reason to keep me out of the loop unless it has something to do with Lara.
My father sits behind his desk, his forearms on the mahogany surface. He doesn’t even look tired, and it makes me wonder if he’s dipping into some of the stimulants that I know he traffics.
His eyes widen as I come in behind Duncan. A few other men, including Paul, stand around the office, waiting for my father to speak.
“Rory,” he greets, his tone cheerful enough. “I didn’t expect you.”
I frown. “Why wasn’t I invited?”
He smiles, showing his sharp canines like the predator he is. “Thought you’d be busy. It’s the honeymoon phase, boyo. Figured you’d still be balls deep in the Burke girl.”
Paul barks out a laugh as revulsion crawls across my skin, but I plaster on a smile.
“I need a break now and again.”
The room bursts out into laughter, even Duncan, and my heart rate begins to slow. This may not be about Lara.
And it seems my relationship with my father is still okay, despite him not inviting me.
“Sorry for calling you all here so late.” My father stands up and puts his hands behind his back, rocking forward on the balls of his feet. “But we have to get an early start on this one.”
I frown. “What’s this about?”
“You usually aren’t one for the details, boyo. So, I didn’t think you’d want to be involved.”
“I want to be involved. I want to be part of this family, business and all.”
I don’t think I’ve ever told a bigger lie. All I want is to get the hell out of town and get back to my life.
You really want to go back to a life without Lara?
I ignore the voice in the back of my head, focusing on the task at hand.
“Is it a Burke shipment?” Paul asks, and I turn toward him.
He’s smirking, wearing casual clothes for once.
“Not a shipment.” My father smiles widely. “We’re going to take down The Pit.”
My eyes snap back to my father’s.
It’s almost eerie how our eyes are exactly the same shade.
“What do you mean, take it down?”
The Pit has been run by the Burkes for decades. The underground fighting ring brings a lot of criminals to the ring. It’s the only way they can make money when they have warrants out, or are on probation, or have multiple felonies. Gangsters and petty thugs alike come to fight, and there have been plenty of injuries and even a few deaths.
It’s Patrick’s pet project, and Dad has never before mentioned taking it down.
In fact, The Pit is almost a rite of passage among the Irish in this city. When Duncan and I were teens, he signed up for the ring and came out with a broken nose and five grand. Of course, I hadn’t participated despite his ribbing.
Even then, I’d wanted out.
“Isn’t that some of your men’s source of income?” I point out quietly.
His shoulders stiffen, as if he’s offended. “If it is, it’s a side income. I pay my men well.”
I swallow hard.
I can’t piss him off. My father is scary when he’s angry, and I don’t want anything upsetting the delicate balance we’ve got going.
“Of course, you do. But The Pit is basically an institution in this city. Don’t you think?—”
He frowns, his dark brows peppered with silver drawing together.
“I’ve thought this through, boyo. And you have no right to tell me how to run my business. You’ve only recently wanted to be a part of my life.”
I draw in a breath, thinking fast. “I just don’t want any of our men to get hurt.”
My father relaxes slightly, his frown softening. “My men are important to me, Rory. We’re not going in blind.”
“Wouldn’t it be better to take over The Pit instead of tearing it down?” Paul asks.
Duncan’s been silent the whole time, but now he speaks. “That’s what I was thinking.”
My father smiles now, his shoulders relaxing.
“Tearing it down is the only way to take it over. We go in at dawn, take out all of Burke’s security when they’re least expecting it. After we gut the building, we set up a new fighting ring, on our territory.”
My eyes widen.
It’s a smart move. My father is many things, but dumb isn’t one of them. He’s a master manipulator and has a cunning intelligence that’s scary.
But Burke men are going to die.
Should I tell Lara’s brothers? Warn them?
If I do that, Dad will know something’s up.
I’ll make sure her brothers won’t be anywhere around The Pit, but otherwise, I have to keep it to myself.
Dad can’t know he has a rat in his midst, especially since it’s his own son.
“Do you want to help, Rory?” my father asks, and I quickly shake my head, forcing a smile.
“Honeymoon period, remember?”
He chuckles. “Fair enough.”
I stand there through the rest of the meeting, hearing all the details. By the time it’s finished, it’s nearly dawn.
Exhausted, I leave the office, and Duncan follows me.
“Wait up.”
“Don’t you have work to do?” I know I’m being kind of an ass, but this has all been a lot–killing Scott, this new attack.
He holds up his hands. “You’re in a mood. I just wanted to ask how married life is going.”
“It's going," I say tiredly.
He winces. “The Burke girl not coming around?”
“She’s coming around just fine.” I give him a small smile. “That’s not the problem.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I look around, making sure that Paul and my father aren’t within earshot. The office door is shut, and they’re still inside, so I lower my voice.
“I killed a man last night. One of ours.”
Duncan’s eyes widen so far his eyes might pop out of his head. “One of ours? Who? Why?”
“Scott somebody,” I mutter.
“Oh, the Scotsman.” He waves his hand dismissively. “He’s just a floater. Only in it for the money. What’d he do to piss you off?”
Anger rushes over me as I think about it. Even with how awful I feel about the killing, I don’t regret it.
“I walked in on him on top of Lara when she was first taken.”
“Shit. Good fucking riddance, then. Your Pa wouldn’t want that kind of man in our ranks.”
Wouldn’t he?
Scott’s voice telling me my father allowed his men to do whatever they wanted with “the goods” was still very fresh in my mind.
I wish I could tell Duncan the truth. I wish I could tell him that my father isn’t the man that he thinks he is.
My father has no code to speak of. The Burkes have always called him a snake, and I’m seeing more and more how right that nickname is.
I clear my throat. “I’ve just been feeling fucked up about it.”
That much, at least, is true.
Duncan claps me on the shoulder sympathetically. “The first one’s always the hardest, Rory. It gets easier.”
I don’t say it, but I don’t want it to get easier. I don’t ever want it to happen again.
And I can’t even think about the reason I did it, the rage that washed over my vision.
It wasn’t about my father. It wasn’t about a code, or any kind of morals.
It was about Lara. It was because he’d tried to hurt Lara , and I can’t think about what that means.
I just nod, and Duncan trails down the stairs while I walk into my bedroom.
Lara’s still dead asleep, cuddled up with my pillow, and I don’t bother to undress before slipping back under the covers with her.
She makes this cute little noise in the back of her throat and rolls over, cuddling up against my side as I lay on my back.
I can’t stop myself from putting my arm around her.
My heart aches just looking at her slack face, her slightly parted lips as she breathes slowly through her mouth.
I’m not in love with her. I can’t be.
I’m not.