Chapter 20
TWENTY
LILITH
I have questions.
And only my father can give me the answers.
“Arlo said your sessions are going well” are the first words that leave his mouth when I take a seat across from him in the visitation room.
“Yes. Care to tell me how Arlo came to owe you a favor?” I think I already know, but I want to hear it directly from my father.
He sits back in his chair and smiles at me. I wonder if it’s the same smile I give Reon.
“Arlo also told me he told you who and what I was.”
“Yes. Yes, he did.”
“And that you, my daughter, somehow snuck in, managing to get past their high-tech security and worked some of their functions.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “Do you realize how dangerous that is?”
“I survived, didn’t I?” I shrug. “You were in the Forsaken Society,” I say more quietly than before. “Not only were you in it, but you were also the Lord.”
He rubs his hands together as he stares at me. “Yes, I was.” He nods.
“And you never told them about me?”
“No. As protective as they are with their members, they are just as dangerous, Lilith. Remember that.”
“So, you hid me. But did you really think I was in danger, or did you just not like the fact that you had something they could take away from you? Or hold against you? Did you even want me, or was I an inconvenience to you and the Society?” I ask.
His mouth thins as he shakes his head. “Don’t ever say that.
You are my greatest treasure. The one thing I care about most in the world.
You may see yourself as broken, but I don’t.
I see you as so much more than that.” He waves his shackled hands around.
“I thought I made sure you would never experience that life. Had hoped for it. But here you sit, somehow in the damn middle of it.”
“I’m not in it,” I tell him.
He raises a brow. “Are you sure? Because from what I hear, you are.”
“I’m not. The only access I have to that life is Arlo now, thanks to you. Are you telling me I should stop seeing him, too?”
“Yes. Once you feel you have gotten what you need from him, stop all contact. Arlo may owe me a favor, but make no mistake, he is a snake. A beautiful, smart fucking snake.” I sit back and take that in.
I guess that’s a great description of Arlo.
While I don’t think I can fully trust him, I know he’s helping me.
He calls it blood lust.
I call it trauma.
“Your Aunt said you visited her.”
“Yes, she gave me the money. I bought a small apartment with it. One I can afford to live in.”
“Good, good. That makes me happy. Be kind to Linda. She means well. And she has always done right by us when we had no one else.”
“What I remember most about Linda was that she was always drunk.”
“You’ve seen the photo she keeps by her bedside table, right?”
“Her and some guy?” I ask, confused as to where this conversation is going.
“Yes, that was Tuck.”
“Okay?” I say, confused.
“She loved Tuck, and I killed him.” I gasp, and my father’s jaw tightens as his shoulders tense with apprehension.
“Tuck was with me in the Hunt. He is what you would consider to be a second. He was my second.” He takes a deep breath, then continues, “And I decided one day he’d had enough of breathing. ”
“Are you supposed to be saying this out loud?” I whisper. And how could he be so ruthless in killing someone for no reason? This is why I am so fucked up! I’m just like him.
“I’m in here for life. They can’t get me on anything else.” He shrugs. “Fuck it, who cares.”
“I care.”
“I can have Deven killed if you’d like. Just because I’m in here doesn’t mean I didn’t hear about your husband.” I try to hide my smile at the fact that he cares. I like it. It’s nice to know that someone loves you and is willing to do the unthinkable for you.
“Deven can keep breathing. He doesn’t affect me. Just leave it. He is insignificant to me.”
He nods. “Talk to Linda. Be kind to her. Even after what I did, what I took away from her, she still took you in.”
“I will.”
* * *
Linda is on her hands and knees in the garden, a sunhat on her head and sunglasses covering her eyes.
“Thought you would have bought a better car than that.” She points at my car, and I smile.
Deven hated my car, too, but it gets me where I need to go.
So, what if some paint is missing? It has never failed me yet, and that is something I can’t say for many people in my life.
“With all that money you have now,” she adds, then goes back to digging in her garden.
I find a good spot in the grass close to her and sit down.
“Tell me about her,” I say, and she pauses but doesn’t look at me.
“Who?”
“My mother. Tell me about her.”
“You’ve never asked before. Not once.”
“How would you remember?” I say to her, and I’m aware that it’s rude. But it’s also the truth; she was always drunk.
“I remember you sneaking out, sneaking boys in. I remember. Even if I drank to numb the pain, I remember Lilith.” She pats the dirt and lifts her watering can, tipping it over the soil.
“Your mother was my friend first, not his. I sometimes wish I had never introduced them. Would her life have turned out the same? You know, these are the things one thinks when someone dies.”
“You blame yourself?”
“I blame myself for a lot of things, but the death of your mother is not one of them.” She reaches for a glass of tea next to her and drinks it.
“She was very excited to have you, even if she was young. We were all young and working things out as we went.” Her lower lip goes between her teeth as her brows pinch together.
“I don’t remember in great detail how she died…
That would be a question you need to ask your father. ”
“He doesn’t talk much about her.”
“No, he never really did after. That’s when he kind of lost it.”
“Lost it?” I ask.
