Chapter 28
Raya
I slowly trace my finger over the gold ring with dark and icy blue diamonds all around it, and my heart continues to pound, like it has since Cale asked me to marry him.
Teenage me got her dream, got her wish, while adult me is confused and oh so god damn terrified.
I feel dirty, filthy actually, a feeling Dr. Hans said should slowly go away as I come to terms with what happened to me.
The first time, my revenge became my sole focus so I didn’t dwell on the fact I was raped and nearly killed.
Back then, Cale barely even looked my way which I’m now seeing was his way of denying what he felt for me over the years but now, my revenge is done.
The Hyenas are dead and I saved Hudson and myself.
I got my revenge for my father while surviving a house fire, saving a child, and now my mind is no longer fogged over.
I’m now reliving every kill I did, every scared look of the people I beat to death with a pole, Clara’s wide, shocked eyes as the bullet hit her head. They all haunt me before I feel his hands on me, the tearing of my insides, the sharp pains in my back and side...
I was raped, had a metal pole shoved inside me, the same pole I killed his men with. The same pole I killed him with.
My eyes tear up. This moment should be a happy moment.
I just married my childhood crush. The man I fell madly in love with, then hated, and still flirted with for years in front of the whole club.
I should be celebrating, yet here I am, an hour later after returning to the clubhouse, sitting on Cale’s bed in his clubhouse room.
I’m staring at my wedding ring, suddenly regretting tying myself to him.
I’m dumping my problematic self on him while the club celebrates outside of this door.
I snuck away after the ladies gushed over my ring, Tate giving me the perfect opportunity to ditch the festivities when she demanded attention.
For years, Cale and I have been at odds. For years, I’ve tried to focus on my revenge, and now everything is different, everything has changed.
My revenge is done, and I’m married, yet the thought of letting anyone, even him, touch me makes my skin crawl.
How can he still want me?
What if I can never give him my body, a family like he wants?
I sniffle and quickly wipe away my tears before taking a deep breath knowing I need to go back out there, I have to.
Before I can move the door opens gaining my attention and the figure walking in takes my breath away like he always has, his cut hugging his muscular shoulders, his hair messy on top like he’s ran his fingers through it several times.
I don’t know why I gravitated towards Cale. I don’t really know why I had a crush on him, but I always had eyes for him, only him.
Without looking at me, Cale shuts the door then leans against it, holding something in his hand before he finally locks eyes with mine.
Without breaking eye contact, he holds up what he brought in with him and I suck in a breath at the ‘property of,’ then ‘Venom’ on the back before he turns it around and shows me the front of the cut.
My nickname, the one I loathed but secretly loved, standing out on the breast in icy blue.
My pulse races as we lock eyes again and he admits quietly, “Blade got it made before he even took over as president, knowing one day I was going to claim you.”
Oh…
“But the nickname?” I question just as quietly.
He only started calling me kitten last year when I finally fought back, when his words about my father became too much.
“He got it added when he heard me call you kitten for the first time,” he admits, and my tears fall again, so I look down, not knowing what to say.
Again, teenage me is jumping for joy right now, having her crush, her best friend's brother, finally claim her. But adult me…she is still in Ivy’s old room with a pole shoved inside her…
After a few seconds of silence, seeing I’m not going to speak, Cale speaks up instead and questions, “Every shitty thing I said over the years, all the accusations, why did you just take it instead of telling me the real reason why you acted weird around me?”
I smile softly before I look at the perfect man, and I admit, “Because you spoke to me and deep down I knew if you had found out about my crush, my feelings, you would have stayed away from me, and that thought hurt more than the words you’d say.”
Cale smiles bashfully, I take that moment to look down at my ring again and gently trace it as I admit on a whisper, “Teenage me finally got everything she’s ever wanted but adult me doesn’t think she deserves it,” I look at the man I gave my everything to willingly and I choke, “I’m a killer, Cale, I have blood on my hands, I lied to the people I love, broke promises, hurt my mama, I was raped… ”
“Shit,” he curses before rushing over to me.
Kneeling before me, he places the cut on the bed, then gently takes my jaw in his hand, and ensures we keep eye contact.
My tears fall seeing the heartbreak in his eyes and he admits, “I love you, Raya, so fucking much, every single little bit of you. I love you, I have way before I should have. You are my everything,” before he kisses me gently, caressing my lips then ever so slowly, he pushes me back onto the bed, his left arm going around my waist lifting me up the bed before he lays his body on top of mine and I tense unwillingly.
My body starts locking up, memory after memory of him, forcing himself on me coming back to me.
