Chapter 41
Blake
Why did it feel like every person around us had some hand in my mother’s death? My family was crushed, and a beautiful soul was stolen from this earth. There were so many milestones that I’d never thought about until she was gone. Mom would miss them all.
“Hey.”
I looked back and saw Myles running after me, but I kept walking.
“Blake, hold up.”
“I need air,” I said, marching to the stairwell.
Myles caught up to me just as I pushed through the door. He grabbed my arm, stopping me before I could head down.
“Just stop for a minute.”
“All I want is air,” I said, my body shaking as the emotions swirled and collided in my body.
“Naw, yer wantin’ ta run. I don’t blame ya, but it never helps. Trust me, I know.”
His words struck a nerve that I didn’t want to examine.
“No, you don’t understand. Just let me go.”
Instead of letting go, Myles tightened his grip and pulled me back from the stairs before he pushed me up against the wall.
“What the hell is your problem?”
He had my hoodie in his fist, and his forearm pressed hard into my chest. Myles planted his leg between mine and was braced like he was ready for a fight. His deep amber eyes were locked on my face, and I wanted to rage at him.
Anger had taken the lead, and it coursed through my body. I glared, wanting him to leave me alone. I was used to wallowing in my pain on my own. I pushed at his chest, feeling trapped.
“Get off of me, man. I need space.”
“What ya need is yer friends. What ya need is Ren and me. Stop sending us away. You’ve always done it, and I’ve always been right here.”
I snorted and looked away, hating that tears stung my eyes. I hated him for making me fucking cry. I hated him for calling me out. I was so sick of crying and feeling like I was the weak link in the group.
“Let me go,” I snarled and pushed against Myles.
But he was freakishly strong and didn’t budge. It was like trying to move a boulder.
“Stop running,” he ordered. “Ya really think I don’t get it?”
I stopped struggling.
“I was assaulted repeatedly by me brother. I felt helpless when Axel hurt Snowflake. And the man, who dared call himself my da, killed me ma and almost took my reason for breathing away from me before I killed him. I still bear the scars of his abuse. I stare at them every time I look in a mirror. Lines faded or not, I can still see worthless carved into my skin and feel the ridges where he threatened to cut me cock off. So yeah…yer not the only one dealin’ with demons. ”
His tortured gaze crushed my urge to fight him. Myles always handled everything with a smile and a shrug. It made it easy to forget he’d been through so much. Maybe it was me who hadn’t been a good friend. How could I so easily dismiss the pain he’d lived through?
“Yer ma was the best, and she didn’t deserve ta die.
But ya also have those amazing memories to comfort ya.
Yer able to smile and know that everythin’ ya accomplish woulda made her proud.
She loved you, and you have her warm and caring spirit.
Ella would not want ta see ya runnin’ from those who love you because of what happened. Ya know that.”
Myles had been my rock for years, and even when I hid shit, I still counted on him. I’d never seen him as anything more than my friend, but lately something had changed.
“You’re making me want to kiss you again. I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to stop the feeling any more than I can erase all the other crap.”
It made no sense that when I was emotionally charged, he was the one I craved. The connection and need to have him close were different, but just as strong as what I had with Ren. It was confusing the hell out of me.
“Then don’t,” Myles said, releasing his grip on me.
“What?”
“Do it,” he said.
There was nothing teasing about the way he said it or looked at me. My heart hammered as I stood frozen, staring into his eyes.
Myles suddenly punched the wall right beside my head, and I felt the vibration all over my body.
“Do it,” he growled.
The world fell away under my feet. It was Myles and me and all the trauma that we’d shared.
Grabbing his face, I crushed our lips together and sucked in a deep, shuddering breath as the turbulence eased in my chest. Everything about him felt familiar. His scent, his voice, the irritating comments and jokes, but also the unyielding support, even when I didn’t deserve it.
Desperation to escape the insanity had me deepening the kiss and groaning when Myles kissed me back. His hands gripped my hips, grounding me to the earth and him, like a human anchor.
Giving myself over to whatever this was, I flipped us around and pushed him up against the wall.
I didn’t know when Myles stopped being just my friend and became something more.
Something that kept my broken pieces from drifting apart.
But I knew this much—I trusted him with the mess that I couldn’t survive on my own.
Myles and Ren were my people, the ones who kept me afloat when I was drowning, and right now, I needed him to hold me up.
If grief had a language, this was it.
Ren
My head was throbbing.
I’d kept myself together, but now everything we’d learned pressed on my heart.
Christov had, for lack of a better word, bribed Zigzag to spy on me.
He had known where I was for months before he showed his face at that poker game.
I couldn’t be sure that he had sent those men to Canada to kill me.
But if it wasn’t him, he had shared my location with someone else.
My guess was that Lawrence knew, and Nadia had died, thinking it was her fault.
Everything was spinning out of control, and I had no way to stop it or change any of the awful things that had happened.
I felt violated and angry, like I had when Axel attacked me.
Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes, fighting the pull. I promised myself that I would never let what happened take over and control me again. But those feelings of powerlessness loved to sneak up and bite me in the ass.
Taking a steadying breath, I continued down the hall to find Blake and Myles. I didn’t know where they had gone, but I checked in the bedroom first. It was dark and quiet. Knowing Blake, he would want to be outside.
The stairwell door wasn’t far, and I was just about to push it open when my brain caught up to the scene on the other side of the narrow glass.
Blake was kissing Myles. Myles was kissing Blake.
As I watched, Blake turned them so that Myles was pressed up against the wall. The anxiety that had been creeping in was stomped out and replaced with a blazing heat.
“Wow,” I whispered.
You’d think that after being with Theo and Liam, I’d be prepared. But no, it was a five-alarm-fire, hot, seeing them together.
Licking my lips and swallowing the dry lump in my throat, I walked through the door. Blake jerked back from Myles as their heads turned in my direction.
“Ren…I…ah…” Blake said, looking at Myles and then back to me.
Not letting him finish, I stepped between them, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him hard. He groaned and pushed me back into Myles, whose touch burned as he gripped my hips.
I didn’t even care that it felt like I was being bitten by fire ants when my sweater brushed against my tattoo. Myles kissed the side of my neck, sucking on the spot over my snowflakes.
Everything felt perfect. They felt perfect. Being with the two of them had always felt like being wrapped in a warm, sexy blanket. They chased all the shadows away.
Blake broke the kiss with a gasp.
“I need you,” he said, against my lips.
“Come on,” I said, stepping away and holding my hands out for them. “I need you both.”
The dark desire swimming in their eyes was driving me insane and causing my hands to tremble.
I marched to our bedroom and flung open the door. Standing in the middle of the room, I turned to face them. I pulled my hoodie off and tossed it aside, while Myles locked us away.
My eyes bounced between them, but there was no jealousy and no doubt. Only the deep, unshakable knowledge that love didn’t have to be small or singular to be real.
We were all broken for different reasons, but somehow, we kept finding ways to hold each other upright. And for the first time all night, I felt safe inside that truth.