CHAPTER 2 #3
I look down and recognize the downy fur that's covering the hand — big, big, strong, yummy, 'ono hand — as Valmir's.
He's not giving up, is he? In my panic, I refuse to look at him.
Instead, I search for something I can use as a distraction.
Hannah walks past, her gaze on us, and she's got a bowl of freshly melted water.
It's still slightly slushy with ice, but it's perfect for what I need.
I grab it from her arms and toss it in Valmir's face.
"Don't touch me without permission," I hiss at him. "Resonance does not give you a free pass!"
I storm all the way back to my hut, more rattled than angry.
Once I'm safely inside my home, I cross my arms over my chest, stunned.
I'm still resonating, the purring in my chest continuing even though Valmir is no longer in sight.
I flatten my hands over my heart and clamp my mouth shut, trying to muffle the sound, as if that will somehow make it go away.
Panic flutters in me as strong as the khui's song.
I've heard that others weren't thrilled about who they resonated with, but that people always come around.
Didn't Dawn and I talk about how sorry we felt for poor Vivi after she got stuck with Skarr?
What am I going to do?
A khui and this new planet feels more like a death sentence than a new beginning. I'm supposed to fuck that guy? I'm supposed to make babies with him?
The worst part of it is that my brain is "hell no" and my body is "hell yes." Heat is practically radiating between my thighs, and if I press my legs together, I can feel just how wet I am. I'm revolted that my biology has decided Valmir is the perfect fit for me.
I pace the floor, back and forth, unable to relax. What does this mean for my future here? It feels like everything I thought I knew just got flung off the side of a cliff.
Dawn shows up a few minutes later, peeking into the hut.
She steps inside quietly and watches as I frantically continue pacing.
I'm not surprised she's here. If our positions were reversed, I'd be checking in, too.
We've been each other's emotional support, navigating the new reality of living on this planet and our fractured memories, and so I'm not upset at her presence.
"You wanna talk about it?" she asks, voice quiet.
"Will talking make it go away?" I laugh, and the sound is shrill and panicked.
"I'm not going to tell you that it's going to be okay," Dawn continues, her tone soothing. "If you want to scream, I understand. I know it's unfair. I'm your friend and I'm here to support you in any way possible."
Any way possible? "What if we kill him and hide the body?"
Dawn snorts, amused by my joke. "Something tells me we wouldn't be able to get away with it, given that half the tribe is casually strolling past our hut right now, trying to eavesdrop."
Of course they are. Without television for entertainment, gossip is at a premium. "I'm just saying," I yell louder, so anyone can overhear. "No one would judge me if he ended up in a hole! You've all met him!"
Outside, someone giggles and there's a crunch of gravel as they run away.
Dawn just shakes her head. She's not smiling, which I'm grateful for. I don't much feel like laughing at the antics of the tribe at the moment. I feel like punching someone. A very specific someone with a long gray tail. "I don't know what to do, Dawn."
"Well, let's think through your options," she says calmly, rationally. "You can ask the healer to turn you into a zombie—"
I shoot her an ugly look.
"Or you can bump uglies with an unpleasant guy and get it over with...or you can hold out and hope that you're the first one in known history where the khui just gives up."
I drum my fingers on my crossed arm as I pace, because I need some way to get all this frenetic energy out of my body.
The heat pulsing through me tells me the way it would like to get rid of all this energy, but I ignore it.
There's something in Dawn's words I find intriguing.
"Known history...just because we don't know of someone whose khui turned off on its own doesn't mean it can't happen, right? "
Her brows go up and she shoots me a look.
I throw my hands up in the air. "I know! It's fucking stupid, but that's what I've got right now. Let me grasp at some straws."
"Grasp away, but just don't hurt yourself over it, okay?"
I keep pacing, because I simply don't know what else to do.
A relationship hasn't been on my radar. The women on the beach outnumber the men, and I haven't had the slightest interest in any of the single men that are here.
I'm still figuring out my place here in this new world, which is full of strangers and even stranger creatures.
My jigsaw puzzle of memories hasn't given me a definitive answer of who I am.
I'm having to learn the basics of how to function every day anew — how to make fire, how to sew, how to prepare the foods here. Nothing is easy.
Thinking about preparing food makes me think of Valmir and his escaping scorpions. I hate that warmth spreads through my chest at the thought. Ugh. It's artificial affection for a stranger I don't even like. I pound my fist over my chest as if I can somehow make my khui realize that.
We don't even like Valmir! I tell it.