“You are my heart, my love, my wife, my forever,” Cale whispers against my lips, bringing me back to him as he gently rubs his thumb along my cheek, his eyes locking with mine.
Ever so gently, without looking away, Cale moves a hand between us and undoes my jeans, and my heart pounds.
“Spending every single second of every day pissing you off, it’s an honor I cannot wait to fulfill,” he says and I giggle, I can’t help it making him smile before gently pressing a kiss to my lips.
He slowly moves his lips to my jaw as he murmurs, “To spend the evenings next to the open fire, with a glass a wine and you in my arms, preferably naked.”
My stomach tightens at his words as his lips go to my neck and his hands slowly lift his t-shirt I stole this morning off the bedroom floor before he moves slightly and lifts it over my head.
I suck in a breath, the instinct to cover up and flinch strong, but Cale doesn’t let me be insecure.
Instead, he quickly moves down my body and presses his lips to my wounds on my hips, and my tears fall at the tenderness he’s showing me.
“I want to build a family with you,” he whispers as he gently pulls my jeans and panties down my legs, removing them. My breathing gets heavier, but not with anticipation like I should be feeling…but with fear.
What if I disgust him?
What if the doctor missed something, and I give him something?
“I want to grow old with you, Raya Miller,” he says, getting my attention with the last name, and I look up at him to see him standing above me, looking over my body. Not looking at me with disgust, but instead, lust, love, and awe shine back at me, making my tears fall harder.
Slowly, he removes his cut and lays it next to mine on the bed before he removes his own shirt, throwing it on the floor.
I side-eye it to see where it landed, and he snorts, he knows I’m clocking it so I can steal it later. He continues as he undoes his jeans and slowly pulls them off, along with his boots and boxers, standing before me completely naked, full of tattoos.
The man is a work of art.
“Years of arguing and hate flirting has come to this, kitten, you and me, always,” he whispers as he climbs over me, his left arm going to my leg, lifting it and just as his body covers mine.
His skin is warming mine and sending tingles throughout my body.
Suddenly, the tip of his member hits my entrance and I stiffen, my body locking up and I go to shove him away.
I can’t do this, I can’t…
I can feel my pulse quicken and sweat begin to build.
We can’t do this. I can’t do this. It isn’t right. He deserves more than this, than me…
“Look at me, kitten,” he demands softly, and I look his way sharply, breathing heavy, a panic attack in full force, and our eyes lock. “It’s just you and me, no one else, just us like it always should have been, focus on me, kitten.”
He slowly pushes inside me as he speaks, my walls squeezing him, but instead of trying to push him out, they try to pull him in, my arousal coming thick and strong. My tears fall as he lets go of my leg and links our fingers, placing them by my head.
He pauses as he bottoms out, and I breathe heavily.
He feels good, right, but there’s a part of me that feels like I should pull away, and that hurts because he is all I ever wanted. My body clearly wants him, my arousal is in full force, but my head is stuck in that room, it’s stuck with every person I killed.
“Focus on me, kitten,” he reminds me, and we lock eyes again, and he praises, “That’s it, just focus on me and you. Forget about what’s outside these walls and everything that has happened, focus on me and how many times you basically begged to have me.”
The cheeky little…
He grins and I narrow my eyes as I squeeze his hands and remind him, “It was you sitting outside my door telling me everything about your life every night, mister. I just admired you from afar while secretly trying to figure out how to kiss you and hurt you at the same time.”
He hums as he gently kisses my lips before he whispers, “I love you. Mrs. Miller,” and my tears blur my vision and I admit, “And I love you,” and he nods and mutters, “That is all we need for right now,” before he kisses me softly and I melt, trying to ignore the tightness of my body.
Cale licks my lips, and I open before his tongue touches mine, his taste that I love so much invading my taste buds before he gently moves his hips back, only leaving the tip in, and without breaking the kiss, he thrusts forward. I gasp into his mouth while he groans into mine.
I feel the pleasure, and it-it confuses me.
Cale thrusts slow and deep, making love to me, only caring about my pleasure as our kiss continues to stay sensual and romantic.
After a little while, I finally relax and wrap my legs around his waist and squeeze his hands and fall into the vision of just us, pretending to be normal like we haven’t gone through hell to get here.
Instead, in my mind, he fell in love with his sister’s best friend and we began our relationship like in the story books.
Not him being mean because of his fear or me trying to hide with my trauma and as my pleasure shoots up, my orgasm pending, I let myself get lost in him, only him and his touch.
I just hope he doesn’t regret giving me his ring, his cut.
I hope we can get past the past…