Chapter 37 – “Yes I’m Changing” - Tame Impala
VIOLET
“YES I’M CHANGING” - TAME IMPALA
Elena and I walk into the waiting room of the birthing center hand-in-hand, and I can’t tell if my stomach is about to fall out of my ass or spring from my throat, but I do know that the unease is bone-deep after our confrontation with Everett.
The one solace of this situation is that Darby isn’t giving birth at the same hospital my brother died in. A consequence of remaining in the same town where he passed, any emergency, no matter how small, subjects us to reliving the worst moments of our lives.
Thankfully, we haven’t had to return to that emergency room since, and Darby and Leo found a midwife at a facility a few miles inland to have their baby.
The waiting room here is serene and calm rather than sterile and cold.
A fountain runs quietly in the corner of the room, and soft instrumental music strums through the speakers.
The seats are plush and comfortable, and there is a large bookcase on the far wall filled with various titles, while the room is warmly lit by standing lamps rather than the blinding fluorescents of a hospital.
Any tranquility the space works to create vanishes when we find the only empty chairs in the waiting area are directly across from Everett, Lou, and Carlos, and beside Monica.
Everett left my shop without another word after he informed us Darby’s water broke.
She’s been at home for the last few days after she began showing signs of early labor, so we knew it was coming.
Elena and I immediately finished locking up the place before hopping in my car and heading down to the birthing center, and we’re still the last to arrive.
I take a deep breath, and she squeezes my hand as we sit down with her family.
Elena takes the chair next to Monica, and I sit at the end of the row, directly across from Everett.
He eyes me with quiet accusation before shifting his gaze to his daughter as she shows him something on the iPad in her lap.
The way his face brightens when he looks at her is a stark contrast to the darkness he shot in my direction. He has every right to be upset with us, and I wish the information had come out differently.
“Hi, Mama,” I whisper to Monica, who beams back at me with the same expression Everett offers Lou—a gripping reassurance. “What’s the status?”
“Dahlia is back there with them. Her contractions are only about a minute apart now, and she’s seven centimeters dilated. We’re just waiting for her to be ready to push.”
“I don’t know what any of that means.” Elena yawns, resting her head against my shoulder. I lift my arm and wrap it around her, not missing the way Everett eyes my every move. “Just tell me when my niece is gonna be here.”
“It’s hard to say, love. I labored with you for thirty-six hours, but sometimes those kids just slide right out.”
“That sounds horrific,” Elena huffs, nuzzling her head against me. I glance down and find her eyes closed, realizing just how late it is. I press my lips against her temple.
Time passes in awkward silence, only the murmured whispers between Everett, his parents, and Lou as Elena sleeps against my shoulder. Eventually, Lou falls asleep in the same position on Everett before Dahlia finally comes out to give us an update.
She throws herself into a now-vacated chair next to Monica, huffing as she says, “She’s in a lot of discomfort, and things are still moving slowly.
Leo’s been going on about some blog he read that stated having an orgasm while in labor can help with pain and speed things along. I left as soon as he started talking.”
Everett’s lip curls. “So, they’re just having sex back there right now?”
“No, baby,” Dahlia scoffs. “Are you going to make me explain clitoral stimulation to you right now in front of your parents?”
A loud snort rips through the room as Elena suddenly lifts her head, laughing.
Everett frowns at his sister before glancing down at Lou to ensure she’s still asleep with her headphones on. “I think you and I both know how well-versed I am in clitoral stimulation, Wildflower, but I’ll be happy to remind you later.”
“I’m going for a walk,” Monica mutters, standing from her chair as Carlos covers his laugh with a cough. “Does anyone want coffee?”
“Yes,” we all say at once.
“I’ll come with you.” Dahlia chuckles. She stands, walking across the aisle and planting a kiss on her daughter’s head before turning to her boyfriend. She wraps a hand around his throat and swiftly hauls his mouth to hers, kissing him with nothing but promise. “You better be a man of your word.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he says breathlessly, grinning with allurement.
“I want us to be that obnoxious,” Elena murmurs against my neck.
“You are,” Everett mutters, watching Dahlia walk away.
Carlos sighs, rising out of his chair and taking the one his wife just vacated.
“I want you two to work this out amongst yourselves.” He motions between the twins before turning to Elena.
“But I’ll say this: the woman I see sitting in front of me now is a glowing reflection of the girl I raised years ago.
Better than I could’ve ever hoped you’d become.
I give you full credit for your resilience, my girl, but I can’t ignore the support of the hand that held you as you walked through the most painful parts of healing.
” His eyes flash to me. “The boys may need time to adjust. Remember, this isn’t the first time they’ve watched her love their best friend—and they’ve also watched the worst possible fallout from that dynamic.
Give them grace, but for what it’s worth, you have my blessing. And Monica’s.”
“I’d never concern myself with the blessing of anyone, much less a man, but thank you.” She kisses his cheek. “That means a lot, Daddy.”
I inhale so swiftly that I choke on oxygen, folding over in my chair as I begin coughing.
“What?” Everett asks, eyeing me suspiciously. “Why are you having a fit?”
“No r…reason,” I sputter.
“Oh, because I call August Daddy, too, sometimes,” Elena says casually.
I stare at the wall in front of me, the plant in the corner, the ceiling—eyes dancing anywhere but my girlfriend’s brother and father—but I feel Everett’s stare burning a hole through the center of my goddamn face.
