Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
LILITH
Dear Diary,
I’m rich.
Fuck you.
xox
I have money—a lot of it.
“This is a three-bedroom and overlooks the park,” the realtor informs me. I step up to the windows to see the view. “It isn’t a penthouse, but the view is amazing all the same.”
This is the third apartment I’ve seen. None of them have been in the city, at my request, of course. I would rather not live close to my ex-husband if I can help it.
I’ve had two appointments with Arlo since our first meeting, and despite how cold he is, I actually think he’s good at what he does. Today’s session is being held out of the office.
“You can afford this?” Arlo says, walking in.
The realtor smiles at him before she excuses herself.
“I can. It seems my father left me money,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Blood money is always the sweetest,” he comments, side-eyeing me.
“You smell nice. Got a hot date later?”
“As a matter of fact, I have a meeting after this.” He walks to the window and looks out. “Shouldn’t you say I look nice, not smell nice?”
“I think you know you look nice, Arlo. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have spent thousands on a suit. So, I’m telling you, you smell nice.” I smile at him.
“I’ll take that compliment, then.”
“Good.”
Going back to the previous topic, he asks, “How much did he leave you?”
“I lost count, to be honest. I think it’s over one million.”
“This place would cost all of that.” He waves a hand around. “Think a little more rationally.”
“I have a job,” I point out, because I left the parties and got a new one.
I’ve been working at a car dealership, answering the phones. It’s not much, but it helps pay the bills.
“Yes, a shit-paying job. How will you explain this place?”
“Umm…”
“Look for something smaller, Lilith. Use your brain,” he says with an eye roll.
“You know, for someone who is supposed to help people, you’re a real ass,” I grumble.
“I’m helping you heal from trauma, Lilith.
Trauma that causes you to feel euphoria from blood.
It all stems from your childhood and your father.
Now, not all children will end up the same.
Many may just have father issues. They change their names and hide who they are.
Others might embrace it and tell people in order to get sympathy.
And then there are ones like you who happen to fall in love with it.
Your father was the same… He loved the chase. Did you know the Hunt was his idea?”
“Tell me about the Hunt.”
“There are a lot of things you already know that you shouldn’t. If you want to know about the Hunt, ask your father.”
“I asked you,” I challenge.
Just then, the real estate agent walks back in, interrupting us.
“She won’t take this one. Show her one more in her price range with two bedrooms,” Arlo tells her, then heads to the door and calls out, “Lilith, coffee now” over his shoulder.
“You are so bossy, you know that?” I loudly complain as I thank the realtor and then follow Arlo out.
We walk down the street together until we find the nearest coffee shop and go inside.
“Green tea?” he asks, and I nod.
As he goes to order, I sit and place my bag on the empty table. After he’s placed our order, he comes to the table, pulls out a chair, and sits. “Have you been doing the exercises I gave you?”
“Yes,” I say with an eye roll.
“Affirmations help more than you think. And you spoke to your Aunt, so that’s a starting point.”
“Do you really think I can be fixed?” I ask hopefully.
Our drinks are delivered, and I thank the lady as she walks off.
“Do you want to be fixed or just help manage your addictions?”
“Addictions?” I ask.
“I’ve been helping you, but I don’t think you want them to fully go away, Lilith. Just like your father, you are addicted to it.”
“I’m not. I haven’t even—”
“How do you put yourself to sleep, Lilith?”
I bite the inside of my cheek.
He leans in and drops his voice to a whisper. “You dream of that night, the one you held that knife in your hand, don’t you?”
“I—”
“You do. Who else do you wish you could put that knife in?”
I sit back and think about what he said. He stares at me, always assessing my every move. Arlo is good at reading and understanding all my quirks.
“You haven’t asked me about him,” I say, changing the subject.
“I was waiting for you to bring him up. Do you want to talk about Reon?”
“So, you do know.”
“I know,” he says, waiting for me to tell him about Reon.
“I spent two nights with him. Two. And they were probably the best nights of my life, mixed with the ending of my marriage. Honestly, when I look back, I was a little crazy. I got obsessed with him, so much so that I stole an identity to just stalk him.” I shrug my shoulders like it’s no big deal.
“We’re allowed to be a little bit crazy for love.”
“I don’t love him.” I scoff as I pick at my nail polish. “I don’t think I’ve ever truly loved anyone.”
“You were fixated on him,” he points out.
“I was.”
“Does it help that he’s the same?”
“He’s with someone else now, so it doesn’t matter.”
“How do you know he’s still with Maya?” Busted.
“I’ve seen them,” I lie.
“You have?” His brow raises.
“It was by accident. You were with them, too.”
“I was?”
“Yes, and you had a redhead with you. You were at a restaurant.”
“That was my restaurant,” he says.
“You own a restaurant?”
