Chapter Eighteen
Eighteen
I hadn’t told anyone, other than Emily, about my decision.
I’ve decided that I’m going to be the Queen.
Funny to think that she’d asked me to do it at the beginning of the season and I’d vehemently turned it down.
I’d been dragged onto these Faire grounds kicking and screaming. How was that only a month ago?
Anyway, Mitch was confused on Saturday morning.
“Where’s your costume?” He helped me wrestle the Queen dress into the back of the truck like usual then he turned to me, expecting the pink dress I’d been wearing all season.
I jerked my chin toward the blue brocade, and his eyes went wide.
“No shit,” he said. He slid his claymore into the bed of the truck then closed the tonneau, securing everything inside. “When Lulu told me she had to leave I figured you just got Emily to do it again.”
“I thought I might give it a try,” I said lightly as I climbed into the driver’s seat.
“How hard can it be, right?” I meant it as a joke, because I was already feeling the pressure.
My hands were shaking, and I couldn’t blame caffeine; I’d only had one cup of coffee.
My stomach had been tied in knots all morning. Maybe this was a bad idea.
“For you?” Mitch asked as I backed carefully out of the driveway. “Nah. It’s not gonna be hard at all.”
That caught me off guard. “Really?”
“You kidding? I’ve been stuck on the sidelines for most of the season, and I’ve been doing a lot of watching.
I’ve watched you work with all the Queens.
You know the role inside and out.” He was unconcerned as I pulled out of the neighborhood, the truck humming louder as it got up to speed.
“If I had to lay money down, I’d say you’ll be the best Queen we’ve had all season. ”
There was something about his quiet confidence in me. He trusted me to be Queen, just as he trusted me to drive his truck when he couldn’t. I cleared my throat hard; it suddenly felt thick. And why was I blinking back tears? “Thanks,” I finally said.
“You got it.” Mitch nodded toward the cup holders between us. “Your protein shake is right there,” he said. “Make sure you drink that. You didn’t have shit for breakfast this morning, and you’re gonna need the energy.”
“You’re not my real dad.” But I picked up the shake and took a long pull. “Thanks,” I said again. Mitch may not be my real dad, but he sure took care of me.
But there was one thing I didn’t realize until we got to the grounds and unloaded our stuff.
As I headed for the Hollow with all that blue brocade in my arms, it hit me: Alex’s rose wouldn’t match today.
The bookstore had been so busy on Friday that we hadn’t exchanged more than good morning/good night texts all day, so I hadn’t had a chance to fill him in on my role change.
This costume was all jewel tones; I’d even changed some of my makeup, switching out the pink lip gloss and borrowing Mom’s Smoked Red.
I couldn’t wear a pink rose with this outfit.
I should have known better.
I ducked into the dressing tent in the Hollow to hang up the Queen’s dress. For a long moment we faced each other, mortal human and inanimate costume. There was so much weight to this dress, literally and figuratively, and I hoped I had what it took to pull it off.
“Been a bumpy year,” I said to the brocade and silk, as though she was another cast member I had to reassure. “You just gotta put up with one more Queen, okay? Next year will be different, I promise.” I hoped.
I took a deep breath before I left the tent; time to let everyone know. Hopefully they’d be okay with me playing the Queen.
Applause broke out when I opened the flap and I froze, confused. Simon and Emily. Nina. Toby. Stacey, her grin wide. Mitch, giving a wolf whistle. “Long live the Queen!” he shouted.
And there in the middle of them all was Alex. Holding a rose.
How had he gotten a blue rose in small-town Maryland? I knew better than to ask questions. But I did throw an accusatory look at Emily, who didn’t look even the least bit guilty.
“It’s not like it was a secret,” she said, the widest smile on her face.
Alex stepped up to me, handing me the flower.
“Congratulations,” he said, as though I’d won something.
As though I wasn’t the last and only option to fill this giant blue dress.
My hand closed around the stem of the rose, and as he bent to kiss me, another cheer erupted around us.
He smiled against my mouth and I smiled back. Okay. I could do this.
It took all of five minutes for me to second-guess the whole thing.
It was the dramatic makeup that did it. The elaborate eyes, the rouged cheeks, the Smoked Red lipstick.
I was the antithesis of the lady-in-waiting I’d been playing all season.
It was one thing to say I was ready to lead from the safety of my room, but out here? What was I thinking?
