Chapter Twenty One Deacon
An hour, five books, and one beer later, Willow finally gave up the ghost and went to sleep with Walter snoring like a fucking bear beside her.
She could be such a stubborn little shit—something she had inherited from me.
Gently, I eased off the bed. I didn’t dare do anything to wake her up, so I crept out of the bedroom practically on fucking tippy toes.
When I got to the door, I threw a final glance over my shoulder.
Warmth filled my chest at the sight of Willow sleeping so peacefully with Walter by her side and that ratty angel doll in her hand.
After easing out into the hallway as best I could in my boots, I cracked the door behind me. When I got to the living room, I found Mama Liz alone. Craning my neck, I swept my gaze into the kitchen. “Where’s Alex?”
“Still up at the clubhouse.”
My brows shot up in surprise. Usually Alex preferred her events in the calm of Mama Liz’s house, rather than the rowdy clubhouse.
There was also the fact that after her attack, she very rarely wanted me to be out of her sight.
Normally, a chick being all clingy was a turn-off.
But I welcomed it from Alex, mainly because of what she had been through all because of me.
For the first time I could remember, her attention made me feel needed by someone other than my brothers. It was a hell of an ego trip feeling like someone’s protector. More than anything, I enjoyed spending time with her doing the simplest of things.
Sometimes I wondered if I had lost my mind.
I’d never needed or wanted to be close with a woman since Lacey, and even being in love with her wasn’t the norm for me.
I knew if I mentioned my feelings to Mama Liz she would chalk it up to me being in love with Alex, and I wasn’t ready to hear that from someone else.
“Be back in a bit,” I said, as I started for the door.
“Okay, son.”
I hurried up the pathway, anxious to check on Alex as well as maybe get in a hand or two of poker. I needed something to get my mind off sex. I was barely getting through the longest time without any fucking pussy in my entire adult life.
Of course, it was my own damn stubbornness that led to it being me and my hand. Even after all she had been through, Alexandra constantly threw little hints at me that she was ready for us to go all the way. No matter how ready she seemed, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with her.
For fuck’s sake, she’d almost been raped, not to mention beaten and tortured. No matter if she was consenting, what kind of epic asshole would I be to screw her brains out when she was still healing physically and emotionally?
Yeah, maybe the old me would have considered it, but the new me sure as hell wasn’t going to go there.
Not only did I have to contend with Alex, but Cheyenne seemed more than willing to ease my pain. Whenever I’d tried to avoid Alex’s come-ons by hanging out at the clubhouse, Cheyenne would thrust her tits in my face or come around the bar to rub herself up against me.
Basically, it was hell, pure and simple.
When I pulled open the back door, the ruckus coming from the front room met me with a deafening roar. I was glad to hear it since it meant the poker game was still in full force, and I could try to burn off some of my excess energy.
I slid behind the bar and grabbed another beer.
After I popped the top, I took a long gulp.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex seated at the round table, cards in hand and multicolored chips in front of her.
Slowly, I lowered the bottle as I took in the rest of the guys and old ladies.
Rage rocketed through me as I got an eyeful of tits and junk.
My bottle crashed onto the floor as I stalked across the room to the table.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I demanded.
Gazing up at me through her lashes, Alex shot me an innocent look. “Playing poker.”
I cocked my eyebrows at her. “I think you forgot one of your adjectives, Teach. You’re playing strip poker.”
Crazy Ace rose out of his chair, his nipple rings gleaming in the light. “And damn if she isn’t a hustler. We thought she’d be buck naked by the first hand, but she’s beating us all.”
Bishop, being a smug motherfucker, had the nerve to give me a knowing wink. “Yeah, but we got her this round.” Nudging Alex’s shoulder, he said, “You owe us one piece of clothing, babe. Take it off.”
When Alex’s hands came to the button on her shirt, a raging inferno colored my vision red. Without a second thought, my hands flew out to the table edge, flipping it over and sending cards and poker chips through the air.
“Game over,” I growled.
“I still have to pay up, Deacon,” Alex snapped before having the audacity to pop open the buttons on her shirt, revealing a lacy black bra.
Just like a fucking caveman, I reached over, grabbed her by the waist, and then hefted her over my shoulders.
“What are you doing?” she demanded, as I started stomping away from the table. When I didn’t respond, she smacked my ass. “Answer me, Deacon.”