“Yes, and don’t change the subject. How did you see us? You don’t live on that side of town.”
I huff out a breath. He’s always calling me out. “Why do you ask so many questions?” I say, shaking my head. “Aren’t we meant to be sitting in your office, talking about my feelings, and you giving me advice?”
“We don’t do normal therapy with you.”
“Fine,” I say on a huff. “I was drunk, and I almost walked in. But she saw me and came out.”
“Maya did?”
“Yes, Maya,” I say her name with distaste.
“And what did my sweet Maya have to say to you?” he asks, smirking.
“Sweet? She is anything but sweet.”
“Really?”
“She was pissed. She obviously saw me the minute I saw her. And out she came, walked straight up to me, put her long, delicate finger on my chest, and said, and I quote, ‘If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from him. He’s mine.’”
“And what did you say, Lilith?”
I cross my legs as I look at him. “Who said I said anything?”
“You wouldn’t have been able to help yourself.”
“You don’t know that.” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Yes, I do. Your weaknesses are there if you look close enough. And yours are all about Reon. And to be frank, his are all about you. He won’t touch Maya because of you. To be honest, it’s causing a lot of issues. When Soren finds issues, he has the power to remove them.”
“Reon would let him?”
He laughs, and it’s dry, humorless.
“Technically, Reon is just as powerful as Soren, maybe even more so. However, Reon is a part of the Society, and some rules come with membership. One of them is to not disobey the Lord.”
“Do you obey the Lord?” I ask.
“Yes, as far as he knows.” And I hear the underlying truth: what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
“Sounds like the Society is having issues.”
“It always is,” Arlo says, standing. “Come, let’s walk.” I get up and follow him out. “What did you say to her?”
“I told her to suck my dick and that I will suck whoever’s dick I want. Can’t say it was my finest choice of words, but I was intoxicated.”
Arlo huffs out a laugh and shakes his head.
“I’m going back to see my father tomorrow.”
“Good.”
“Do you visit him?”
“No, it’s forbidden to see him. Members only leave in one way… death. Your father was the first to go to prison.”
“Did you like him? I mean, as a person. My father?”
He stops on the side of the street and turns to face me. “Yes, very much so. I remember you. He never really brought you around. If anyone saw you, he would say you were his sister’s daughter. No one questioned him.”
“Why was that?” He falls quiet, and I grab his arm. “Why was that?” I repeat with more force.
“Because your father was the Lord.” My pulse skyrockets as Arlo begins walking again.
I assumed my father had some pull in the Society, but Lord? I grew up believing he might have been just a serial killer. Maybe that was why he was finally caught. To be honest, I never really asked many questions. I rebelled and lived the life I thought I was meant to.
“Lord?” I say out loud.
Arlo stops and waits for me. People walk past us, and he doesn’t seem to care.
“I see so much of him in you. Tell me, Lilith. How are the dreams?”
I shake my head. “Lord?” I repeat, not wanting to talk about how I dream of that night with the knife or how I run the flat edge of that knife over my skin as I make myself come, thinking about that night over and over with the ways Reon touched me, how I sleep with the blade tucked under my pillow.
Arlo’s phone rings, and when he checks the screen, his gaze shoots to me. He shows me the phone, and I see Reon’s name flashing.
“Reon,” Arlo says as he puts the phone to his ear. “No, I’m in a meeting.” A car honks, and someone yells. Arlo sighs. “Yes, the meeting is outside. I’m having a coffee.”
“I’m going to go,” I whisper to him, pointing in the other direction.
He waves a hand. “Just wait.”
“Lilith, is that you?” I freeze at the sound of that voice coming from behind me. I heard it almost every day on the radio with my ex-husband. “I was going to avoid you, but it’s been a year, so—”
I turn and see her, my pulse quickening at the mere sight of her. I don’t greet her because I have no words.
“This is Becca,” she says, hesitantly pointing to the baby who’s in the arms of another woman.
“Did Deven tell you about her?” I look at the tiny girl and immediately recognize those eyes, that mouth.
That piece of shit. Though, should I really expect any less from him, not that I think about him much at all now anyway.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” she says.
“I’m sure you are.” I feel Arlo step up next to me, his arm brushing mine as he looks at the woman who was fucking my husband. “Actually, I should thank you.” I can feel Arlo’s gaze on me. “You see, I’m in therapy, and it’s helping a lot.”
“That’s good to hear. Some of the things Deven said… Well, I’m glad you’re seeing someone.”
“Yes, it’s helping. It helped me realize that Deven was a low point of my life… a shitty fuck and a shitty husband. And most of all, a shitty man. So, thank you. And I hope the same for you.” Her mouth falls open, and Arlo grips my wrist, turns me around, and pulls me away.
“Reon will be here in five. I suggest you run.”
I smirk before I do just that.