Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Audrey
It was so hard to push past the post-heat fatigue and open my eyes. My heat had spiked again and went on for what I was positive were several days. Now here I was, body perfectly sore and the feel of our bonds warming me from the inside out.
I had bonded mates.
Holy shit, I didn’t think that was something I’d ever admit to.
They saw all of my trauma and scars and chose me anyway. Just like I chose them.
I soaked in that feeling wrapped in my warm nest for a little longer. It was too perfect not to.
It would be torture to go back to ARC and not have access to my nest. I could at least put some of it on my bed but I wasn’t optimistic enough to think I’d get more than that.
It wasn’t until a warm hand started stroking my face that I was finally able to open my eyes.
Caspian was there, gently brushing his fingers over my cheek, a small smile on his face.
“There you are. Are you feeling better?”
I didn’t answer right away as I stretched, taking stock of my body. It wasn’t just a little sore, but it was also something that I enjoyed. A reminder of my heat. Especially when I could only remember bits and pieces.
“Yes,” I admitted reluctantly.
He chuckled softly and pulled me into his chest. “I get it. You being over the heat means we have to go back to our reality.”
“I’m not ready,” I said as I fought back the burn of tears. Clearly, my emotions weren’t back to normal yet, either. “It’s been nice. It felt like we were finally a family. A pack like we were meant to be.”
“We’ll be that again,” he promised as he kissed my hair. It was so casual, as if we’d done this a million times.
And they wanted me to give that up?
“Oh my god! Lilly!” I gasped, sitting up too quickly, head spinning in response. My body was a bit more fragile than I realized.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Caspian soothed, pulling me closer again. “Ares got me in contact with my sister. She’s waiting to tell Lilly until we’re in a better place. It would’ve been too hard on Lilly to see me and then for me to disappear again.”
I swallowed hard as guilt threatened to overtake me. “You should’ve been with her, not me then,” I said quietly.
“How about you just trust your alpha to know what he’s doing?
” he countered gently, but firmly. “You needed me, and I needed to be here for you. We’re a new pack, and this was probably our biggest opportunity to build a bond that’s going to get us out of this mess.
Sure, I could’ve stayed behind, let everyone handle it without me, and gone to my daughter.
But my daughter is safe and cared for. This was where I belonged, at least for the moment. ”
“I know, but—” He chuckled and put a finger to my lips.
“This is going to give us a higher chance of getting our lives back. They need to know that we’re competent and can handle the struggles of everyday life and keep the assholes who will be testing us to keep from speaking out against what happened here.
I needed to get you through this heat and now we can figure out how to move forward with our families and lives.
This just was another mark in our favor that we could sleep calmly under pressure and stay present, and we did that. How could they refuse now?”
I let out a shaky breath and nodded. It still felt wrong, but I knew he was right. Then I realized something else, eyes widening.
“None of us weaned off any meds, it’s been days now,” I said.
“The heat had a funny way of balancing us all, keeping us strong against the changes. We might have been a bit more exhausted this round, but we are finally all medication free. And not one of us has suffered for it.”
“Really? Kane is alright? Ansel’s anxiety?”
“Kane thrived focusing on the pack,” he said with a grin. “And Ansel has more than managed his anxiety. He might just need occasional medication for that now.”
“Wow,” I breathed out, shaking my head. “Just another reason that man was a fucking psycho.”
“Yes, and we will find him. Ares’s team has been checking in and they think he’s sticking close to the men who captured you,” Caspian admitted.
I didn’t know what to say to that. Getting my hopes up felt like the wrong move after spending half my life disappointed in humanity.
But I trusted my alpha.
“So, what happens now?” I asked.
“We’ve talked a bit about that,” he said as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and met my gaze.
His honey brown eyes were just as open as the bond, telling me I had his full attention and love right now.
It was hard to wrap my mind around sometimes.
Going from the girl with no one in her corner to a devoted pack was intense.
“We’re counting today as a recovery day, and we’ll tell them tonight that your heat is done so we can return. We shouldn’t have to go back until tomorrow,” he reassured me gently.
