Chapter 58
Myles
“Yer killin’ me kid,” I said, and Lip laughed as he took my final card in our game of Go Fish. “That’s five hands in a row you’ve kicked me arse. Yer a shark,” I said, and Lip’s entire face lit up. I lived for that look.
If standing on me head and crowing to the moon while dressed like a penguin would make him smile, then I’d fucking do it. He was ever so slowly coming out of his shell. I’d always known he was smart, but the doctors helping me with him all said he had an eidetic memory. I had to look that up.
It meant that he remembered everything. Every book he ever read, every conversation word for word, right down to what the room looked and smelled like.
The night of the shooting and Ella’s death would never fade for him like it would for Ethan or anyone else.
Every single day, he would recall it perfectly, right down to the moment Ella grabbed him, told him to hide, and then was shot moments later.
I thought remembering what happened to me was bad, but at least I’d been able to work at letting some of it go. What if I couldn’t? What if I remembered every horrible thing that had ever been done in 4K detail?
All I knew was that I couldn’t be happier that Owen and Lawrence were both dead.
And all I could hope was that even if that night remained clear in his mind forever, that at some point, he could find a way to be at peace with it, knowing that there was nothing he could’ve done differently, and that Ella’s death had nothing to do with him.
I knew that she would’ve chosen to save him every single time and was smiling down on him now.
“One more?”
“Now yer just getting’ greedy,” I said.
“It’s not my fault. I’m just better than you,” Lip said.
“That’s it.” I leaped across the pillow we were using as a table, fingers grabbing his sides as I tickled him. Cards went flying, and his happy screeching filled the room as he laughed hysterically, trying to get away.
“Well, now, what is happening in here,” Ethan asked.
I stopped my assault and looked over my shoulder.
“Ethan,” Lip yelled excitedly.
Sitting back, I watched as Lip jumped to his feet and ran at Ethan. I expected Blake to leap in the way like a bodyguard, but instead, Ethan slowly kneeled and let Lip run into his arms.
“It’s so good to see you,” Ethan said, his voice raw.
I had to look away as my throat choked up and tears stung my eyes.
“I thought something else bad had happened. Myles kept saying you were okay, but you needed more time to heal. I still worried that he just didn’t want to tell me, or that you didn’t want to see me anymore.”
Ethan gently pushed Lip back and held his shoulders as he looked into his eyes.
“Myles wasn’t lying. He would never do that to you, and neither will I. I’m still sore and still healing. But I’m going to be okay, I promise.”
“So, you still want me?”
Dear God, the kid was determined to make me cry. I wiped away the tear trailing down my cheek. Standing, I busied myself with fixing the pillows and picking up the cards.
“Lip…there is nothing in this world you could do to make me not want you in my life. I love you, son, and I’m so incredibly sorry that I haven’t been there for you when you needed me the most. That is going to change. Myles and I are going to talk this week about making sure we both see you more.”
“Really,” he asked, his voice full of pure joy.
It had been missing since the night of the shooting, like Lawrence had stolen that piece of my brother.
“Really.”
“Let me help you stand,” Lip said as Ethan winced, trying to get up.
Even though I knew it was Blake who did the heavy lifting, watching Lip try—his face serious with determination—simultaneously made me smile and broke my heart.
Ethan slowly made his way over to a large wingback chair and sat down. Lip started giving him the speedy rundown of everything that had happened over the last couple of months. I wasn’t sure how he managed to talk that much or that fast without taking a breath.
I walked over to Blake and nudged his shoulder. His eyes held the same unshed tears as mine.
“It’s good ta see him out,” I whispered.
Blake nodded and then stepped out into the hall to give us more privacy.
“I honestly thought he was going to refuse to come. I was all ready with the argument as to why he needed to be here, but instead he just asked me to bring him a suit from his and mom’s closet, and I helped him get dressed.”
“He’s still in the spare room?”
I watched Ethan laugh at something Lip said. The kid hadn’t let go of Ethan’s hand and was trying to be doubly animated, using only one arm as he explained something from class.
“Yeah, he says he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to go back into the master bedroom ever again.
He had me bring him one of Mom’s nightgowns and her perfume.
He’s been sleeping with it at night. I don’t know if that’s healthy, but he’s at least getting up every day and venturing downstairs for a few hours. ”
I gripped Blake’s shoulder.
“He’s gonna get there, and I’m glad he came. They were both needin’ this. Lip has been tryin’ ta hide how upset he’s been that he hasn’t seen Ethan since the funeral, but I could tell.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right. I haven’t seen Dad smile this much since before.”
With a sigh, I looked around and spotted Romeo, Ronan, and Vicky standing at the far end of the hall.
“Can ya believe dat’s who Mr. G has courting Vicky?”
Blake crossed his arms and stared as Vicky walked away, and Ronan laughed. We were too far away to know what was said, but it didn’t matter. It was Ronan, which meant it was wildly inappropriate or rude.
“I know this is going to sound crazy, but it kind of makes sense. I mean, can you see Vicky with someone who doesn’t have pushback in them? She’d be leading them around by the nose after the first day.”
“Aye…ya just made me think of the bull we had back home. Owen used to lead it round wi the ring in its nose.”
Blake snorted and then laughed, which made me laugh.
“Thanks, man,” he said, shaking his head. “I needed that.”
“Anytime. Have ya seen Snowflake yet?”
“No, I came straight in here when I heard your voice,” Blake said.
“Aww, that’s just so sweet of ya,” I teased, and he rolled his eyes.
“You know what I mean.”
“Aye, I do. She looks like a queen, just ya wait ‘til you see the dress that designer did for her. I don’t know how I’m gonna keep me hands off her all night.” Blake laughed again. “What? What did I say?”
“Dude, when has being at a fancy event ever stopped you before?”
“Aye, yer right. Let’s sneak her off after the appetizers and make her the main course,” I said just as Ren turned the corner at the end of the hallway and greeted Ronan.
She was on Nash’s arm, and they looked like the black king and the white queen from a chessboard.
The contrast between his black hair and suit, and her white hair and dress was stunning.
They looked perfect, and it burned my ass, but not as much as I liked to pretend.
My Snowflake was still very much mine, and she made me feel loved every second we were together.
“He really does look happy, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah, he does,” Blake said, bumping my shoulder and forcing me to look at him. “You did a good thing.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“Well…you’re the one who brought Ren into our circle.
Even if any of us had tried to date her, I don’t think she would’ve given us the time of day.
You helped her remove her armor and let us be part of something special.
No matter who wears the wedding ring, I know that I’ll never forget what you’ve done for all of us and what you’ve given up for Nash to be on her arm right now. ”
I dabbed my eyes.
“Why is everyone tryin’ to make me cry tonight?”
Blake wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we stood there and watched Ren greet the rest of the guests. She really was a queen. She always had been in my mind and heart, but now—I wasn’t even worthy to shine her shoes, let alone call her mine.
Ren looked our way and smiled. Lifting her fingers, she wiggled them in our direction.
Despite the color she was wearing, Ren radiated warmth, and that right there was why, even if all she ever threw me were tiny scraps, I would stay right here by her side forever.
Because when I was near her, I felt whole.
I loved her and always would.