Chapter 77
Nash
The couch was comfy, but not nearly as warm as Ren cuddled in my arms. I’d offered to sleep down here, but as I stared at the ceiling, the temptation to go upstairs and crawl into the bed with her was very real.
Sleep was overrated anyway. I got up and headed for the kitchen. After making my peppermint hot chocolate, I was just sitting down when someone walked into the room.
My eyes flicked to the doorway. It wasn’t Ren.
I would know Princess even in the darkest of rooms. The shadows didn’t match.
This woman was taller, with narrow shoulders and shorter hair.
The sweet scent of Princess’s bodywash didn’t waft into the room.
Vicky wasn’t here, so that only left one person. Yuliana.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I asked.
“I haven’t slept well in years, even before we went on the run,” Yuliana said as she walked to the cabinet and took down a glass. “It was worse after, though. When you’re hunted like that, the house never feels safe, and every noise wakes you up.”
“I know that feeling.”
She poured some water, and I expected her to leave, but she sat down across from me in the exact spot Edmundo had not long ago.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?”
I shook my head. “Not at all. As long as you leave the knives in the drawer,” I said.
Her lip curved up, and a bit of humor brightened her eyes.
“Not banning me from the forks…that’s brave,” she teased with a smirk.
“Should I?”
Yuliana sipped her water, and she suddenly reminded me of Dean Henry.
“Ren tells me that Lawrence was not a good father,” she said, looking out the window. “I’m not surprised. He was always an asshole.”
“That is an understatement.”
I relaxed back into the chair and watched the little marshmallows swirl around in my mug.
Yuliana turned back to face me, her stare cool and analyzing. There was no anger or hatred that I could pick up on, just a hardness that only accompanied pain.
“Tell me what it was like living with him.”
Tilting my head, I searched her face but couldn't figure out why she wanted to know.
“It was a nightmare you couldn’t wake up from,” I said finally. “If you ran, he hunted you. If you disobeyed, he hurt the people you loved. If he was bored, you paid for it with a fist or worse. He tried to break me every day.” I met her gaze. “I refused to break. And I swore I’d kill him.”
Yuliana swirled the water in her cup, and I could tell she was gearing up for another question.
“But you didn’t kill him. What happened?”
That night was easy to recall. Trauma had a way of keeping the memories clear. I sucked in a deep breath and ran through what happened. I started with all of us at the club and the phone call from Lip, and didn’t stop until I walked onto the plane and talked Blake into lowering the gun.
Yuliana wiped away a tear, and of all the reactions I’d been expecting, I hadn’t thought she would cry.
“I thought I’d hardened my heart,” she said softly. “That numbness was strength. But today reminded me that I was just…empty.” She swallowed. “Almost everyone I loved growing up is dead. Violence leaves ghosts behind, whether you believe in them or not.”
“Are you upset that you killed all those people?”
“Yes,” she said after a moment. “And no. I know who they were. I know what they did. But you never see all the consequences. There’s always another cousin. Another partner. Another man who wants power.” She looked at me. “And I worry that in protecting Ren, I’ve only made things worse.”
“You are worried that you’ve made her a bigger target,” I said.
Yuliana nodded. “Yes. Exactly.”
“I understand that all too well,” I said, and gulped down half of my drink.
“Are you talking about what you set up with Sabastian?”
I slowly lowered my mug.
“Maybe. Are you going to tell me what I did was wrong?”
Yuliana’s gaze felt heavy as I waited for her to respond.
“No, I understand why you did what you did. Considering my course of action, I don’t think I’m in any position to judge.
But I also don’t think you’re being a hundred percent truthful as to your reasons why,” she said, and I crossed my arms. “Nash…I may not have been here, but I didn’t need to be to see that the animosity between you and Sabastian went far deeper than your fear for Ren’s safety. ”
I looked away, not wanting to admit that she was right. Part of me wanted to see him suffer, and it had nothing to do with anything it should.
“You are jealous of him, aren’t you?”
I didn’t say anything.
“Why?”
That was the question I couldn’t answer.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do,” Yuliana said, and I shifted in my seat, still feeling her eyes on my face. “If you don’t want to tell me, that is fine, but at least be honest with yourself.”
I finally looked back at her.
