Chapter 9 – “We Hug Now” - Sydney Rose #2
“Do you have tea?” I ask, immediately feeling like an asshole for making a pregnant woman shuffle through her pantry when I’m not even supposed to be here.
“Oh, of course.” She opens the door in the corner of the kitchen, lifting onto her toes to slide out a massive jar filled to the brim with a dozen types of tea. “Take your pick.”
She flicks on an electric kettle before grabbing two mugs from a cabinet next to it and setting one in front of me. “Leo’s surfing down in the cove right now, but he should be back any minute.”
How do you do it? I want to ask.
How do you watch him wade in the waves with faith he’ll escape them?
Swallowing down the words, I ask instead, “Dahlia’s still preparing the bakery for opening, right? She’s in there almost every day?”
Darby’s brows knit together, confusion flickering across her face as she places a teabag in each of our mugs. “Yeah.” She nods, swallowing. “The grand opening is March first, but they’re in there every day getting things set up and ready.”
“What time does she normally arrive?” I ask.
Darby grabs the kettle off the stove and pours steaming water in each mug. “I don’t know. Around seven or so most mornings now that she’s finished her baking course at Golden State.”
“And you have a spare key?”
Her hands fall to her stomach, making idle circles as she eyes me warily. “Yes?”
“Could I borrow it?”
She only blinks.
“I’m not going to like…cause destruction, and I swear I’ll give it back. I just… It’s for my brother, mostly.” I shrug. “And for me, I guess. I need to prove something to him. Both of them.”
Darby takes a deep breath. “Is there a reason you’re asking me and not Dahlia herself?”
“I can’t tell you that yet, but I swear it’s nothing bad.”
She gives me a wistful smile before disappearing down the hall. Returning a moment later, she hands me a small cupcake keychain with one key on it. I hold my hand out as she drops it into my palm.
“Thank you,” I breathe. “Please don’t tell my brothers. I mean…they’ll find out, but I’d prefer that be through me.”
She opens her mouth to say something, giving me that same apprehensive look as before, when suddenly her eyes squeeze closed and a hiss escapes her mouth. She groans, dropping her head to glare at her belly.
“You okay?” I ask.
She huffs, shaking her head. “I’m fine. She’s just kicking up a goddamn storm.”
“Do you like being pregnant?” I find myself asking, unsure if it’s an appropriate question after it’s already left my mouth.
“I do, I swear.” Darby laughs, smiling longingly at her stomach.
“Things I thought I’d care about, like stretchmarks and weight gain, don’t bother me in the slightest. But other things I didn’t expect to be afraid of like my blood pressure or her heart rate, freak me out at all times.
It’s a very odd experience, but I wouldn’t change a thing. ”
“You’re still beautiful. I promise.”
She smiles up at me. “And I know you mean that, because you don’t bother lying for the sake of anyone’s feelings, even a pregnant woman.”
I shrug. “True. You look like you wipe your ass with sunshine and let singing birds pick out your clothes for you in the mornings.”
Darby bursts into laughter, and the sound makes it impossible not to join in.
We’re interrupted by the distant sound of door hinges, and a moment later, my brother rounds the corner in a black wetsuit, the top half folded down at the waist and his bare chest on display.
His hair hangs in front of his face, still wet with seawater.
“As I live and breathe.” He creeps into the kitchen with a hand clutched to his chest. “Is that my sister? In my kitchen? Drinking from my coffee mug?” Leo crosses the kitchen in two long strides, closing the distance between us and taking my face between his hands.
“Are you okay? Did you get hit in the head?”
I roll my eyes, frowning as he squishes my cheeks between his hands. “You’re annoying.”
He smiles, dimples popping. “Well, I can see you’re fine.”
He wraps his arms around me and tugs me into his chest. I return the hug before he takes a step back, grinning brightly as he spins around and faces his wife.
Leo pulls her into him, planting a kiss to the top of her head.
“My honey.” Then, squatting to his knees, he lifts her shirt, placing both hands on her bare belly.
“My baby.” Pressing his lips against her skin before lifting his head to her, my brother’s gaze clashes with his wife’s—the love and adoration so blinding it seems to block out everything around them. “How’s she cookin’ today?”
“She’s playing soccer this morning, actually,” Darby says affectionately.
Leo chuckles. “C’mon, baby girl.” He spreads his palm over the front of her stomach. “Give Daddy a kick. Show me how good of a surfer you’re gonna be someday.”
“She’s going to be whatever she wants to be.”