I didn’t say a fucking word until I was in my bedroom. After I kicked the door shut behind us, I stalked over to the bed and dropped her on it. As her body bounced on the mattress, she hissed like a little hellcat.
“What the fuck were you thinking?”
She glared up at me. “I just wanted to have some fun.”
“By letting my brothers see you naked?”
“I was winning,” she challenged.
“Yeah, well, I don’t give a fuck. No one in this club sees you naked. Do you understand me?”
“And why not?”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Don’t question me, woman.”
“So don’t tell me what to do!”
To silence her smart mouth, I crushed my lips against hers.
Instead of meeting opposition, she kissed me back, her hands coming up to grip my hair, tugging at the strands.
In a flash, I covered her body with mine, slamming her onto her back on the mattress.
I had this desperate need to claim her, not as some territorial bullshit but out of a stronger emotion.
She was my complete and total opposite, but somehow we completed each other.
She was the strong, compassionate, stubborn woman I needed to soften out my rough edges.
She brought out the best parts of me—the ones that so often had been hidden in the past.
For her, I wanted to be a better man, a better father, a better brother, and hell, a better human being.
Alex brought me out of my thoughts by widening her legs invitingly. I didn’t waste a moment slipping my hips between them. As our tongues battled against each other, I rubbed my growing erection against her core.
When she groaned into my mouth, I grabbed her arms and shoved them over her head.
Jerking my lips from hers, I glared down at Alex. “You are mine. Do you understand me?”
“Yes,” she panted.
Keeping her arms pinned with one hand, I let my other hand come to her breasts. “These tits are for my eyes and my pleasure only. You got me?”
“Yes, Deacon. Only for you.”
After giving her nipple a teasing pinch, I brought my hand between her legs to cup her mound. “And this pussy is for my eyes, my fingers, my tongue, and my cock only.”
A shiver ran through her at my words. “I only want you. You and only you, Deacon,” she replied.
As I loomed over her, my hungry gaze fell on some of the yellowish bruises that remained on her neck and chest. Just like that, my wood began to deflate.
Jesus, what the hell had I been thinking?
Dragging her back to my bedroom and mauling her like a caveman after she’d just been attacked and almost raped two weeks ago.
“Fuck, Alex, I’m sorry.”
When I started to pull away, her hands flew up to cup my face. “No, don’t stop!”
I shook my head as shame washed over me. “I’m sorry for treating you so fucking disrespectfully after what you’ve been through.”
“I’m not broken, Deacon. I’m the same woman I was before the attack—the day you had me up against a wall ready to fuck my brains out.”
“I know that.”
“Then why are you treating me this way?”
I rocked back on my knees and jerked a hand through my dark hair. “Because you’re still healing.”
“I’m healed enough.”
With a glare, I countered, “Are you on some fucking suicide mission or something? A closeted S&M freak who likes pain?”
“No, it’s not like that at all.”
“Then why would you want me to fuck you like an animal after what you’ve been through?”
“Because I want to be with you. And even if it means not making love but fucking hard and fast, I still want it because it’s with you.
I’ve wanted you for so long, Deacon. Maybe even before that night in your basement.
My head tells me to be leery of you. That I shouldn’t want to be with an outlaw like you.
But no matter how hard I try to talk myself out of my feelings for you, my heart and body rage and riot for you. ”
“Oh fuck,” I muttered, as I stared into her determined face.
In spite of all our differences, she still wanted me. Regardless of the fucked up world I lived in, a good-hearted woman like Alex actually wanted me. And not just with her body to get to see what fucking a bad boy was like. She wanted me with her heart too. It almost overwhelmed me.
After momentarily nibbling on her bottom lip, she said, “If you can honestly say that you only want to screw me and feel nothing else but some bullshit obligation toward me, then I’ll get up from here.
We’ll go on being friends and acquaintances, and I’ll never press you about having more again.
And you can go back to Cheyenne, who clearly doesn’t think you two are over.
Hell, maybe it isn’t over between you, and that’s why she isn’t letting go. ”
“There’s not one damn thing between me and Cheyenne. So you can get that out of your fucking head right now.”
Alex didn’t appear to believe me. “Then if you feel for me like I do for you, then fuck me until I come screaming and clenching around you.”