“Yes. He became more callous and more deeply involved in that Society of his.” My brows shoot up.
“Oh, yes, I know it all.” She shakes her head.
“That Society is wrong and bad in so many ways. Rich men are an awful thing, especially when they pool together and have that much power at their fingertips.”
“I think I’m a little bad,” I whisper.
“We all are, in some ways. At least you admit it. Others hide it.” She stands, goes to an area scattered with pots, and gets a new plant before she returns and sits beside me.
“You had her hair. Your eyes are like your father’s, but your hair was like hers. Your attitude was all your father, too. It’s why I knew when to leave you alone. I knew back then to leave him alone, too. Where your father was mean, your mother was soft. They balanced each other out, you know.”
“What happens when you love someone who is the same fucked-up as you?” I ask quietly.
She lays her hand on my leg and squeezes. “Disaster.” Her answer shakes me.
She goes back to planting as we sit in silence.
“Will you tell me about Tuck?” Her hands freeze, and I see a slight shake take over them. “You don’t have to.”
She glances at me, unshed tears in her eyes as her bottom lip trembles. “It’s good to talk about those you love, dead or alive.” She lifts her gloved hands and wipes her eyes. “Do you think you love him?” she asks.
“Who?”
“The man you’re running from.”
Her attempt to change the topic gives me pause.
“Are you avoiding my question?” I fire back.
“Yes, I guess I am.” She shrugs. “Death is easy for some. And others find it more difficult to come to terms with. I used to drown myself in the bottom of a bottle so I didn’t hate my brother.” Her eyes meet mine. “I loved Tuck, and your father took him from me.”
“Why did you forgive him?”
“Because he is my only family and the only man who has always been there for me. Plus, he gave me something I could never have… you.”
“You couldn’t have kids?” How did I not know this? Probably because I never asked.
“No, I had cancer when I was in my early twenties, just starting out and working out what I wanted from life. Did I want kids? I don’t even know.
But that choice was taken away from me. And Keenan was there for me and your mother.
It’s why, even if he killed the love of my life, I still forgave him. ”
“You didn’t have to. You can hate my father.”
“It’s a little late for that. I’ve wrestled my demons long enough. I’m at peace now,” she says and wipes her hands on her clothes. “Do you want kids, Lilith?”
“No,” I reply with no hesitation.
“When you were younger, you weren’t a fan of kids either.” She shrugs. “I want you to know there is nothing wrong with that… It’s better that you know. Some people in this world should not have kids. And if you feel like you are one of them, that’s okay too.”
I reach for her glass and take a sip of her tea.
“Will you tell me about him?” she asks.
“Who?”
“The man you like.”
“I’m divorced,” I remind her.
She eyes me and raises a brow. “You know that’s not who I’m talking about.”
“If you tell me what you know about the Hunt, I’ll tell you about Reon,” I say.
“It’s barbaric.” She seethes, shaking her head. “Why would you want to know about that? You know they don’t accept women into their little Society, right? It’s below them.” She says it with venom lacing her tone.
“I know.” While the information about the Society was at best, limited, I was able to gather this much.
“Well, Tuck spoke a lot. He told me things that he probably shouldn’t have. Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s why your father killed him.”
“Sorry, what?”
“When he drank, Tuck would spill the information he shouldn’t have been sharing about the Society and its members.
When the members feel threatened, they have ways of getting rid of the issues.
One of them overheard him talking about what he told me.
And, well, so did Keenan. The Hunt was the following day.
After that, they planned to interrogate Tuck more.
” She shifts uneasily, her gaze darting around the area as if she were searching for the words that will come next.
“I loved that man, but I don’t think for a second he would have protected me. That night, Keenan came home and told me Tuck was gone and that he had to do it.” She wipes a tear from her eye before locking eyes with me once more, her expression a mixture of sadness and resignation.
“They go into the forest. The Society owns the land and a lot of it. It’s used for their hunting. Twice a year, they hunt together as a group. But I’m sure they have individual hunts, as well, that I am not privy to.”
“That doesn’t sound like a big deal,” I say, but she gives me a look that says I’m being na?ve.
“It’s not animals they hunt, Lilith.”
“I don’t…” My brows scrunch as I try to figure out her meaning. “Oh…” I take a deep breath when I finally understand. “They kill people.”
She nods. “It’s barbaric. The Lord chooses who they hunt. And no other members get a say.”
“So, Dad picked Tuck.”
“He picked Tuck. And because he was Lord, they couldn’t question it.” I nod in understanding. “Which I think was also his downfall. They knew he did it to save his own ass, which made many of them angry.”
“I’m sorry, Linda.”
She offers me a small smile while wiping her tears away. “No, dear, I’m sorry you’re now a part of that world. If I were sober back then, I would have taken you far away…” she murmurs, her gaze distant, as if she were lost in regret. “Away from all this.”
I can’t argue with her. I’m starting to wonder if things would be different had she taken me away from this world. I wonder if instead of sneaking out to find love in another’s bed, would I be living a different life?
I don’t know.
I really don’t know.