Chapter 10
Ten
So much for the sweeping, slow-burn confession you read about in books.
Though I hadn’t meant for it to go down quite like that, not having the time to properly think through whether I wanted to risk our friendship by going there, as usual, my mouth ran off without properly communicating with my brain.
In a romance novel, it would have been a big deal.
A whole chapter, or two. But this wasn’t a book.
So instead of reveling in our newfound awareness, we were interrupted by Mazzie.
Lem had taken a break, so she introduced us.
He was a cool guy, obviously intelligent and easy to talk to.
I invited him to the shop for a signing anytime he was in town, and before the night was over, we’d set a date for him to return for another gig at Boots and Brews coupled with a book signing turned “Books and Music Fall Festival.”
“Isn’t he great?” Mazzie asked. She’d been hanging with us at the end of the bar, so any further discussion between Nolan and I would have to wait.
“He is,” I agreed. “So about this book and music festival that didn’t exist ten minutes ago. . .”
“Excuse me a sec,” Nolan said, seeing a friend of his at one of the tables.
I’d seen his backside hundreds, thousands, of times. But today was different.
“Um,” Mazzie handed a customer a beer she probably didn’t even realize she was pouring. Her dad had owned a honky tonk in Arizona before he passed, and it was obvious she’d grown up in this environment. “Are you gonna talk about this?”
Yeah. Not only had I let the cat out of the bag, I’d done it with a witness. I was surprised Charlee wasn’t texting me as we spoke.
“About what?” I asked, listening to Lem’s fingers fly across his guitar.
When I turned my attention back to Mazzie, attempting to ignore Nolan as he talked to his friend, she was giving me a ‘be serious’ look.
“I was reading a book,” I started.
True enough.
“That made me wonder about Nolan’s,” I cleared my throat. “Sex life. That’s all.”
“Uh huh.”
Of course, she didn’t believe me.
When I caught Nolan’s eye, he stared back. As if I willed him to come back, he stood up, patted his friend on the shoulder, and walked our way.
The way my chest tightened told me all I needed to know. Of all the times Nolan had walked toward me, I couldn’t remember the last time I imagined what kissing him would be like. What running my hands over those glorious abs would be like.
What being loved by him, and not in a best friend sort of way, would be like.
Was it me, or did Mazzie mutter “liar” under her breath as she walked away. She said it with a smile, but she was right.
I was lying to Nolan. My friends. Even my mother noticed something was wrong when I talked to her earlier. Usually, I was an open book. It felt weird—wrong—to hide something so important.
Which begged the question.
What would I tell Nolan?
“We need to talk. Like, now.”
“I’m all ears,” I teased, switching from friend zone to flirty mode much easier than expected.
“Until Mazzie comes back.”
“True.” But since I hadn’t thought this through properly, I really had no idea what to say. “I was transported to medieval England and some town called Stone Haven where vampires are real after reading an old text in my rare books collection. . .” Probably not a great way to start a conversation.
“I hate to drag you out of here two nights in a row, but … “ He reached for my wrist. This time, as his fingers curled around me, it was nothing like last night. Nolan’s touch felt more like Riven.
This time, we headed out the front door.
Taking a big breath of summer air, we stepped away from the front door of the bar toward the closed shop next door.
“What’s going on with you, Lena?”
He’d let go of my wrist, but my heart hadn’t gotten the memo. It was pumping so fast, I couldn’t think. This was Nolan. My best friend. Someone I loved more than almost anyone in the world.
Just say it.
I wanted him to kiss me. That fact was coupled with another more sobering one. If I answered his question honestly, he would march me to the hospital and have my head checked.
Could I take him with me? If we read the book together, would we both transport? How did that work? And did I want to risk it, putting Nolan in danger? If something happened to him, I’d never forgive myself.
Better idea.
I’d go back, just one more time, and get proof. Bring something back with me so that when I told Nolan what was happening, he wouldn’t think I was looney tunes.
“I can’t tell you,” I said. “Yet. First, I have to—”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
I could count on one hand the number of times I’d seen Nolan angry. It just wasn’t his thing. At least, not like this. He wasn’t just mad.
Nolan was pissed.
“Do you know how many years I waited for this? Hoped, dreamed, someday you might see me the same way I see you? Date other women who never measured up? Every woman I dated was a placeholder. I kept hoping if I moved on, maybe you would too … toward me. Lisa was the last straw. When I realized our friendship bothered her, I was done. I'd already chosen the woman I wanted, years ago. Worse, watch you date guys I knew would never love you the same way I could. I’ve waited a lifetime for what happened in that bar,” he flung his hand toward Boots & Brews.
“For you to finally see me. And now that it’s happened, you’re still hiding from me? ”
His voice was low, but the crack in it hurt worse than if he’d shouted. Nolan’s jaw tightened, the muscle in his cheek twitching. “Do you have any idea what that does to me, Lena?”
“Nolan, I—”
He stepped back, shaking his head. “Don’t. Whatever this is, whatever you’re not saying, keep it.”
The distance between us felt impossible, a gulf I’d created. I hadn’t meant to open the door and immediately, thoroughly, shut it.”
Tell him. Without proof. Don’t go back. Say it.
“I can’t keep waiting for you to let me in.”
I traveled to another time. Or dimension. Or something. But I don't know what, exactly.
The words sounded crazy, even in my brain. Even to me.
He turned, walked into the night, until he got smaller, and smaller, and I couldn’t see him anymore.
And just like that, the steadiest thing in my life—the one man who’d always stayed—was gone.