Chapter 79
Ren
Knock, knock.
I sat up, blinking. It was still dark out, like very dark out.
I hit my phone, and it wasn’t even five in the morning.
I’d come back to Wayward last night and decided to spend the night in my actual room.
I was hoping to see Ivy, but she had either decided to get a ride in with her dad or was with Chantry, and I wasn’t invited. Not that I was surprised.
Knock, knock.
My phone lit up with a text.
NASHOLE: It’s me, Princess.
Slipping from bed, I stomped across the room and pulled open the door. I had to shade my eyes from the hallway light.
“This better not be a booty call,” I said.
“No, I promise. I’m going down to the pool. Will you come with me, and let me explain?” I stared at him. “Please, Princess.”
He tried to pout, but he just couldn’t pull off the puppy dog look like Myles. But I gave him an A for effort.
“Fine, but you wait out there. I don’t trust you and your wandering hands,” I said, and closed the door in his face before he could argue.
“You love my hands,” came the muffled reply. I rolled my eyes.
In total zombie mode, I managed to get my uniform on—not backwards—pulled my hair up into a ponytail, and even remembered to brush my teeth. I grabbed my backpack, which I hadn’t unpacked last night, and my hoodie before opening the door to find Nash leaning against the wall, eyes closed.
“That’s totally not fair,” I said, and one eye slowly opened. “Guys can sleep anywhere.”
He smirked. “I have to catch five minutes when I can. We both know I can’t sleep without you anyway.”
“I always wanted to be a human pacifier,” I teased, locking my door.
“See, I make all of your dreams come true,” he said, and smirked as I looked at him.
The arrogant ass.
Nash grabbed my hand, and I was tempted to shake him off, but part of any relationship was learning to communicate and work through issues before they became too big.
Especially when married. At least that was what all the blogs on marriage said when I stayed up far too late reading.
It was a shame that no one had asked if you could smother your husband in the night.
I would’ve liked to read the answer to that one.
“Alright, Nash, what was so urgent that you dragged me out of bed at this ungodly hour,” I asked once we got in the elevator.
“Coffee for you first,” he said, and I looked him up and down suspiciously.
“I feel like I should be worried.”
“Don’t be. I’m trying to be more…considerate. It’s never been my strong suit, but there is always room for improvement,” Nash said, smiling.
“You don’t say.”
“I hear the sarcasm in your voice.” He glanced down at me. “And your skeptical glare is turning me on. You know what happens when you get all feisty with me,” he said, and I shook my head at him.
“You’re unbelievable,” I grumbled.
“And you’re sexy when you’re annoyed. I can’t help it, tell your face not to look so fucking hot,” he said, pulling me closer as he eyed my lips.
“You know, I was reading about whether it would be acceptable to smother your husband in the night,” I lied, but his eyebrow raised.
“Interesting choice of topic. What did it say?”
“The verdict is still out,” I said as the doors opened.
“Should I be worried,” Nash asked as we walked out toward the cafeteria.
“I guess that depends on what you have to tell me.” I smiled.
“You’re turning into a little psycho, Princess…I think I like it,” Nash said, and I chuckled, unable to hold it in.
The cafeteria was empty, and only quick grab items were available for late-night snackers. I made myself a coffee, swiped a muffin, two cookies and an apple, and put them in my bag before leaving with Nash.
He stopped before he walked through the doors.
“Hoodie on,” Nash ordered.
“And you have the nerve to call me bossy,” I said, handing him everything except the sweatshirt.
“We can’t have you catching a cold. Then you’d get me and the guys sick, and we would be miserable and annoying. It would become a whole thing.”
Popping my head through the top of the hoodie, I stared at Nash like he’d lost his mind. He had, but I just went with it.
“Okay, all set to remain perfectly healthy,” I said as he handed me back my stuff and opened the door.
It was a cool spring morning, still dark and quiet with moisture clinging to every available surface. The last little patches of winter still lingered in the shadows like they were begging not to be melted. It made me think of Frosty the Snowman.
I sipped my coffee and moaned. The warmth filled me and felt like a hug from the inside.
