CHAPTER 7
APRIL
I feel like an idiot.
Blowing my nose into a scrap of leather, I toss the snotty bit into the fire and try not to think about what a jackass I just made of myself.
How embarrassing to break down crying in front of Valmir, of all people.
Not just crying, too. Full on weeping over the thought of some nameless creature I've asked him to murder on my behalf.
It's just...I haven't been able to stop thinking about the poor animal ever since I blurted out my request.
It feels…all wrong. Like I'm not being a good steward to the animals that live here if I'm careless with their deaths.
The land will provide for the people as long as we respect it, but me demanding a fur feels like the worst kind of selfishness.
I desperately want to take it back but I worry I'm too late.
Valmir doesn't return, and my khui is silent.
I wait around for a bit, unsure what to do with myself, then head to the community fire to eat and spend time with the others.
The evening groupings feel comfortable and familiar, like a piece of home.
I look forward to them each night. I sit with Sabrina, Jason, and Yasmin as stew is shared and Tal'nef gets to his feet to tell a story about his people, with Noj'me at his side and interpreting.
I should probably pay attention, but my mind keeps drifting to Valmir.
He's not near the fire, and when Skarr and Chalath bring more fish for the stew, I don't see him with them, either.
Where the heck did that jerk run off to?
When it grows late, I get up and head for home. I look for my roomie, but Dawn is occupied, chatting with Steph and Penny. I go back to the hut without her, picking across the beach and lost in my thoughts.
"There you are," Valmir says, getting up from the platform in front of my hut. He unfurls his long legs. In the starlight, his fur looks paler than ever, his eyes a more vivid khui blue. The sight of him fills me with relief.
I immediately squash that feeling, because ugh.
I still don't like the guy and now he knows I'm a big crybaby.
I put on a tough smile, ignoring the fact that my khui is singing like a canary.
"Are you stalking me? Because I swear you turn up more than a bad penny.
Now, get out of my way. I want to go to bed. "
He doesn't move from his spot standing directly in front of my hut. The cocky look is back on his face. "Don't you want to see what I've brought you?"
My stomach immediately turns into a pit. Oh god, he's brought a dead animal, and it's all my fault. Me and my big mouth. I fight the urge to burst into tears again and manage to keep the smile on my face. "Not really, no?"
"A perfect skin of a plump two-fang, just as you asked." He reaches into a bag he's got slung across his front and pulls out a rounded ball of fur.
It isn't until the thing moves that I realize it's still alive. It twitches, extending one long, rabbit-like leg, and goes still.
"What the fuck?" I hiss at him as he holds it out to me. "This — you — what the fuck?!"
Valmir moves another step closer, and this time he dumps the creature into my arms. "Take it. I probably smell more like a predator than you do."
I hold the animal close to my chest. It's shivering and reminds me of a pet rabbit in size.
His face is long like a possum's, with big, doe-like eyes, and he's got teeth like a beaver.
The two-fang burrows against me as I cradle it, and I automatically stroke the soft fur that would have made an excellent hat if I wasn't such a weenie.
I'm so, so glad it's alive. I want to weep all over again, this time with relief.
"As for why 'the fuck' I did this," he bites out, gesturing at me. "I did it for you. You asked for a pelt. I set up traps, and then you cried."
His nostrils flare, as if he's completely incensed at the thought of my tears. "Sorry."
Valmir's catlike mouth flattens into a displeased line. "I have no wish to see more tears, so I went back to where I had laid my traps, and this fool was caught in one. He was supposed to put his head through the noose and get caught, and instead it was his leg. It might be broken."
I hold it as loosely as I can, not wanting to harm the creature more than it has already been.
It shivers and presses itself against me, as if comforted by the endless humming of my khui, and my heart squeezes painfully at how fragile this creature is.
It's just a baby, I realize. Just a baby caught in a trap.
Of all the things I expected Valmir to bring back, this isn't it.
"What am I supposed to do with this little guy? "
The cat man eyes me as if I've just asked something stupid. "Heal it and release it. Cook it and turn it into a pelt. I don't care. My part was to bring it to you. Here it is, now you get to feed me dinner."