“What does it matter? My reason for locking him up was valid. You must have seen the look he gave you and Ren at the school. He was livid with Ren, and there was no telling what he might do. He wanted you dead, it was clear. I couldn’t allow what happened to Ella to repeat.
Ren is hurt that you pretended to be dead, but if you actually died and I could’ve stopped it…
” I shook my head. “No, I couldn’t take the chance. I’d do it again every time.”
“As I said, I understand.”
“And you’re not angry? I mean, he was sort of like a son to you, wasn’t he?”
She paused and took a deep breath before answering.
“This is going to be hard to understand, but please don’t judge me.
No, to me, Sabastian was a cute child that I saw a few times a month at the most. Alina never wanted him to get too close to me and Ren.
I think she feared that as he got older, he would want to spend more time with me and call me Mom.
She was unstable. I can’t even imagine what she would’ve done if he ever said those words to me. ”
Yuliana sighed, folding her hands on the table.
“I didn’t trust Alina or Christov around Ren, so I kept us locked in our adjoining rooms most of the time.
We only left to visit my mother or go out as a group for pretense’s sake.
A few times we went to the park, but that was rare.
My point is that I was solely focused on protecting my daughter and finding the best opportunity to leave.
I never wished any harm on Sabastian, he was a child and certainly shouldn’t be punished for who his parents were, but I never saw him as a son.
It’s why I never considered taking him. My hope initially was to escape and run to Eddie.
Taking Christov’s only male heir with me, would’ve caused a massive war.
I hadn’t planned on shooting Christov, that happened out of necessity. ”
“But he talks like you were his mother,” I said.
“If you are told something enough, especially at a young age, by the people you trust, why would you not believe it? Ren says that Christov told him he was my son, up until she confronted him with the truth. It seems he maintained that lie better than anyone. Maybe part of him wanted to believe it, even though he didn’t love me. ”
“I don’t understand. Why would he want to pretend?”
Yuliana looked out into the darkness, and I wondered if she was picturing that time of her life.
“I can only guess, but it would make his life easier. Christov is as complicated as your father was. Not as deranged, although the line is thin. I had a family name he could lean on for money, power, and favors. Alina did not. It served no purpose to announce to the world that he had a bastard son with a woman who gave him nothing. Aside from her undying obsession, of course.”
“So, you didn’t care what happened to Sabastian?”
“He wasn’t my son. But he was an innocent child who deserved better,” she continued.
“Christov told him he was mine. Over and over. Lies become truth when they’re all a child has.
” Her voice softened. “I planned my escape when Sabastian wouldn’t be home.
I did plan to kill Alina, but didn’t know he’d find her like that.
” Pain flickered across her face. “I would never willingly scar a child. I know that I came close the other day, but…I was a different person back then. Kinder maybe. I’m still trying to figure that out. ”
Yuliana finished her water and stood.
“But hear me, Nash.” Her voice was steady, though tired. “You have already proven your point to him. You won, so if even a fraction of what you did was driven by something other than protection—by pride, jealousy, or vengeance—then find a way to help Sabastian. Not for him. For you.”
“How does helping him get out early help me?”
She looked at me with a weight that came only from surviving too much.
“Because mercy is the only thing that separates us from the men who raised us. A lesson that has taken me a long time to learn and almost cost me everything.”
She locked eyes with me, and I felt it. The shift. We understood each other.
“Ren believes in others, in love, in a better world which includes compassion. If she didn’t, I don’t think you would be sitting here right now.
If you don’t learn how to connect with her on these core personality traits, you will lose her.
Maybe not this time, but you will, and then you will be left with nothing but regret and a lot of time to think.
That is a combination you never want to suffer.
It slowly eats you from the inside out.”
Yuliana turned to walk away.
“Mrs. Mikhailov?” She looked over her shoulder. “Thank you for giving me a chance.”
“Call me Yuli,” she said with a smile and left.
The kitchen felt heavier after she was gone.
I stared into my mug, the marshmallows melted into nothing, and I realized something I hadn’t wanted to admit.
Loving Ren wasn’t just about keeping her safe.
It was about becoming the kind of man who deserved the future she envisioned.
And for the first time since Sabastian’s arrest, I wasn’t sure I knew how to be that person.