I sank back against my pillows, letting out a breath. That was something, at least. Rushing back would have ruined all the contentment this heat had given me.
“That means,” he said, tickling my side so I squirmed away, “you need to get a shower, and then we’re going to get some food and hydration in you, because that’s always a gamble during heat.”
Unlike the other guys, I realized this wasn’t his first heat experience with a partner.
I paused for a moment, wondering if I should feel jealous.
I sat with it for a second but none ever hit.
We all had lives and different experiences before this.
I’d been through things, and so had he. I couldn’t hold on to jealousy for a woman who was taken from this earth too soon.
It wouldn’t do our relationship any favors.
Plus, knowing Caspian the way I do, she was a genuine and amazing person. He had a good judge of character.
Maybe that came with the territory of being a dad.
“Oh my god,” I gasped, as I processed that.
“What?” he asked, eyes widening as he sat up and patted me over like I was hurting and he could fix it.
“You’re a dad!”
He blinked, now looking at me like I’d lost my mind. “Yes… is that a problem?”
He sounded so worried that I was quick to reassure him. “No, of course not. Everything is fine, I promise. I just… I don’t know how to take care of a child. I never even got to be one.”
He chuckled. “No one ever does in the beginning. But if we’re going to be a pack, then we’ll figure it out together.”
“Do you think she’ll be afraid of me?” Rydell’s deep voice interrupted. He was standing in the doorway now, likely coming to check in on us and hearing the last part of the conversation.
“I think she’ll be nervous around all of you in the beginning. Heck, she might even be weird around me. It’s been… God, it’s been so long,” Caspian said, his voice breaking. “I’ve missed so much.”
“It was stolen from you,” I said softly. “That rests fully on Malik’s shoulders. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“I know that to some degree,” Caspian said. “But it hurts. I’m supposed to protect her. Yet, here I’ve been barely living for years.”
“You did protect her,” Rydell said firmly. “You protected her with your body and kept her alive.”
“He’s right,” I said, pulling Caspian close and hugging him tightly.
“Lilly is here because of you. We’re going to get out of ARC so you can be a family again.
Now that the heat is over, you can be reunited.
She deserves to know her dad is alright now.
Maybe consider telling her the truth about why you were gone so she doesn’t make up her own reasons. ”
It might be overstepping, but I felt like I had to say it at least once. He said we were going to be a family and I hated the thought of her blaming him for what he couldn’t control all because she never knew the truth.
Lies always came out one day and the damage was worse the longer they dragged on.
“I told Sarah I wanted to tell her together. It shouldn’t rest on her shoulders, and I know she wanted to wait for me to handle it.”
“We’ll be there if you want us,” I told him. Rydell nodded along as he settled on the bed next to me, pulling me into his lap and out of Caspian’s. I guess he decided our alone time was over.
A wave of contentment echoed through the bond, Rydell’s reaction to simply touching me, likely a combination of his alpha being on edge during my heat and the fact that I was finally recovering.
“Do we have any updates?” I asked. “On anything really. What are they doing over there at ARC?”
“Ares has checked in a few times,” Rydell said before turning toward the door and calling out to the others. “She’s up and asking for updates.”
I burst out laughing when I saw the alpha walk in wearing a hot pink, polka-dot apron.
“The pink really complements your hair, alpha,” I teased. Ares tossed his red hair over his shoulder and gave me a look that said he was amused but fighting it.
“I’ll make sure when we have our own place to get a more alpha-worthy set of aprons, omega,” he shot back with a look that I could only call a promise.
Despite having more sex than I could imagine in the last few days, my scent swelled in the air, giving away my arousal. He chuckled, his voice low and husky.
“Noted, omega. For now, I’m making you some much-needed food.
You need some protein in your life. I did a little research, and they said steak was ideal after a heat like this, so that’s what I’m having them bring me for dinner.
The guards looked less than impressed, especially since the dining hall over there isn’t exactly fine dining, but I don’t care. ”
“She was asking for updates from ARC and Malik,” Rydell said before he could go back to cooking whatever he had in mind for lunch. Ares had, apparently, taken over kitchen duties.