IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Saya Claymore
The above stars pulsate. White dots splatter the sky like a bristled brush flicked them across a midnight blue canvas. Wind rustles the long blades of grass, and the moonflowers glow a brilliant white alongside the dusty purple vervain.
The flowers bend towards me as I roam, bringing back memories.
Concentrate.
With a deep breath in, I gently close my fingers into fists. As I do, shimmering light from the moonflowers and specks of glimmering dust lift all around me.
“Pra lir,” I say, my voice trembling the very earth. Petals pluck away, and stems are cut cleanly from the roots; an array of blue, white, purple, and brown floats in the air and stills, as if timeless.
I think of the creature that punctured Cole’s chest with its tail, and cling to the rage it brought me.
I use it.
Abuse it.
Let the fury that flourishes so easily within wash over me like oil on skin.
The air quivers when I raise my fists, elbows pinned tight to my sides, arms spread open. The light in my hands sparks as I loosen my grip and relax my fingers.
Control it.
Petals float to the right as I move my hands further left, and then rise as I lift both hands to the sky. Then they whirl, spinning chaotically with my magik, drawing in more debris.
I blurt a laugh, my smile lifting at the hold I have.
Both hands held high, I draw them back down in a quick striking motion. The flowers drop, and as they collide with the ground, flames erupt around me.
“Fuck!”
Smoke thickens in the air and glows a fiery orange, the blaze enraged and out of control. The moonflower valley becomes cinders in a matter of seconds, blackened down to the roots.
“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!”
I raise my hands, hoping I can regain control over my magik, when a piercing scream comes from the village. My heart sinks from the protective case of my chest and down into my acidic stomach.
“Mum?” I call.
Another scream. One I know well. It’s the same scream Mum gave when Cole fell down the stairs while learning how to crawl.
Fear.
Panic.
I run.
I leave the valley, and when I take the first step down to my village, my entire body locks in place. My toes curl, and my heart seizes in my throat as the flames wrap around the rooftops like blankets around a cold, shivering body.
Petals become ash, and magik turns to torment as I stand at the edge of a world I knew and watch it burn.
“My kamai!”
I suck in a breath at the sound and Serun’s grip on my arm, pulling me back to reality. My eyes fly open, and I stare into crimson eyes spilling so warmly like blood from an open wound. His hold on my arm relaxes, and he takes my hand, kissing my knuckles tenderly.
“You lost control.”
Huh?
Serun draws away the shadows that surround us—a sanctuary to keep the world away from me. But as the veil of shadows falls, tendrils of red anger slip like silk ribbons around the room. The very same colour as the red moon.
“Let it go.” His other hand reaches out, and as I focus on it, keeping my eyes on what he is doing, I notice that I have raised my right arm. My hand is open and palm flat, while swirling, violent red magik sparks from me.
Serun cups his hand underneath mine, and as he helps wrap each finger into a fist, his shadows smother the red light, killing it kindly.
No more rage. Nothing left for me to feel.
“Thank you,” I say breathlessly. “I don’t know what happened. I was in control, and then…”
“The fear crept in again before you could pull the magik out and shatter the realm your mum placed it in.” Our arms lower, his hand still on mine as if he doesn’t want to let go just yet.
“You need to be quick. Enter, understand, then leave. Lingering seems to pull you under.” His long fingers draw up my gooseflesh skin.
“What was it this time? Your Blessed? Not-lover?”
I shake my head. “No. This time, there was a fire in my village, and my mum was screaming. They’re like nightmares—there to torment me so I don’t get close to my magik, I suppose.”
Serun’s focus lowers to my mouth, then darts away. “It is getting late. Would you like to rest, or be distracted?”
“Distracted. Though you say it as if I am a dog to be rewarded, nightwalker,” I mutter.
He tilts his head to the side, and a smirk settles on his face. “Very well. I also want this distraction. I enjoy your company, even if it is as simple as a board game, like last time.”
I lean into him, my body against his, and the shadows wrap comfortingly around me. I’m greedy, hovering between wanting it all with him, and knowing I'll do whatever Cole wants to do when we are reunited.
“What do you have in mind tonight?” His mouth draws closer to mine, and it’s all I can see. It’s all I want to see, and I lean further in, waiting for him to make the next move.
Serun’s hands tighten on mine. One move and he can close the gap between us. Pearly red eyes lower to my mouth, then to my throat. My shoulders stiffen slightly as I remember his fangs sinking into my skin and drinking from me. Tasting my memories.
