30. Arkadiy
30
ARKADIY
P ain spreads across my chest when I dab at a blob on Mara’s cheek. I’m hopeful it is sweat, even with my heart knowing that isn’t the case. I pushed her too hard, too fast, and now I’ll regret it for the rest of my days.
Remorse clings to my skin when my pointer finger and thumb absorb the salty droplet. Sweat and tears are of similar denseness, so I can’t confirm its origin by touch, but I don’t need confirmation to authenticate its derivation. The horror in Mara’s eyes tells me everything I need to know.
I fucked up.
“No,” Mara pleads when I remove my semi-erect cock from her snug pussy in one quick maneuver.
It should be fully deflated. The thought of hurting anyone usually has it shrinking like a punctured tire, a slow yet controlled deflation. But this is Mara, a woman who has been hurt in unimaginable ways. It shouldn’t be close to erect.
“Ark…”
Mara’s wet eyes bounce between mine when I arch over her to free her hands.
That’s where I fucked up. It wasn’t the first mistake I’ve made, and it most likely won’t be the last, but there’s no doubt in my mind that I should have never restrained her.
You can’t encounter what she did and not have phobias.
Limited control is probably a massive trigger for her.
Probably? She was raped, dickhead. Of course she’d be fearful of being pinned down.
“I shouldn’t have… I…” I cuss again before unknotting my shirt in a hurry, needing to untie her and cover up the reasons I know how horrific the repercussions of abuse can be. “I shouldn’t have bound you.”
“It’s okay,” Mara assures me, confident and without quivering.
When she tries to secure my wandering gaze and fails, she tries with words. “Look at me.”
I can’t. I’m too ashamed.
My sister would roll in her grave if she learned how I treated a victim of sexual assault.
“Ark… please ,” Mara tries again.
When her plea doesn’t reward her my attention, she touches my face.
That gains her my utmost devotion, but this time, it isn’t with a viciousness founded on hate. Astonishment is the main instigator, followed by need. I can smell myself on her skin, and it is as intoxicating as the delicious palette of her pussy.
Her eyes—those fucking eyes—sear through to my soul and smooth the shakes shuddering my body.
“It’s okay,” she assures me again, gently nodding.
With her hand on my face and her thumb stroking my brow, I can’t help but respond.
It isn’t as expected.
I lean into her embrace and breathe in her scent, accepting her comfort even though I know I don’t deserve it.
Her smell comforts me. It’s different since it is a combination of our scents, but it is extremely cleansing.
I drink it in until my muscles relax enough to unclench my fists, and then I lower my eyes to her face. She looks fuckable and sweet at the same time, and it has me torn on how to move forward. Usually, I flee before sending in a team of lawyers when I fuck up.
I don’t want to do that this time around.
“Why?” I ask, ignoring the hard rock in the back of my throat that’s slowly killing me.
Mara chews on her bottom lip as she contemplates my question. Her delay in responding gives me plenty of time to prepare for the onslaught her answer will no doubt hit me with, so I’m caught off guard when she once again displays her strength.
“I didn’t realize it could feel so good. I was overwhelmed. I…” There’s a length of silence and then a sigh. “I let go.” As she scoots up the couch, her shaky hands lower the hem of her skirt. “Now I feel embarrassed. I don’t know how I’m meant to act, Ark. I’ve never…” She stops again and breathes out heavily. “It never felt good. Not once. So I let my emotions get away on me.”
My knuckles pop as the truth smacks into me.
She’s never been with anyone but the predator who assaulted her.
Dr. Babkin is the only man she has slept with.
And you went and fucked it up by making her true first time all about you.
“Mara… I’m sor?—”
She squashes her finger to my lips as the fire in her eyes re-ignites. “I don’t need an apology. I also don’t want one.” Her eyes bounce between mine for several seconds before she says, “I just want your trust.”
“I trust you.” My pledge leaves my mouth before I can stop it, and it is as honest as the day is long.
Her smile sends a current through my body, changing my temperament from hostile to blazing in under a second. “Then you should know that I would tell you if it were ever too much…” A fire blazes through her eyes as she licks her lips. “As I am sure you will me.”
