Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Audrey
It was funny how quickly your mind could adapt to a new environment.
This house wasn’t even ours and I knew that by tomorrow it would be gone, yet it felt like home.
It was so simple and comforting to find my way downstairs to the kitchen and watch Kane make me a cup of tea while the others milled around in quiet companionship.
Kane promised it was a blend he researched that should help my body recover post-heat. The fact he put that effort in and made sure they brought in what he needed, was so sweet.
Ares had made food earlier and already cleared it away, now he was reading on the couch. Rydell, of all people, was attempting to make dessert. Someone had turned on music, so it played softly in the background.
For the moment, life just felt simple, easy, and I wanted to soak it up, bottle it, and never let it go.
“What’s that look on your face?” Kane asked with a soft smile as he placed a steaming mug in front of me. He carefully scooped the loose-leaf tea into a diffuser before putting it in my mug. Then his eyes were on mine, waiting for me to answer.
He looked different now. Settled. His amber eyes were open and curious, his face calm and peaceful as he studied me, a soft smile on his full lips. My beta was gorgeous and his caring nature only made me love him more.
His scent was the epitome of that nature. Parchment, pear, and Earl Grey tea was such a calm and cozy blend. Right now, mixed with the tea diffusing in front of me was making me melt.
“I’m just enjoying the moment,” I admitted. “It’s nice to see us in this capacity without having a million appointments and sessions to get to. We are just existing together. It’s nice.”
“I can understand that,” he said. “It’s something my own mental blocks have taught me to appreciate.
It takes work, but appreciating and soaking in the times where life feels almost easy and simple is important.
Our past trauma tries to make us dread that something else might be coming our way, to lack trust, but that’s no way to live.
Life doesn’t always have to be a fast-paced frenzy.
It’s such a toxic way of thinking, and society always pushes us to believe our only merits are what we can contribute.
That if we’re not always working or improving, we’re not doing enough.
Sometimes, moments like this are enough,” he said firmly.
Grabbing his own mug and diffuser, and making a second cup from a different blend.
Earl Grey. I bit back a smile at his tea choice as he continued on.
“There’s nothing we should be doing today other than whatever the hell we want. Tomorrow, our form of regular life resumes. We’ll have to get used to therapy and schedules. I’m not saying routine doesn’t have its place, but maybe, just maybe, it’s okay for us to do more than simply survive.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Rydell said as he scraped dark batter into a square baking dish that was covered in brightly colored flowers. Clearly, this house was the women’s domain before we took it over. Between the apron Ares wore yesterday and this pan, it was obvious.
I couldn’t help but feel a little envious that they were allowed so many opportunities to change while we weren’t.
Was their status different?
Did their names hold more weight?
I pushed the thoughts aside quickly, not wanting any negativity to infiltrate the day. Not after what Kane said.
“Back at the boarding school my father stuck me in, one thing the others always said was that I fought my nature too much, that I wasted the potential of the alpha I could be. I realize now that it wasn’t about potential or strength.
It was just another one of society’s bullshit standards.
They said we were meant to be dominant and if the world would expect the worst of us, why not give everyone exactly what they expect?
I didn’t want that. From that day on, I was forced to make controlling my dominant side a huge part of myself, but I’m realizing more and more that there’s so much more to me. ”
“There is. I never saw that side of you because he didn’t exist around me.
You’ve always been so gentle, even that very first time you handed me back my book.
After that you were always this quiet protector, the one who kept me safe from Theo.
” He stopped moving and looked at me. His dark green eyes were glassy for a moment, like my words made an impact.
“So, the baking is you testing out new things?” Kane asked after a moment, prompting Rydell to continue when he was ready.
“The only person in that place that I trusted was an old beta who worked in the kitchen. She was the one person they allowed around us outside of male guards and teachers. I guess her beta nature was calming, and honestly, she did have that vibe. She was my safe space in that place, sneaking me sweet treats, reminding me that I was more than they said I was, that there wasn’t something wrong with me.
