Chapter Eighteen #3
He nodded vigorously as he chewed, closing his eyes in bliss.
“Damn. You Maryland people are on to something with the Old Bay on the fries. And yeah. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t have to worry about being Shakespeare Boy anymore.
” He gave a rueful chuckle as he stood, gathering the remains of our takeout.
“At least you don’t have to do any more research…
Wait a second.” My voice trailed off and I squinted at him.
Questions tumbled around in my head, and I grabbed for one, like it was a ball in his bingo cage.
“Your research. You came by and got those books…That stuff with Dex…You were working on your act all season. Weren’t you? ”
He shook his head, not quite looking at me as he finished cleaning off the bed. “That was for you.”
“For me?”
“Of course,” he said, as though it should have been obvious.
“When I found out you didn’t love the ren faire anymore, that you’d stopped coming because of me…
” He broke off with a quick shake of his head, banishing a thought he’d rather forget.
“Emily said you didn’t even like Shakespeare anymore.
She set those books aside for me, she said—”
“Emily?” I couldn’t believe this. I knew my aunt liked taking care of people, but matchmaking via Shakespeare seemed like…well, actually that seemed exactly like something Emily would do.
Alex’s shrug was confirmation. “She has a thing for the sonnets, especially. I wasn’t sure if you did, but I felt like I had to try. I wanted you to remember all the good parts of the Faire at least.”
“Your favorite things…” I thought back now, on all of his favorite parts of the renaissance faire. The early-morning quiet among the trees before the day began. Pub sing, where we gathered to reluctantly say goodbye to the day and the magic we’d made. The food, both unpredictable and familiar.
“Last huzzah, remember?” He perched on the edge of the bed next to me. “I wanted to experience everything one last time, and I wanted to do it with you. I’ve spent the past four weeks living this life to the fullest, since I knew it was coming to an end.”
“That’s why you jumped into doing the chess match.”
“That was a happy accident. Well, maybe not for Mitch.” His grin matched mine.
“But yeah. I missed the stage combat. The swordplay. Having a solo act has its advantages, but there’s something about being part of a company.
Playing off others, really feeling a part of things.
” He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m exhausted.
This whole season’s been like five, six shows a day including pub sing.
But it was my last chance. I couldn’t say no. ”
“Simon wouldn’t have given you a choice anyway,” I said, and he huffed out a laugh.
“I’ll miss performing, though.” The words were a quiet confession. “This festival life, it gets under your skin.”
“Don’t I know it,” I said dryly. “Pretty sure I can blame you for some of that.”
“Good,” he said. “I was determined, you know. If you couldn’t love me, I could at least help you fall back in love with the Faire.”
I caught my breath; there was that word again. Every time he said it, it was another arrow finding its way through the armor around my heart. Sweet little stings, every time.
“I could, you know.” The words escaped me before I could check them, before I could think better of the confession I was about to make. I held my breath; maybe he hadn’t heard me.
He had. I could tell from the way his expression changed, the worship on his face.
“Caitlin.” I loved the way he said my name, as though I were the answer to every prayer he’d ever made.
“I loved you even when we were both too immature for anything serious. Too young to really know what love was. But now…” His hands slid up the back of my neck, pulling me to him, his forehead pressed to mine.
“I’m old enough to know that I love you, Cait.
It’s inconvenient and our timing sucks as usual…
” He smiled at the laugh that escaped out of me like a sob. “But you need to know.”
“I love you.” My words were a sigh, captured by his kiss as we sank into each other, tugging at clothes and kicking the blankets aside.
His hands were slow, reverent as he touched me, and I kissed my way down his body like I was trying to memorize every inch of him.
Eventually we were both trembling, and when he finally rocked into me it was slow and sweet, his gaze fastened on mine, his eyes flaring at every touch that made me gasp.
My climax was a slow roll, a wave breaking gently on the shore, and a deep shudder went through his body as he followed me after.
It felt as natural as breathing to get ready for bed with Alex, the domestic mundanity of brushing our teeth side by side in front of the bathroom mirror.
We even naturally chose our sides of the bed, swimming down into the cool sheets, nestling into each other while Alex pulled the covers up over us both.
He brushed a sleepy kiss over my hair, and I rested my head against the hollow of his shoulder, listening as his breathing evened out into sleep. But as tired as I was, I couldn’t follow him into slumber.
I’d broken my promise to myself; I’d let him in, just like I had the first time.
He’d dismantled that careful armor I’d kept around my heart all these years, and now I remembered why I’d kept it on in the first place.
Love meant pain, and losing him this time around might be more than I could actually bear.
The breath I took was a sob, and I squeezed my eyes shut as Alex’s arm tightened around me.
“Shhhh.” He kissed my temple and pulled me closer in his sleep. “ ’Sokay. Shhhh.”
It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay at all. If I listened carefully enough, I could probably hear my heart crack in the darkness.
But I let myself relax into Alex’s arms, my breath slowing to match his.
Falling asleep wrapped up in this man was a luxury I wouldn’t have for much longer, and I was going to enjoy every waning moment.