Chapter 36 #2
“Yep. A lot.” And told me more about himself than I imagined most people knew.
Certainly none of us knew about Dinah and Malwin, or what happened to him on Earth.
Thinking about all he had to do to survive made me sick.
I wanted to throttle someone, specifically anyone who hurt him.
I would do it too. I knew I would, that I’d commit an unspeakable act without him having to ask.
I was so doomed.
“And you forgave him?” she inquired softly.
“As I said, he’s good in bed.”
The bed jerked from her loud laughter. “Is that all that matters to you?”
“Yep.” Apparently not.
“You are ridiculous, but I’m happy for you. Both of you.”
I peeked at her and she smiled before kissing my cheek.
“Go to sleep. Try not to have any wet dreams about lover boy.” Arana giggled as she rolled over me to get off the bunk. I got one good smack against her thigh before she climbed into her bed and fell asleep in seconds.
How I envied her. Sleep avoided me. I tossed and turned, worrying about my heart that kept skipping and my mind that betrayed me.
I thought of Roys, wanting to talk to him, message him, see him, kiss him, to have him in my arms in any way he’d let me, and that spoke volumes.
Countless times I picked up my commlink thinking about messaging him as if we hadn’t seen each other already. Then a message came up.
Roys: I’d sleep better if you were here.
My teeth pressed hard into my bottom lip, stifling a painful smile.
Lucky: If I were there, we wouldn’t be sleeping.
Roys: Even better.
I silenced a laugh and rolled onto my side so the dim light of the commlink wouldn’t wake Arana.
Lucky: We should be sleeping though.
Roys: I know. I’m not that tired.
Lucky: Too busy thinking about me?
Roys: You do take up more space in my head than should be allowed.
Lucky: You don’t need to flatter me to get laid. I will happily suck you off whenever you like.
Roys: Can we have a sweet moment without you getting horny?
Lucky: It’s entirely your fault for being hot. My mind is instantly in the gutter.
Roys: While that is flattering, I’m pretty sure the gutter has always been your home.
Lucky: Nah, it’s the beard. It does things to me. If you shave, we may have to call this off.
Roys: I guess I won’t be shaving then.
I wasn’t sure how long I lay there messaging him, so long that it felt like seconds after I fell asleep that the alarms went off. I should have been exhausted. Instead, I was excited because it meant I’d have an excuse to be with him.
You are a moronic idiot, Lucky.
After visiting the med bay, Roys joined in for breakfast, the beard still intact and earning a handful of compliments.
He sat across from Elado, his skin suffering from a slightly paler shade than when I left.
Sweat formed on his brow, which he wiped away with the back of his hand.
Tareik must have given him something, but it wouldn’t spare him entirely.
I kept my attention on Arana, who somehow took that as a signal to explain to the group that we would bring Roys in on the bullshit.
Zavir and Ryker took a little convincing.
They worried Roys would overreact, but Lilea and Iylene soon agreed, and I offered to tell Roys, resulting in a group of stares.
Only Arana knew anything, and she refrained from tattling by stuffing her mouth full of food.
“You?” Iylene repeated. “You anger him frequently, so is that a good idea?”
“Because I anger him the most, he will be prepared for whatever bullshit I have to spew. If anything, he may be impressed that Arana is in trouble this time rather than me,” I answered.
The group nodded far too easily. Rude, but fair.
“The captain will be shocked. Try to grab a picture of the face he makes when you tell him.” Ryker nudged me in the side with his elbow.
“Sure, sure.” I waved them off.
That same captain called us to work, where we went to the shuttle.
Roys moved about as he normally would. None would think much of his taking a moment here or there to lean against the shuttle or turn away to settle a hand on his stomach.
He wore his visor, and I imagined his expression beneath wasn’t too pleasant.
The withdrawal symptoms would pass, and all I could do was hope they weren’t too bad, considering his limited use.
While I readied for departure, the others double-checked that the survey team had everything. They were buckling in when the cockpit door opened. Roys stepped in to drop into the copilot seat. The door shut behind him, and he ripped off his visor to heave a slow breath through his mouth.
“You don’t need to come with us if you aren’t up to it,” I said, unsure of what to do; hold him, take his hand, tell him everything would be alright. I really was shit at this comforting thing.
“Sitting alone in my room isn’t a good idea right now.” He reached for his water and forced himself to drink based on his frown. “I’ll call Iylene in. I just needed a minute.”
“You should stay. We aren’t going anywhere dangerous. I’ve got this handled. You will be more comfortable here with me.” Roys would have argued if I hadn’t taken his hand. “Stay.”
His attention shifted to the door, but he didn’t move.
The muscle aches and pains must have set in.
His eyes fell half-mast while I finished my checks, all the while ignoring Roys’ hand making itself comfortable on my thigh.
That same pointless touch, simply for the connection, made my mouth run dry.
His hold tightened when we ascended, then rubbed mindlessly as the shuttle headed toward our destination.