So, I thought I’d take a moment while we’re here to maybe start putting that into practice,” Rydell said.
“I always wanted to learn how to bake and cook. I just didn’t really have the chance. ”
“I’m sure they’re going to be fantastic,” I said, standing up and walking over. I slid into his arms and leaned up to give him a kiss. It was sweet and soft, a way to tell him that I saw him.
He looked surprised by the gesture but kissed me back. His cheeks turned pink, and I had to stop myself from laughing. I loved the soft side of him, but I could see this was difficult for the alpha to settle into.
“I just followed the instructions,” he tried to say but I wasn’t having it.
I narrowed my eyes. “Let’s not downplay our successes. I think it’s fantastic that you’re embracing this and trying something new. And, we both know that you remembered that brownies are one of my favorite things.”
“Anything chocolate, right?” he teased with a grin.
“Exactly,” I confirmed with a smile, swiping my finger in the batter and tasting it. I hummed in appreciation and ignored his protests about raw eggs. If they couldn’t take me out, eggs wouldn't stand a chance.
“What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?” Rydell asked me as I stepped back to give him room to work. I could tell he needed something to take a little of the attention off of himself.
“Play my music,” I admitted. “It’s always been viewed as more of a hobby. My parents, at one point, tried to turn it into an obligation. I shut that shit down fast. My music was mine and mine alone, and I refused to change that. Especially for their supposed bragging rights.”
“What would you want to do with your music? Teach? Play for money?” Kane asked.
We already went through a heat together, but were still learning small things about each other. Everything about us was unconventional but I found comfort in that. It meant we did this on our terms and no one else’s.
“I never wanted to perform. I like the quiet emotions that music helps you experience. Those quiet moments where the whole world melts away, except for the melody, the feel of the bow sliding across the strings, and the meaning it conveys.”
“Then that’s what you should do,” Rydell said firmly. “Play music.”
“I can’t just sit at home and write songs and do nothing with it. I should work, help out the pack. Then again, that’s the other issue. Who’s going to hire a bunch of people that just came out of a facility like ARC?”
“You’re borrowing trouble,” Kane reminded me again, raising an eyebrow at me until I let out a breath and didn’t try to argue.
“For one, you could write songs. We could even set up a recording room so you could record your music if you decide to share it with the world. Between the soulful edge to your voice and the melodies you play, people would love it. You could even record videos and start your own page where people can watch and download your music.”
“Would I have to show my face?” I questioned, letting his idea take hold. Maybe if I turned it into more than a hobby I wouldn’t feel quite as bad about not getting a ‘normal’ job.
Kane grinned, lighting up as an idea struck him. “You could go full artistic with it. We could set up the lighting perfectly so it’s dark and moody, with a single light shining on you in the center. They’d only see the back of your head while you play. You’d never have to face them.”
I could picture it perfectly, just as he described it. It would keep the same vibes as when I played in my dark corner of the conservatory. That place held significance now. It was where I connected to my pack and where I worked through some of my darker emotions.
The place I found myself again.
“I’ve written my own music before, and I used to sing with my grandmother. Maybe it’s time to explore that more.”
I could feel the excitement take hold at the idea. It was something to look forward to while we fought our way out of ARC.
“And what about you, brother?” Rydell asked, turning to Kane. “Something with your art?”
Kane shrugged. “I don’t think so. Art for me… it’s private. I wouldn’t mind displaying it, but I think—” He shook his head and stopped himself from saying more. “No, nevermind.”
“Don’t do that,” I cut in, calling him out just like he called me out. “We aren’t borrowing trouble. Let us hear your idea before you dismiss it.”
He chuckled. “You’ve got me there. I think I’d like to open up a tea shop.
Somewhere I could paint my own artwork and decorate it exactly how I want.
Tons of glass jars lined with ingredients, making custom blends and brewing steaming mugs of it up to brighten people’s days.
I’d talk to so many people and hear their stories and just experience life in a way that would bring me peace. ”
“That sounds perfect,” I said with a smile. I could already picture him with his apothecary of teas. It fit my beta so well.