“Your lust is very distracting.”
“Then do something about it.”
He sighs sharply, red eyes dilating. One moment I’m on my feet, and the next I’m thrown over Serun’s shoulder, my hands pressing against his broad back muscles.
“Do you want to die a slow death?” I say, the magik in my bones heating as I imagine squishing this nightwalker like a bug beneath my boot.
Serun laughs deeply, and it’s enough for my anger to waver. “I’m already dead. But do indulge me. I enjoy slow torture. What would you do?”
I duck closer to Serun as he strides out into the manor. His arm wraps across the bend in my knees while his other hand grips my hip, close to grabbing my arse.
“There is no point in telling you.” I accept my fate slung over his shoulder and relax into it. “It is better if you don’t know until I do it.”
“Then I will wait until you try to kill me again.” Serun makes his way up the stairs. “Though I doubt you will. Not until I fuck you first,” he laughs.
He. Laughs.
With a long sigh, I shake off his teasing, reminded of the true reason I don’t want to kill him anymore. “Will the Undercity be safe for Cole and me? The slayers truly can’t enter?”
His hand squeezes my thigh. “Our laws prohibit slayers from crossing our borders. So, they would have to travel by sea to try. And even then, slayers don’t like the water. They fear the monster living in there.”
“The one we saw on the train?”
“Yes.”
I grip his shirt, my ears pricked as he turns down an unfamiliar corridor. “Are you afraid of any monsters?”
“Yes.” His thumb strokes back and forth. “The one who harmed your brother.”
“Pardon?” My hands tighten as his shadows ripple with agitation.
“Here we are.” Leaning to see past him, I catch Penumbra pushing open a set of double doors, and I smile when they bow, a shadow speech bubble appearing upside down, telling me to enjoy.
Serun enters the darkness, and it swallows us both.
Inside, his grip slackens as he slides me down the front of his body until I am on my feet.
With my hands resting on his chest, I scan the darkness around us, waiting for the edges to sharpen.
Before they can, a light snaps on with the rattling clank of a sturdy switch.
I wince at the flood of light after loving the shadows.
“What…” Words become mere letters, falling apart before they can leave my mouth.
This time, it’s not from the bite of pain, or when I was tasting the soil when my Blessed pinned me to the ground.
My heart doesn’t clench with fear, nor does stress sweat slip down my forehead.
My heart speeds up, but it’s light. A flutter, like butterfly wings kissing with each beat.
Letting go of Serun, I press my feet against sprung hardwood and make my way into the centre of the ballet studio.
Mirrors span the walls and ceiling, with ballet barres along one side, and in the corner, pointe shoes hang from their ribbons beside a mannequin in a glass box wearing tights and a leotard.
My ears bend back when I touch the barres, and I grit my teeth to hide the emotions that want to make my brow tremble.
“You dance ballet—or am I thinking of someone else?” Serun smirks when I look to him and smile, my eyes softening. However, the connection never lasts long. He quickly looks away from me and scans the room. “This is for you. A distraction if you wanted one without me.”
I gesture around the studio. “When did you do all of this?”
“I had time,” he says with a half-shrug of one shoulder.
I clasp my hands behind my back. “Very well. Keep your secrets.”
“Don’t deny that you enjoy these secrets,” he says. I take his hand, and he quickly looks at what I am doing. A guarded expression crosses the Lord of the Undercity, ears unsure if they should stay alert or fall victim to vulnerability. “Kamai…”
I cup his hand and press it to my lips as he does so often to mine. Eyes on him the entire time, I ask, “How do I say, ‘thank you’ in Daryun?”
“Hengyo ko,” he breathes.
With my mouth pressed to the back of his hand, I murmur, “Hengyo ko, Serun.”
His ears bend back, and for a moment, the vulnerability I’ve been looking for appears. The chip in his armour. The softness in his eyes. They don’t melt, as I’ve seen. They glow, becoming round, shimmering crystals visible in the darkest depths of his shadows.
He quickly retracts his hand from mine and scratches his chest. After clearing his throat, he says, “Would you like me to play music while you dance?”
I nod, unable to speak.
He makes his way to the side of the room. Shadows swirl around his hand, and the harp and stool appear. As he sits, I look at the mannequin—the strong desire for what I’ve always craved, becoming more than just illusion.