He chuffs. “Says the one who decorated her entire nursery in florals.”
“Everyone loves flowers,” Darby argues.
“You’re right, baby,” Leo concedes.
A moment passes before my brother begins laughing again, rubbing his hand across his wife’s stomach. Darby winces, but it doesn’t take away the pure joy on her face as she watches him on his knees in front of her.
“Elena, you’ve got to come feel this,” Leo says with astonishment.
I’m fairly certain it’s incredibly rude to touch a pregnant woman’s belly without her consent, so I keep my feet planted exactly where they are. Darby lifts her head and meets my gaze.
As if she can read my mind, she nods. “Do you want to feel? It’s kind of weird.”
“It’s not weird,” Leo gasps. “It's beautiful.”
I hesitantly step toward them, stopping beside my brother where he squats at the floor. Darby reaches out a hand, wrapping her fingers around my wrist and placing my palm at the center of her stomach. She readjusts me, knocking Leo’s hand off her belly.
A second ticks by before I feel it. Like a ripple beneath Darby’s skin. It moves across my palm, the flutter of confirmation that someone else is in this room with us.
I rear back, shocked by the sensation. “Oh, my God.”
I immediately drop my hand back to her stomach, eager to feel it again. Darby and Leo laugh at me, and my brother rests his palm against mine. Sure as shit, she kicks again, the tiniest little wave against our hands.
“Hi, sugar,” Leo whispers, glancing at me. “You can talk to her.”
Darby nods. “She really acts up when Leo’s talking to her. Lou too.”
I have no explanation for it, but tears spill from my eyes.
I mean, I knew Darby was pregnant. Leo gave me that ultrasound photo a few months ago, and he’s been keeping me updated ever since.
But it’s suddenly very real now. My brother and his beautiful, kind wife—whom I’ve tried to convince myself I hate—have created a whole new life, and I’ve been missing the entire goddamn thing.
Leo, with Darby’s permission, finally told me their whole story not long after I moved home.
The truth of why she left, and why it took ten years for her to reach out again.
He told me he never got the letters she wrote him, and the restrictions her father kept on her to prevent them from having contact.
All that hate I harbored for Darby transitioned right onto her piece of shit father, who’s currently rotting in jail and awaiting trial for a plethora of offenses that Dahlia had him charged with earlier this year.
He’s to be sentenced in the next couple of months, and with luck, will spend the rest of his life behind bars.
Regardless, I felt there was too much damage done, too much distance and space and silence, for any attempt at reconciling the brief yet strong friendship Darby and I once had.
As her growing daughter’s little foot presses against my hand again, I don’t know how to feel. “Hi,” I whisper to her belly, my voice breaking beneath my tears. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t feel qualified to introduce myself as her aunt yet.
As soon as he realizes I’m crying, Leo stands from the floor, turning me sideways and pulling me into his arms. I’m swallowed up by his chest, but vaguely hear Darby whisper something about excusing herself.
“You okay?” Leo whispers against the top of my head.
“Yes,” I murmur, the sound muffled against his chest. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”
“It’s okay to cry, Lena. It’s always okay to cry.”
For some reason, his assurance causes me to weep harder, tears fully soaking my brother’s bare skin as I realize he’s still wearing nothing but a wetsuit.
“Do you ever think about how he’ll never know?” I whisper, pulling away to look up at him. “He’ll never know you two made it back to each other, or that you’re having a baby. He’ll miss all of this.”
“He knows,” Leo says confidently, rubbing his hand over the back of my head.
“It feels like my fault.” The words fall from my lips without thought. I hadn’t meant to express them aloud, to let my brother hear that truth that I’ve kept so deeply hidden.
He pulls back, placing his hands on my shoulders, leveling his gaze with mine and staring into my tear-stained eyes. “What do you mean by that?”
I shake my head, wiping at my face as I drop my head, refusing to look at him.
I glance around the house, taking in Darby and Leo’s furnishings and decor.
All the changes they’ve made in the past year since they bought it, and the small details I recognize from when Darby’s grandmother owned the home.
I still remember sitting upstairs, in what is now their daughter’s nursery but used to be Darby’s room, doing her hair and preparing her for her first date with my brother over a decade ago.
I spoke to her with so much authority on love. What it means and how it feels. Thinking I’d had it all figured out, when in reality, I had no fucking clue what was coming for me. Both of us were falling for the first time way back then, convinced it’d last forever, and for them it will.
Their first love made it out alive, but mine didn’t.