Chapter Eight
GREY KNEW THAT she needed to apologize to Lauren for running out on her.
Not just because it was the second time she had done so in a relatively short amount of time, but because she had done it right after Lauren had come out to her.
She of all people understood how badly her reaction could be taken, and she hated the idea of Lauren thinking that she was neither safe nor welcome aboard the Veritas because of who she was.
No matter how much Grey knew that she needed to apologize, Fate seemed determined to keep her from doing so.
She had intended to do it when she returned to the salon after showering, but Kim was already awake and chatting amiably with Lauren in the galley, and the day just got busier from there.
Breakfast was followed by a quick sail to Leinster Bay for a morning of snorkeling where the boys spent more time running around the boat and jumping off the side into the water than they actually spent in the water itself.
Lunch, followed by another short sail, and then clearing-in with British customs took up the middle of the afternoon, and as soon as their paperwork was in order she was back at the helm, sailing toward White Bay to tie-up for the night.
Between dinner prep and playing hostess, she never had more than a minute or two alone with Lauren, and she knew that it was going to take more than a rushed “I’m sorry” to smooth things over.
It was not until much later that night, when the dessert dishes had been cleared and put away and the Muellers were huddled around the port-side deck table playing a spirited game of Go Fish before the boys went to bed, that Grey finally had the opportunity to track Lauren down.
Never truly being alone with Lauren should have made it easier for her to deal with the confusing mix of attraction and guilt that bubbled inside her, but for some reason it only left her feeling anxious.
It was irrational and completely unexplainable, but the professionally polite distance they had maintained when dealing with each other all day just felt wrong.
She eventually found Lauren sitting on the trampolines at the bow of the boat, and she took a deep breath to steel her resolve before she called out to her. “I’m sorry.”
The words were soft, the voice unmistakable, and Lauren’s gaze was cautious as she looked up at Grey, who was holding a tumbler of a sable-colored alcohol out for her.
It was clearly meant to be an olive branch, and she sighed as she reached out and took it.
She was no closer to understanding why Grey had run out on her earlier, but if Grey was willing to try and talk about it, she was more than willing to listen. “Thanks. What is it?”
Grey lowered herself onto the trampoline beside Lauren, and sighed as she lifted her eyes to the stars that shone brightly against the inky backdrop of the night sky. “Scotch. This is definitely a scotch kind of conversation.”
Lauren sipped at her drink. It was smooth, with an unmistakable toffee flavor that was layered with citrus, cinnamon, and something else Lauren couldn’t quite identify, and she hummed approvingly as she swallowed. “What’s the label on this?”
“Auchentoshan, Three Wood. It’s a distillery in the Scottish lowlands.” Grey took a generous swallow, not bothering to savor the taste of the alcohol, just using it as a numbing balm for the wounds she was about to rip open. “I’m sorry.”
“You said that.” Lauren pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her shins, the tumbler in her right hand dangling loosely from her fingertips.
“Well, I mean it.” Grey took another drink, smaller this time, and turned to look at Lauren, who was regarding her with an expectant look, one thin brow arched questioningly as she waited for her to continue. “I was an ass.”
“Yeah, well,” Lauren murmured with a small shake of her head, “I don’t know if I’d go quite that far.”
“I would.”
The dejection in Grey’s tone made Lauren stop and look at her. The circles under Grey’s eyes were impossible to miss, even in the low light, and the resigned curve of her shoulders signaled utter defeat. Lauren sighed and leaned forward just far enough to catch Grey’s eye. “Hey. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” Grey shook her head. “I just…it wasn’t because you told me you were into women.”
Lauren chuckled wryly and shot Grey a knowing look. “I would hope not. That would be pretty hypocritical of you, don’t you think?”
“How…?”
“I was at Jack’s on Friday night.” Lauren nodded as she watched understanding dawn in Grey’s expression. “I watched you pick up that blonde. She was pretty.”
“She was a distraction,” Grey muttered as she looked back up at the stars. “They’re always just a distraction.”
Lauren sighed and took another sip of her drink as the hollowness of Grey’s voice melted away any lingering frustration she might have felt toward her.
There was obviously more to Grey’s story—a painful reason that Grey’s eyes looked so haunted whenever she caught her staring.
Lauren had spent the day wishing for some kind of an explanation as to why Grey kept dancing around her, becoming friendly and then bolting away as if burned, but she realized that she did not want it.
Not like this, anyway. “Look, don’t worry about this morning. We’re good.”
Grey let out a shaky breath, relief flooding through her as she looked into warm hazel eyes that stared unblinkingly back at her. “You serious?”
“Yeah.” Lauren nodded.
“I…” The genuine smile curling Lauren’s lips was enough to convince Grey that Lauren meant it, and she sighed, her entire body relaxing at the reprieve. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” Lauren lifted her glass in a silent toast before she took a small sip and turned her attention toward the horizon.
She kept her gaze trained on the line where the inky black sea and the deep indigo sky met, purposefully ignoring Grey’s eyes that she could feel on her.
She could have filled the air with meaningless chatter, but she enjoyed the quiet, and she had a feeling that Grey might need it too.
Grey stared at Lauren, baffled by her forgiveness. She knew that she did not deserve such kindness, not after the way she had behaved from the moment they first met, but there was a serenity in Lauren’s expression that told her it was real.
The silence that stretched between them was gentle and easy, a far cry from the tenseness that had surrounded them the day before, and the longer it lasted, the more relaxed Grey became.
She felt the weight on her shoulders begin to lift ever so slightly, and she found herself able to breathe more fully than she had in a long time.
It was surreal, how much better she felt sitting in silence beside a woman she barely knew—a woman who reminded her too much of someone she would never forget.
It was strange and scary and kind of amazing, but the shadow of loss that had been her constant companion these last few years became less overwhelming with every breath she took.
Time passed in a hazy blur, and Grey was surprised when she realized that the lights from the bedrooms that overlooked the bow had been turned off, leaving the Veritas illuminated by only the moon and the stars overhead.
She could not remember the last time she had felt so at peace, and she selfishly wished that she had thought to bring the bottle of scotch out with her so that they would have an excuse to spend the rest of the night right where they were.
It had been too long since she had felt this content, and her stomach dropped in disappointment when the sound of Lauren yawning quietly beside her signaled that it was all about to end.
Lauren smiled apologetically at Grey. “I should probably go to bed. I need to wake up early again tomorrow to get breakfast ready.”
“What are we having?” Grey asked, trying to extend the moment as long as possible, knowing the contentment she was feeling would disappear with Lauren.
“I haven’t really decided yet. Is there anything special that you would like?” Lauren asked.
“Waffles.”
Lauren smiled at Grey’s quick reply, and nodded as she pushed herself to her feet. “All right. I’ll make waffles.” She leaned down to give Grey’s shoulder a light squeeze, hoping the gentle touch would reassure Grey that things between them were still okay. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Grey sighed and relaxed into the touch, soaking up the warmth it provided. “See you in the morning.”