“Fucking Christ,” he mutters as Carlos whispers, “Boundaries, mi corazón. I don’t need to know that.”
“Sorry,” she chimes back. “I was trying to offend Everett, and you were collateral damage.”
“I know, my girl.” He laughs.
Elena and I have talked extensively over the last couple of weeks about our past and exactly what explanation we feel we owe her brothers.
There are aspects to all of our relationships that we have no obligation to share, but we agreed that they needed to know about Elena and my history before Zach died, and our last moments with him.
It’s the only way for them to understand the depths of our grief and guilt, and how those complexities tarnished our ability to heal.
I think it’s the only way for them to understand just how much it took for her and me to reach the point we’re at now, and why the two of us are so confident that we’ll be everlasting.
However, I know at this moment, she’s feeling defensive and stubborn. She doesn’t like the way Everett reacted, and they have a tendency to feed each other’s flames.
“Why don’t you come with me to get something out of the vending machine? I can’t bend down to reach inside those little cubby holes anymore,” Carlos says.
“Okay.” Elena turns to me, smiling before she presses her lips against mine, whispering, “I love you” as she rises from her chair.
Carlos remains seated, reaching across Elena’s empty seat, and landing a pat to my cheek. “Siempre te he visto como a un tercer hijo, muchacho. No lo arruines.”
“Was that a threat?” I ask, eyes drifting to Elena, who stands in front of me now. “Is he threatening me?”
“No,” she chimes at the same time Everett scoffs, “Yes.”
I’m having heart palpitations.
Everett and I descend into heavy silence as Carlos and Elena walk away.
Lou is still fast asleep against his shoulder, and he gently adjusts her into a more comfortable position as I whisper, “We obviously planned to sit you and Leo down and talk about all of this. We didn’t intend to keep it a secret forever.
We needed time to figure things out for ourselves, but I’m sorry it came out how it did. ”
His brows draw together, his lips a hard line, eyes distant as he stares me down. “Why was it a secret to begin with? Were you two having an affair while she was still with him? Was there overlap?”
I shake my head. “No. I mean…” I pause. “I’ve been in love with Elena my entire life, so if you’re speaking to feelings? Yeah. A ton of overlap on my end. She never told me she loved me back until after my brother left for Wyoming. We didn’t kiss, didn’t touch, until months later.”
“When did you start sleeping together?”
“A few months ago.”
His brows raise in surprise. “You weren’t intimate back then?”
“You didn’t ask if we were intimate. You asked if we slept together.”
“What does that even—” He shakes his head.
“Never mind. Doesn’t matter.” He leans back in his chair, running a hand down his face.
We’ve been here for hours, and it has to be close to dawn by now.
“The night before…I was with him. Zach. He kept asking me about Elena’s new boyfriend, and I had no idea what he was talking about.
I assumed she had some casual fling happening that he was exaggerating.
” Everett’s eyes raise to me. “But he was talking about you, wasn’t he? ”
I nod.
“He never found out?”
“No.” I sigh. “He did. That morning. Just before.”
“Fuck.” Everett’s voice breaks as he leans his head against the wall behind him.
“She always spoke of this guilt she had, and I could never understand it. I didn’t know what she had to feel guilty about.
I didn’t know how to fix her.” His throat moves as he swallows thickly, and when he faces me again, there are tears glimmering in his eyes.
“You knew, though. You fucking knew what was really wrong with her, why she couldn’t get better, and you kept it to yourself. ”
“It wasn’t my truth to share.”
“It doesn’t matter!” he snaps. “If I’d have known, I could’ve helped her!”
Suddenly, Lou stirs. Everett and I both pause as her eyes flutter open and she sits up, headphones falling off her ears. “Everett?” she asks groggily.
“Hi, Luz. I’m sorry, bug. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He cuts his gaze to me, eyes fierce and simmering. “We’ll finish this later.”
She blinks around the empty waiting room. “Where is everybody?”
“They’re getting drinks and snacks. Do you want something?” He shifts, pulling his phone from his back pocket. “I can call Dad and ask him to grab—”
Monica comes flying around the corner with Carlos and Elena in tow. “They paged Dahlia while we were getting coffee. Darby is pushing!” she squeals. “They said we can head up to their floor and wait outside the room until they’re ready for us.”
Everett and Lou jump out of their seats, but I’m suddenly unsure if I’m supposed to go with them. I haven’t been present for, well, any birth in my life. I don’t know what the protocol is, but I’d assume only direct family members go inside the room when the baby is born.
When Everett stopped by the shop earlier, I was so flustered by our conversation, and by his news, that I left with Elena, but I now realize for the first time that I’m not actually sure I’m supposed to be here.
Yes, Darby is my best friend. So is her husband, and I’m dating his sister, but I’m not family. Not truly.
Lou jogs after Monica and Carlos, who are already heading toward the elevator, but Elena stands at the intersection of the hallway, tilting her head at me curiously. Everett pauses in front of my chair, glancing back. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know if I’m supposed to go. Isn’t it family only?”
“Augustus, you are—” Elena starts.
Everett cuts her off, muttering through gritted teeth, “If you do not get your ass in that goddamn room to meet your niece right the fuck now, I will actually hit you.”
I hold my hands up, surrendering as I rise from my chair and step in line with Everett.
He claps my back, harder than necessary.
“The only thing that would be truly unforgivable, Augustus, is if you ever again insinuated that you are not part of this fucking family,” he whispers, separating from me when we reach Elena, who twines her fingers through my own.