Shit suddenly became very, very real. I was the Queen. For only two days, sure, but those two days were going to be the most important I’d ever spent at the renaissance faire. Apprehension washed through me in a cold wave. Could I do this?
Then a pair of warm hands landed on my shoulders, and I turned my panicked eyes to Alex’s reflection in the mirror.
“Hey.” Alex gently kneaded my shoulders, his thumbs pushing up the back of my neck in a firm but soothing motion. “You can do this.”
“Can I?” I was having a hard time drawing in a good breath, and I couldn’t even blame the costume. It was a lot of responsibility that had suddenly landed on my shoulders. No wonder there was tension there. “I’m not a Queen,” I said weakly. “I’m just…I’m just me.”
But Alex’s fingertips dug deep, dissolving the knots of tension at the base of my neck, and panic drained away as I took in the reassurance in his eyes.
“Nobody knows this role like you do.” The confidence in his voice buoyed me.
“You’ve spent all season leading the Queen around.
Just do that. Lead yourself around. You know what to do. ”
He was right. I did know what to do. The kneading on my shoulders became a caress as he bent to kiss the top of my head. He had faith in me. I could do this.
“Break it up, you two.” Nina was bossy when she wanted to be. “Come on.” She tugged on my arm. “I gotta get the Queen dressed before I do her hair.” But she grinned as she pulled me back into the changing tent.
I’d had a taste of the costume when I’d first tried it on, but now that Nina had properly strapped me in, I could really feel the weight of the layers.
No wonder all the women who’d played the Queen this season had had no problem getting into character.
There was magic in this costume; you had no choice but to walk in a slow and serene manner.
No one was setting any land-speed records in all this heavy fabric.
Alex was gone by the time we got back outside, probably off doing his own morning pre-show routine. I tried not to feel the loss as I settled at the table in front of the mirror.
“I’m glad you got your head out of your ass about him.” Nina ran a wide-toothed comb through my hair, detangling it before separating it into sections.
“Wait, what?” I risked turning my head to look up at her. “What happened to ‘make him fall for you and then dump his ass’? Wasn’t that your idea?”
“I think that was Toby’s. And that was before I saw how damn cute y’all are.
” Nina moved my head back to where she needed it to be and got to work on my hair.
“God, this is so much easier,” she finally said after a few quiet moments.
“You being Queen. It’s less work for everyone in the morning.
We should have thought of this weeks ago. ”
I glanced in the mirror and met Nina’s eyes there; she was looking at me pointedly. I sighed.
“I guess I had to get my head out of my ass about that too.”
“Guess so.” Her smile was a little twisted around a mouthful of pins.
“And don’t worry.” Toby appeared behind Nina in the mirror. He was dressed and ready for the day; men had it so much easier, didn’t they? Annoying. “I’ll keep you on track, timewise. I know that’s been your job with the Queens all season, but you can’t exactly be checking your phone now, can you?”
I hadn’t thought of that. We were a court of two now; Toby was my entire retinue.
As a lady-in-waiting it was easier to fade into the background, but now more eyes would be on me.
All eyes would be on me. Right on cue, here came the panic again.
My breath shook; did I even remember the opening gate speech?
Alex caught up with me, right as it was time to go up the hill.
“Remember,” he said. “You may be the Queen right now, but Caitlin is still in here.” He tapped his fingertips on the brocade that covered my heart. “She knows what to do.”
As though his words unlocked them, words started playing in a loop in my head. Good people! It does my heart a world of good to greet you on this day, here at the site of our yearly revels…
Yeah. I had this.
—
And the wildest thing was, I did have it.
I’d spent the whole season leading the Queen from place to place.
Keeping her on track when she got distracted by a pirate or a band manager or a Dueling Kilt.
It was like for the last three weekends I’d been riding shotgun on a road trip that I’d spent weeks planning, taking care of the directions and the snacks, and today I was finally at the wheel.
The costume was heavy and intimidating at first, but it didn’t take long for me to settle into it and feel comfortable.
Held and supported, like a weighted blanket pressing out all my anxiety.
I got to the top of the hill, that moment when it was time to shift into character, and this time it happened to me.
I closed my eyes in a slow blink, and when I opened them again everything looked different: the sunlight off the trees, the cast members around me moving to their places.
I wasn’t Caitlin anymore. I was the Queen.