I liked it, so I settled my hand on his, keeping him there, though he showed no sign of leaving.
He might though, considering what I had to say.
“You said captains receive information on their teams, so you know that Arana joined because of a gambling problem, correct?” I asked.
“There was a mention of it, yes.”
“Well, she had a wee relapse and missed a few payments. A, uh, debt collector isn’t pleased, so there may be trouble heading our way.”
“Trouble.” Roys squeezed my thigh, and my fingers curled around his. “Trouble is an understatement. When did you learn about this?”
“Yesterday, though she had received the threats the day before.”
“Meaning pirates are on their way.”
“Without a doubt. Iylene, Zavir, Ryker, and Lilea know. We agreed to keep an eye on things. I would have told you yesterday, but…”
“I understand.” Roys had a new sense of attentiveness to the world beyond our shuttle, gaze shifting to and fro. “We need to monitor the habitat. I’ll send the rest of our team on regular patrols. Zavir and I will stick with Arana.”
“You aren’t going to notify Corporate?”
“They’ll reassign her, and then she won’t have anyone watching out for her. You don’t think I would let that happen, do you?”
“I hoped you wouldn’t, my rule-abiding captain.”
Roys gave a tired but teasing smile. “I think I’ve proven I break the rules rather frequently, particularly when it comes to you.”
“What can I say? I’m irresistible.”
“You are.” He brought my hand to his lips, where he kissed every knuckle. I couldn’t hide my shudder, and he smiled. “I’ll say that was a shudder of repulsion for your sake.”
“It was repulsion.”
He blew a raspberry. My lie was utterly meaningless. Roys saw something in me from the start, a belief I didn’t have in myself, and now he saw what I sought to hide. Being so exposed to anyone, even him, brought on panic.
What the fuck were we doing? How did we even get here?
“Why did you agree to sleep with me?” I asked. Now more than ever, I needed an honest answer even if it wouldn’t change the road we were traveling.
“What?”
“I thought I annoyed you, but you were pretty eager in the cave, and you agreed to… this.”
The bridge of his nose wrinkled, then softened.
“You have always gotten on my nerves, but not for the reasons you always believed. I already told you that your records impressed me, and then I met you.” His tone was lighthearted, and I snorted.
He moved to face me slightly; the chair creaked under his weight.
“Your waste of potential annoyed me, but I was envious too. You were good while I scraped my way to the title of captain by the skin of my teeth, then you wouldn’t listen to me, and what right do I really have to order you around? ”
“Seriously?” I gawked at him. “You honestly thought I was…”
“Better than me,” he finished, donning a half smile. “Well, almost. You are annoying, but somehow, you have infected me, and now I find that rather endearing.”
“I guess there is something seriously wrong with you.”
We shared a laugh, and I wondered what it would be like to make this our norm, to hear his laugh every day and be the one who caused it. I wanted to be the reason for every laugh line he’d ever have.
“Yeah, because I still thought you were,” he gave me a slow once-over that shouldn’t have made my breath hitch, “needlessly hot, aggravatingly so, really.”
Hearing Roys say that aloud made my heart skip. It wasn’t like I needed him to say it. I was well aware of how attractive I was. That trait obviously helped get in Roys’ pants, but it was still different hearing what he thought of me.
“We’re never truly alone out here, but it gets lonely, and the thought of having a connection, even if it’s just sex, was tempting.
Especially after the cave. I thought we were going to die, that I wouldn’t see Malwin again.
Dinah would get a notice of my death and have to explain that to him.
Maybe he’d hate me for always being away, for dying without saying goodbye, for anything, and you were there being frustrating, but you were scared too. ”
My shoulders rolled. “Was I that obvious?”
“We were both shaking the whole time and your eyes, they were terrified.”
I didn’t remember that. Looking back on it though, with the memories so far away, I thought of the times Roys had been shivering and maybe that had less to do with the temperature and more to do with our dilemma.
“Fear is a powerful emotion,” he said. “We got lost in it, and having someone help us forget couldn’t be passed up. It was comforting. I thought it still could be, or at least make the days easier.”
“Yeah.” Those were precisely my thoughts. “You know, my… my parents died in the mines. That’s why I, uh, I don’t like that. I wouldn’t go back down. I don’t… to go out like that, it’s not right.”
“It isn’t.” Roys leaned over the console to kiss my cheek. “I’m sorry. I wish you and Maddy had never gone through that. It must have been tough without them.”
“It’s a little irritating that you always know what to say during times like this, and I can barely give a comforting hug.”
“I am far more of a mess than you can believe, so stick around and you’ll learn. All things considered, I think accepting your suggestion turned out to be a pretty good decision.”
I couldn’t reply even if I wanted to. My mind was a haze of danger, three little words yearning to slip out.
Grinning, Roys glanced over his shoulder. “You passed the landing site.”
“Shit.” I tugged my hand away and turned us around, ignoring the sensation of Roys watching me, or how he rested his hand back on my leg for the brief time it took to land.