Chapter Twenty-Six Alexandra
Iwas out of breath, my muscles screamed in agony, but I continued running.
Dark woods with sinister-looking trees enveloped me.
Fear like I’d never known pushed me on. I was running from something, but what, I didn’t know.
Images from my past flashed before me like lightning crashing across the sky.
My mother handing me a bouquet of blood red roses at one of my ballet recitals.
My father grinning as he pressed the car keys into my eager sixteen-year-old hands.
Deacon’s intense dark eyes, a sheen of sweat across his tattooed chest, and his hips flexing at he pumped in and out me.
Each of the happy memories burst into shards of glass when I ran through them, cutting me with an emotional pain that didn’t seem to touch me physically.
I reached the end of the woods only to find myself at the edge of a cliff.
Whatever was coming for me grew closer and closer, and without a choice, I leapt off the cliff.
With a piercing scream, I bolted upright in bed.
I brought a shaky hand to my forehead and swept back the sweat-soaked strands of hair.
Clutching my shirt over my heart, I willed myself to breathe normally again.
As I became aware of where I was and why I was there, I realized there was no respite.
I had just exchanged one nightmare for another.
A gentle knock came at the door. “Alexandra?” Rev’s concerned voice questioned.
“Yeah?” I croaked.
As Rev came through the doorway, I immediately forgot my own pain, and instead, I focused on his. Anguish marred his usually handsome face. In the last twenty-four hours he had lost so much more than me, and the strain was evident on his face. “Are you okay? I heard you shout.”
With a nod, I pulled myself up in bed. “Just a nightmare.”
“I’m sorry.”
“After losing my parents, I should be used to it. I had them for months after they died. I guess it’s only to be expected now.”
“I know what you mean. I had nightmares for years after…” Rev trailed off, a pained expression etched on his face. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to check on you.”
“What time is it?”
“A little after five in the morning.”
“Haven’t you been to bed yet?”
“Can’t seem to lie still.”
Although I had originally come to Deacon’s room in the clubhouse for comfort, I didn’t think I could bear to be alone any longer. “Will you stay with me until I go to sleep?”
Rev’s dark brows shot into his hairline. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
He grimaced. “If Deacon were here, he’d kick my ass for being in bed with his old lady.”
Before I could stop myself, a laugh tumbled from my lips as I imagined Deacon going ballistic at the sight of me and Rev together.
At Rev’s surprised expression, I shook my head.
“You’re right. He would be pissed if he was here, but he isn’t.
And considering he loved us, I think he would both want us to have a little comfort. ”
Rev weighted my words before he finally closed the door behind him.
He closed the distance between us in two long strides.
I scooted over in the bed as he eased down on the mattress.
Slowly, he took off his boots. They thumped onto the floor before he collapsed back on the mattress.
Without waiting for an invitation, I scooted over to him.
He obliged me by raising his arm to let me snuggle up to him and lie my head on his T-shirt covered chest.
“How’s your mother doing?”
Rev tensed beneath me. “Not good. Breakneck finally had to give her a shot. She’d probably still be pacing the floors and sobbing if he hadn’t.”
Tears overflowed my eyes at the thought of Liz’s grief, sending moisture onto Rev’s shirt. Part of me thought I should be with her. But she had her boys. She and I would grieve together soon.
Everything in my world had turned as black as the charred remains of Case’s house. And then out of nowhere, Willow’s smiling face popped into my mind. A groan of agony escaped my lips, causing Rev’s arm to tighten around me.
“Oh God, Rev, what about Willow? They’re not supposed to be back until Wednesday.”
“I figured we would go get her tomorrow. Tell her in person.”
I couldn’t even fathom what it would be like to tell her, least of all what it would do to her. In the last eight months, she had lost her mother and now the father she had only just began to know…and to love. “Bless her heart,” I murmured.
“Alexandra, I know it might be soon to say this, but I need to. Without Deacon you might not think you have a place here anymore, but that isn’t true. You’re our family. We take care of old ladies. More than anything, Willow is going to need you.”
I lifted my head to stare into his troubled eyes. “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. In case you missed it, I need you guys, too. I love you all.”
He jerked his chin at me. “I’m glad to hear that.”
Lying back down, I snuggled close to him. Silence stretched out between us as we were both overwhelmed by our own thoughts and grief. “Thank you for being here, Rev,” I whispered in the dark.
“You’re welcome. And thank you, too.”
Closing my eyes, I let the emotional exhaustion overwhelm me once again, and I fell into a deep sleep.
