14. TATE #4
But right now, military discipline isn’t fun and games. Ryan’s fear is razor sharp, gaze straight ahead, body rigid. What would his heartbeat feel like now?
I unlock the door.
“Come in.” All my talons are out. It’s one thing for Ryan to follow the protocol his college has set out for him, but this is more than that. Ryan’s not a rule follower. He’d only do so under duress.
“Forgive my intrusion, but you took my cadet from training.”
“He’s not only a cadet. He’s the captain of your hockey team. I’m here to investigate player safety within the Pacific Conference.”
“I’d like to stay for his safety.” He looks Ryan up and down. Ryan doesn’t move. Safety, my ass.
Also, like hell this guy’s staying. “Absolutely not. The members of the hockey team are less likely to speak freely with a superior in the room.”
“The hockey team isn’t here, just Cadet R. Savage.”
“I have a few others I’ll be calling upon today. Once I’ve finished questioning Ryan, I’ll call for them.”
If he asks for names, I’m screwed.
“Do you feel comfortable here with Coach VanCourt, Cadet?”
Bastard. It’s clear he wants Ryan to say he’s uncomfortable, so he has an excuse to kick me out.
“Sir, yes, sir,” Ryan says before I can intervene. “Coach VanCourt has been nothing but professional.”
Note to self: Ryan can lie. I almost believe him.
“If you don’t leave me to do my work, I’ll have the commissioner down here so fast that—”
“No need.” He points to the desk. “That phone has a direct line to me, and I’m the one who releases his counterparts from drills and other duties.”
“Thank you, Carter,” I say, leaving off his title. This is one of those times I shouldn’t poke the bear, but it’s all I can do to keep from strangling him. I wonder if they’d miss him too much if he were to disappear?
He gives Ryan a last look before he leaves. I shut the door. When I turn, Ryan’s relaxed, his cheeks tinged a bit pink with embarrassment. “I hate all that shit,” he says. “Please tell me that once you get me out of here, I never have to say ‘Sir, yes, sir’ ever again.”
Pushing his jacket up, I hook my fingers into the waistband of his pants to pull him to me.
“Oh, I don’t know about never. I think it’ll make for some good roleplay. Look, you’re hard.” I rub my hand over the outline of his cock.
He releases a breathy exhale. “That’s because you’re in my general vicinity. Okay, yeah, fine, when you suggest military roleplay, it’s fucking hot.”
My next move is to kiss him stupid, and I’m about to do just that, but Ryan finds my hand with both of his, pressing his palm to mine, his other hand cupping over my knuckles.
That’s significant somehow.
My mind jumps to the one thing that’s always pulsing between us.
“Marry me,” I demand. But there’s a live wire snaking in my gut. What will I do when he says no again? I don’t think I can take no for an answer this time. He doesn’t know what his refusals do to me.
“Yeah, I’ll marry you, Tate.”
It’s not often I’m surprised.
And speechless.
“Are you short-circuiting? Yes? Okay, well, while you process that, hate to kill the romance vibe, but I’m doing it because you’re the safest option. You need to satisfy the will, and I need to get Griff and me away from my father.”
“I don’t care why you do it, so long as you do it,” I snap.
I don’t know why that pisses me off. What am I doing?
He said yes. He’s mine. That’s all I should need.
It’s all I was asking for. I should leave and go about my life.
Gloat in front of Kline, who said it would never happen. But I can’t move.
War shines in his eyes, captivating me. “You’re giving me whiplash, asshole. What the fuck is going on with you?”
I needed to see you … words that don’t travel to my mouth fast enough, allowing me to stop them in their tracks, thank fuck. That’s coming from whatever the hell has possessed me today. I don’t need to see anyone. There’s a clawing sensation building in my chest. I push it down. Way down.
Why won’t my body do what I fucking tell it to do?
Get it under control
Get it under control.
Get it under fucking control.
You need discipline if you want to become me—you’re too impulsive. Uncle Jasper’s voice. He was always a breath away from tattooing that to my fucking forehead.
I shake my head, trying to stay here with Ryan.
Ryan’s hands moved during all that—one on my face, one behind my neck—and I didn’t even notice.
I’ve become comfortable with him, but not to notice?
Yet another thing that shouldn’t be possible.
After Jasper’s conditioning, I could never get my body back, so I built a sanctuary around it, no one was allowed in.
I never gave Ryan the keys to my sanctuary; he slipped in, and I never kicked him out.
Still can’t. As terrifying as it is to have his hands on me, it’s scarier to think about him taking them away.
“Do you really want to know?”
“I want to know everything about you. Anything you’ll tell me.”
My lips press to his forehead, and I close my eyes. “Fine. I was eighteen, watching my brother through the glass. He was down there, and I was high above him. He had no fucking idea I was there, or he’d die …”