Chapter 19
Ren
I’d been arguing with, Lizzy, off and on all day about Rory. Well, it wasn’t really arguing. More like she was trying to convince me that I was losing my mind and she didn’t like him. She was kidding herself if that was what she genuinely thought.
We were two of the most stubborn people I knew, other than Nash, so our differences of opinion had been known to last days.
R: Don’t bother lying to me, I know you thought he was hot.
L: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
R: Girl, be real.
L: What? I had to go.
R: Lizzy…when Rory came over to the table, you short-circuited. I thought my laptop was buffering.
L: I did not.
R: This is me you’re talking to. Why are you trying to hide the truth?
L: I’m audibly sighing. Fine…I might have thought he was cute. But it was probably just the baby hormones. They are wicked and have me all over the place. I cried over a toilet paper commercial with puppies. Full on waterworks.
R: You would’ve cried at that before.
Smiling at my phone, I shook my head.
L: Bitch. Don’t call me out on my weirdness. You’re supposed to be my best friend and just agree with me.
R: I am, which is why I have carte blanche to say…you like him.
L: How can I like him when I don’t even know him? And I highly doubt he wants to have anything to do with me.
R: You don’t know that. Just because you’re having a baby, it doesn’t mean your life is over, or that you suddenly can’t notice a hot guy.
L: I know…it’s just that, I already feel like an idiot for getting into this situation and thinking about another guy right now…
just…I don’t know. I guess I’m not ready to go there while dealing with all the other stuff, like school, my father, and the couple adopting the baby.
It’s just a lot, and that’s before you add in the insane food cravings and mood swings.
Do you know I can’t sleep on my back? I just can’t right now.
I sighed and tapped my pen on the desk.
R: Okay, I get it, but it’s fun to tease you, so I’m going to keep doing it.
L: LOL! I would expect nothing less from you. I love you, Boo. Seriously, you make me smile and laugh, and still feel normal, and now I’m crying again. I gotta go.
I snickered, and Blake looked over at me from the book he was reading.
“It’s Lizzy,” I said.
R: Love you. TTYL
Setting the phone aside, I turned to look at Blake. He glanced at me, and the tiniest of smiles tilted his mouth up.
“Yes…can I help you,” he asked cheekily, reaching out and grabbing my hand on the desk.
“How’s your dad doing?”
He sat up straight and looked toward Mr. Sharpe.
With only a few minutes left in our psychology class and the lesson complete, our teacher had done his best to forget that anyone was still here.
Blake lifted his shoulders and dropped them.
“He’s home, and he’ll be alright as long as he doesn’t tell James to leave again. If he does, Theo may actually kill him. He was furious. He kept it in check in front of Dad, but James got an earful.”
It gave me hope that Blake was able to make a joke. His eyes held so much sadness, and all I wanted to do was take it away.
“Do you need anything? I want to help, but don’t know what to do.”
Holding his hand tighter, I kissed his knuckles.
“Can you spend the night in with Myles and me?”
“Done,” I said with a big smile.
Blake ran his thumb over my fingers.
“Did Myles tell you what I did?”
My stomach dropped, and I shook my head. I shouldn’t be expecting the worst, but the way things had been going lately, I prepared myself for it.
Blake leaned in close to my ear.
“I kissed him.”
My mouth dropped open as he pulled back, and I was the one glitching this time.
“Say something. I promised no secrets, so I had to tell you, but I’ve been dreading it.”
“I…I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked. Is this something you’ve thought about? Do you want something different?”
Blake’s eyes grew wide as he shook his head.
“No, it wasn’t like that. It’s not like that.
It was at the hospital, and I had a panic attack.
It just sort of happened. Myles was so Myles.
He took it all in stride, but I really thought that I had ruined our friendship there for a second.
” Blake scooted closer. “And no, I don’t want anything different. ”
“I mean, if you two want to add that to our…ever-evolving dynamic…” I grinned. “I hope you know that I’m good with it. You just totally caught me off guard.”
Blake opened his mouth, but the bell rang, making me jump.
“Mr. O’Brien and Ms. Davies, please come up to the front for a minute,” Mr. Sharpe called over the noise.
I really needed to decide on my last name before the year was out.
We quickly grabbed our bags and walked up to the front as Mr. Sharpe packed his leather briefcase. In his typical, dramatic way, Sharpe waited until the room was empty, leaving the two of us standing in awkward silence.
“Why is it that I’m hearing from Mr. Romanovich that you’re missing TA sessions for AP Foreign Language? I put you forward for the position and you’re hurting my reputation.”
Blake stood there awkwardly when I glanced at him.
“I volunteered to TA while you were away and have been helping in this class here and there,” he said in explanation. I had no idea he’d taken on so much in addition to his tutoring. He turned to Mr. Sharpe. “I’m sorry, I’ll speak to Mr. Romanovich about my absences.”
“You better.” Mr. Sharpe drummed his fingers on his briefcase. “You two do realize that being a TA is not a part-time responsibility? Ren is not yet back to full speed, and you, Mr. O’Brien, have issues with attendance.”
“Sir, that’s not really fair,” I said, putting my hands on my hips.
His brow furrowed. “I don’t need to hear about what you think is fair. Life is not fair, and your shortcomings are not my problem. Tell me this…do you really want to do this?” I stood there dumfounded by his rudeness. “Nothing? I guess not.”
With that said, he walked toward the door.
“Excuse me,” I said, absolutely fuming at the audacity.