When her eyes lower to my crotch, I’m hard again in an instant. Her eyes give away her every intention, and within seconds, the air fills with the scent of her re-forming excitement.
She doesn’t move forward as per the silent pleas of her body, though. She waits for approval, the anticipation of my endorsement adding to the misting of sweat on her flawless skin.
My heart rate rises. It isn’t in fear. My abuser’s kink was pain. My pleasure was never at the forefront of her mind. It is contemplating the shift of power Mara is initiating and how I will handle the imbalance.
It is easy to feel in control when you’re the master of someone else’s pleasure. Receiving it, though, is an entirely different kettle of fish.
I need the control, the reins.
I’ve not handed them over in almost three decades.
This will be a challenge for me, but a challenge I am willing to face if it returns Mara’s confidence to what it was before I made her uncomfortable.
After straightening my spine, I pull off the condom covered with evidence of Mara’s multiple orgasms before I rake my fingers through her hair.
She hums her approval of my grapple for the reins as she wets her fuckable lips.
Shockingly, excitement is the first spasm to roll down my spine when her wet and delectable mouth arrows toward the engorged crown of my cock.
Mara has a mouth designed to be fucked, and my dick is raring for the chance to prove my theory right.
I’ve never been harder.
“I won’t touch you.” Her whispered words float over the crest of my cock, thickening me more. “And you can stop this at any time.”
The possibility of that is nonexistent when she circles her lips around the tip and gently suckles. I’m barely an inch in her mouth, but it feels good. So fucking good.
Muscles bunch when she swivels her tongue on the underside of my cock while lowering her lips down my twitching shaft. She takes me to the back of her throat, her mouth hot and inviting.
“Yes,” I hiss like a snake, confident I could die now and not feel like I’ve missed a worthwhile experience.
There’s only one way this could be better—if Mara’s hands were pumping my shaft in beat to the hearty sucks of her mouth.
But I’m too scared to ask, too scared I may react badly, so I close my eyes and get lost in the sensation of her velvety tongue absorbing the beady drops of pre-cum on the crown of my cock.
Her lips glide up and down my shaft nonstop over the next several minutes, doubling the urge to thrust my hips forward. The wish to fuck her mouth claws at me in desperation. I want to come, to surrender to the madness stealing my smarts for the past hour, but I hold back. I fight to issue Mara the respect she is deeply craving.
It is a fucking hard feat.
Inches upon inches of Mara’s luscious skin is on display, and although her hair is a tangled mess and her face is void of makeup, she is still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.
My thigh muscles clench when she greedily takes me to the back of her throat, stimulating me as I’ve never experienced. Tingles race down my spine, and my balls pull in close to my body.
“God… Mara. That feels so good.”
When she moans her approval of the lustiness of my voice, I rock my hips forward, stuffing more of my cock inside her mouth. Her moans vibrate on my crown, sending spasms of pleasure rolling down my spine.
Air sucks from my lungs when her eagerness to please me has her gagging on my cock. I bite on the inside of my cheek when she runs her tongue down the vein feeding my monster dick.
“Fuck…”
I breathe through my nose, struggling to push past the intense reaction making me as desperate for her touch as I am to come. She can’t take all of me, but I’m not disappointed. The sections she’s working feel fucking amazing.
“You’re going to make me come so hard.”
I’m gripping her hair too painfully, jerking my hips too wildly. I fuck her mouth like I paid for the privilege, but Mara can’t seem to get enough.
Her nails claw at the sofa as her moans vibrate my crown.
“Keep going… Just like that… Take the lead.”
Her noises are feral, and they have me losing all sense of control.
I still as the most animalistic growl rolls up my chest.
Then I come into Mara’s mouth, spurting hot, salty cum onto her tongue and down her throat.
I’m so fucking spent that before I can consider the consequences of my actions, I flop onto the sofa next to Mara, then pull her over until she is straddling my lap. My heart is thrashing too wildly for her to miss, but it feels right having her in my arms, nuzzling my chest.