He'd initially trapped this creature because I wanted a pelt. Went out into the hills at night to pull up his traps once he realized I was upset about my own stupid request and brought this one back to me instead of killing it anyhow, which would have been the easiest thing to do.
It's very...kind.
Not something I thought I'd ever say about the surly cat-man gladiator.
Kind isn't a word that comes up when you talk about Valmir.
The words that usually come up are four-letter in nature and vulgar.
I stroke the two-fang's strange head with a fingertip, and maybe it's my imagination, but it seems less frightened than before, the shivering less intense.
"Bringing it back to me was really nice of you. "
A strange, almost constipated look crosses his face. "I am not nice."
"What you did was nice."
"I didn't have a choice! I don't like your tears." He sounds utterly betrayed, as if my emotions were something he never bargained for.
"I don't like them either," I admit. It makes me feel vulnerable to show someone else that I'm struggling to adjust. I hold the animal against my chest and look around my hut for something that could make a nest for it.
My kingdom for a cardboard box or an old milk crate.
"Help me make a home for him so he doesn't run off? "
Valmir glances around the hut and strides forward, heading for the big, dried-reed basket where I keep my belongings. He dumps everything out onto my bed, and I bite back a protest. I did ask him for help. He studies the now-empty basket and sets it down. "Where are your scraps?"
I point to another basket closer to Dawn's things.
The people on the beach waste nothing and so everyone has scrap baskets of leather, shell, bone, anything that might be needed at some point.
He grabs the empty basket and the scrap basket, sits them both in front of him, and begins to work.
I watch as he pulls out a long strand of cord and begins to weave bits of bone through it, making a patchwork net to cover the top of the basket. I should have thought of that.
Then again, it's hard to think of anything when I've got my khui pounding an excited beat in my chest, and his body is only a few feet away from mine.
It's like being drugged, I decide. Resonance is a roofie that makes you desperately like the person you're resonating to, even when they irritate the snot out of you.
It's not quite an aphrodisiac. While there is part of me that wants to fuck his brains out, the even bigger part of me is noticing how big and strong his hands are, how capably he's handling the situation, and how thoughtful it was for him to bring this creature back to me.
My brain isn't just wanting me to boink him. It's pointing out all the ways he might be a good mate, which is terrifying on a whole different level.
"I don't understand you," Valmir says again, his hands working deftly on weaving the net.
Are we back on this? I pet the tiny head under my hand, noticing that my new friend is soft like a bunny. "It's okay, I don't understand me either."
"I am just trying to determine the guidelines for which animals are pets and which ones are food, since I'll be feeding you in the future. You will be my mate, so it's important I know these things."
His casual comment makes my mouth go dry. Because...it's true, right? I don't have a single example I can point to that I can say "these two resonated and called it quits." I might be looking at my future husband right now, and the soft, resonating part of me squeals with joy.
The rest of me feels sour as fuck about it.
"I would appreciate it if you didn't comment about my issues to anyone else," I say, petting the critter in my arms. "It's very personal. I don't want them to think less of me."
Valmir nods. "I will not speak of it."
"Thank you."
He's quiet for a long moment, and just when I start to relax, glances up at me. "So tomorrow, when you feed me, is it going to be fish? Our dinner together?"
"I haven't thought that far ahead, to be honest."
He finishes the net with a twist of his fingers and spreads it over the top of the basket.
He stretches it taut, then uses a few spiky bits of bone to anchor it to the weave.
When the 'lid' is in place, he presses his hand against it, testing.
It holds, and he seems rather pleased with himself.
He shoots me a sly look. "You are lucky to have me around. "
"Lucky isn't the word coming to mind at the moment."
Valmir doesn't seem offended by my retort. He just gives me a slow smile, as if he doesn't believe me. I'm not sure I'd believe me either, as my khui is currently singing like a bird. "So tomorrow, we eat."
"Bring something for my new pet, too," I say, gesturing at the creature I'm holding.
"Of course. I feed those who belong to me."