Mr. Sharpe turned and looked at me.
“That was wildly disrespectful and inappropriate. You know, Mr. Sharpe, I used to think condescension was a sign of experience. Turns out it’s just a lack of perspective.”
His eyes narrowed as I took a step toward him. It had been a while since I’d confronted someone whose ego was larger than their sense. But he had picked the wrong damn day.
“I’m not at full speed because I nearly died.
And Blake has not been here because someone he loves deeply was taken from him in a senseless tragedy.
We are coping. You may call that a limitation—I call it being strong and proof that we are still here and still fighting.
So, before you decide what we can or can’t do, maybe consider that some of us are rebuilding from devastating blows while others are just using their title as a weapon for their pompous behavior. ”
His jaw dropped, and damn, it felt good to put him in his place. I’d bitten my tongue the first time he disrespected Ella’s memory and Blake’s grief, but I sure as hell wasn’t letting it slide again. I took a breath, then allowed the smallest smile to cut across my face.
“Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need to go. We have work to do—shockingly, even with our shortcomings, we still get things done.”
I hooked my arm through Blake’s and hitched my backpack higher on my shoulder.
“Maybe it would be best if you found yourself a TA that you consider exceptional. Good luck, I wouldn’t want to slow you down.”
We stepped forward, and he smiled wide, confusing me. Sharpe put his hands together in a slow clap, and I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be condescending or not.
“Alright…now that is the fire I’ve waited to see. It’s good to know that you still have it, Ms. Davies.”
Blake and I shared a WTF look.
“Don’t look so confused. You’re right, you’ve experienced something deeply traumatic and are recovering. I haven’t seen this side of you since you got back. Your passion, sharp wit, and ability to think on your feet are traits I value most.”
“So…this was a test?”
He shrugged.
“In a way. Think of it as more of a push. Like a mother bird urging the hatchlings out of the nest so they learn to fly.”
Blake snorted and then laughed.
“That’s actually a great visual. But I’m not sure plummeting to a potential death is a great outcome if we fail.”
Mr. Sharpe smiled.
“Metaphor, it’s just a metaphor. My point is, you are more than ready for whatever I throw at you. And that’s important because I won’t make it easy. Mr. O’Brien, I still expect you to speak to Mr. Romanovich. Ms. Davies, your work resumes next Thursday.”
He made his way out of the classroom and left me and Blake staring after him.
“That was really badass,” Blake said.
“What? That he just goaded me into insulting him.”
Blake smiled.
“No…that you did. It was really hot.”
I blushed at the compliment.
“We should finish our conversation.”
Blake kissed my cheek.
“You’re right, we should, but I need to get to my tutoring class. Tonight?”
“Sounds good.” I waved him away. “I’m going to the art room. I’ll see you later.”
“I’m not supposed to leave you alone.”
“I’ll text someone, promise. Now go.”
Blake hesitated a second longer before nodding and disappearing.
I took a moment to calm down. I’d been clenching my fists through my tirade, and now my hands were shaking from the rush of adrenaline and…it wasn’t fear, but it was something.
After a few deep breaths, I stepped out into the hall.
It was always quiet after classes let out, and I’d never understood that. This was my favorite place on the entire property, and it boggled my mind that not even one other person felt the same way.
The art studio felt like a whole new world, or maybe another lifetime. It had been so long since I’d been in here—alone or otherwise.
I walked over to my favorite easel and pulled up a stool. There was no canvas or paint to use, but I didn’t need any. I wasn’t here to create. I was here to remember.
My mother stood in front of me, her hand moving in graceful strokes. She had a serious look in her eyes, but a smile on her lips, and her coveralls were covered in a rainbow of paint splatter like she’d plucked one from the sky.
What are you painting today?
Her answer had always been the same.
Life and love, sweetheart.
She had always smiled at me with a wistfulness in her eyes that I only now understood.
Every stroke voices what my heart can’t bear to say.
“Coming back to the scene of the crime,” Nash asked, making me jump and almost fall off the stool.
He was standing just inside the door, and I glared at him.
“I’m seriously going to get you a bell to wear around your neck,” I growled at him.
“Kinky, I like it.”
“Don’t get any ideas.”
“Too late for that,” he said, smirking at me. Nash pushed away from the wall and slowly stalked toward me. “But…speaking of bad ideas. You aren’t supposed to be alone,” he said as I looked down at my hands.
“I just needed a moment to breathe. I wasn’t going to leave the art room without calling someone.”
“Are you okay?”
Nash walked around behind me, and I smiled as he enveloped me like an oversized blanket. Nash was still an asshole, but there was this sweetness to him when we were alone that I’d never expected.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay. Some days are more difficult than others.”
Nash kissed my neck and then made a quiet sound that sent a shiver down my spine.
“You smell so fucking good. I think I should spank you again for old-time’s sake, especially since you didn’t text one of us right away to say you were alone. Such a naughty girl,” he whispered in my ear, and my body flashed hot all over.
“You’re impossible,” I mumbled, but turned my head and captured his tempting lips.
Nash groaned and picked me up.
I thought for sure he was going to follow through on his teasing, and I was about to protest, but instead he sat down on my stool and placed me on his lap.
He didn’t say anything else. He just let me rest my head on his chest, while he ran his fingers along my arm. It was one of the kindest gestures I’d experienced from Nash, and the tears I’d been holding back silently leaked out and trailed down my cheeks.
One day, it had to get easier…it just had to.