It feels like home.
A short time later, when I have some sense of control over my lungs, I peel back a wisp of hair stuck to her sweaty cheek before lifting her eyes to mine.
I smile, relieved that there isn’t an ounce of fear in her eyes.
She looks happy. Accomplished.
She looks like she knows her skills at sucking dick are sky high.
I’d be jealous if I believed that was true. Even with what we’re establishing as fresh as a baby, I know her expression isn’t egotistical.
She’s content, and although it won’t last, her fear is forgotten.
I gave that to her, and she did the same for me.
Even now, sexually and emotionally exhausted, and the urge for her to touch me overwhelming me, I feel fearless enough to say, “She told me I was dirty. That since I was born a bastard, I’d have to work harder to wash away the sins my out-of-wedlock birth caused.” I stop to swallow the anger bubbling in my throat and heating my face. “The water was hot… hot enough to burn … yet I still felt dirty even after she scrubbed my skin raw.”
A memory flashes up, momentarily stilling me, before the softness of a delicate hand pulls me out of the trenches before I’m wholly buried.
Mara’s thumb is scarcely stroking mine, but the disbelief it smacks me with sees even more secrets being shared. “Just the briefest touch would instigate hives because I knew she would use it as an excuse to say I was dirty again. Then she would have to bathe me, and the routine I did everything to avoid would start all over again.” Anger echoes in my tone. “I did everything I could to stay clean. I went to the library during breaks at school. I ate my lunch with gloves I stole from the cafeteria. I didn’t touch anyone, and I sure as hell didn’t allow anyone to touch me. I did everything I could, but the abuse didn’t end. I—” I stop when I choke, and then I fiercely shake my head.
These are my secrets to share, but I don’t want to share them. I never have with anyone. Not even Rafael knows how dark they go.
And I will do everything I can to make it stay that way.
Air leaves Mara’s mouth in a hurry when I stroke the pad of my thumb over her erect nipple. I don’t want to use her to get over my anguish. I want her to help me forget.
The burn at the back of my throat feels nowhere near as scalding when she leans into my embrace instead of repelling from it.
Although appreciative of her wave of the white flag, she is a fighter more than first perceived. “Abusers target children because they’re the most vulnerable.”
She almost yelps when I tug her nipple firmly. This is not a discussion I want to have while my cock is poking into her ass. It should be as flat as a tack, not digging into her curves.
My lips thin when she persists. “They are inappropriate in front of a family member to s-see if they will get away with it.” I freeze, curious to see where she’s going with this. “When they do, they become more risqué. They groom you in front of the people who are meant to protect you because they know they won’t do anything about it since they’re just as abusive.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
I thought I deserved to be abused because I was too scared to speak up.
Only now am I realizing that isn’t the case.
Even when you’re brave enough to push back, you can still get hurt.
I stroke Mara’s back, hopeful my simplest touch will weaken the rise and fall of her chest, before asking, “How long?” Her eyes bounce between mine like she is confused. I know she isn’t, but I act stupid. “How long did it take for the abuse to stop?”
“Um…” I hate the shake of her thighs. “It d-didn’t… until I left.”
My voice is calm even though I’m anything but. “Because you were pregnant with Tillie?”
Shock registers on her beautiful face for half a second before understanding settles it.
She nods. “I had hoped he would s-stop since I was pregnant.” Her hands knot into her skirt. “But it made him worse.”
“Because she was proof that he was a pedophile.”
She doesn’t try to hide her disgust from me. She simply nods before breathing out slowly. “I think th-that’s why he was so rough the last time. He wanted me to miscarry.” Wetness glosses her eyes, but her cheeks remain tear-free. “I didn’t want that. I wanted Ti?—”
“I know,” I interrupt, stilling her fidgeting hands. “You don’t need to tell me, Mara. I know.” I take a deep breath, then hold her gaze while sharing a secret I had planned to take to the grave. “I am sure it was the same for Karolina with Riley. Even knowing how she was conceived and the hate associated with it, I’m confident she wanted her from the moment she knew of her existence.”