When I woke again from a dreamless sleep, Rev was gone.
Flipping over in the bed, I eyed the clock.
It was almost noon. I couldn’t believe I’d managed to sleep that long.
Throwing back the covers, I rose from the bed.
My arms and legs felt weighed down with the all-consuming grief that besieged me.
Sleep had been a welcomed respite, but now I was back to experiencing the full range of emotions.
I found the hallway quiet and empty when I stepped out to go to the bathroom.
Although I desperately needed coffee, my desire for a shower won out over everything else.
I turned on the water as hot as it would go before slipping under the stream.
I remained frozen, staring at the worn tile in front of me, until the warm water ran out.
The icy cold cascading over my head finally woke me up.
I washed my hair and body in almost record time, my teeth chattering the entire time.
When I got out, I rubbed the towel furiously over me, trying to warm up.
I slipped on my robe and headed back to my room.
As I dressed, I heard the sound of a woman’s anguished weeping.
It didn’t take me but a second to realize it was Kim’s.
Hers and Case’s room was across the hall from Deacon’s.
While in my own world of torment, I couldn’t begin to imagine her agony.
Case had been the love of her life and the father of her children, but more than that, he had been her salvation from a life of hell.
My heart ached for her so intensely I began to feel like I was smothering.
My phone rang on the nightstand. When I glanced at the ID, my chest tightened even harder. I couldn’t bring myself to answer it. The door opened, and Rev stepped inside. He eyed the phone, and I shook my head. “It’s Willow.”
“I figured it was when I heard the ringing.”
Shaking my head, I said, “I can’t.”
He took the phone from me. “Hey rugrat, whatcha doing?”
I heard her questioning voice all the way across from him. “Yeah, she’s busy, so I thought I’d answer her phone.” Willow then proceeded to rattle on.
“Yeah, we were thinking about coming up to get you today—” He paused at Willow’s screech. “I know you just got there, and you’re not supposed to come back until Wednesday.” His gaze flickered to mine.
“Let her stay,” I mouthed.
His brows shot up in surprise. “Hang on, rugrat,” he said, before pressing the mute button on the phone.
“She’s having so much fun, isn’t she?” At Rev’s nod, I said, “Give her a few more days of innocent fun. Who knows when she’ll be able to enjoy anything again.”
After processing my words, he said, “You’re right.
We’ll just wait to do a memorial until she gets back.
We’ll be busy enough with Case’s.” Rev unmuted the phone.
“Okay, rugrat, you get your way like usual. You can come back with Paul on Wednesday.” Tears stung my eyes at her excited squeal.
A shadow of a smile played at his lips. “I’ll tell her. I love you, baby.”
He then ended the call. “She wanted me to remind you to give Walter kisses for her like she asked.”
A sob choked off in my throat. At that moment, I couldn’t stand to be in the compound one second longer. “I have to get out of here,” I said, my chin trembling.
He merely nodded before offering me his hand.
I slipped mine into his and then we walked down the hall.
The mood in the main room of the clubhouse was somber to say the least. Where the men and women once talked and laughed as they drank, they now spoke in hushed tones if they even talked at all.
Of course, all voices hushed at the sight of me.
“Alex needs some time away from here. Take her wherever she needs to go,” Rev instructed Archer.
“It would be my honor,” he replied.
His words and the reverence with which he spoke them caused the familiar suffocating pain to ripple through me. While Deacon and I were far from marriage or even being engaged, I had come to be recognized as his widow, just like Kim.
I leaned over to hug Rev. “I won’t be gone long.”
“Take all the time that you need.”
With a nod, I started out of the roadhouse with Archer at my side. When he walked over to his bike, I faltered. I couldn’t imagine riding with anyone but Deacon. At my hesitation, he turned around. “If you’re not okay with this, we can take your car.”
As I contemplated his words, I thought about how once I had gotten over my initial fear, the open road had felt so peaceful. “No, it’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
He handed me a helmet, and I slipped it on.
After I slid across the seat, my arms froze before I could bring them around him.
It all felt so wrong—touching him as intimately as I had Deacon.
When Archer glanced over his shoulder, he gave me a sad smile as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.
With trembling hands, I finally reached forward and brought my arms around his waist. He gunned the engine, and then we took off.
“Where we going?” he called.
“Haynes road,” I shouted back.
He nodded. There was only one place I could think of that I wanted to escape to. I couldn’t go back home. It held too many unpleasant memories. I would go to the one place that gave me purpose—the school.