“I thought a lot about what you said to me the other day,” Nash said, our feet landing in time despite the stride difference. “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure where to draw the line.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m used to handling my own shit, making decisions for everyone, and if my guys don’t like it, too fucking bad.
My role was very clear in my mind. Protect my guys, kill my father, and I did not care who I hurt while I maintained those two goals.
Then you came along, and things started to change,” Nash said.
I appreciated the honesty and linked our fingers this time. He tightened his grip on my hand.
“Now…the lines are blurry. I could see how much you cared for Sabastian. But I could also see what you missed because of how much you cared. He was on the edge of doing something that could’ve gotten those I loved hurt or killed. So, I defaulted to factory settings. Act, and damn the consequences.”
“I get that,” I said.
“You do?”
I nodded.
“Do I want to see Sabastian sitting in prison for the next however many years? No, definitely not. But I get that something needed to be done. What I really hate is that you all keep promising me that there will be no more secrets, but then you go and do something like this. Again. How am I supposed to trust what you tell me when I don’t know if you’ll ever stick to it?
And Nash, it bleeds into everything,” I said, stopping to look at him before we walked into the sports complex.
“What do you mean,” he asked.
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, would you still trust me if you found me having secret meetings with guys in hallways and lying to you about it?”
His face immediately darkened.
“This is different.”
“Is it? Nash, if you can lie to me and talk the guys into lying to me about throwing someone I care about deeply into prison, how can I trust anything else you say to me? That you love me. That you want only me. That you won’t do it again, you name it.
From personal to professional areas of our lives, it all becomes tainted. ”
“But what would have happened if you said no?” He crossed his arms. “I had to do something. If you refused, then I’ve asked you and then had to go behind your back anyway to keep you safe.”
“How do you know that I wouldn’t have helped you come up with a different plan that would’ve been as effective and less destructive?
Have you even considered how angry he will be when he gets out?
No, you didn’t because you were too happy to rub how you won in his face.
Ten years from now, we could have children.
Sabastian is out and plans to get even. Now our children’s lives are at risk, not just ours.
I mean…long-term, it feels like you created a bigger problem.
We needed to make him an ally, not turn him against us forever. ”
Nash ran a hand through his hair. I placed my hand over his heart, and he looked down at me. I could see the love and reasons for his actions burning in his eyes, but they were now mingled with uncertainty.
“What you keep forgetting is that we are a team. You, me, Liam, Myles, Blake, and Theo are a unit, like a hive mind. We are smarter together and unstoppable when we work as one. But you chose to cut off a limb to save the body, when all you needed was a bandage.”
“Fuck,” he swore under his breath. “I’m going to fuck up again. You know that, right?”
“I do, but I’m hoping you won’t. I’m part of your life, and maybe that’s not how normal relationships in this world work, but it is how I work.
I’m not a side piece or arm candy. I’m not a fragile doll who doesn’t want to know all the gory details.
I want to know. I want to be part of decisions.
And if you treat me like you don’t trust me, my opinion, or that I won’t have your back.
If you don’t respect my judgment…then our relationship will implode. ”
“I never meant it that way. I just…shit…I’m sorry.”
I sucked in a deep breath.
“Be honest with me, Nash. Did you do this to protect me or because you never liked Sabastian?”
Nash held my gaze, and I could see him warring with himself before he answered.
“Eighty percent was safety, but the rest was because I never trusted or liked him. I wanted to destroy Sabastain before he became a loose cannon. His outburst just proved to me that he was dangerous and that I needed to stop him,” he said, and I nodded.
“I figured,” I said, and shivered as a breeze swirled around my neck.
Nash opened the door, and a blast of hot pool air hit me and lured me to step inside.
Our feet echoed as we walked down the long hallway.
“That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. I spoke to Ellis, and it took some persuasion, but he’s going to drop the charges down so the max sentence Sabastian gets is a couple of years.”
“How did you manage that?”
“You don’t want to know, but I couldn’t get him off completely.
We did too good a job framing him. Figures.
” He glanced at me, and suddenly I was worried about what he had to sacrifice.
“Let’s just say, Ellis is getting a good fucking deal, and no, I’m not snitching on anyone we know or care about. ”
“Is it putting you in danger,” I asked as we stopped in front of the locker room door.
He shook his head.
“No.”